TRIS:
It was a very relaxing day with everyone which I enjoyed but eventually everyone started to leave for their own reasons. Caleb was the last one here. Tobias came back after walking the group to the door and sat down by my side, taking my hand in his. I leaned my shoulder against his and sat and looked at Caleb.
"I can leave if you two want," says Tobias.
"It's alright Four, you can stay," Caleb says. I just squeeze his hand to answer his question and he stays put.
"Tris?" Caleb asks me.
"Yah?" I answer.
"Why? Why didn't you let me go?" Caleb asks, his voice shaking.
"Because, Caleb," I start. "Because I love you. I couldn't watch you die just because you felt guilty! Even though you went against me, and I was furious about that, you are my brother. I could never not love you," I say. Now my voice is shaking. Tobias presses his hand to my back, in between my shoulder blades. Tears stream down Caleb's face.
"Beatrice, I'm so sorry. For everything. I love you. I love you so much. I promise I'll be here to support you from now on. Always," he replies and just as the words escape his mouth, I pull him into a hug. He hugs me back and it is the best moment we've shared together. We pull away and stand up. Tobias stands to. Caleb goes over to Tobias and stands in front of him. They look straight into each others eyes.
"Thank you Four," Caleb says. "For taking care of her. You're really good to her and I know you always will be." They pull each other into some sort of embrace and pat each others' backs. Caleb whispers something in Tobias' ear and he just nods. They break apart and Tobias and I walk him to the door.
"You're sure you don't want to spend the night here?" I ask.
"No it's okay. I want to find Susan anyways," Caleb replies. We say goodbye one more time and then he leaves. Two strong arms wrap around my waist.
"Now it's just you and me," he whispers into my ear. I laugh and lean into Tobias. He kisses up my neck to my jaw and then I spin around and press my lips to his. He cradles my face in his hands and I run my fingers down his back visualizing his tattoos. We break apart and go up the stairs hand in hand to the bedroom. Once we are there we both get ready for bed considering how late it is. All I do is take off my pants, considering that the shirt is practically a dress on me. Tobias comes out of the bathroom with just a pair of shorts on. We both crawl into bed. I lay down with my cheek up against his bare chest over his heart and my leg draped over him. Tobias just strokes my hair and holds my knee on him.
"I love you," I whisper.
"I love you more," he says back. I lay and listen to the constant beat of his heart.
I have been laying in bed for what seems like hours, not being able to sleep. The events of the last couple weeks and months flood my mind and keep me awake. Some of the memories I enjoy, like when I jumped. Meeting Tobias. Kissing him by the Chasm. That moment when I was ranked first, and the date Tobias and I went on. The most recent was the night before releasing the memory serum when we were able to just enjoy each other's presence. But most of the memories keep me up because they are horrifying and depressing. Seeing my mother and father die. Killing Will- which is probably one of the worst of them. Almost loosing Tobias to the serum. Seeing Marlene, Lynn, Tori, and Fernando die along with so many others. Being held at Erudite. Caleb leaving me. And so many more of fights and war and sadness that I can't bear to dwell on. But one that I can't skip over no matter how hard I try is that day under the terror serum. Seeing Tobias kill himself. For me. Silent tears fall down my cheeks. All those times worrying about Tobias and if we would see each other again. More tears.
I lay there in bed, my pillow getting wet with the water tumbling off my cheeks. Then I feel a shake. No, more like a twitch of the bed moving. I ignore it, not knowing what it is. Then I feel it again, and again. I look over to Tobias next to me. His arms are folded across his chest, flexed so tight his knuckles are white and every vein and muscle in his arm stands at attention. I see him shake. And then again. I touch his arm and its hot and sticky. Gently, I slide up in bed and press my hand to his forehead to find it burning up and sweaty, too. At this point I'm sitting upright at attention.
What could be happening? Did he get sick? Is he hurt? Who would I call in that case?
"Tobias," I say rubbing his shoulder. "Tobias," I say louder, shaking his shoulder. His face which is tight and contorted lets out a noise between a cry and a groan. He looks in pain.
"Tobias! Tobias wake up!" I scream with tears welling up in my eyes. My hands shake as I try to pry his hand off his arm. He lets out a stifled scream and kicks his heal into the bed. No. No, he can't do this now, he has to be alright.
"Tobias!!" I scream. I put my hands on either sides of his face and then shake his shoulders. "Tobias!!" My hands shake as I pound on his chest. "Please, Tobias don't leave me! Tobias!" He again lets out a quick yell and I can't take it anymore. I feel a strangled sob escape my own lips. I put one hand on his face and run the other through his hair.
"Tris," he whispers between heavy breaths. Hot tears stream down his face and he begins to have trouble breathing.
Tris? Why did he say Tris? Is he awake? Is he alright?
"Tobias! Tobias, I'm right here, come on please wake up. It's Tris," I plea. I plant a kiss on his forehead and my fingers shakily fit their way in between his.
Slowly his face seems to somewhat relax. His eyes shoot open and he shakes the bed as he jolts.
"Tobias! Oh, Tobias, you scared me half to death!" I scream, my breaths shakey. I run my hands over his cheekbones and eyebrows, taking it all in. He's okay. He's ok.
He just lays there staring.
"Oh my God Tris. Tris. You're here. You're okay," he whispers pulling me into a hug. I cry into his chest and trembling fingers run through my hair and his arms wrap so tightly around my back it hurts but I don't care. I can hear his heartbeat pounding quickly in my ear and he is choking on tears. He runs his hands up and down my back and arms. One hand moves to my head, covering the entire side, and it holds my head against him.
"What's wrong, Tobias?" I ask. "What happened?" I tilt my head back to look at him. His eyes are red along with his face that is glistening with sweat.
"I," he starts, stuttering, "I had... had a dream... that I, that I lost you, Tris.
I had to watch you die and I couldn't do anything about it." His chest tightens and a cough and a sob escape his throat.
"Oh Tobias-" I start, but he cuts me off.
"It was just like in my fear simulation, only much, much worse," his eyes leave mine and stare somewhere straight in front of him, as he goes back to some memory. His eyes begin to water again and this time I slide higher in bed so that he has to look up at me. I pull him into a hug and with my hand I have him lay his head on my chest. He grips around my waist and makes tiny circle designs on my back with his thumb. I keep one hand on his head and the other is rubbing his arm and shoulder.
"Do you hear that?" I ask him.
"What?" He looks up at me questioningly.
"My heartbeat. It's still beating. I'm right here. Focus on how steady it is, and how it beats only for you," I say.
He smiles and kisses one of the ravens on my collarbone.
"And how it's not ever going to stop soon," I whisper. I lean down and kiss the top of his head. He squeezes his grip on me.
"I love you, Tris," he says.
"I love you more, Tobias," I say.
"I don't even think that is possible," he says, his speech slurred with exhaustion.
"Go to sleep, I'll fight of the bad dreams if they come for you," I say, just as he said to me in Amity. He lets out a little laugh. Soon I hear his breathing start to even out and I let myself relax.
"I'll always be here, Tobias. It will always be you and me," I whisper, not knowing if he heard me. "Us."
Then I let myself drift away.
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I actually really love this chapter😊 it's kind of what inspired my title and such.
But I want to know if YOU loved it!! Comment your thoughts, suggestions, critics, praise -whatever! I want to hear from you guys!!
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