song for chapter:
let it go - james bay
(highly recommend + put on repeat)
EXCUSE ANY MISSPELLING! I HAVEN'T HAD THE CHANCE TO GO OVER THIS CHAPTER AND CORRECT IT YET, BUT I WANTED TO GIVE YALL SOMETHING TO READ TONIGHT! OK BYE ILY.
one week later
anxiously, I stood at the front door waiting for an answer.
my heart continued to beat so intensely that it felt like it could pop out of my chest at any given moment.
I sightly jumped hearing the front door unlock, but a wave of relief hit my body when my eyes landed on grayson.
my eyes closed as I let out a deep breath of air through my mouth.
"hey." he softly greeted, wrapping his arms loosely around me to give me a light hug.
"hi." i spoke in a low tone as I pulled away from the hug.
"come inside." he motioned his head towards the inside of his house, opening the door wider for me to walk in.
I walked past him, into the quiet house. my eyes carefully scanned the room, not seeing ethan.
I turned around watching grayson shut the front door. "how have you been doing?" he asked, crossing his arms standing in front of me.
I looked away, shrugging slightly. "nervous."
"have you talked to him at all this week?" he asked keeping a calm voice.
"not other than today when he told me to come here." I admit swallowing the air in my throat.
"I don't know what he's gonna say, he hasn't been talking much this week. he's been in his room most of the time." he explained. "just know, I'm still here for you, delaney. you'll always have me as a friend."
i nodded lightly, "thank you, gray." then, looking down to the floor feeling a pit begin it hit my stomach.
"he's out back." grayson pointed to the back of the house.
I turned my head, looking to the back door. "okay." i spoke in a low tone as I breathed in a heavy amount of air, then released it.
graysons hand patted my shoulder twice, before walking past me and going up the stairs.
I turned fully around, walking to the back door. the whole house filled with silence, not making a noise.
my palms began to slightly, heart racing intensely.
I walked to the back door, opening it carefully.
my eyes landed on ethan who was sitting on the steps that led down to the patio, his back facing me.
his arms were crossed as they rested on his knees, staying completely still, not bothering to turn around and see who I am.
I closed the door, then began to walk towards him.
due to him still not bothering to move, I sat down next to him on one of the steps.
when I looked at him, his head was still, but his eyes were looking down at the pavement.
a gloss layer covered his eyes, a pink tint plastered onto the skin underneath them.
he was taking slow, calming breaths through his noise.
I rubbed my lips together, then looked out to yard.
a long silence took over us, neither of us saying anything.
after only a couple of long moments, his raspy voice suddenly caught my ear.
"this is where I first talked to you." his cut up voice spoke.
I turned my head to him, my whole body feeling heavy.
his head turned in my direction, eyes looking up to me.
not knowing what to say, I nodded slightly, then turning my head to look back down at the pavement.
"I don't want to hurt you." he spoke again, my heart immediately dropping.
everything inside of me felt like it was on pause. my eyes stared at the ground, instead of blinking.
I know where this is going.
"every part of me was trying to tell myself that what izzy did to me is wrong, that I shouldn't forgive her." he explained weakly. "but i do, I forgive her."
my eyes closed lightly in a defeat trying to process everything that is being pushed into my brain.
I opened my eyes, taking a deep breath in. "you brought me back here to break up with me." i spoke out loud so I could hear it for myself.
"my intensions have never been to hurt you, that's why I pushed you away for so long." he told me.
"I know, ethan." my lips rubbed together, "I just put so much of my time in trying to help you get over her, when in the end, you're just running back to her."
my eyes looked down to my hands as they began to play with each other as the conversation became more uncomfortable.
his head turned straight, eyes looking out to the lawn. "I should have never brought you into this."
my eyebrows narrowed as I looked back up to him. "did our relationship mean nothing to you?"
quickly, he looked back to me. "of course it did, and it always will." his glossy eyes began to scan my every feature.
"If I didn't bring you into this, there wouldn't have been anything to lose."
my heart felt like someone was squeezing it tightly, making it heavy and beat slow.
"it's fine, ethan. im not going to be one of those petty girls that can't stand to watch you be with someone else." I told him. "I'll still be around."
apart of me just lied straight to his face.
of course it's going to hurt more. it's going to be the most painful thing I'll ever have to deal with.
but there's nothing I can do about it.
and I'm not going to lose my other friends just because I don't have ethan.
I'm not gonna lose grayson and hannah because ethan and I are breaking up.
the twins come in a package deal. you don't just get one and never see the other one.
it's gonna cause me a great amount of pain, and will most likely be awkward, but I'm not losing my friends.
"this whole week, I was telling myself that I clearly love you enough to never go back to izzy." he began to speak again.
I swallowed the air in my throat, knowing he was about to say something I didn't want to hear.
"but, when I first saw her standing in that doorway, i got a feeling that I shouldn't have gotten." he told me.
my jaw clinched slightly, not wanting to hear what he was about to say, but apart of me needed to hear it.
"it was almost a feeling a relief that she was still alive. knowing I felt fucking relief when I saw her, i can't let you be with me when I felt that towards her."
his words cut deep into my skin, sinking down further and further.
"okay." I shortly answered.
my throat began to feel choked up.
the more I tried to prevent myself from crying, the more blurry my vision got.
I turned my head in the opposite direction of him. wiping away a couple tears onto my shoulder.
after calming down for a few seconds, I sniffed my nose, looking back to the ground.
"no, please." ethans body moved closer to me, trying his best to see my face without physically touching me.
which in all honesty, I respect him for not touching me. we just broke up, he can't just do that again.
"don't cry." his voice asked in a soft tone.
I turned my head to look at him, seeing he was only a few inches away from me. his face close to mine, scanning my teary eyes.
both of us paused, looking at each other.
all I want to do right now is just kiss him, hold him, never let him go.
those times I took for granted when we would lay in bed and his arms were wrapped around my waist.
but I cant anymore.
I broke eye contact with him, adjusting myself to scoot away from him.
with the sleeve of my shirt, I wiped my eyes.
"you deserve the best, delaney. and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I wish I could give you that myself." he told me.
I could hear it in his voice how heartfelt that was.
my eyes looked back to his as I scanned his face one last time, letting it all sink in that what I'm looking at is no longer mine.
"I hope you guys are happy together." i smiled weakly before standing up from the steps.
refusing to turn around, I walked back into the quiet house.
my eyes landed on both izzy and grayson in the kitchen. neither of them talking, both doing their own thing.
graysons eyes lifted up to me as an uncomfortable wave of energy flew through the room.
he looked at me with hope on his eyes, but I shook my head while rubbing my lips together.
he looked as if he were about to talk, but he was interrupted.
"hey! I don't think we properly met." izzy caught my attention as she began to walk towards me. "I'm izzy."
"yeah," I spoke uncomfortably. "I know."
"you're delaney right? we met at the door." she reminisced back to a week ago.
"um yeah. I don't mean to be rude, but I really have to leave." I cut her short as I began to walk towards the front door.
"delaney, wait up." grayson set a dish back into the sink as he quickly rushed over to me at the front door.
I looked up to him not being sure of what to say.
"are you okay?" he whispered not wanting izzy to hear from the other room.
I shrugged looking away, not being able to hold an eye contact with him. "it sucks."
"he made the wrong choice." grayson admit. "he's been through a lot though, delaney. I just wanna make sure you understand that."
I nodded lightly.
"he's just a kid with too many emotions and it affects him mentally." he told me, but I already knew this.
"I gave him as long as he needed, and he chose her. there's nothing more to it. it's over and done with." I cut straight to the point.
graysons body drooped, feeling bad. "you still have me, ivy and hannah."
I smiled lightly, "I know, and I love you guys."
grayson grabbed for the front door, opening it for me. "I'll see you at school tomorrow. first day back." he grinned jokingly.
"can't wait!" i spoke with sarcastic humor.
he gave me one more smile, "bye" then, shut the door.
damn, that was rough.
+++
800 votes + 800 comments for next chapter!
comment your thoughts!
I love y'all!