Silent

chapter 4 - "party favors"

song for chapter:
party favors - tinashe
(highly recommend + play on repeat)

my hands gripped onto the countertop of the bathroom as my chest breathed heavily in and out.

the sound of muffled music boomed from downstairs.

I can't do this. what am I doing?

I can't get through to ethan by being sexual towards him. I'm literally being a whore.

I've never cared about someone so quickly until I met him, and I guess that frightened me.

I'm never going to get through to him by fucking seducing him?

I have to respect him and just work for his trust until he finally opens up to me.

now he probably thinks I'm dirty and just want to get in bed with him because of what I've been doing to him all week.

I can't ruin things just because of my curiosity.

I took a deep breath in through my nose, then exhaling it out through my mouth. my head shifted to look up at myself in the mirror.

my anxiety is getting the best of me.

I never throw parties, I never catch feelings for people, I never am this confident. I'm moving too past for my own pace.

after calming myself down a bit, I made my way back downstairs where my house was filled with people in different colored bathing suits and the classic red solo cups glued in their hands.

the backdoor was open as people constantly were walking in and out of it; swimming in the lake, then coming back inside to get drinks and talk.

my eyes landed on the tallest people in the house; ethan and grayson.

I don't think I've ever realized how huge they actually are. they tower over everyone and are built like machines. their muscles are giant.

they were in the kitchen talking with sidney and ivy, well, grayson was talking with them.

ethan was sitting on the counter looking down to his phone looking more bored than he looks in algebra.

my stomach dropped feeling empty as nervous butterflies filled throughout my stomach.

I'm more than embarrassed of how I've been acting towards him. I'm not like that, not at all, but that's who he thinks I am.

I approached them putting my hand onto Ivy's shoulder making her open up.

"delaney! you're back!" her slurred words came off as very happy.

"you okay?" grayson asked giving me a concerned look.

I nodded sending him a soft smile, "yeah, I'm good. Just needed a breather."

"we get it girl, this is your house plus you don't really do this stuff." sidney rubbed her hand against my shoulder to comfort me.

"yo Ethan!" a husky voice called out causing all of our heads to turn.

ethans head lifted out of his phone as he looked up to gavin.