If you haven't read the first three parts of The Arrangement, go back and read them. It's a light-hearted story that took off on its own from my original premise. Thanks so much for the request for an additional part, SteveRogersForever, SummerLove2627, MilevenFangirl!!!
I do not own these characters, I just write them as a way to love and care for them.
Italic parts are the reader narrating.
This story gets the Captain's LANGUAGE WARNING.
The Arrangement - Part 4
It's barely daylight and I awaken with a jolt as the bed bounces harshly. My body tosses up from the mattress about 5 inches. Somehow, I've managed to not roll off the side of the bed and actually laugh when he plops down on our bed. Part of me probably expected that I'd wake up this way this morning. When I planned today's outing, I knew he'd be excited about it.
"Honey, we don't leave for another two hours," I laugh as he wraps wet arms around me happily. "You didn't even dry off!"
He giggles wildly. "Sorry... Sorry, baby."
I roll over in his arms and look at the wide eyes that await me with a toothy grin. I laugh even harder when I see he's laying bare-ass on the bed snuggling my legs. He's already gotten in a run and a shower and he looks like a kid on Christmas morning waiting for their parents to get out of bed. His hair is freshly washed and still wet, he smells delicious.
I love this guy, I really do.
When we started sleeping together last year... just sleeping... under the pretense that we both needed some physical affection and better sleep, I never imagined that we'd be where we are now. I'm head over heels in love with Steve and he's so good to me. I'd act like a clown just to hear his laugh ...and see it too. Because he has the most infectious laugh - it's with his entire body and it makes me feel like I'm drunk on him.
And of course, I know he loves me too. We all know he's tougher on me as the Captain so no one can say he's playing favorites but I think every single one of us has called him out on being a lovesick softie when he's not in Captain mode.
Of course he enjoys outings like the one we're going on today. He has a ton of little fangirls and fanmoms... and even dads and little boys that just want to get near him. They just want to get a picture with him, an autograph, a chance to tell him how much he means to him. And he is so gracious and friendly with each and every one of them, even those rare difficult or rude people we meet.
The only part he hates... the part we all hate... is that the reason for our visit is these families have sick children. It hurts his heart and I know it. The thing that keeps him from losing it is the fact that there's always a crowd around him.
The rest of us don't get much attention but we're not upset about it. I mean, come on... he is Captain America and he's been in the limelight a lot longer than the rest of us. Tony gets a good bit of attention but he isn't always with us. Even being frozen for 66 years, no one seems to have forgotten Steve. People are always telling him about how their grandparents or parents spoke of him when they were children. Then there's the whole saving the world twice in the last couple of years thing. Three times if you count the utter chaos that took place in the airspace over Washington D.C. People seem to like that he was there to lend a hand and they're appreciative.
A couple of hours later, I'm standing in the doorway of a hospital room watching Sam's face as he tries not to be agitated when a dad asks him where Iron Man is. I cover my mouth so no one will see me almost smile at Sam's annoyance. A second later, he flashes me a secret glance and he knows I'm barely holding it together at his expense. Sam's great, we have such a good time together. When we do hospital visits or meet and greets, we often stick together because neither of us are completely outgoing and we pair together well. I glance over my shoulder to see that Steve has still not been able to move an inch in the hallway, a full crowd around him. And it's mostly just hospital staff, he hasn't been able to get to a single room yet. He smiles with all the pretty teeth in that sweet mouth of his for every single selfie and group shot. His eyes look out to meet mine and I can't help but grin before I return my attention to the lovely little girl laying in the hospital bed next to Sam. I get to be the fun Avenger who carries a giant sack of stuffed animals and action figures to hand out.
"So Sarah," I smile, "crouching down lower to be near her, "what kind of things are you into?"
She's cute as she taps her finger on her lips and pretends to think. She motions for me to come closer and she looks nervous. When my face is down close to hers, she whispers, "Do you know Captain America?" She is missing her two front teeth and it's adorable how there's a little whisp when she talks.
"I do," I smile. "Would you like to meet him?"
She looks at her mom with big eyes and nervously giggles before looking back to me and nodding.
I brush my finger over the tip of her nose playfully, "Don't worry, he's really nice. I promise." As I'm standing up to walk to the door, I remember I have something she'll like. Reaching into the bag, I look for a Captain America action figure. They're really cute and admittedly, it looks a lot like the real Steve. "This is for you, Sarah. And I bet he'll even sign it for you." I hold a gentle finger up to her as I start towards the hallway. Sam's in the background saying, "I'm patriotic, too, you know." Poor guy, no one ever wants to see Sam or me.
When Steve sees me, he politely excuses himself from the finally thinning crowd and comes my way.
"Steve, come meet Sarah," I say as I hold my hand out towards him.
He peeks his head into the room and smiles. The light from the window makes his eyes look unrealistically blue, especially against the blue of his uniform. We're all dressed in our uniforms but he's skipped the cowl today. "Hi, Sarah," he grins warmly. "How are you?"
"Good," she giggles.
"Whatcha got there?" he asks.
She softly says, "Captain America," before she looks over at me. "She gave it to me," she says appreciatively.
"You mean Steel Spinner?" he asks knowingly.
"Yeah," she whispers.
"Are you having a nice visit with her and Falcon?" he asks. It's Steve's subtle way of bringing attention to us so people realize we're a team and it's not just the Captain America show.
She nods and giggles again and she's pretty thrilled when he offers to sign her new toy with a silvery marker. We visit for a few minutes and take pictures before moving on to the next room. I give her a great big hug before leaving and tell her that I'm proud of her for fighting cancer - because I want to be encouraging and I'm also not sure what else to say. She squeezes me back hard and her mother looks at me with tears in her eyes. I may not have been her favorite Avenger today but if I could help her feel better for even a minute, then I'm happy.
I'm proud of myself for not crying so I can move on to the next room. Some of these visits require pauses between rooms in a private place, so we can collect ourselves. Steve squeezes my hand on the way out and pulls me into the hallway as Sam walks out around us. "You okay?" Steve asks me softly.
"Yeah," I nod.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see a little person moving quickly towards Steve. He catches both our attention as he comes to a quick stop in front of Steve, looking up at him excitedly. He really is a cute little stinker, brown hair, glasses, toothy grin... he's wearing a little bathrobe overtop of his hospital gown and big slippers that look like monsters eating his feet. His parents are hurrying behind him, looking amused but also embarrassed. This is by no means the worst behavior we've ever seen so they have nothing to be embarrassed about.
We've taken Tony places and he's behaved worse than this.
"Hi, Captain America!" he calls out loudly. It's practically a scream.
A giggle slips out of me as I watch him. He has the most self confidence I've ever seen in a kid... maybe even a person, besides Stark of course. Sam and Nat are coming out of a room and stop to watch the adorable commotion.
Steve's face is all lit up as be squats to the floor to talk to the boy so they can be the same height. "Hi, pal. What's your name?"
"They don't call me by my name," he shouts and Steve's gentle laugh is rumbling through his entire body.
"Well what do they call you then?"
"Bucky," he smiles.
If I wasn't watching Steve's face, I know I wouldn't catch his eyes flicker down for a second before he smiles and says, "That was my best friend's name." As I ready myself to smile at Sam and Nat, I see them exchange a glance.
"I know! That's what my dad says," the boy exclaims. He's proud of himself that he's learned the story his parents have told him.
His mom steps forward and says "His name is Cameron. Our last name is Buxbaum and we're from Brooklyn originally so we just thought..." She's sweet and she seems nervous. "It just kind of happened and it stuck."
Steve squints up at her from the floor and tightens his lips into a thin line before standing to shake her hand and then her husband's. "You're from Brooklyn?" he says, as if he's found the most special connection to them.
"Yeah," the man says, "we live in Boston now. That's why we're here." He looks down at little Bucky and runs his fingers through his hair. "Bucky had a large tumor removed - he's doing great."
"Oh, man," Steve says, returning his attention to Bucky, "you're a brave guy, you know that?"
Watching Steve talk with this little guy really pulls my heartstrings. He takes a bunch of fun pictures with Bucky, like both of them holding their muscled arms up. I take a picture of all four of them together and they say heartfelt goodbyes before we move to the next twenty rooms.
It's a long day, it always is. We love brightening their days but the return home feels almost exactly like the flight home from a battle. No one smiles, no one jokes. Everyone just thinks about how good we all have it.
It's very quiet as we all sit and eat dinner at a nice restaurant nearby. We've all changed into street clothes and walked a block down the street. I made the reservations the same time I got in touch with the hospital and the restaurant was nice enough to put us in a private room.
Thank God because I wouldn't want anyone to see us all looking so dejected. Taking pictures with fans would be incredibly awkward right now.
Now I have to ask myself, why is tonight more somber than other times we've gone to visit sick children? I feel like there's something more going on that I don't know anything about but I'm not about to sit here and be paranoid. I look to my left where Steve is sitting, slightly more slumped over than he normally would be and I see that our fearless leader is not himself. Now I realize he's probably thinking about his best friend Bucky and the death he couldn't be saved from. Poor guy, he blames himself. I reach over and rub my thumb over his folded hands and he smiles gently at me. I lean over and softly say to him, "Early to bed for you tonight," because he does look tired. He smiles again and nods, looking down to the floor.
The rest of dinner, there's only conversation because Sam keeps it moving. I give him a thankful look across the table. His conversation with everyone allows Steve to sit quietly.
Back at home, I toss my duffle bag down onto the floor next to the bed and plop onto the comforter with a tired sigh. Steve's walked straight into the bathroom to get ready for bed. I unpack what I brought with me today and then head for the bathroom. He's brushing his teeth quietly and I smile at him as I lean on the doorway. "You okay, babe?"
He nods with the toothbrush hanging out of his mouth.
"I feel... lousy," I sigh. "I'm going to take a shower." I squeeze his arm as I walk past to turn the shower on. As I'm walking to the linen closet to grab a towel, I see that Steve is getting into bed and turning off the lamp on his side of the bed. He must really feel down if he's not speaking to me... not to even say goodnight. I can tell he needs time, he'll be okay in the morning.
I'm not a step into the steamy water when I hear my cell phone chime from the sink, it's Natasha's chime. I'm not getting out now, this water feels too good. I let the water run down my neck and back, dissolving some tension there, then I turn and let the water run straight down over my face like I'm in my own private waterfall and I'm not coming out. I'm running my hands through my hair when I hear the glass shower door make a slight whirring noise from being opened. I feel Steve's long fingers reach out and graze my waist. I've got water in my eyes but I smile as I tease him, "I think I know what you came in here for," and laugh.
He doesn't say anything but I'm expecting to feel his soft lips on my neck any second.
When that doesn't happen, I put the heels of my palms in both eye sockets to try to squeeze the water out of my eyes. I turn around to look out the 5 inch gap from the open door and there's Steve, looking back at me. He's pulled his arm back to himself and his eyes are pink. He's just looking at me, not knowing what to say.
"Baby?" I ask.
Internally, I'm panicking a bit.
His mouth opens but then his voice lurches in his throat and he makes something like a whimpering sound as his eyes close. The tears that roll down his cheeks break my heart.
"Do you want to come in?" I ask.
Thinking he's about to strip down and join me so we can talk, I step aside to make room. But Steve steps in the shower in his white t-shirt and pajama pants, instantly soaking them as he bends down to wrap his arms around my waist. His head goes to my shoulder where he buries it.
I bring my hand up to his head and rub it gently, "I know, it was a tough day, honey." He doesn't move a muscle. "Here, let me help you get out of those clothes," I say as I start to pry his shirt off him. I get the shirt off but then he's ready to talk before I can go any further.
"There's something I haven't told you," he says, it sounds so cryptic. I hold my breath waiting for him to continue and I'm having a hard time relaxing.
"Please don't be mad at me," he says, his eyes finally meeting mine. They look so blue but pink at the same time. His long, dark eyelashes hover over his eyes with water droplets clinging to them. "I never meant to keep a secret from you. I don't want there to be secrets with you."
I nod gently, trying to relax and be quiet so he can talk.
"I need you, Y/N."
This brings my insides to a screeching halt from their shaking. He needs me.
But I'm the one who needs him. I'm the one who needed him when we got together. He took care of me. He said he couldn't sleep but he was obviously just trying to take care of me.
Right?
...Right?
"There's something I've been keeping from you — and I never meant to, it's just... it's just I always thought I'd tell you if things got serious with us. And they did, and it didn't occur to me to tell you then but today... today, I realized you need to know."
"Steve, you're kind of scaring me," I finally admit.
"No, baby, no," he whimpers, grabbing for the sides of my face and leaning his forehead down onto mine. "It's not... I'm sorry, I'm not trying to scare you." The water runs down between our faces and I can taste it in my mouth as I hesitate speaking.
He said he needs me, I heard it. Steve Rogers, the most together person I know said he needs... me.
I bury my face into the crook of his neck and he holds me tight, "You need me?"
"So much, baby. You have no idea what you mean to me."
He sounds so sad, I tear up and the waterworks start down my face. "Steve, what do you need to tell me?" I ask gently.
"Bucky..."
He stops to look at me with a concerned face and then a sigh.
"He's... alive."
My eyes go wide like saucers. "What?" I whisper.
"Only Sam and Nat really know about it. Stark knows very little, just enough to know we've been researching something secret and he lets us borrow a quinjet." Steve looks up to the ceiling and lets his eyelids flutter closed momentarily. "When Bucky fell off the train," he starts, and I nod because I know this story, or at least I think I do, "he didn't die. He was found and he was tortured and brainwashed." He looks like he's barely holding himself together.
"Hydra managed to get their hands on him again after he was found by Russians at the bottom of the ravine. So Zola got to finish what he started..." Steve looks down, trying to figure out what to tell me next. "They froze him and then they'd unthaw him as they needed him to assassinate someone," his voice gets angrier by the word.
"He showed up again in D.C. as the Winter Soldier. Pierce sent him to kill Nat, Sam, and me. He almost did. By some miracle, he lost his mask and when I saw him, I realized it was him." Steve swallows hard, "The only family I have and I couldn't save him from the train or from Hydra again."
"Steve," I frown as I reach up and run my hands through his hair. "Does this have anything to do with the weird little meetings you have with Sam and Nat?"
"Yeah," he nods. "And once in a while, we get a lead and we go looking for him."
"Why did you think I'd be mad at you, honey?"
"I kept something from you... a big secret..." he sighs. He looks ashamed.
"Steve, no... I'm not upset, okay? It's a need-to-know kind of situation and I never needed to know."
"I love you," he says firmly, looking right in my eyes. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
"I love you, too, babe," I stand on my toes to kiss him softly. "Now that I know, would you like me to help you?"
"You are the best girlfriend, you know that? Look at what you did today, that was really sweet. This place feels so much like home with you here..." he shrugs and hesitates, "I don't know if I can ask you to help with Buck. It has the potential to be very dangerous. Anyway, at the moment, we haven't had any leads in at least a year."
"Okay," I say, "the offer stands."
I can't help but take care of him tonight because he is so down. We dry off and he goes back into the bedroom to get dressed. I pick up my hairdryer in one hand and my phone in the other. I take the time to read Nat's text which is a warning that Steve might be upset tonight because of talking about Bucky today. She encourages me to have a talk with him. Thanks for the warning, friend, but you're a little tardy.
In the bedroom, he's sitting on the bed in just boxers, somewhat slumped over. "Come on," I say, pulling the covers down, "let's get you tucked in." He does as I tell him and I fluff his pillow and tuck him in. After finishing getting ready myself, I crawl in bed behind him and bury my face into his muscled back, throwing my arm around his waist. I snuggle in tight, breathing him in and feeling my body melting into his. I hear him giggle. He always enjoys when I snuggle into him, he says I'm like a little kid. I yawn and start remembering the first night I went to Steve's room and he took care of me. When I showed up, he was sketching.
When I showed up, we had two separate lives.
That was the last night we ever had two separate lives.
I'm so in my own head, remembering laying next to him and watching with a huge smile as he drew in his sketchbook. I almost don't hear Steve say, "Thanks for taking care of me, baby." He pulls my arm tighter around him and kisses my hand. He's fragile tonight, a rarely seen side of him that I'm the only one to witness. "I love you," he whispers.
"I love you, too, Steve. Sleep well."
Thanks for reading The Arrangement - Part 4, I am really starting to love this story. These things sometimes take on a life of their own. Thanks again for the request and I hope you enjoyed this. If you liked it, please consider voting. Comments are welcome, as always!