The song for this chapter is Say Something by A Great Big World. Enjoy!
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Bree's POV
I wake up in a daze. That split second when you are completely disoriented and unaware of the events of the night prior. That one short moment when it feels like your slate is completely clean and you feel as if you are a totally new person.
Until reality sets in.
I open my eyes as the pieces start to fall into place. I don't know why, but I can't seem to wipe the grin off of my face.
I just had sex with Harry.
I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. Whether to be relieved, happy, upset, confused or disappointed.
I mean, it wasn't bad. Heck, it was freaking amazing! However, I still don't know where we stand with all of this.
Before this, I had been set on the thought that Harry was avoiding me and was upset with me for some reason. He hadn't been the same after our trip to my father's house for thanksgiving and I was sure something was wrong, but now I am just confused. Does this mean he wasn't mad at me this whole time? Was he just working up the courage to have sex with me? Was he planning this all along? I just have so many questions.
I roll over slightly and realize something that causes even more confusion.
Harry is no longer here.
As I roll towards an empty space on my bed, the feeling hits me.
All the feeling of regret and disappointment hits me like a tidal wave, something I am all to familiar with. I am suddenly taken back to the summer of tenth grade, the morning after I had slept with Josh. I had waken up in the back of the football field, cold and alone. It was one of the worst moments of my life and reliving it sends sharp pains through my chest.
I don't know exactly when it starts but hot tears begin to flow down my cheeks and I can't seem to stop them from falling. Soon I am sobbing into my pillow and for a second, I am somewhat thankful that no one is here to witness my breakdown.
Both my roommates failed to come home yesterday. Allie told me earlier that she was staying over at Liam's and I really have no idea where Eleanor could be, though I assume it's with Louis. So I guess it was kind of perfect that Harry came yesterday, since we had the whole room to ourselves. Though I did not expect him to come barging through my door at eleven o'clock in the evening yesterday after his game, it really couldn't have been any more perfect.
Well expect for him not being here when I woke up, of course.
Maybe he went to the washroom or to get breakfast. Maybe something came up. My mind tries to defend him but after thirty minutes of trying to calm myself down and repeatedly checking my phone for any texts or calls from Harry, I reason that he doesn't plan on coming back or even explaining where he went.
Instead of lying around all day moping and wondering where the hell Harry could be, I decide to give him the benefit of the doubt. Whatever his reason may be, I am not going to let it control my mind and ruin my day.
I get up, wipe my tears and decide to take an early morning shower.
Once the water hits my skin, I instantly relax. All the tension in my body seems to just melt down the drain. All my thoughts, worries and fears are removed from me and for awhile, I can breathe again. I quickly dress and head back to the dorm.
As I enter, I realize that someone is in the room.
For a second I think it is Harry, but as the long brown ponytail comes into view, I am sadly mistaken.
"Hey, where have you been?" I ask Eleanor as I put away my dirty clothes and shower basket. She is riffling through her closet looking for an outfit to change into as she throws her used clothes into the hamper.
"I spent the day with Louis yesterday. Sorry, I forgot to check in and let you know."
"Oh, so you went to their game then?" It's sweet that Eleanor would travel all that way to see her boyfriend play soccer. I would've done the same, even though I absolutely loathe watching soccer, but Harry didn't seem to want me there so I backed off.
"Game? They didn't have a game yesterday." El replies with a confused look on her face. I probably share the same face right now.
"Harry told me they were playing a game out of state for the whole day yesterday. Apparently it was really far, which is why I didn't attend." Unless he was lying...
"No, they didn't have soccer yesterday. The other team forfeited so the coach just let the team have the day off. They didn't even have practice, which is why Louis took me out yesterday and we ended up spending the whole day together. Why would Harry tell you that?" She questions just as I start wondering the same thing.
"I have no idea why he would tell me that." This whole thing just has me so confused. I thought I could wait it out until he could give me an explanation but this is tearing me apart. I need answers now.
"Hey, do you know where he could be right now? I tried calling him but I didn't get an answer." I ask her, knowing that she would probably know since they were pretty close friends.
"Uh yeah, he's probably out visiting his grandma now. He usually does that on Sundays." Of course! How could I not think of that? I guess all this confusion has got my mind all messed up too.
I thank her and quickly retrieve my purse, telling her that I'll be back later. She wishes me luck and soon I'm out the door off to try and find Harry.
I've never actually visited his grandmother without him but I do know the address. I type it into my phone and find out how to get there by transit and soon I am on the bus to the retirement home.
Suprisingly, it isn't that hard to get there. It took about only forty minutes and two bus transfers before I reached the front entrance. I rode up the elevator and curtly knocked on the green door I had gone through several times before.
After the first visit, I had continued going with Harry on his weekly visits to the retirement home, up until recently of course. The other visits were much better after the first time. She was much more herself, is what Harry said. Though he also told me not to mention my name whenever I was there. He said it reminded her of a friend she used to had and that it might trigger another attack like the first visit. This was slightly odd for me, but other than that I quite enjoyed the visits.
We talked a lot, drank tea and look and pictures of Harry as a child, to which he quite detested. We even learned how to make his grandmother's famous tea and biscuits one time. I had grown quite a liking for his grandmother, and I can see why he is so close with her.
Rhonda, Harry's grandmother's caregiver, appears at the door in her usual off white slacks and apron uniform. A surprised look crosses her face for a split second but is quickly replaced with joy.
"Bree! I didn't know you were coming today! Long time no see!" She beams as she ushers me in. I enter into the familiar looking apartment as the smell of herbal tea and old clothes fills my nostrils. I've quite grown accustomed to the smell of this quaint little apartment.
"Is Harry on his way up then?" She asks and I realize that my trip here was to no avail. He isn't here.
"Um no, actually I came on my own." I say quietly, quite disappointed at the fact that he isn't here. I was sure he was.
"Oh, is something wrong?" She asks, concerned.
"Oh no, no I-I uh just wanted to visit." I stutter. I don't want her to know I can't find Harry or that I just came here looking for him. I wouldn't want to worry her, especially not Harry's grandmother in her condition.
"Oh, well how lovely then! Ms. Gina is in sitting in the living room reading, you can go on ahead. I'm sure she'll be delighted to see you!" She points me into the direction of the living room then hurries of into another room where I hear a vacuum go on. She must be in the middle of cleaning.
As I turn the corner of the hallway into the living room, I am greeted by the site of Harry's nan curled up in her usual arm chair with her feet up on the footstool and her nose in a thick book. Her reading glasses rest on the tip of her nose and she looks like the epitome of your typical grandmother. I smile at the sight, imagining her sitting like this on most days during Harry's childhood as he would be playing with a toy or reading beside her. I guess I know where Harry got his love for reading from.
"H-Hi Gina," I speak softly, a bit sorry for interrupting her in the middle of what looks to be a good book. She looks up at me. At first a look of confusion crosses her face but I am relieved when the look is replaced with a large smile.
"Oh hello, hello! Oh my, I haven't seen you in a while! Come, come sit!" She gestures to the armchair beside her and I take a seat as directed.
"How were the cookies then?" She asks and at first I have no idea what she is talking about. Then I remember the last time I had visited her and how she taught us how to make biscuits and tea.
"Oh right, they were amazing! My roommates and I finished it in one day!" I chuckle. "I'm so sorry I totally forgot to bring the container back!" I apologize, remembering that I had promised to give it back after she lent it to me when she insisted I take some cookies home.
"Oh don't worry, dear! Some other time." She lightly pats my thigh and I ease down my tension. It's so easy to be around Harry's grandmother.
"So how's you and Harry then?" She asks and I am a bit taken aback at what she mean by Harry and I? Does she know we are together? Does she know we had sex? I know I must just be overthinking it, but I can't help the thought from entering into my mind.
"Actually that's what I wanted to talk to you about. Have you seen Harry recently?" I question. I know it's not really good to be interrogating a poor old woman on the whereabouts of her grandson but I really have no other option at this point.
"Not since he came to visit last week." She says and I sigh. I really hate doing this.
"Was he...was acting a bit odd to you last week? A-Anything out of the ordinary?"
"Not that I noticed. He was a bit sadder than usual, but I think that's just because you weren't there, love." She cracks a smile and I can't help but return it back. She's such a cheeky person, just like Harry.
"Is something wrong, love?" She questions and I start to clam up. What am I going to tell her? Oh, I slept with your grandson then woke up to find him gone and now I can't seem to find him? As I silently debated what to say to her, someone enters the room.
"Hey nan, sorry I'm late I-" He stops mid-sentence and I don't even have to look up to know that Harry stand in the hallway across from me.
"B-Bree?!" He squeaks in shock as I look up to see his jaw nearly dropping to the first floor of the building. Clearly he didn't expect me to come looking for him.
"Harry! We were just talking about you dear! Sit down." His grandmother instructs, totally unaware of the tension in the room right now. He silently strides over and sits beside his grandmother in the farthest possible seat away from me and refuses to make eye contact.
"So how have you been? Your friend here has been saying you've been acting a bit odd lately, is that true?" I look up guiltily as his grandmother rats me out. He looks at me accusingly for a second before continuing to ignore my presence.
"It's nothing nan," he mumbles as he suddenly becomes deeply interested in his boots. He's always wearing those ratty old boots. I always ask him why he continue at I wear them when he clearly has enough to invest in a brand new pair, but he never give me a straight answer why he has such an attachment to them.
"Now boy, don't give me any of that! Out with it young man," she scolds and I can't help but stifle a laugh at how she reprimands him like he's a five year old boy.
"Really, it's nothing nan! We just had a misunderstanding that's all." He says flatly.
"And what misunderstanding might that be?" I question, not having a clue at what the hell he is talking about.
"I don't think this is the time to discuss this now." He sends me a warning glance which seems to spark the anger inside of me. Who the hell does he think he is?!
"I think this is the perfect time to discuss it." I challenge and I can see the anger building inside him as well.
"Now, now children. There will not be an argument inside my house. Whatever it may be, work it out, and don't come back until you do!" Gina affirms and acts as the mediator between us both. She shoos us off our seats and out the door, telling us that we will be allowed back in once we work our differences, both of us with stubborn frowns on our faces as she shuts the door.
Harry huffs and heads for the elevator, not bothering to say a word. Not an apology. Not an explanation. Nothing.
I follow after him in a bit of a fiery fit as the elevator descends down.
"So what? Nothing? You aren't going to say anything?" I say, half yelling in rage.
"What is there to say?" He responds in a calm and collected matter. This infuriates me even more. Does he really have no idea what I am talking about? Or is he just being the asshole that he always is?
"How about I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I was going, Bree? Or I'm sorry I didn't answer your calls and went missing for three hours, Bree?" I shout as the elevator doors open and he walks out of them at such a quick pace that I have to half run to catch up to him.
"Okay?"
"Okay? That's all you are going to say?" I ask, completely bewildered at what is happening right now. We had sex not ten hours ago and this is how he's treating me?
"Well what am I supposed to say Bree?" He stops and turns to face me int he middle of the retirement home courtyard.
"How about explain where the hell you went this morning?"
"I went home." He answers simply like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't know I had to check in with you every time I went somewhere. What, are you my mother now?" He says in the most egotistic tone known to man.
"Is this seriously happening right now? Are you seriously calling me a psychotic girlfriend right now for wanting to know why I woke up to an empty bed the morning after we had sex?" I stand in disbelief.
The next words that come out of his mouth almost break me in half.
"Relax, it wasn't that big of a deal."
"W-Wasn't that big of a deal?! Us having sex for the first time ever wasn't a big deal to you?" I am at the breaking point right now and I can feel the tears forming behind my eyes.
He shrugs his shoulders and looks at the ground.
"What the hell is wrong with you?! You ignore me for a week after we get back from what I thought was a great trip. Then you lie to me about having an out of state game, which by the way I know was a lie. Yeah, you might wanna at least give your friends involved, a heads up before you lie like that, I heard it makes it more solid. Then finally, you sleep with me out of the blue and leave without any explanation whatsoever the morning after?! Like, is there something wrong? Did I do something to offend you? Like, please just tell me because I am honestly so confused."
By the end, I am a mess of tears and I am not even sure if my words are coming out in proper sentences or whether it's just coming out in gurgled sounds that make no sense whatsoever.
"It's not you, really," Is all he says and I literally need to clasp my mouth from screaming.
"S-So what the hell is it?!" I manage to garble out between the sobs. The worst part of this is he doesn't even seem to be fazed by my state right now.
"It's...it's," he delays the words so much that I start to think he actually likes seeing me this way.
"What? It's what?" I snap, impatiently waiting for a response that can somehow ease the pain in my chest or at least my boggled mind.
"It's, it's just not working." He sighs.
At first I don't comprehend the meaning of the words but then it hits me.
He's breaking up with me.
I am silent for a moment. Taking in the weight of what he said.
"So what? Was the sex not good enough for you?" I scoff.
"No, no it's not that, it was amazing just-"
"So what then? Was that all you wanted out of me? You just wanted to bang me then pretend like nothing happened and move on? W-Was this some sort of bet or dare or something?" I spit out in disgust. I've read enough books to know that teenage guys did that sort of thing, and come to think of it, Harry fit the exact profile of someone who could do that.
"No it isn't like that I just..."
"It's just what, Harry?!? I swear to God if you don't give me a straight answer I'll-"
"Yes, okay? Yes fine, it was a bet." He finally says and I feel as if I am two inches tall.
It. Was. A. Fucking. Bet?!
"I-I made a bet with myself at the beginning of the year that I could get you to have sex with me." He says to the ground and I stand shellshocked at what is happening right now.
"Y-You made a bet with your self?!" Who the fuck does that? At least in the books I read the guy made a bet with his friends and got something out of it afterwards. He did all this for his own self-satisfaction?!
"I-I knew you didn't like me and that you'd probably never dream of even going out with me so I thought that if I could get you to sleep with me then it would prove that I really do have every girl at the school wrapped around my finger." I want to barf. No, I seriously think I am going to be sick.
"You sick fucking bastard!" I curse before socking him right in the face. He stumbles back a couple steps, clearly surprised at my actions as he cups his face in his hands. His cheek starts to swell but all I want to do is punch him twenty times more.
"So none of this was real? All this shit we went through the past four months was all part of some way for you to prove to yourself that you were exactly who I thought you to be? A self-righteous arrogant little bastard whose got his head so far up his ass that he can't see he is a sick fucking monster?!" I heave and by now my body is shaking like a volcano about to explode.
"Ye-well no. No it wasn't all for the bet. I actually did fall for you after a while. After I got to know you, I really started to like you. After a while, it wasn't just about proving I could get any girl I wanted, it was about trying to get you, because your the only the girl that matters and will ever matter to me." He pauses, as if contemplating his words carefully before he decides to continue.
"I-I love you, Bree." He says, his emerald eyes looking straight into my own and for awhile, they seem truly sincere in every possible way and I want to believe him, then I regain my strength and remember all the words that came before it.
"Yeah, I'm really going to believe that now after you lied to me for four fucking months!" I huff and almost laugh at his confession.
"You know what? I hope you rot in your fucked up little hell hole of a life because let me tell you something, no one, and I mean no one, will ever love you, me included. You are a disgusting human being and I can't believe I even wasted my time getting to know you. Goodbye, Harry."
And with that, I turn on my heels and walk as fast as I can away from the retirement home and most importantly, away from him.
I don't stop until I get to the bus stop in which I collapse on the small bench and cry my heart out.
I don't cry because of the hurtful words he had said or even the fact that it was all a lie, but because if it was real, I actually would've loved him too.
And that small fact alone is enough to shatter my heart into a million pieces.
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I think this is the most emotional chapter I have ever written. Rereading it, I am literally in tears. I am so emotionally invested in these characters like it's not even funny. Anyways, I hope you all liked this chapter as much as I loved writing it :) Please continue to comment and vote because I really love it when you do. It really does give me more motivation to update ;)
On another note, please check out my new story Daily Talks with DS! I will be answering any question you have and will be able to chat with all you lovely people there so please give it a chance :) Sorry, this is totally inappropriate in every way, but what's life without breaking a few rules? ;)
Anyways, love you! Thank you for your continual support! xxx