“Y/N, Please!” He cries as I sit there in the silence, isolating myself from the real world. “Y/N! Say something!” I feel his soft, warm hand grip my wrist. I feel him tug helplessly at my wrist. The emotionless shell that I am remains speechless. “Fine, I’m giving up on you, I tried, but I’m so done!” He releases my wrist and storms towards his bedroom. I suddenly feel a burst of emotion, and I’m overwhelmed by the moment. Helpless, I don’t move or make a sound. A single tear streams down my face, gently yet full of all the pain I could not express.
I crawl to the wall and place my head onto the pasty barricade.
“You’re the one that I love.” I whimper quietly. I can almost feel his presence opposite mine.
“I’m giving up on you.” I can just make out the words through the muffled wall. My ebony hair drapes across my face as I hear the painful words.
“Dan, please. I…couldn’t help it. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you!”
“It’s too late for that, Y/N.”
“I could leave, you know, but all I want is you! I don’t want anything else, I was stupid. This was never meant to happen.” All my barriers are broken, and I am now a rambling mess, constantly gripping at something that is no longer mine. The only sound that fills the apartment is that of my tears, my gasping as I try to catch my breath through it all. “Dan, I love you.”
“I hope you realise how hard I’ve tried,” His voice gets louder as he speaks, implying that he’s moving towards the door, hopefully coming to get me. “How hard I’ve tried to forgive you. My best friend, I love you. But I don’t know if I can trust you.” I can think of many occasions where Dan has broken my heart, smiled to other girls in a way he never smiled to me, blown me off so he can go out with his friends, cared about someone else, but now doesn’t feel like the suitable time to bring this up. I’ve managed to pull myself together, as I figure it would be best for him to see me as something other than a snivelling wreck.
“Do you remember that time when we ran out into the streets from my house in the rain? When we kicked off our shoes and ran around together and slipped on the grass-“
“Our first kiss.” He interrupts. That day was possibly the best day of my life, smiling and laughing, enjoying every second of his company.
“Well, I always thought of that day as the day we stepped away from everyone else, together, into our own little disaster. It’s kind of funny actually, because on that day, I never doubted us. We were going to be there for each other, through thick and thin. But on this day,” I toss a glace out of the window towards the hustle of rainy London. “this rainy day, we’re leaving each other. And I never once thought back then, that a rainy day would bring me so much pain, for I associated every rainy day with that day -that bright, hopeful day. But now, I don’t know what to think about rainy days.” I pause for a minute and compose myself. “Now, I think I’m going to have to go.”
As I unlock the door to leave, I never look back. I worry that if I do, I will forget the magic of that rainy day and realise that not every day is bright and hopeful, but some days are dark and painful, no matter how hard you try to make them shine.