I didn't know why they made me leave, but it made me feel a mixture of emotions. I was angry because I wanted to be there for both of them, sad because I wouldn't see our baby born, and worried because I had no idea what was happening.
"I'm sure she's ok." Mrs. Moore said while placing a hand on my shoulder.
"You didn't see the look in her eyes, she was scared." I barked.
I must've checked the front desk a million times asking if they were finished delivering our baby or if I could go see my fiancée. Each time I was let down with the staff giving me little to no information.
Hours had passed by, Julianna slept in her Gigi's lap, while my parents were just getting to the hospital.
Dr. Vega came walking from the delivery area with his clipboard in hand and a very straight face. I met him halfway giving him no choice but to answer all of my questions
"Jack Porter?"
"Yes, sir."
"Congratulations it's a healthy baby girl." He said firmly. However, we lost Ms. Moore during the delivery. I'm so sorry."
My voice broke and rage began to flow through my veins.
"What do you mean you lost her? You better go fucking find her!" I yelled while fighting back the tears that sat on my tear ducts.
"I'm sorry, we did all we could to save her. Her heart rate continued to speed up and she went into Cardiac Arrest."
"No. You said you had everything under control. I trusted you with her!" I boomed.
"Jack? What's going on?" My mother asked wrapping an arm around my torso."
"Is this the Moore family?" Dr. Vega asked.
"Yes, but what's going on? Can't we go see the new mama and baby?" Her eyebrows furrowed.
I stood there with my head down trying to reframe from burning the hospital down or murdering the doctor.
He walked towards the rest of our family and after two minutes of exchanging the news, I heard loud screams and sobs followed by a trail of curse words.
I was crying my heart was hurting. It was destroyed.
"Can I please go and see my fiancée?" I asked. "I need to see her."
"Very well sir." Dr. Vega sighed.
The walk to her room was the longest and most frightening of my life.
My hand shook when I rotated the doorknob to open the door. I closed the door behind me before walking over to see her lifeless body lying peacefully under a series of blankets.
She looked peaceful as if she was just taking a nap. It was hard to imagine that she was gone after I'd just been with her in the delivery room.
I pushed her stray hairs into place before planting a long and meaningful kiss onto her forehead. Tears began spilling from the corners of my eyes.
Why did I have to lose the one I loved? Why couldn't they both make it out of the delivery room?
"Sir, could you verify a few things regarding baby Porter?" A female voice said.
It was a nurse dressed in pink scrubs holding a clipboard. She looked timid and in dismay.
"How long will she be in here?"
"I'm sorry sir, I'm not quite sure."
"If they take her before I come back, I will burn this hospital to the ground. Mark my words."
"Yes, sir." She answered quickly and afraid. "I'll make sure they leave her here as long as they can."
I followed the nurse out of the room and into the nursery.
"Yes sir, so her name?"
Leah Mackenzie Porter.
I walked my sad soul down the hall to the nursery. Through the large glass window, I could see babies being cared for by the nurses. The room looked so diverse with pale-skinned babies, brown babies, tan babies, and then there was my baby. There she was with a pink hat on her head, as beautiful as I thought she'd be. I cleansed my hands and showed my authorized badge to the nurses. The nurse pointed to my baby. I didn't have to look at the wristband on her leg to know she was ours. I knew.
She was in an incubator next to a few other babies, who I assumed arrived early just as she had. She had a few tubes and wires attached to her body. She had a head full of sleek hairs.
I stuck my finger into the incubator to feel the warmth of her skin. She was really here but her mother was really gone. Her little hands, her little feet, she was perfect.
I was crying tears, both happy and sad.
Her skin was a mixture of her mothers and mine. She was blended perfectly into a frosted brown color. Seeing her for the first time made everything that was going on, seem like a dream. I stayed in the nursery watching my little Leah until Maliyah's mom sat by my side.
She didn't say a word, instead, she took my hand and held it tightly in hers.
"She's beautiful." She whispered.
"I'm so sorry," I said breaking the silence and breaking my cool facade. "I don't know where we went wrong. I was doing everything right, making sure she didn't stress that much, making sure she took her vitamins, feeding her healthy foods, I don't understand." I choked up. "I don't know what I'm going to do."
Her eyes watered as she spoke. "You're going to raise your girls. You're going to be the best father to them with the help of my family and yours. Maliyah would want you to be strong and make the best decisions."