This was the hardest chapter for me to write. Seriously, writing and deleting had almost became a routine. 😅😥
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"Urmm, I prefer the sooner the better.", Carlisle answered. He looked straight to Zander's eyes as the man turned to him.
"Okay. I'll tell you.", Zander said, turned his head facing a ceiling. "It's nothing surprising or drama worthy though. It just we'd prefer to not talking about him because his death still hurt us. Especially to my ma." Zander took a breath.
Carlisle turned his body sideway to face Zander that laying on his back.
"So it was like this." The man started. "Nolan, he's easy to laugh. He will laughing at anything that he deemed funny. His boisterous laugh was too much sometimes but when he was silent, we will miss it. He love to tease us, especially me.", Zander smiled. "... maybe because I'm the youngest. I don't know." He pursed his lips, remembering the past memories.
"Nolan and I, we never had a secret between us although we stay far away from each other... or so I thought." Zander gave a breathless laugh. "One day, he Skyped me and asked me to gather my dad, my ma, Abigail and Mason because he needed to tell something. After everyone gathered in front of my laptop, he told us that he was three months pregnant with twin."
"Are you happy then? I mean when you heard that news.", Carlisle asked, just to ended the sudden silent that felt for about few minutes already. He gauged the man reaction to make sure his question did not harmed anything.
"Huh?! Of course we are happy.", Zander almost jerked in his position. Like been harshly awoke from his reverie he answered the younger man question.
Shocked with the sudden movement, Carlisle touched Zander's arm. "Are you okay?", he asked in concerned. "If you're not ready, then we can postpone this."
"Yes. Okay. I'm fine. Sorry." Zander glanced sideway to see a concerned face looked up at him. He touched the hands that still rubbed his arm in soothing manners. "We're estatic to hear it actually. After all, it's the first grandbabies that will be added to our family. I still remember everyone smile at that time, especially Nolan. It's so wide and blinding. He was so happy. But, when we asked who's the father, he said it was a surprised. My ma, like always, his curiosity was the highest if the subject of concern was his children." He released a chuckled, a little bit lacked in sincerity to the hearer. "He did asked me to try to crack the secret about who's the father. And, being a good son I am, just abide to his request."
"Yeah, right.", Carlisle snickered to the sentence.
"I am." Zander defended himself. "I did asked Nolan but no, he refused to tell me. He said that he will bring the man home later and just giggle to my face. Fucking giggling, you know?" Zander put his hand on his closed eyes. He paused to take a calming breath. His emotion was on rollercoaster with him telling a story about his deceased brother.
Carlisle back to rubbed the man's arms soothingly. After all, that was the only action that he can think to do.
"Around three months later, my ma called." Zander continued, "He said Nolan just arrived at home. I rushed back to meet him and of course, the mysterious 'father' that Nolan had kept as a secret all this time. You know...", Zander turned his head to Carlisle. He looked at him as the younger man was adjusting his hair that had dropped at his forehead.
Carlisle hummed, he looked to Zander eyes. "What's happen?"
Zander closed his eyes then released a big heavy breathe. "Nolan's alone. The man was not with him. Until the day of the boys birth, we didn't meet that man. We wanted to ask but..." He took a dragged of oxygen and released a heavy breath afterwards. "It's hard in every time. It's felt like every second was not a good time to asked him. Moreover, I'm not going to ask something like that to a person who was just giving a birth to two human being from his own body. Right?", he wondered why, but he craved for a positive recognition from Carlisle at that point.
"Yes, it's the right thing. You do good.", Carlisle said after seconds of contemplating while kept rubbing Zander's arm.
"Thank you.", Zander muttered. "But, my ma at least, I think he knew something. Not because he asked Nolan but because he was at there on the right time, at the right place. Only my ma at the hospital at that time. Nolan said he wanted to make a phone call and asked for a privacy. So, my ma went out of his room and went to cafeteria about 30 minutes, he said to us afterwards. When he's back, he tried to peak inside to see either Nolan had finished his phone call or not. What made my ma shocked was the room state at that time. Of course my ma rushed inside immediately. He said that everything was in chaos like it's been thrown while Nolan was on the floor with his IV unhooked. Blood was dripping from the detached needle. His hair and clothes was messy. He was muttering something and when my ma touched him, he started to scream and crying with arms and legs flailed in total madness. He didn't calm until doctor and nurses came and gave a calming shot. That's when everything started to turn weird, I must add."
Carlisle knitted his brows. His curiosity peaked. 'What happened to him? Why?', he thought to himself. All five 'Ws', one 'H' starting questions was swimming and wiggling inside his mind and waited without much patience to be out. Opened his mouth but but stop midway, he gnawed his own lips and opted to just silently waited for Zander to tell the story in his own pace.
"More than weird, I prefer a word suspicious actually. Tomorrow afterward, when a nurse came and gave him forms to register the twins, he didn't fill it immediately. He said he wanted to wait for me. When I'm at there, he showed me the forms. We talked about the names and he asked either I like the name that he chose or not. Until I said I'm okay with his choice then, he filled the forms. Then, it's happened. Out of nowhere, he asked me did I want children in my life and I said yes without any suspicion. I thought, yeah, it's just a normal talk with your sibling." Zander rubbed his face with his hand.
Carlisle nodded, agreed with everything Zander said. Well, not like he knew something like that normal or not and it was hardly came to his imagination because he never had someone, specifically, named sibling to talk about it.
Zander continued, "But, no I'm wrong. Nolan, he grabbed my hands and clasped them tightly in his own hands. Suddenly he said something crazy. He wanted to register the twin as my children."
"Do you refuse him? What about your family?", Carlisle asked softly, his curiousity was to high to be ignore at that time. He wanted to know the end of this reality induced drama quickly. Yes, it was a sad story and he did feel the empathy to Zander but it was a norm to human to want to know something sad rather than happy about others. Moreover, it was at the past. So, obviously the climax of the story had past within the time and he cannot wait to know it.
"Of course I am!", Zander said a bit harsh before he loosen his throat. Immediately, he continued the interrupted story. "At that time, nobody with Nolan on the hospital room because it was my turned to accompany him while the other went to settle anything that they needed to. When I told the others after that, their reaction was indifferent and said that It's mine to make a decision but I knew them. They were neither agreed nor apposed Nolan's request. Start on that day, every time I went to visit him at the hospital he will bring the topic back. I don't know what happened to me at that time but I agree to him after been pestered a week later. He hugged me and quickly called for a nurse while said something like he did not believe that I will sent the right form if I'm the one that submit it. He had write everything on the form. Just waited for my signature to complete it. That time, honestly I said, I'm not happy with what I saw. At the parents column just the father was been filled. He didn't put his personal information at all. Nothing. Both Noah and Noël are legally mine without doubt."
"Oh...", Carlisle gasped. The story was a bit shocked to him to comprehend. He cannot help but to give comments about the twisted information. "At first, I thought they are your children and their mother was not in frame. After all, you never breath that they are your nephews until I knew it myself last night, courtesy to Mason actually. It did very much shocked me. And now this. Your life must be very crazy since that day, huh?" He said his mind to Zander.
Zander looked at Carlisle and smiled, sadly. "Yeah, indeed it's too crazy. But, it didn't stopped at there. After Nolan and the twins were released from hospital, Nolan stay with my parents here. Although, he did registered them as mine but he did not gave them to me fully. He still raising them here with his own hands. We did live our lives normally or I must say, it for us. But not for Nolan. He always smile when he was with us but I knew it in the hard way, he cried when he was alone. I've saw him sobbing while cradling the sleeping twin. It's break the heart to look at your usually carefree brother turned to be like that. We tried to help but he always brushed us. Telling that everything was okay.", he stopped then closed his eyes. Gravely, he spoke, "What can you do if the intended person refuses your help? Force him? Constraint him? No, you are able to do nothing. After all its your heart desire, not them." Quickly, he wiped a drop of tear that escaped from his eyes.
Zander's action had been caught by Carlisle's eyes. Slowly, he adjusted his body nearer Zander and gave him a comforting hug. Sometimes, there was a situation that did not need any word for consolidation but a little bit of gentle and understanding gesture was more that enough.
Zander complied, he put his left hand on Carlisle's back as a gratitude gesture before he continued, "It's around five months later that Nolan's health was degrading. The doctor said he was depressed. He was suffering silently all this time in front of our eyes. Knew that, we tried everything to help him except to refer him to psychiatrist and until today, I still felt the grief of not doing so. We arranged him to therapist and day by day, he looks better." He snickered to his own words.
Carlisle pondered the reason of that snickering, 'Doesn't it was a position things?'. He looked up to Zander's face from his position; from Zander's chest. He saw a tight line was from Zander's lips. Slowly, he reached his hand to the man jaw and cupped it gently. "Why?"
Zander looked down, "All that time, he was acting. Nolan just acting. He lied to everyone including his therapist. He was never better. And, we believe it all. Until that morning, he did not woke up to attend the twins. They both crying loudly but he still didn't woke up. Usually, he will go at their side at every sounds they made." Zander had started to cry along with sobbed. He burrowed his face to Carlisle's hair. He chocked his words. The memory was too hurt to remember. Sobbed, he continued, "He died in his sleep. We did the autopsy, it's not suicide. There was a complication with his heart."
Carlisle bit his lip and tighten his circling arms around Zander's body. Hoped that he managed to channel a bit of comfort to the man.
"People said, most human will did something unusual before they died like had an urged to eat a certain food, did something unusual or said something very ridiculous. And, other people around them will brushed it like it was nothing. I did so and until today, I still can felt the regret, tugging on my heart.", Zander took a big deep breath. His chest felt heavy but his crying had reduced. "Nolan said to me that the twins are my children and he will be known as their lovely uncle that took care of them and love them very much and he insisted us to never brought this topic again. He said he will content to be an uncle until he died. I, of course, brushed it as a ridiculous. How could I agree to him after everything and we were quarreling about that." He stopped, "You know....?"
"Hum?", Carlisle hummed questioning.
"It's happened on the night before he died.", Zander, again, chocked on his words.
"Oooo.. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for asking you to tell this to me.", Carlisle said, trying to calm the emotional Zander with his tranquil voice. Minutes past in larghetto before Zander had turned to his normal self.
Zander gave a bleak smiled, "Sorry. You need to watch this hideous behaviour--"
"Shush!", Carlisle put his pointed finger to Zander's mouth. "Never say sorry to something that humanly behaviour. Unless, you are not. Are you?" He peered at the man and chuckled lightly when he saw a gaping surprised eyes.
" 'm human.", Zander said before he, again, burrowed his head to Carlisle's neck. "Thank you."
Carlisle hummed, he patted the big baby back. "Nothing much. We can continue this at another time if you want."
Zander wave his head from side to side, " 'm fine.", his voice muffled as he still attached his face to Carlisle's nape. With his hand still hugging Carlisle, he wiggled his body a bit before turned his head upwards for a better voice projection. "After all, it just a little bit more."
"Okay.", Carlisle hummed, accompanying his complied.
"During our argument, Nolan asked to never ever disclose about the twin parentage again because it will give them more problems than benefits. Let them know me or maybe my future partner as their parents. He said, let him bring it to his grave." Zander sighed defeated. "I wish I can kill Noah and Noël 'sperm donor'. After all, he brought us more grief than anything.", he said with gritted tooth before he released a big sighed. With a big grinned, he said, "Okay, I'm done. Let's sleep." He cut the emotional moment with sudden unexpected ending. Then, he tighten his gripped to Carlisle waist and back to dive his face to Carlisle's nape.
"Wait! Wait! Wait!", Carlisle slapped Zander's arm repeatedly. "What about the father? Or, the sperm donor as you said. You still told me nothing about him."
Zander sighed, prying his left eyes open, "Some secret are meant to remain secret."
Carlisle gawked. "What?"
"You heard me. I, myself, did not know who's the father. Did asked my ma but, well, he said he didn't know." Zander shrugged. "Nolan never told me about that. I think he really meant to keep this secret with him." He said before he gave a chastened kiss to Carlisle's nape. "Sleep. Tomorrow will be hectic."
"Okay." Carlisle grumbled. He hated unfinished story. It's made him wondering the real story flow and it's made him kept wondering. Sighed, he tried to accept the ending of the story. After all, it's not like he was a necromancer.
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😬 Please enjoy yourself.