"This is where we keep the paperwork." Azrael turned on the light of the small closet. Teetering boxes were stacked one on top of the other and I raised an eyebrow. "Everything the Hunters send us, comes here." There was a heavy note of amusement to his voice before he gave me a conspiratorial look. "We don't do their paperwork." At that he gave a full out laugh.
"They don't mind?" I looked at all the boxes. I doubted the Hunters would let that slide. At Nox there was a seriousness that surrounded Hunter paperwork that came into my father's office. Not doing it was considered taboo.
He shrugged. "They aren't going to come here and say anything." He shut the light off before waving me back and closing the door. "Head hurt?" He looked me up and down as he said it.
I shook my head. "Didn't drink enough last night." I had stopped before I had reached a point where I would have a hangover. My mind had been elsewhere, mainly on Lynn. I wanted to smirk at that. She had kept me... well occupied despite me not drinking.
"Count yourself lucky. I drank way too much." He winced slightly before he headed down the hallway. I was surprised he admitted it but then again everything this pack did was a surprise to me. Females training and even the children. Little ones ran in and about the training field without pause or fear. Everything was so... inclusive.
"Daaaaaadddddyyyyy!" At the childish screech, Azrael chuckled as a small boy ran down the hall towards him.
"Eli, what's wrong?" He scooped the boy up, kissing his cheek as the little boy hugged him tight. There was a small pang deep in my chest as I realized I would never be able to do that. There would be no little boys calling me daddy or running up to me for hugs.
"Caden is bein' mean." His face twisted up with his anger and Azrael chuckled.
"Is he? Well then, let's go sit in the office and figure this out." He pushed open the office door and I followed him carefully. It was the first day of my training for becoming Beta and I wanted to make sure I was going to do it right. I had surprised everyone, including myself, when I had managed to take Jacks down in the final trial. Everything Lynn had told me had helped and she had been one hundred percent correct. I had been treating my leg as a burden rather than an opportunity.
It had been nearly laughable at how easy it had been to use my leg as a distraction against my opponents. No one could have called the outcome, not even me, but my wolf and I had succeeded. He was so incredibly proud of his accomplishment. This wasn't that place in life that we had been destined for, this wasn't a claim we had been given. We had fought long and hard for the position we now had and that seemed so much more than something we would be given.
We had earned it.
My wolf huffed, a self satisfied look on his face. He was proud of becoming Beta and I was too. We had purpose now, a rank that was befitting of our female and even ourselves. We were a Mountain Beta and that was something no one could ever truly take away from us.
"So what was Caden doing to make you say he was being mean?" Azrael sat down at his desk, Eli settled on his lap.
"He wouldn't play with me." The four year old huffed and crossed his arms over his tiny chest and scowled darkly.
Azrael laughed loudly. "That doesn't make him mean, Eli. We all need some time to ourselves and we need to learn to respect that."
Eli looked up at his father as Azrael opened a drawer and pulled out a colouring book. "Is that why mama an' you don't stay together allll day?" He drug the word out and Azrael nodded, kissing the top of his messy mop of blond hair.
"Your mama is one such person who needs time away from others. It isn't mean that she doesn't want to spend all day with me, it's just her form of normal." He pulled out a pencil case and set it in front of Eli. "Go ahead and sit down, Bastian." Azrael didn't look up as he waved to a nearby chair.
I moved over to it, sitting down with a wince. I was paying for the trials today. My leg was not happy with me and I knew I would just have to accept it. I would have to wait until I got home and saw Lynn. I knew she would make it feel better, even just a little bit. That and I just loved being around her and it always relaxed me. I watched as Eli dug through a pencil case, a very intent look on his face.
"How is Lynn doing with her group?" The question was said casually and my jaw clenched rapidly. Lynn didn't like talking about her sessions. I believed she was still trying hard to push it all away rather than deal with it... well at least with me. All I knew was that it was hard and she returned with puffy eyes a majority of the time, that and her mood was always down after them.
"She does alright, the females are a good support system for her." They were, as much as the group sessions hurt her, I could see how much she appreciated the other females. They were friends and they had my respect and great appreciation for helping Lynn when the pack cast her as a social outcast.
"That's good. Larissa still has sessions with Lace. It does them both good." He opened the colouring book for Eli and glanced up at me. I was a little confused, I knew Lace wasn't infertile.
"Mama lost Tim when he was in her belly." Eli nodded sombrely and Azrael gave him a small squeeze. I was surprised to hear that and saddened. The loss of a growing future would be a hard one to overcome. I felt a wave of sympathy for the Alpha Female for having to endure that.
Alpha Azrael's dark blue eyes landed on me, watching me carefully. "When it comes to loss, it helps a lot to have someone who understands what you are going through." His gaze moved away for a brief moment. "Those females have a hard life on the mountains, infertility here is not something one talks about but it should be." At that I had to agree. This was something that seemed to be taken for granted in our communities and I had a terrible feeling that a majority of couples suffering from infertility were forced to stay in the dark with their pain.
"What's dat, daddy?" Eli looked up at his father and Azrael moved the colouring book to in front of his son.
"It's what is that, Eli, that. And it's when people can't have children." I was surprised he would explain it to the young boy. It seemed like too complex a situation to explain to someone so young.
Eli scrunched his face up. "Oh... what about mama? They can be like her, right?" He looked up at his father and Azrael frowned slightly.
"What do you mean?" He looked down at Eli as the boy turned to the colouring book.
"They can be like mama. Cause she chose her babies, me an' Caden an' Grammie an' Lander an' Neenah." He said it rather sagely as he started colouring with his crayon. His small tongue peeked out of the corner of his mouth in his intense concentration.
Azrael smiled at that, bending down to kiss the top of his head. "She did and I suppose they can. There are many ways to be a parent without having babies." I looked away, unsure of if I should even be a part of the moment they were having. I didn't even know where to begin to address the words, taking a child in was something I had never looked at but I doubted I would feel comfortable with it. I didn't know how it would even work.
"Yah." There was a small moment of silence that was only punctuated by the sound of scribbling on paper. "You infertil?" At the question I snapped my gaze back to the young Thorn.
He was looking at me intently and I blinked. "Pardon?" That was not a question I had been expecting in the least.
Azrael made a sharp noise that was followed by a low rumble. "We don't ask those questions, Eli. Please apologize to Bastian for it." His tone was stern and Eli hunched underneath it
"Sorry, daddy." His small voice was a whisper and he looked back towards me. "Sorry, Ba-Bas-Baston." His fumbling over my name made a small smile cross my face.
"It's okay and no, I'm not. My mate was made infertile by Mene." I figured that I would do as Azrael had done and explain it to him. He seemed to grasp the subject alright when his father explained it to him.
"Why?" He tilted his head and I let out a heavy sigh as I rubbed at my left leg. It was seizing slightly and making me want to wince.
"Because she saved her life." A trade, a heavy and unfair trade. I had promised my very soul for Lynn's life and instead the goddess had chosen to take away her fertility as well.
"Oh... That's mean." He said it softly and I couldn't help but nod.
"I agree." It wasn't fair and it wasn't nice. I was at a loss of how to feel because I knew I couldn't curse the goddess for what she had done. She was our eternal mother, she had accepted and done a favour for me. I was indebted to her but I did not like the terms she had provided. I could lose my position but to remove that from my mate was just cruel.
The door opened and I looked over my shoulder as Lace came in, Azariah on her hip as she walked towards the desk. "It is lunch time." Her gaze was on Eli and Azrael's gaze was on her. He seemed to light up, grow warmer as she drew near. The male was the very definition of smitten. She came closer and he wrapped an arm around her hip, pressing his face to her stomach before taking Azariah from her arms and pressing a kiss to his chubby cheek. Lace waved him off, taking the youngest Thorn from his arms before running her fingers through Eli's hair. "It's time to eat, baby."
The little boy huffed. "But I wanna colour with daddy." He gave his mother a petulant look, his bottom lip sticking out.
Lace didn't react to the look but Azreal did. He pressed a kiss to the top of Eli's head and gently lifted him up and set him on the floor. "You can colour after lunch, buddy." He said it gently and Ei's shoulders slumped as he passed over the crayon he was using.
"Okay." It was such a sighed word that my mouth twitched at the sound of it.
Lace adjusted Azariah on her hip before bending down and kissing Azrael softly. "I'll bring you something to eat." Her fingers ran through the hair at the nape of his neck and he nodded, giving her a lingering kiss in return.
"Thank you." He nodded as she grasped Eli's hand and the small group left the room, Azrael's gaze on them until they could no longer be seen. "You would not believe the fight I had to secure my place as her mate." His mouth twitched upwards as he glanced at me, his gaze turning thoughtful for a moment. "But I didn't have to go all the way to the goddess to do so." He tilted his head as he looked at me and I was unsure of what the look meant.
"What was she like?" He asked it so seriously that I was thrown for a moment, trying to figure out what he meant before it clicked in my head.
"She was cold." It was the one basic of what I could remember of her. She had been so cold. "Her power is beyond imagining, she makes your female's power feel like a juvenile's. You cannot truly see her but you can feel her." And you did, you felt her within every cell of your body. "It's like coming home but at the same time it is you coming home to when you could first feel the power of everyone shoving down on you while your wolf is still trying to get his bearings." She brought you back to being a juvenile and you had thrown dominance at the wrong person. Everything about her pushed down on every fibre of your being. It was primordial.
"But she is also kind, motherly even. Rational as well but I don't believe you can trust her words." She had reworded the deal, done something beyond it and took my price before taking another from Lynn. "She calls herself the devil." And that statement didn't shake me as it first had. She kind of was in a way. The deal was never what you thought it would be and it wouldn't truly work out in your favour.
There was a moment's pause as Azrael clasped his hands together. "As strange as it sounds... I am not entirely surprised." He said the words carefully and I nodded. It was something I think we all needed to learn and understand. "She has shown us time and time again that she is of the dark but I think we can be deceived and deluded by the light she gives off." Azrael let out a heavy sigh and rubbed at his face. "I am sorry for the suffering she has caused your female, just as I am sorry for the suffering of my brother, Luka, and his female Shey." He winced at that but I didn't feel it okay to pry into the words, to find out who they were and why it pained him to mention them.
"The goddess gives and she takes. There is nothing more than that and certainly nothing less." He shook his head slowly. "What did you offer her?" His gaze was intent on me and I shifted in the chair.
"My soul." An offer that she had taken and then changed. She was the devil because she tricked me like one.
"That doesn't seem so bad." Azrael looked at me and I immediately shook my head.
"You did not see what I did." Her punishments were brutal and cruel. That was not something I could envision with a sane mind but she had brought them to reality. I would take my punishment, give her my soul as was my word but I knew it would not stop the faint fear of what my death would bring me.
Azrael leaned forward, there was a curiosity to his gaze that I knew no shifter should ever have about the goddess. "What did you see?"
"A male peeling his flesh from his bones, an elder female walking around and around carrying a gear so heavy it wore her legs to stumps, shifters hanging from the ceiling as they begged her for mercy that she seemed amused by." So many other horrendous sights in her throne room and she had been entertained by them all. "Punishments for the souls who brought their ire upon her, much like I did." I could remember it, her telling me I was tempting that ire, those punishments on my immortal soul. "I will become one of them in my time." It was the future I had to look towards and it ensured I would savour every moment of my life now. I knew I would need the memories to sustain me through her punishments.
"You saw all that.... and still offered your soul for Lynn anyway?" There was a surprising amount of disbelief to his tone that had me levelling him with an even gaze.
"Yes." I would do it again and again and again. She was my miracle, my female, my second chance. I would offer my body, my soul, and my everything if it resulted in the exact same outcome. I could have been told precisely what Mene would do to my immortal soul but I knew I would still offer it all if it meant I got to wake up by Lynn's side in the morning, if I got to taste her sweet lips before sleep. "It is well worth the trade."
Azrael leaned back, a smile dancing across his mouth as he looked at me. "Males tend to talk about what they would do for their females. How they would scream and rail against the heavens and Mene to bring them back into their arms..." He trailed off before he grinned. "You are the first male who has actually done it." There was a heavy dose of respect to his gaze and I could feel the emotion leaking out into the pack link, pressing down on me.
I felt my cheeks heat up slightly as I looked away. It felt almost uncomfortable. No one had ever shown me that type of pride. My father would have called my actions foolish and my mother would have called it idiotic. "I was doing what was right." Save the innocent and I had been done with my life anyway. It was a simple trade off that I knew most people would have taken.
"And I appreciate that." He bowed his head at me, a gesture of respect I had never gotten from my father and certainly not from any Alphas I had come into contact with and it threw me. My wolf was confused but elated at the gesture, he puffed himself up underneath the earned respect we had been given. Azrael's gaze flicked to the doorway. "Aiden, stop lurking in the hall and come in." At the loud words I looked over my shoulder as the young male came in, his expression severe and his chin held high. "What is it?" There was an even calmness to Azreal's voice that showed nothing of our previous conversation.
"I wish to leave to go to Mollitiam." Aiden held his head high, looking at his elder brother with a stern confidence that I had never seen on him before.
Azrael gave him a small nod, his mouth turning up at the corners. "I am sure that would be fine. We will find someone to fill in for you for a few days so you can-"
"No." At the evenly said word both me and Azrael looked at him but Azrael's eyes narrowed as he looked at his youngest brother. "I wish to leave to go to Mollitiam." He repeated the request and I looked between the two siblings as a small silence fell.
Azrael's jaw clenched and unclenched, the muscles fluttering underneath his skin. "I am not sure I am following." There was a heavy sort of wary confusion to his tone that set me on edge.
Aiden shifted on his feet. "I wish to be with Caeda at Molliti-"
Azrael held up his hand, cutting him off. "I understand that, Aiden." He took a deep inhale, his eyes firm on his brother. "I am stating that is it fine, that we can reschedule your duties and find-"
"No, Azrael." Aiden slowly shook his head. "I wish to go to Mollitiam with Caeda, permanently." A heavy silence fell as Azrael looked at Aiden with blatant shock and I shifted in my chair. I was unsure if I should stay or go. The discussion seemed to be a more personal one than a pack one.
The heaviness the air had seemed to grow worse as the two brothers looked at each other. Azrael broke the silence by clearing his throat. "Are you saying you want to leave the pack?" He said each words slowly and carefully, his eyes intent on Aiden.
"Yes." It was such a small word but it held a significant impact on the large Alpha. He immediately shook his head, his expression darkening.
"No." He shook his head harder. "You know I can't do tha-"
"She is my twin." Aiden gave a low rumbling growl, letting the sound loose into the air. My wolf bared his teeth at it, not liking the sound.
"And you are my brother." Azrael's voice grew in volume as he glared at his youngest brother. "She will come back when she is ready." I wasn't aware of what had happened to Caeda but I knew that she had left the pack abruptly awhile before. She had been staying at a neighbouring pack for the duration of her absence. It was something I knew wore down on Aiden, I knew how twins were. They were tied closer than any pack mate and any sibling. It was a close bond and to deny that wasn't right.
"She will never come back, Azrael. Algus was killing her and she won't come back to it. You know this." There was a quiet hostility to the younger male and it set me on edge, a low rumble escaping my chest. My father would have tore into me if I had used that tone on him and I was impressed by Azrael's restraint.
"I appreciate Alpha Niklaus for helping her heal but Caeda will come home." The words were clipped and hard, much like his gaze. It was cold and hostile, just like how Aiden held himself.
"She is home, Azrael and my wolf and I will not stay here while she is gone." There was a bit of spite to his voice as he said it. "Think of this as a courtesy. I will be leaving but it will be either you allowing me or me taking off."
At the words Azrael stood up abruptly, pointing at his brother while his eyes flashed. "If you think I will let you just-"
"Stop." At the soft but dangerous words Azrael instantly deflated, his eyes darting to his female. Lace walked into the room carrying a plate with several sandwiches on it as well as a bowl with steam curling off the contents. My stomach nearly growled as I remembered what time it was.
Azrael stared at his female, his eyes narrowing before he pointed at his brother. "Aiden-"
"Enough." It was said sharply as she set the plate on his desk in front of him.
Azrael scowled. "But I-"
"No." She grabbed his arm, guiding him to sit down and move closer to the desk.
His expression shifted to one of imploring as he looked at his mate. "Lace-"
"I said no." She gave him a sharp look and he hunched forward in his chair as she pulled his lunch closer. She grasped his shoulder. "Azrael, do not let your feelings get in the way of what is right." She bent down, rubbing his shoulder. "He is your brother and you wish to keep him close because you have lost much of your family but to deny him Caeda, to deny him their bond, because of your own feelings is not right." The words were said softly and his expression darkened but she held up one finger and that seemed to be enough to silence him before he could speak.
"You have a choice, to say goodbye to your brother properly and well or to force him to leave with nothing but resentment and harsh words." She spoke softly but evenly and in a tone that had no room for arguments.
"Caeda will come home." Azael looked at Lace, his expression and tone stern but she shook her head in reply.
"No she won't, Azrael." There seemed to be a gentleness to her countenance as she smoothed a bit of his hair back from his face. "I knew this when she left. Gabriel is everywhere here and he haunts her. She won't return to that."
He shook his head, "She just needs time to-"
Lace held up a hand, silencing him mid-sentence. He either feared her or respected her more than anything else to allow himself to be dictated to by her. I didn't blame him if he feared her, I knew I did. "Time does not heal all wounds, Azrael. Her home is with Niklaus and Mollitiam, you must accept that." She stood up straighter, looking down at him with a lazy but nearly pointed gaze. "Let Aiden be with his twin. Let him be there to protect her while you and the family can't."
Azrael heaved out a huge sigh that seemed to force his shoulders downwards. "What about his duties?"
"Mason can take them over." Lace's response was clipped and Aiden shuffled on his feet slightly.
"Without being Beta, he will get fat and lazy, the juveniles will keep him in shape." There was a bit of teasing to his tone that had a small smile crossing Azrael's face.
"Well we can't let him get fat and lazy." He stood up slowly, as if the weight of the world rested on his shoulders.
Lace turned her dark gaze to me. "Lunch is ready, Beta Bastian. Please go and eat." I knew a dismissal when I heard one and stood up, moving from the room as quickly as I could limp. I grabbed my leg and slipped out into the hallway.
As much as Azrael said that Lace wanted nothing to do with the Alpha duties, I could see just how well she was prepared for the position regardless. I went to move towards the kitchen before I stopped and turned towards the front door. I wanted to be with Lynn, after all that I just wanted to savour her being close. I wanted to imprint her into my memories and my thoughts because I knew I would be forced to an eternity without her once we both left our mortal forms behind.
I had made a deal with a devil and I wanted to prepare before the debt was called.