Dear Diary
I know he doesn't mean what he said. I know he loves me. I see it in everything he does. I saw it when I was absent from this world. I saw it in his touches.
But knowing that he doesn't mean what he said doesn't make it hurt less. It is still hurt a lot hearing that he doesn't love me anymore. It hurts me every time he rejects my love.
I know I did that to him. I know I hurt him badly. But I know he doesn't revenge me. He is better than that. He doesn't mean to hurt me.
Why does he do that? Why does he hide his feeling? What can I do to make him trust me again? What can I do to make him let his feeling go?
I was so happy today seeing him. I missed him so much. And when I hugged him I felt how much he missed me. I saw it in his eyes.
Suddenly I don't know what happened. He just got back to his cold heart mask. And reminded me with his stupid conditions. No love no kids. What will he do now when I tell him that we will have a baby? Will he be happy with the news or will he hold on his conditions?
Can he ask me for apportion? OMG no he won't do something like that. He loves kids. He loves me. He can't ask me to kill our baby. I'm sure he will never think about that.
You know he feel something and says another thing. What will happen if he asked you to have apportion? Even if he doesn't mean it. Even if you won't do it eventually. Can you bear to hear it from him? Can you handle the pain? If he asked you to do it.
No I can't. If he says it, I will be hurt badly. It will scar his love in my heart forever.
I'm sure he will be happy with my pregnancy. I'm sure he will love our son. But he feels something and says another. And I can't take the chance to ask me to kill our baby.
I won't tell him about my pregnancy until the first three months pass. I already passed month and half. I will hide it for another month and half. When I get sure he will never ask me for apportion. I will tell him. Not before that.
But he has all the right to know that he will be a father. I can't hide this from him. It is unfair for him.
It is the only way to protect our baby and our love. I had to do it. I love him and I trust his heart. But I don't trust his tongue which saying what he doesn't mean
Dear Diary
I missed this house. I missed being here. I missed her. I missed her laugh, her smell, her smile, everything about her. I never thought I would miss her that much.
For whole week I didn't see her. I felt it as a year not only week. When I saw her running to me, my heart danced happily. When she came into my arms. I felt that I have the whole world between my arms. When she hugged me, I forgot everything and just wanted this moment to last forever. I was content.
Then I remembered everything. I remembered that she will leave me forever one day. If only one week did that to me. What will I do when she leaves me forever?
Every time she gets closer to me. It hurts me more and more knowing that, she will leave me one day. When she hugged me, she woke my feelings for her in my heart. The feelings that I'm fighting and suppressing in my heart.
I love her. I can't deny that. But I don't want this love. I don't accept this love. I don't want to need her in my life. I must learn how to live without her. Must immunize my heart from her love.
I know I hurt her with my words. But I did it to protect my heart. I never wanted to hurt her. But being close to her hurts me badly. I can't take it anymore.
She wasn't affecting me that much before. But after being with her for months now. And after what happened between us a month ago. After having her so close to me. Feeling her body close to mine. I can't control my feeling anymore.
It is hard for me. So damn hard. And she doesn't help me by being close to me or hugging me. She has huge effect on my heart and my body. It is the hardest for me to control it anymore.
I don't know what to do anymore. I can't let my feeling go. And I can't control it anymore. I can't get close to her. And I can't stay away from her.
Help me God. I don't know what to do
Next day
RK was going out to go to his work, when his wife came out from her room asking him to take her with him
"Good morning RK" Madhu
"Good morning Madhubala" RK
"Did you sleep well last night?" Madhu
"Yes like a baby. I missed my room and my bed" RK
"Are you going to my mother's house now?" Madhu
"Yes. I missed them a lot. I will have my breakfast there then I will go to hospital" RK
"Can I come with you? I missed mom so much" Madhu
"Sure why not" RK
"Ok give me ten minutes I will finish changing and come with you" Madhu
They both went to Padmini's house to have breakfast there
"I'm very happy that you came today Madhu" Padmini
"I'm happy being with you mom. I missed you so much" Madhu
"Now your daughter is here you forgot all about me" RK
"Don't say that Rishabh. You know how much I love you" Padmini
"More than her" Padmini whispered to RK
"I heard that" Madhu
"I don't care" Padmini
"So you love him more than me" Madhu faked sad face
"Yes. He is the best son anyone can have" Padmini
"Ok I'm happy that you love him even more than me. He deserves all the love in this world" Madhu
"Wah Madhu all this sweet talking to your husband. You are very lucky Rishabh. Your wife loves you so much" Padmini
"I'm the luckiest mom to have her and have you all as my family" RK
"No mom I'm the lucky one to have a perfect husband like RK" Madhu
"Should I go and give you both some privacy" Padmini
"Mom" RK and Madhu in the same time shouted at Padmini and blushed
"Ok I will shut up" Padmini was laughing
After breakfast, Madhu took the dishes and went to the kitchen to clean them. Her mother came to help her
"How are you Madhu? How is your health?" Padmini
"I'm fine mom" Madhu
"But you look pale and tired" Padmini
"It is nothing mom. I just exhausted myself yesterday" Madhu
"Rishabh is a good man. I'm glad you both are happy now. I'm happy that you love him now and everything is ok" Padmini
"Yes mom. I can't tell you how much I love him. He cares for me a lot. He is there for me whenever I need him. He is the best husband any girl could have" Madhu
"Madhubala come we need to go" RK was called his wife from outside the kitchen
"No way Rishabh. I missed you so much. You will stay just little longer. I didn't see you for a week. You can't leave now" Padmini was coming out of the kitchen talking to RK
"But mom we can't be late for work" Madhu
"I don't care. I missed my son a lot and I want to sit with him for little longer" Padmini
"It is ok Madhubala. We can wait for half hour" RK
"You will stay for one hour. You won't leave before that" Padmini
"Anything for my lovely mother" RK
"I missed you so much" Padmini
"I missed you more my love" RK was hugged Padmini
"Now come. Tell me what you did in this week" Padmini
"Ok I will tell you everything" RK
They both started to talk. And RK showed her his pictures he took previous week. When they finished talking, they noticed that Madhu was sitting leaning her head on the wall and sleeping peacefully