Dear Diary

HIS FRIENDS

"How could you be so understanding? And so caring like that? How could you trust me like that even after seeing those pictures? Any other man could doubt his wife if he saw those pictures. How could you not be angry from me? How didn't you accuse me?" Madhu was crying

"Because you were a victim not a criminal in this situation. And because I was in this situation just like you before." RK said with cracked voice

"What?" Madhu

"Yes, what happened to you, happened to me too?" RK

"What do you mean?" Madhu

"Do you remember when you asked me why I don't have any friends?" RK

"Yes." Madhu

"I'll tell you why." RK

"I'm listening." Madhu

"When my mother left us. My father told me he was the reason. He told me that he was so busy and my mother couldn't take it anymore. That time was the hardest for me in my life. I never had a father/son relation with my father before. He was always away or busy. My mother was my world. She was my friend and my mother. She was the only one caring for me. And I lost her because of him.

I hated him so much for pushing her away from our lives. I hated myself for not being good enough to make her stay with me. I hated everything and everyone. The worst in the world is to hate yourself. I even blamed myself for every mistake I made in the past thinking that if I was a good son she wouldn't leave me.

I spent most of my time depressed and crying. All my friends left me. No one wants to be with the poor kid who weeping all the time. They love the funny kids who can do funny things. Who can tell jokes and play games. But I wasn't. I was completely alone. My mother left me. My father always away from me. My friends got boring of me. Even I hated myself." RK

"Hated yourself. Why?" Madhu

"Because I was not good. If everyone hated me. Sure I'm the reason. I don't know why. Sure, I don't deserve their love. I was sure something was wrong with me. I was sure I was bad. No way were they all wrong. It must be me." RK

"OMG Rishabh. It was really hard for you." Madhu

"Wait it was getting worse by time." RK

"Please continue." Madhu

"Years passed and I was in the same situation. Until my senior year in the high school. I started to look around me. I had no friends at all. I had no one at all. And all the kids in the school were together laughing and chatting having fun. I wanted to be with them. I decided to suppress my sadness to gain my friends again. At least have new friends. I was naive. I searched around the school and chose the most popular kid in the school. I sent him a letter." RK was laughing at his stupid idea

"A letter! What did you write in it?" Madhu

"I asked him to be my friend. It was like a proposal. I even included my picture with it." RK

"You are kidding. Right?" Madhu

"I wish if I was. I was desperate to have anyone by my side. And I thought if I was his friend I would be popular like him and others would want to be my friends too." RK

"What was his response?" Madhu

"He ignored me and my question if he read the letter or not. Then next day I found my picture on the school playground on the dirt with the letter. I understood his response." RK

"What did you do after that?" Madhu

"After high school I tried to get closer to my father. He was the only one left for me. That's why I joined medical faculty to know him better and have more time with him. But that too didn't work out with me." RK