Two weeks later
Life was... settling. More so than before. I was being accepted into the pack, no one ignored me anymore but the looks I did get were enough to make me want to hit someone. If I had known that Alpha Lace forcing me into the infertility support group would have resulted in looks of pity, I would have told her to shove it up her ass.
My face twisted with distaste as I walked around the bathroom, picking up the discarded and used towels. It was one thing to have to deal with the issues I was facing and another to be opened up to the fact that everyone now pitied me. I was a creature to be pitied and Bastian even more so. I was barren and he was stuck with me in a culture that dictated you had large families with many children. It was enough to set my teeth on edge and would make me cry if I let it.
I was coming to terms with not being able to have children, I was. It was hard, so fucking hard, but I was coming to terms. I knew I wouldn't have been holding it together nearly as well without the girls. Having people who intimately understood what you were going through helped a lot in talking about it all. We all had different personalities and ranks but we shared the same pain and sometimes that was enough.
It was enough to look across the courtyard as I felt like I was drowning in a sea of pity to have another woman meet my gaze who felt the same. I had noticed they started to be around more. I hadn't really seen them around before, or perhaps just hadn't noticed them but they would come and find me, ask me if I would like to come for lunch or a social visit. It seemed that we took the motto 'strength in numbers' very seriously. It felt less drowning to be looked at with pity when they were there beside me.
It was also nice to have social contact, to have someone embrace me warmly in welcome or just smile and wave at me from across the courtyard. I didn't feel like a pariah anymore and that was nice. It also helped that with Larissa being so high up in the hierarchy it boosted my status to be seen with her and be on friendly terms. She was the mate of the Delta and as she viewed me as someone worthy of notice, it meant others did as well. They still kept their distance but I knew that had a lot to do with Alpha Lace threatening that she would deal with anyone who caused shit.
Apparently when one wanted to keep their head, they kept her happy. Not that I was complaining, I didn't like petty shit being caused so it was best that they kept their distance and left me far away from the drama I knew was around me. It was very clear to me that this pack, despite how different it was, was just like the others when it came to petty squabbling. Like Delirium liking Aiden and the issues it was causing between her and the other women who liked him as well. If I hadn't been stuck working with her it would have been entertaining to watch. It was like my own personal 'Days of Our Lives' show.
As it was, I was stuck listening to her bitch and bemoan the fact that Aiden wouldn't give her the time of day. It was very hard for me to not tell her to shut up because Aiden didn't give any of the women the time of day they wanted. As nice and funny as he was, he also had a somber and severe cast to him. I had assumed that it was because his twin sister, Caeda, had abruptly left the pack. Either she was blind or playing stupid, I didn't know which, nor did I really care.
I moved into the small laundry room, rotating the laundry around before shoving the towels I had picked up into the washer. I had spent a few hours with the group today and my mood was always a bit down after the sessions. It was natural but it always left me feeling rather tetchy emotionally. I threw the soap in and started the machine before I set the basket down in the pile. I was just finishing up with my shift in the bathhouse and all I wanted to do was find Bastian to just curl up with him in bed. It always made me feel better to do that.
I moved into the main entry where Delirium was tucking stacks of clothing into their respective cubbies. "I'm going to head out for the day." I watched her, waiting for a reply but all I got was a mere shrug of her shoulders. I rolled my eyes at that but pushed it away all the same. I needed to go find Bastian and we were going to go home and relax, decompress from the day, from my group session.
Besides, I didn't really want to be drawn into Delly's drama. My only opinion on it was that Aiden needed to run... very fast and very far away. I didn't think that the younger woman would appreciate me telling her that. I grabbed my jacket and slipped it on as I headed out the door. There was a cold breeze on the mountain and it always seemed to cut straight through me and to my bones. I didn't like it but I knew I had to get used to it.
I moved away from the bathhouse and towards the training grounds. I hunched my shoulders forward, attempting to shield myself from the breeze that was trying its hardest to sneak underneath my collar. It was July, I didn't know why the mountain still had to be so stubbornly cold. I hurried my pace, knowing Bastian would chase away most of the chill. If there was one good thing having a shifter as my technical husband, was that if I ever got cold I could sidle up to him and his high body temperature warmed me up.
It was still a weird concept for me to get used to, I was technically married. Bastian was my husband. It was so strange for me because I still felt like we were in the weird phase of a relationship, trying to work things out. It didn't feel like we were married but in shifter culture we were. It was a disconnect between reality and my brain as it struggled to catch up with everything that had happened. It was slow going but it was coming.
I looked up, my eyes darting around the training grounds for Bastian. I narrowed my eyes at the circle of shifters that stood in the middle of the training grounds. They were cheering something on and I moved forward quicker, not seeing Bastian in the ring. I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach as I shoved through the crowd.
Bastian's wolf hunkered down close to the ground, his back leg at an awkward angle as his hackles were raised to the tip of his tail and his lips were pulled back in a heavy snarl. He looked scared and beaten. My heart lodged into my throat as two males moved forward, one distracting Bastian's wolf and the other grabbing the wolf around the middle and throwing him. I inhaled sharply as he yelped, flailing before trying to get up but failing.
"Fucking useless." One of the males spat on the ground before he and the other moved towards Bastian once more.
"Stop!" My voice felt lost in the cheers of the crowd and frantic panic rose up in me. There was no way Bastian's wolf could protect himself from two able bodied shifters who weren't shifting down. It wasn't fair. I watched as Bastian's wolf struggled to his feet, limping as he tried to crouch down, staring down the two males but his eyes darting around for an escape.
I inhaled again as they started it all over again, picking him up and slamming him to the ground while he yelped and did his best to escape. "Stop!" My voice was just one out of many and my heart thudded hard in my chest. I knew this wasn't training, this was them pushing around a weaker wolf. I bolted into the ring, shoving one of the males. "Enough!" I got between him and the wolf and his barely glanced at me before he swung out with his hand hitting my chest hard enough it knocked the air from my lungs and sent me stumbling, landing hard on the ground beside the ragged wolf.
I coughed, trying to inhale as I grabbed my chest. A still hush followed my hacking as I tried to get air. Bastian's wolf growled low and heavy, his nose pressing to my side, nudging me before the sound of shifting filed my ears. "Are you okay?" Bastian grabbed me, thumping on my back as he tried to help my lungs work properly. He held me close, words escaping him that I couldn't hear as he rubbed my back. Anger rose up in me, sharp and vicious, as I inhaled sharply. My eyes narrowed as my anger caused that tightness in my skin, stretching it over my bones as Bastian helped me to my feet, wrapping me in his arms.
"Send her on her way. We aren't done." The low rumble sent my anger straight to my bones, a molten core grew within me and I could sense the shifter approaching.
I felt so overwhelmingly angry. "I said enough." It was a low hiss and Bastian made a sound in his throat but the hand that reached for him didn't falter. I moved before thinking and the back of my hand cracked across the shifter's face. "I said enough." It was a shout of heated anger and that core moved through my muscles, bulging them underneath my skin. I wanted the shifter wrecked and ruined.
I wanted him to know. His. Place.
I shoved away from Bastian and advanced on him. He blinked at me and I drew my arm back, smacking him again as I bared my teeth my vision flickered in and out as my heart beat in my head. It pulsed against my temple, creating a vicious beat within my mind.
I wanted him to hurt.
I wanted him to bleed.
I wanted him to learn that when I said enough, that it meant enough. I stalked forward, my focus on him as the anger pushed me forward and unseen force guiding me, shoving me like I was being driven forward by the power of an avalanche as I smacked him again. I pushed forward, my anger demanding retribution and pain for the ignorance of my words. A hand grabbed my right wrist as I drew it back and I used my left hand instead and it connected with the shifter's cheek with a loud crack.
I was gathered up, pressed to a chest as my own heaved. "It's okay. It's okay." Bastian's voice cut through the angry thumping in my mind and I wanted to shove him away, wanted to continue to put the man in his place but his arms were tight around me as he pulled me, removing me from the situation. "We are calm. We just need to breathe." He exaggerated his breathing and I found myself mimicking it without meaning too, inhaling when he did and exhaling the same.
He was moving me further and further away and as he did the anger seemed to reluctantly let go of it's heated hold on my bones. It left a strange coldness in it's wake but my heart thumped rapidly against my ribcage, the anger not ready to let it go just yet. "Focus and just relax." Bastian pressed my head to his chest, making sure my ear was over his heart as it beat hard in his chest. The pace was too fast, as if he had exerted himself or stressed himself out.
I continued my breathing, only focusing on that and Bastian's heartbeat as we moved. I became aware that we were entering a building and the steamy air let me know it was the bathhouse. Bastian slowly loosened his grip on me, letting me feet sit more firmly on the ground. "Are you okay?" He bent down, cupping my face in his large hands as his eyes met mine.
"I'm fine." I was perfectly fine other than the fact I still wanted to go hulk on the shifter who tried to defy my words. Something in Bastian's gaze let me know he didn't believe me and I reached up, pulling his hands from my face. "I'm fine." I stressed the word before looking him over, noting the new bruises and cuts he had. "It's you I'm worried about." That was not training, that was brutality poorly disguised as training.
"My wolf was being too pushy. They were trying to show him his place." He said it low and with gritted teeth. I knew it grated on him to have his wolf and himself degraded as a lesser wolf, to be shoved and beaten down by those of lower ranks.
"Doesn't excuse that behaviour." The anger snapped around my stomach, sinking it's claws back into me and had me taking a step towards the door. Bastian grabbed me quickly pulling me towards the counter before he yanked my shirt over my head without much warning. I yelped as my arms were forced over my head and my bun was messed up from the quick action. "What was that for?" I glowered at him and he ignored me as his hands moved to my pants. My cheeks fared red as he undid the button and pulled down my fly. I shoved at his grip but he shook his head, making a low sound in his throat, a gleam in his eye that let me know he was savouring what he was doing.
"Need I remind you that this is a public space?" I hissed the words at him, covering my breasts with my arms. I had taken to not wearing a bra and I knew the action of covering myself from his gaze would irritate Bastian immensely. However he didn't react as he shoved my pants and underwear down my hips before hot hands grasped me and pulled me close. I let out a little eep at the action, my eyes wide. "Public space!" I once gain hissed the words and he merely gave me a slow smirk that sent fire through my veins.
I did not need him attempting to arouse me in a public setting while we were both nude. "I like my female." He bent his head down, nuzzling my throat with a low growl as he pulled me even closer. His skin was overly warm against my own and I shuddered at it.
"Your female doesn't like nude PDA!" I pushed against him and inhaled sharply as his teeth scraped across my pulse point.
"In private she does." The sinful way he said it made my cheek heat up exponentially and earned him a swat upside the head.
"Stop!" I glanced around for Delirium and was happy I couldn't see her before Bastian finally let me go, discarding his pants soon after. He didn't say anything as he grabbed my hand and pulled me into the main bathing area. There were some shifters lounging in the hot springs and I looked at the ground, my cheeks still feeling overly hot. I hated it when Bastian decided to get all up close and person in the bathhouse. I wasn't a voyeur or a show off. Any displays of affection I wanted to give, I gave at home. That was where it felt the nicest and where I felt most comfortable. Not in the middle of a public space while naked.
Bastian got into a pool and openly winced as he turned and lifted me down into the water. I gave a noise of protest. "I can do it." I didn't want him overtaxing his leg on my account because I was able bodied enough to step into a pool.
"I like helping me female." Bastian pressed a chaste kiss to the corner of my mouth that had my flush moving from my cheeks to my neck and chest, even my ears felt hot. He moved me so I was sitting before he settled behind me and started to rub at my shoulders, massaging me. I gave a small noise of protest that he shushed. "Let me work this out." I didn't ask what he meant by his words but I had a feeling it had a lot to do with needing to calm himself down. I looked down, noting the red mark on my chest from where the shifter had hit me.
I drew my fingertips over it and inhaled sharply at how tender it was. Bastian grabbed my wrist with a heavy grip and pulled it down. "I would beat him for that but it seems you beat me to it." The words were muttered and I frowned as his hand slid down my back, rubbing at my muscles.
"A few slaps isn't a beating." I couldn't exactly recall how many times my hands had connected with his cheeks but from how my hands felt, it had been a fair amount.
"It didn't need to be. You shoved him down the hierarchy with each one and you hit him quite a few times." At the words I wanted to feel smug. I had put him in his place, that filled me with immense satisfaction. It settled something deep within me that I hadn't realized had been restless. "Which, you will never do again." Bastian's voice was a low growl and I shrugged.
"If they don't keep shoving you into unfair fights, I won't have to keep my pimp hand strong." I would happily slap a few more bullies if it got them to leave Bastian alone for once. Besides, I knew that Bastian's treatment had caused it. The anger that roared through me had been intense and driving, as if it were uncontrollable.
"You are too delicate to do that. He barely hit you and you are going to bruise." He pulled me closer, his fingertips ghosting around the red mark on my sternum that was starting to throb slightly.
I shrugged. "Semantics." It was worth the bruise to knock the shifter down several pegs. I would have preferred to shove him down a flight of stairs for what he was doing but I knew I would have to deal with a few measly saps.
"That is not semantics, Lynn. I want to keep you safe and putting yourself between me and others is not safe." There was a distinct tone of lecturing to his voice as he rubbed my shoulders and then down my arms. "To put yourself into a position where they can challenge you is reckless." He was cleaning me, clearing me of dirt and sweat. He seemed to not even notice the motions as he practically scolded me.
"They were being bullies and bullies need to be dealt with." That was my only firm belief. He could say what he wanted about the dangers of doing so but bullies needed to be dealt with.
"Besides your anger is uncontrollable and is almost... unnatural." He said it softly and I rolled my eyes making a noise of exasperation in my throat.
"If it's coming from me, it's natural, Bastian. You are getting concerned over nothing. They were hurting my male." I made sure to emphasize the words to catch his attention. "I am allowed to be upset at that. If you can get upset of the treatment I get, I am allowed to get upset over the treatment you get." I wasn't about to let that go. If we were to be together we would be equals. If he could be upset over my treatment I could do the same for his. It was only fair.
A silence fell as he continued to slowly clean me off before he grabbed my waist and urged me to turn around. I did so a bit hesitantly and watched him warily as I straddled his thighs, very away of how vulnerable and open I was. He watched me from underneath hooded lids as his hands smoothed across my belly and up my rib cage in firm and confident strokes.
"Beta Mason is stepping down." His voice was low and his lazy, rich brown eyes locked onto mine. "My wolf has decided he wants the position." There was a stillness to him and his gaze that surprised me a bit. He was very firm on his decision.
"That why they decided to use you are a bowling ball?" At the question he nodded before tugging me closer., trailing his teeth across my chin as I shivered. I reached down into the steaming water, my energy surging through my hand and to his thigh as I gripped the scarred appendage. "Then you either let me work on your leg or take me home and ravish me because I can't do both right now." A stiffness entered his body as a low growl rumbled through him before he stood up abruptly, hauling me out of the pool.
"Home it is." I couldn't help but giggle as he took my hand, pulling me towards the main entrance. My stomach fluttered with anticipation of what would come next. Bastian had his flaws, he did but there was one section in life that he never lacked and that was in making me feel wonderful and sated. Currently I was feeling very hungry and I knew he was the only one who could possibly sate the ravenous feeling he had created deep within my belly.