thoughts & stuff

? you said you'd always be here but where are you

it's late at night and i feel alone all over again. it's late at night and usually instead of feeling this lonely feeling i'd be talking to you. but of course i am not. why? well, i wish i knew. i wish i knew why everything fell apart. i wish i knew why it all changed so quick before i could notice. i cried over you. about three times today. one to myself, one while texting a friend, and one while talking over a phone. about how things use to be. and while writing this i'm crying all over again. so many memories and i sit there to ask myself if you still remember them. but it's like i want to talk to you so bad. but i don't know what there is to talk about anymore. i don't know how to say hi anymore to you without and sense of feeling awkward. people tell me change can be good, but what's good about any of this? are you happy? it's weird. i don't know who you are. i don't know who your favorite artist is right now or who your obsessing over this week or what your least favorite class is or how you're feeling or if you still like that one band you just couldn't stop talking about. i don't know you anymore. and it hurts to say that. it hurts saying i don't know you. it hurts seeing you with faded memories playing in my head. it hurts hearing your voice. i hate this.