Healing Gabriel: Chapter Fifteen
〒|〒Evan's POV〒|〒
Let Satan reign winter.
I had absolutely no idea how Gabe could love snow so much. It was like he was a little kid again, hopping around in the fresh snow in excitement. In just an hour the blizzard had created a white fluff on the grass that was hard to trudge through without snow boots, which was precisely what we were doing. Stupid, I know, but it wasn't like we were planning on camping out here . . . at least, I think we weren't. Judging from the way Gabriel was interacting with the snow, I wouldn't doubt it if he did insist. Anyways, neither of us were dressed in the proper snow gear: no gloves, no scarves, no coats (we had two sweatshirts on each) . . .
But Gabe did look really adorable in his hat. It was a furry faux gray animal hat; usually I found that only a certain number of people could pull them off, and trust me, he was one of them. I watched him fall backwards into the snow, making me chuckle.
The blizzard had eased down some. Dusting off some snow from a chair in his backyard, I took a seat on it. As I watched Gabe begin dragging snow onto his lap, I felt myself warm at the thought of him finally being mine. Okay, I guess he wasn't exactly all mine to claim since I hadn't even asked him to go out with me yet, but . . . Come on, do you really think he, of all people, was the type of guy to go around kissing whoever he'd like?
No, of course not; that would be someone like Adonis, the cocky so-called Greek model Gabe and I met what seems like forever ago in Pop's bathroom. Jeez, I wonder what that creep was up to.
My lips couldn't help but form a small smile as I remembered when Adonis got a little too close to Gabriel's liking. He must've had a hard kick; the model didn't seem like he'd be walking the catwalk anytime soon.
Running my hand through my hair to brush some of the snowflakes out, I glanced up at the sky, licking my bottom lip once as I remembered the feeling of his lips against mine. Sadly, it wasn't a make out session filled with the hottest guy-on-guy action out there, but it was instead the beginning of a relationship that promised the former.
The softness of his lips were constantly reliving its actions across my own. If I hadn't been focusing my entire being on him for that one second, I'd have never even known that he'd kissed me. It was tentative to an entire new level, but yet it felt like it lasted in an eternity in some ways.
I wanted more of him. So, so much more. I wanted to taste him, all of him, just like any partner in a relationship would. I wanted to hold him, to touch him, to go places with him. I wanted a lot of things from him, I realized, but I had to keep keep one thing in mind: Staying in his comfort zone was all I could do; it was the key. I couldn't strain our budding relationship. Patience, loads and loads of patience, was a skill that was about to be tested to the max with me. By getting myself into a relationship with someone as, disturbed, I guess, as Gabe, was like walking across a lake with a thin blanket of ice covering over it.
How could I be so sure that it could bear my weight?
Rubbing my left temple with my index finger, I focused my gaze on Gabriel. He was staring up at the darkening sky, snowflakes as white and pure as him showing vividly against his dark eyelashes. I thought about the color of his eyes, an electric, piercing gun metal blue, that when looked into hard enough, showed his broken emotions flailing around inside him amuck.
Alright, fine, I'll admit it.
Being in a real, intimate relationship with Gabe was going to be difficult. I could only do things on his terms; no random act-of-the-moment stunts were allowed to be pulled. Maybe one here or there, but I couldn't go all Magic Mike on him.
Not yet, at least.
Though Gabe would be somewhat difficult because of the way his mind was set, my kitten was hard to not adore. I find it difficult to stay away from him. He's addictive; the innocent shield around him slowly was regaining its shattered pieces. Besides, I couldn't just give up on him now. I wanted him, that I knew for sure. I wanted to help him open up more to the world, to see that it was possible to get better; he just needed to keep up with it.
Since the first time his sanity slipped, leaving his mind vulnerable to tempting thoughts, I almost lost him. Sure, I will admit that he's gotten much better, but I still didn't know if I could fully trust him by himself in case another major trigger went off in his head.
Shivering from the thought of losing him rather than the cold, I gave my head a shake to clear it. Yes, I was positive I wanted to stay be with him. I wanted to open his eyes and show him he didn't have to be afraid of anything anymore; nothing could hurt him.
From the first time he showed up at my house, giving me a brief explanation about his past, I had promised him that I would protect him. And, as the Higher Power as my witness, I would forever stay faithful to that first promise I made to him. I know I was young; some people may say I was far too young to be dealing with someone with a serious past such as Gabe's.
Leaving him alone after how lively and accustomed he's gotten to me just wasn't an option, though. And I felt it was my duty to care for him and show him that there was far more to a relationship than just the physical stuff.
"Evan!" a gentle voice trilled, taking me from my thoughts. I lifted my head from my hands. Gabe was looking at me, a mild brightness to his usual darkened blue eyes.
"Hmm?" I asked, rising from my seat as he motioned me towards him.
"I want to make a snowman," he said, looking up at me. "Can you help me?"
"Sure," I said, unable to say no to him. He rose from the ground.
"Okay, but our gloveless hands might get cold sometimes from the snow. So whenever they do, just do this." Gabe took both of my hands in his own, clasping them and letting a soft air of warmth leave his lips.
"What if other parts of my body get cold, too?" I asked. His head tilted up; I quickly pressed my forehead against his so he couldn't look away.
His cheeks turned pinker than they already were. "Then you'll have to do without them. Frostbite is a pain, I heard."
"You're a pain. You're supposed to keep me warm; I'd keep you warm if you were cold."
He laughed, playfully pushing me back. "As if," he scoffed.
"You doubt me?"
He must've sensed the dare in my voice. He shook his head, no, opening his mouth to speak, but I already had him down in the snow. He gasped in surprise, tensing in my hold but trying to calm his muscles down. I held him close to me, keeping him warm in the snowy blanket encasing around us.
"Stop it, you're ruining the perfectly fallen snow," he complained softly, trying to squirm out of my arms, but I didn't release him.
"You're so cuddly," I gushed, earning a flustered sound from him. "Why are you trying to run away? I thought you looovvved snuggling with me?" I nuzzled my face against the crook of his neck, making him giggle at my playfulness.
"Evan . . ." He whimpered softly, making me look up. There was a certain look in his eyes, something mixed with fear. Before it could get worse, I quickly sat us up and pulled him closer to me.
"You're okay," I murmured against the top of his ear. "There's nothing to be afraid of. It's only me."
"I know," he mumbled quietly, sitting back in the snow. A silence passed between us, the only sound available being the gentle wind.
"Come on," I suddenly interjected, not wanting him to be so still as he thought of what he always thought about. "That snowman isn't going to build itself."
Gabriel looked up from his lap and offered me a timid smile.
Whoever said building a snowman was easy needs to sit in a corner and really think about what they just said. I was having the most difficult time rolling the bottom part of the snowman; not to mention, my hands were freezing. Gabriel and I huddled together several times to warm our hands and noses. He was doing much better than me at creating the head and middle part of the snowman's body.
Artist these days, you know?
"Ugh," I grumbled in disgust as half of the snow fell off my ball.
"You're doing it wrong," Gabriel giggled shyly, looking at me from under his eyelashes.
"Well, aren't you a pro or what? Teach me, oh wise one," I said, sarcasm in my voice but a hint of annoyance in it as well since I couldn't roll a simple ball in the snow.
"Here," he sighed, coming over to me. He kneeled down in front of me and scooped up my pathetic excuse of a snowball in his hand. He shaped and rolled it in his hands, packing more and more snow into it, a patient movement in his motions that I'd forgotten.
"See? Now, you try," he said, placing the basketball sized snowball carefully down in front of me.
"Okay. But it'll be awful." He didn't respond. I tried to do what he did, messing up a couple of times, but in the end, the tennis ball turned into something like a small boulder.
"Good job," he trilled, taking my hands in his and warming them without me having to say anything. I smiled, taking his hands in mine and putting them to my lips, kissing his knuckles. Turning red, he pulled away from me, hiding his face in his hands in embarrassment.
"Why are you so shy?" I asked, tilting his head up and uncovering his hands from his face.
"Because. We're boys and you're kissing me like a princess."
"But you are my princess."
He hid his face in his hands again, making me laugh. "Stop it," he whined, looking at me through the space of his fingertips.
"Stop what?"
"Stop being so sweet."
"I'll stop when you stop being so adorable."
"You're being so cheesy right now."
I offered a geeky grin which he responded with a purse of his lips and the slight furrow of his eyebrows.
"Come on," I said, ruffling his hair that went uncovered by his hat. "Let's finish the snowman before we freeze."
It only took a couple moments to stack the parts of the snowman up. We found some sticks to use for arms, pebbles for the mouth, and, surprisingly, acorns for the eyes. Gabe insisted on using an icicle for the snowman's nose because carrots were too mainstream. In half an hour of searching for these parts and attaching them to our new snow friend, the tall man made of snow was finished.
"He's so cute," Gabe said, reshaping the back of its head to make it rounder. "But I think it needs something . . ." Gabriel took off his furry hat and placed it on the snowman's head. It was a perfect fit.
"Should we name it?" I asked, smiling at his childishness. I ruffled his hair to get some of the falling snowflakes out of it.
Gabriel paused for a moment, his whole body going still. Oh, no, what'd I do? I hadn't meant to upset him. All I asked was--
"Of course we should name it," he whispered, not looking at me, but I could hear the slight strain in his voice and feel the haunted look in his eyes. "Everybody needs to have a name to them."
Deciding against pressing on, I cleared my throat to get his attention. He gave his head a slight shake before turning back to look at me, a smile on his lips again. "What should we name it?"
"Umm . . ." He thought for a moment, that infamous expression of his posturing his face as he thought. "Aha! I got it." Finding another stick and breaking the end of it to the size of a pinkie finger, he carved a small name in the snowman's back.
"Gabrian?" I asked, a small smile decorating my lips in amusement.
"It's our names put together," he said in a bit of a sheepish tone. I smiled bigger, wrapping my arm around his shoulders. His muscles tensed as usual whenever I touched him, but quickly began to relax.
"Come on, let's go inside. You seem cold."
"I am not cold," he insisted, keeping his feet firmly planted in the snow.
"Your lips look almost blue."
He licked them as if to warm them up, making me recall the kiss again. Though the show of affection didn't even last as long as a normal peck on the lips would, it was a show of lots of progress nonetheless.
Turning to face him, I laced my arm around his waist, pulling him a little closer to me. "Do you know how warm I could make you if you'd let me hold you?" I murmured, leaning my lips close to his as I spoke.
His cheeks, though already flushed from the chill, seemed to redden even more as he tried to get a little space between our chests. "Not as warm as hot cocoa would be," he mumbled, making me let out a breathy chuckle. "Come on, let's go inside. I'm cold."
I gave him a droll stare and an eye roll not long afterwards. He left my hold and lead me back towards his home, not letting go of my hand as we went back inside his house. Once we were in the kitchen, he turned around in an abrupt manor, making me bump against him a bit.
"Want some hot cocoa?" he inquired softly, backing up some.
"Mmm, that sounds really appetizing right about now," I agreed, taking a seat at the kitchen table.
He nodded his head, getting out two mugs, milk, and hot cocoa mix. As I watched him flutter around the kitchen, I noticed he was shivering. Suspecting it be from the cold, I told him he should go change into something dry.
"But I'm fine," he said simply as he put a mug into the microwave.
"Gabriel . . ."
He sighed, coursing his fingers through his drying blond hair. "Okay, fine. Only because I don't feel like arguing with you." He left the kitchen, leaving me to listen to his padding footsteps as he went upstairs to change.
When the microwave beeped, I exchanged cups and restarted the time for the next one. Going to the fridge, I found a bottle of whip cream. With a glance inside the kitchen cupboards, I found the last two ingredients: Marshmallows and sprinkles.
Doing the same thing to both cups, I dropped a few small marshmallows into our hot mugs. I covered them with whip cream, sprinkling the sprinkles on top and dropping a few marshmallows on it as well.
"Holy Danimals Crush Cups," a voice mused, making me turn around. Gabe reentered the kitchen; his eyes were bright but he didn't smile. His usual straight blond hair was fluffed out, still drying. He had on a pair of gray sweatpants and a thin, casual white sweatshirt.
"What?" I asked as I took my shoes off and placed them in the living room. He followed after me, carrying both of the cups in his hands. Eh, I don't know why I made myself one, my throat was bothering me too much to drink something hot.
"This is, like, professional. Look how cool they are! I've never drank hot chocolate like this before."
"Really?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. "My mom used to make these for Dylan and me all the time during the winter when we were kids."
"Lucky. It never got cold enough here for cocoa. Where'd you live before?"
"Anemoi City. That place had the perfect weather. The best springs, the best summers, the best falls, the best winters. Clydesdale is a whole other story, though. It's got the weirdest weather."
He smiled, nodding his head in agreement. "I suppose it does. My old town--" he cut himself off, a certain look entering his eyes. He shook his head a bit, as if trying to erase the memory. "Never mind," he mumbled, setting the cups down on the coffee table. He went over to the fake fireplace, turning it on to get the heat going, probably sensing I was cold as well. TV remote in hand, he set it down between the two mugs and sat down on the couch, between me and the giant teddy bear I got him. He cuddled up against it, sitting in its lap and resting his head against its protruding overly stuffed belly. He looked so much younger than he was; if it wasn't for the old, broken look his pupils showed, I would've thought I'd been fawning over an eighth grader, freshman at the oldest.
"I had fun tonight," I said, lowering my voice some to fit the serene mood that was beginning to fall over the room.
"Me too," he agreed, taking the warm cup of cocoa in his hands to warm them.
"Did you have a good Valentine's Day?"
"It's Valentine's Day?" he asked with a surprised look, as if he'd forgotten. I gave him a weird look, which he replied with a breathy laugh. "Oh, yeah. It is V-Day. Well, yeah, I guess I did. It's a lot better than my past ones were."
"What'd you do for your past ones?"
"Sit in my room and hate everyone who had a relationship while crying because I knew no one would ever want me." He stared down at his whip cream, as if the thought was embarrassing to him. I couldn't help but chuckle lightly.
"I want you. Does that cheer you up some?"
He gave a small nod of his head, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips. "Actually, it does."
A brief silence passed between us as we sipped small doses of our cocoa. Finally, I asked him something that'd been messing with my mind for a quite a bit. "Remember when you said you liked me, and then I said that's a good thing, and you said 'No, it's not'?"
Gabe nodded his head, remembering the scene from long while ago.
"What did you mean? Why wasn't it a good thing?"
"I can't give you a normal relationship," he whispered simply. " I don't want to lead you on or give you false hope."
"But you kissed me earlier."
He looked at his lap, the fringe of his hair covering his eyes. "It was just a spur-of-the-moment thing," was all he mumbled. Another silence.
"Well . . . I once promised myself that I would make you mine. I hope you don't mind."
"Did you really?" he asked, hints of surprise on his face.
"Of course." I used my free hand to brush his fringe out of his eyes. "Who wouldn't want someone as wonderful as yourself?"
"There are plenty of names available that wouldn't want to deal with someone such as myself."
I rolled my eyes, shaking my head, no. "Gabe, you can't be thinking so lowly of yourself like that. You're a wonderful person to be around, really. You have no idea how much Slater, Jurnee, Axel and Alana all miss you sitting back at our table."
He let out a slight scoff, looking at the fireplace. "Technically, that's my table you guys are sitting at . . . " When all I did was roll my eyes, he continued. "I doubt they miss me. They were the ones who hated and picked on me the most, aside from Alana."
"I know. And I chewed them out for that. But they're always talking about when you're going to sit with us again. They miss you." His eyes met mine. "I miss you."
"Sometimes you have to distance yourself from people. If they care, they will notice and be bothered. If not, you know where you stand," he murmured, as if quoting something out of book.
"Who said that?"
"Not sure," he said simply. I continued stroking the side of his face with the pad of my thumb. He was watching me steadily, a calm look in his troubled sapphire eyes.
"Did you know Valentine's Day is one of the days with the highest suicide rates?" he suddenly asked. An embarrassed look flashed through his eyes as his cheek went pink. "Oops, I didn't mean to say that aloud . . ."
"No, you brought up a good point," I replied, retreating my hand from his cheek and holding onto my mug instead. "That's another thing we have to talk about. Jumping to irrational ideas."
His cheeks went pinker. "It was stupid . . . I was stupid. I'm sorry it happened."
"Suicide doesn't remove the pain completely, Gabriel. Instead, it spreads it to the people who love you."
"I know that now."
"Do you?"
His eyes dimmed a little as he placed his creamless mug back on the coffee table. He stayed quiet.
"Why did you do it?" I whispered, trying to hide the hurt and sadness in my voice.
"The thought of ending my pain didn't seem so bad anymore," was all he said, his voice equally quiet and slightly choked sounding.
"There is always another way out," I continued. "Suicide is never an option."
"Why did you save me?" he suddenly asked, training his eyes on mine and making me hold still. Why did I save him? Hell, I didn't even know the reason my self, to be quite honest. I thought about that for a while, trying to find a deep, meaningful answer, but all I could come up with was this:
"Because I care about you."
He glanced uncomfortably away from my eyes, gulping slightly. Suddenly, he crash hugged me, burying his head against my chest. Thank God I had placed my mug on the coffee table, otherwise we'd have first degree burns all over ourselves.
"I know that now," he whimpered softly, making my eyes water in the slightest bit. Suicide, my Gabriel had attempted to commit suicide . . .
"I can't promise to fix all your problems, but I can promise that you won't have to face them all alone," I said, holding him closer to me. His body was twitching, faltering between tensed and relaxed as we held each other.
"That's all I could ever ask for from you."
"I'm not leaving you alone tonight," I whispered to him as the heat of the fireplace began to settle in. I was leaning against the bear's head, Gabe in the crook between my lap and the bear's leg.
"I hope that phrase covers all nights we'll be sharing in the future."
I smiled against the top of his head, brushing my finger against the back of his hand. The room was warm; both of us had stopped shivering, except for Gabriel's occasional quiver because of our extreme closeness. Besides that, we were comfortable, still, and tired, the soft hum of the TV above the fireplace in our ears.
Just as my eyes shut, I felt a pair of soft boyish lips press against my cheek.
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Note
Omgomgomgomg adorable ending I know. Go show Evan and Gabe some of your everlasting love by leaving a comment, a vote, and maybe even a fan! This update came much much much much, 94849349837439834 times quicker than my usual updates do, so be thankful! XD See you guys at the next chapter
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