I was silently fuming. What was Aisu keeping from me? Aisu, who I trusted more than anyone. Aisu, who my life seemed to revolve around more and more. Aisu, who was breaking my heart unknowingly. I felt as if I was going to cry. There was a hollow, empty void where my heart should be, and I could hardly focus on anything. Was this heartbreak? If so, I never wanted to love. I never wanted to put myself out on the line. There was too much out there that could shatter my heart. Besides, once your heart is broken, do you ever find all the little pieces again?
I shook my head and walked into Base, my heart pounding, my palms sweating, and my mood rapidly deteriorating. What I needed was some time along, a little bit of venting, and a few hugs. Yeah, you heard me. Hugs. H-U-G-S. Even scary Sacrifices need them once in a while.
As I stalked down the hallways, glaring at the floor with immense hatred, I bumped into a solid person, and stumbled backward. I glared up the person who stood while I was pushed backward. "Gee, thanks." I said, glaring at Kallen.
"I see you eyesight is getting better." Kallen said, helping me from my half-fallen position against the wall. I frowned.
"Is that some sort of joke?" I hissed. "I can't even see in color in one eye!" Kallen gave me an apologetic, slightly pitying look. "Don't pity me!" I spat. Kallen shook her head, her gold-hazel eyes slightly amused. I growled.
"I only meant that your vision seems to be better. You can see farther, correct?" I nodded, sighing.
"I'm sorry for snapping at you. I'm just so fed up with people these days." Kallen carried on as if she hadn't heard me.
"It's a pity about your eye though. I can't imagine the colors you're missing." I gave Kallen my continue-talking-and-you're-dead glare. Kallen shocked me with a large smile, which for some reason was directed at me. I shook my head. "Let's go for a walk, alright? Tell me all about these people." I rolled my eyes with irritation. Talking was the last thing I wanted to do right now.
"Fine." I said, barely holding back a venomous tone that threatened to spew out. Kallen almost literally dragged me through the halls back the way I had come, and by the time that I had reached the blinding light of the outdoors, I wanted nothing more than to rip her pretty little head off. "Will you stop dragging me?!" I hissed, my anger flowing off of me in waves.
"Hm... how about... no." She said, her voice filled with good humor. Humor, that I, a very pissed off teenage girl, did not share. AT ALL. "So what's bothering you, snowflake?" She asked. I blanched.
"Snowflake?!" I exclaimed, my voice rising several octaves.
"Yes, Snowflake." She said. I opened my mouth several times to tell her off, but couldn't find the heart to do it. "So, are you going to tell me, or are you going to sit there impersonating a guppy?" I promptly shut my mouth.
"It's just..." I said, my gaze drifting to the trees as we passed the grassy area.
"You and Aisu hooked up and now you're pregnant? Kid, learn to use protection!" Kallen exclaimed. I paled, then flushed, then paled again.
"NO! No, no, no that's not it!" I said rapidly. Kallen rolled her eyes, clearly laughing at me in her head.
"Well if you aren't pregnant it's probably not worth worrying about." Kallen said smugly. I snorted.
"Yeah, because you have so much experience in this area?" I said.
"No, because if you were pregnant, I'd have to put up with your mood swings and strange cravings and I don't think Aisu is man enough to do it, " Kallen winked, "... if ya know what I mean..." I flushed, paled, and flushed yet again.
"Uh..." I said.
"It's okay, Snowflake. You can tell me. Is he inexperienced? Not very good?" I could've given a lobster a run for it's money right then.
"N-no... that's not what I'm gonna tell yo-" I started.
"Oh, so you mean he out-does you? Is he great?" What the heck? "Snowflake, cheer up, you may have hit a jackpot." I blanched, and turned beet red.
"K-Kallen this really isn't something I want to talk abou-"
"Darling, it's okay. tell me honestly. Is he man enough for you?" I have Kallen a what-the-freaking-heck?! look. "Does he satisfy you? How often do you hookup?"
"Kallen!" I exclaimed, embarrassed beyond belief. "What the heck!"
"Do you want any tips? Cuz I know a guy down in Interrogation who'd be willing to show him a move or two!" Kallen said, her eyes glittering.
"Kallen!" I said, yet again.
"Please tell me you say his name better than you're saying mine..." She said with a sigh. Seriously, what was up with this conversation?
"Kallen, Aisu and I aren't having sex!" I yelled, loud enough for almost everyone to hear. I suddenly blushed as about ten people glanced over at me. Kallen elegantly raised an eyebrow.
"It's okay darling, you can tell me. How many times? Are you late?" I felt my eye twitch and my hand curl into a fist. Oh my freaking God.
"Kallen, I'm serious! We aren't doing anything like that!" Kallen laughed at my pleading face. "It's just that Nerr and Aisu were talking about me, and I don't know what he's hiding from me!" Kallen smirked.
"Snowflake, he's not cheating on you, don't worry."
"For the love of God we aren't dating right now!" I hissed.
"But you'd like to, am I right?" She said with a wink. I facepalmed. "Don't worry, he's not hooking up with Nerr. You're safe in that department. I have a feeling you'd keep him very busy." I flushed.
"Kallen!" I said, flushing wildly.
"As entertaining as your conversation is, we'll be interrupting it. Indefinitely." A tall teen with eyes the color of chocolate and hair the color of grain walked into the clearing, followed by several men, and a girl around our age, who's glittering sky colored eyes and angelic blond hair gave her the appearance of an innocent child.
I drew my sword and bared my teeth. "You better go back to where you came from, boy, or I'll skin you alive, and your parents will be devastated." I hissed, ice dripping from my voice.
"Please, girl, I'll kill you in an instant." The boy drew his sword and raised it, aiming for my heart. I held my sword up.
"You wish, pup. I will make you regret ever being born!" I growled and stepped forward. The boy stepped forward as well and our swords clanged loudly.
"Stop!" Kallen said, her golden eyes wide. She pressed her palms against our chests in an attempt to separate us. "Don't fight!" I glared at the boy with the same hatred he looked at me with.
"Stay out of it, or I swear I will roast your falcon for a good dinner." I said pressing forward. The boy did the same, his eyes filled with bloodlust. My inner Alpha begged for me to let it rule, for it to wreak havoc.
"Stop it, please, as a favor. Just this once!" Kallen said, her eyes wide and pleading.
"Never!" I yelled. "I'll skin him alive, Kallen!" The boy stopped instantly.
"...Kallen?" The girl whispered. The girl stepped forward and I lunged for her for a moment, before I turned my attention back to the boy. "...Kallen is that really you?"
"Celia?" Kallen said. I growled and pushed forward.
"Kallen!" I growled, "Let me kill him, please." I said, my Alpha beginning to take over a bit.
"No! That's Xander!" The boy named Xander's face paled quite a bit.
"Please, Kallen, the Alpha wants it so badly." I said, grinning at the thought of spilling blood.
"Look, you owe me. This makes us even." She said, her eyes pleading. I growled.
"Fine." I spat. "I have to go, before I kill somebody." I shifted in midair, growled menacingly at Xander, who took a step back, and darted off. I needed to hurt someone. My little 'chat' with Kallen hadn't helped me at all, Aisu and Nerr were busy talking behind my back, and I knew Archer needed a break from me. I had no idea what to do as I ran into the woods.
I growled and snapped at anything that passed me by until I tried myself out and sat and snarled at all the little birds that surrounded me. I shifted human and had a small inner chat with the Alpha about how it was NOT alright to want to kill everybody. "Snow?" Kallen's voice called.
"What?" I said, my voice crisp, angry, and hurried. Kallen stepped into view. Leaves adorned her midnight colored hair, and her gold eyes wavered with something similar to uncertainty.
"I-I think I have a few things that I need to explain a few things to you." Kallen said, wringing her hands nervously.
"Damn right you do!" I said, growling and baring my canines. Kallen eyes me critically, as if trying to judge how angry, violent, or intolerant I may be. "Start explaining, bird-girl."
"You see... I kind of.. know Celia and Xander. From Provence Nine." I rolled my eyes.
"That much was obvious, genius." I hissed.
"Celia's father used to secretly heal me after I was Sacrificed. She'd come and help him, and she became my friend." Kallen said softly. "Celia and Xander were promised to each other, and they didn't find out until several years ago, in their early teens."
"And how did you meet Xander?" I asked tiredly. I was honestly so tired that it wasn't even funny. "There was one Sacrifice, a 'practice one', when the doctor couldn't make it, and neither could Celia. I was bleeding all over and was half-dead. Xander, he came down and he fixed me up. He cleaned my wounds out and bandaged them." I snorted softly but nodded.
"After a while, a guess you could sort of say that I... fell for Xander. I was going to tell him. I had half a mind to, until I saw them come down the steps together, almost hand-in-hand. They told me that they were engaged, that they were supposed to get married." Kallen said. She actually sounded heartbroken. And this was my earlier point. What was the use of love if it just breaks your heart?
"So what now?" I asked, staring at the sky hatefully.
"They'll come back later, without their guards. I think we can get them to join." Mentally I frowned. What was the use of having them? We had soldiers. We had skilled people. I sighed. I guess another few helping hands wouldn't kill us.
I was still angry. I hadn't found out anything about what Aisu had told Nerr. What right did he have to keep things involving me, away from me? It was my business! The sky was clearing out, and the first few stars began to twinkle in the twilight. I hated them.
Why was it fair that such pretty, celestial stars were always admired? They were admired from near and far, and were so pretty, so hopeful. And then there were things like me. Silly, earthbound things that would fade with time and would be forgotten like the times of old.
I was envious. Some people had things so easy. It was all clear-cut. Like a diamond. My life was like onyx. Dark, gloomy. I could never see the future, and I could hardly see the past. Why is it fair that some get all the luck, and the rest of us grovel for scraps?
Kallen announced that she was departing and I let her go without a word. Leaves crunched beside me and I instantly recognized Aisu's scent. I then frowned. "What do you want, Aisu? To talk about me behind my back again?" I asked coldly.
"I thought you were there earlier." He said evenly.
"I was." I stood up, fuming. I stood as tall as I could, and even though Aisu was clearly taller than me, glared him straight in the eye. "Next time you have something to say about me," I spat, "say it to my face."
I turned to walk away, my eyes watering with unwanted moisture and my heart feeling like snapping. Aisu grabbed my hand, and I cursed him silently. "Look, let me explain." He said.
"Explain what?!" I said, my voice raised. "Do you hate me? Is that it? Fine! Hate me then! Just do talk about me behind my back, for the love of God, that's all I ask of you!" I was crying now, and I couldn't stop.
Aisu looked at me sadly brushing the tears from my face. I snapped my face away, not wanting him to see my weakness. "Shh." He said softly. "I don't hate you." Aisu wrapped his arms around me gently. "I could never hate you, Snow. Never." I wanted to shriek. I pounded my fist against Aisu's chest angrily and just let loose. I screamed and I cried and eventually I just stopped. I couldn't do it anymore. I was too tired.
I sniffled and held onto Aisu like the world was ending. "Look, Snow. Do you see the stars? You're like the stars to me, like the moon. You light up the night for me, the everlasting night. You sparkle and glitter in my eyes, and it makes me a little bit sad, because you're unreachable. You're unattainable."
I wanted to bawl my eyes out again, but I didn't have any tears left. Aisu's hold tightened. "I just... I want to reach you. I want to- connect with you. But everything stands between us." He said. I felt something like a raindrop land on my face and looked up at Aisu.
He was crying. It made me so sad that he was crying. I smiled shakily and wiped his face with my dirty fingers. "If you keep trying, I promise, you'll reach the stars, Aisu. You'll reach them." Aisu walked me back to our room. Before I went to sleep, I gave him a soft smile, and kissed him. "You'll reach stars. I promise."
For once, I fell asleep smiling.
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Hey guys! Sorry for the late update! I promise to update more often this summer! Woohoo!
Until Next Time,
October/Fallen