GRAYSON
I can hardly hear their muffled voices through the walls. I look at Ethan as he sits on the rocking chair besides the kids cribs.
"Grayson we need to talk" Ethan sighs his head hanging low.
"About what?" I look at him.
"About Christina"
"What about her?" My eyebrows furrow concerned.
He stays silent for a good moment.
"Ethan"
"Her dad abused her and her brother Grayson. He beat their mom and raped her too. He beat their mom so bad she lost their younger sibling while she was pregnant"
I cover my face with my hand. Can this get any worse? (a/n sadly yes)
"How do you know? Did she tell you?" I look at him.
"No. I looked into her"
And for some reason that really drives me over.
"ETHAN! Oh my god" I run my temples together not knowing how much worse this'll get.
"I just thought she was hiding something. Like what if she did something bad and didn't want us to know about it. Until I read the files on her. Gosh I wish I had just trusted her" he turns and looks out the window hanging his head.
I sigh. He only looked into her to protect me. That's the main reason he does things now. To protect me.
"Ethan. I'm happy that you care about me but Christina isn't going to hurt me"
"I know that now"
I look at him one last time before giving him a hug. Opening the door I can hear Christina and Christians voice become clearer as I walk down the hall towards the living room.
"BE. You can't get mad or freak out" I hear Christina tell Christian.
"Christina tell me, dime" he tells her
"Cameron wasn't the only one who raped me" i stop.
My heart starts to ache as I don't want to hear what I'm about to.
"What are you saying?" Christian says.
"Dad raped me, too. For years"
Tears start to form at the bridge of my eyes causing my eyesight to become blurry. This is why she didn't want to talk about what happened. My tears stroll down my rosy cheeks as I put the pieces together.
"Christina. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I couldn't"
"Look at me"
She looks up at him slowly after a few seconds.
"When did it start and how long did it go on for?"
"It started when I first turned 10 and didn't end till he went to prison"
I hold my hand to my mouth trying to keep it closed. Tears leave my eyes as she finally looks over at me. I swear for a moment, but only a moment, I could finally see her pain and suffering through her eyes. As if I was no longer looking at her, but at her. Like I was looking at the person she has been hiding from me. The person she was afraid to show me. Because she feared that if she did I wouldn't love her. But I do. I always have and I always will. Nothing can ever change my perspective of her. She is, and forever will be, my sunset and sunrise. She is what keeps me sane.
I remember the nights I'd wake up to her screams. Night terrors she said. But she never told me what they were about. I always assumed it was not much of a big deal but now I know it's connected to her trauma and her pain. It's connected to everything she's ever suffered. She has had one of the worst lives possible and yet she managed to fight through it with all of her heart. I don't know how yet she did. She lost everything all at once and was forced to live with that fact. It's shows how much she's willing to fight to live her life happily. She deserves to be happy. She deserves everything this cruel and sadistic world has taken from her. She's been forced into this life and sadly she is yet to make it to the light at the end of the tunnel.
I know she fears that I see her differently now. And yet all that I know doesn't change how I view her. She has always been the same beauty I've lived with these past years. No one knows how much I've come to love her. Not only as a person who's gone through so much suffering and loss but as a woman with so much strength and love. I've come to love her not despite them but because of them. Everyone who doesn't know or see her the way I do can tell you she isn't strong. And yet she is. With everything the world has forced on her she has walked out with a smile and hope for what the world will throw at her next. She is strong. She always has been.
All this time I thought I only knew Ella but deep down I've always known Christina, too. They are both in one. They always have been. In Christina's mind they are two completely different people but to me they are to same. Ella's attributes have been based off of Christina. I notice every single detail about her. Even if no one else does. People say you notice everything about the person you love. And I do. I've always noticed the little things she does. And I admire her for them. Such as when she smiles her nose scrunches up for a split second or when her lips seem to start to dry she licks them to keep them wet and moist. Or when she hears her favorite song when she's driving she taps her fingers lightly on the steering wheel to the beat. Or when she's sad she tries her best to make others around her feel better even if she isn't feeling the best. Or when she's happy she'll stride around everywhere practically jumping and smiling. Or when she watches her favorite shows she makes snarky, rude or funny comments about the characters she hates and loves. I notice everything even if she thinks I doesn't. I've always payed attention to her. And that's how I know Ella's always been Christina. That's why even after she was raped she was still the same to me.
In her mind Ella was her safeguard. The one person she could to go to feel okay. The one person she believed to protect her from all the traumatic things she's experienced. But Christina is Ella. No matter how much she denies it, they are the same. They always have been and always will be.
I hope she sees and I don't see her any differently than when I first met her. The moment I laid eyes on her I knew she was the girl for me, and she still is. She'll always be mine despite what everyone believes. I care for her too much. There's not a thing I wouldn't do for her. I'd move heaven and hell to make sure she happy and safe and loved. And she'd do the same for me. She's been the same girl since day one. Since Pop's Diner. Oh how I looked into her gorgeous green eyes that day and fell for her immediately.
I hope the feeling was mutual then. At least I know the feeling is mutual now. We both care for each other, so much so we don't realize when we hurt each other. We don't hurt each other purposely. But still we do. I want to protect her at all costs but how far am I willing to go to protect her and our kids? However far I need to. Even if it means being on the verge of losing everything to keep everything. Because I refuse to lose her. I just can't lose her. Not after everything we've been through. She is a part of me now and if I lose that part of me I don't know what I'll do. I don't know if this time I'll be able to recover myself again. Not again.
***
How come Grayson's reaction to what Ethan had to say wasn't bad?
Why didn't he say anything when he heard what Christina said?
Why does he refuse to lose her?
Why won't he be able to be him again if he loses her?
Why does he remember their past together?
Why does he want to protect her?
Who will he protect her from?
~
~
~
A/N
I had a good schedule and then didn't update for a whole week bc my Apple ID and my phone was disabled so I couldn't really update. But not here we are finally!
*
Gosh I love how Grayson loves Christina :,)
(Sorry this chapter is short though)