•••••••••••••• chapter seventeen •••••••••••••
My heart was beating fast as I walked away, suddenly regretting this whole night. Parker kissed me, and I kissed him back. My whole relationship with this kid has been getting rockier since the start.
Or...
Maybe I was overreacting about all of this. Maybe I could turn on my heels and walk right up to him and—
No.
No, that's wrong.
I barely know him or anything about him.
Besides, how can I have a relationship with someone when this college is kicking my ass, not to mention the boys would too if they found out.
Oh God, the boys. I wonder if they saw me.
I'm dead, I am so dead! They'll kill me.
I furiously wiped away the tears in my eyes as the song ended and the crowd clapped. I let my hands guide me through a sea of people as I made it back to the table area. I kept my eyes on the ground, which in hindsight wasn't a good idea because I ended up crashing into someone.
I look up to see the hard chest I bumped into, and my eyes went wide.
Benny grabbed my shoulders to keep us both from falling over.
"Woah, P, where's the fire?" He chuckled. It took a moment before he saw my puffy red eyes and instantly flipped into overprotective brother mode. His smile quickly faded and I could feel his grips on my shoulder tense up.
He grabbed the side of my cheeks and turned my head in several directions, making sure I wasn't bleeding or bruising.
"What happened? Why are you crying? Did someone hurt you? Who—"
"Benny!" I snatched his hands away. "Please not now, okay?"
I tried to walk away before he grabbed my arm and pulled me back.
"Penny, slow the hell down! Tell me what happened."
I sighed, knowing there was no way out of this jam. He'd go to hell and back to get me to spill. There's no use in trying to delay the inevitable.
"Everything is happening so fast. I just— I can't keep up." The words fell out under a chuckle, and I couldn't meet his gaze.
"What?" Benny's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
I don't know to make sense of what I'm feeling. It's like I want to like Parker but there is some deep asshole of a monster inside of me that's telling me that it's not a good idea.
Maybe my brain knows it's not just about Parker.
Maybe it's about how fast I was thrown into a life I didn't want. Maybe it's about Wadlington, and the classes, and the people constantly whispering whenever I enter a room.
It just seems like the past 2 weeks have been so rushed and adding a rushed relationship into the mix would only make everything worst.
Everything around me is going warp speed.
I feel like I'm running in slow motion and if I can't keep up, the world will move on without me.
I wipe more tears from my face, knowing it was no use.
"I just can't do this right now."
Before Benny could protest, I snatch out of his grip and bolt for the door to the hotel. Fortunately I make it without getting stopped by anyone else.
I make it outside, with nothing around me except for an empty red carpet and the parking valet.
I pull my phone out of my clutch and call a nearby Uber.
It arrives within a good five minutes and like that, I'm going home.
***
(17) Missed Calls
(43) Unread Messages
(6) Voicemails
(3) Snapchats
(8) Messages from Facebook Messenger
I eventually turned my notifications off, not bothering to really reply to any of them. By the time I'd made it back to my empty dorm, my phone was burning from everyone blowing it up.
I walked into my room and flopped onto my bed, kicking off one shoe after the other.
My phone rang next to my ear, sending a familiar tone to scorch my brain. I groaned and flipped it over, to see a surprising caller ID. I pressed answer and held the phone to my ear.
"Hello?"
"Penelope Grace Weaver, what the HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Jay screamed at me from the other line.
I sat up on my bed, confusion sprawling amongst my face.
"What?"
"Benny called me, about to have a damn heart attack, saying you took off from some charity dance without so much as a 'see ya later, alligator'?!"
I rolled my eyes before putting her on speaker and placing the phone on my dresser. I unzipped my dress and slid out of it, then rummaged through my doors to find something more comfortable.
"A lot happened tonight, J." I sighed as I pulled out a pair of sweatpants and an old 'Vote For Pedro' shirt that I'm pretty sure I've had since 9th grade.
"Well, will you care to elaborate? Because I swear to God if Benny sends me one more mass text I'm sticking my foot so far up his ass that he'll—"
"Parker kissed me." I interrupted.
The line was silent for a moment.
"Parker? Parker Lassiter? The one from the Lion's Den? How? Doesn't he live in Tampa?"
As I slipped the pants and shirt on, I grabbed the phone and walked over to my window seat. I heaved a heavy sigh before sitting down.
"Here's the kicker. He doesn't. He lives here, in New York. And plot twist, he goes to Wadlington."
She made a burning hiss noise.
"Yikes."
"Double yikes." I chuckled half-heartedly.
"Well, what's the big deal about a kiss?"
"Seriously, J? I've know the guy a total of about a month and suddenly he's kissing me on the dance floor? And the sad part is that I think he likes me. I can't handle a relationship right now. Especially not with him."
"Jesus Christ, P. Why won't you let something good happen to you?"
"Good?" I scoffed. "How is this good?!"
I could imagine her rolling her eyes; her attitude was bigger than she was.
"Because maybe Parker is a really nice guy and you just won't give him the time of day because of the school, or your brothers, or some other stupid excuse."
"Excuse me, but the school and my brothers are valid reasons to stay away from a relationship with him! It's all so overwhelming..."
"Or maybe if you were, I don't know, not a complete asshole to Parker, he could help you get accustomed to the new school. But you're to busy throwing a pity party about SCAD and your father that you don't see the good that's right in front of you! I know the truth hurts like a bitch but I'm your best friend and it is my duty to tell you it to you straight up. This 'I'm a lost cause who doesn't fit in this bastardly place!' routine is getting tired. You're Penny Weaver, not Jughead Jones, okay? You fit in. You are blessed, P. I know it doesn't seem like it because it's not the school you want, but it's true."
"Oh, yeah? And how would you know?" I retaliated, my voice cold.
"You have a family who loves you and would do anything to protect you. You are being blessed with a valuable education, and although it's not the one you want, it's still more than what most people have. And you have a genuinely nice boy who likes you. You have all this great stuff, P. Why can't you see that? For once, pull your head out of your ass and realize this isn't a Netflix Original. Okay?"
My foot tapped rapidly against the floor angrily, but slowed when I realized that Jaylen was right. I was overreacting, about everything. I'm sure being melodramatic is a quality I get from my father.
I let my hair down, letting it fall down my back in waves, before falling back onto my bed.
"Penny?" Jaylen asked, realizing I hadn't spoked for a while.
"Look, I'm sorry if you're mad but—"
I quickly cut her off.
"No! That's not it. I just— I just realize how right you are. Jeez, am I really this oblivious to my own personality?"
"Yeah," She chuckled.
I gave her a half-hearted laugh back before sighing and pushing stray hairs out of my face.
"P, just call your brothers and sister and let them know you're fine. You can decide about Parker some other time."
A small smile tugged onto my lips.
"Thanks, J. You told me exactly what my stupid stubborn brain needed to hear."
"Anytime, P. Gotta go, got homework. Love ya."
"Love ya." I smiled before pressing end call.
I mustered up all my courage before scrolling through my contacts to find Benny, then calling him. The tone rang for a while before I heard voices on the other.
"Wait, this is her calling right now!"
I could hear Benny's voice whisper from the other side of the phone. He was probably talking to someone else.
"Hold up Benny—" Chris' voice came through.
"Chris, shut your whore mouth." He snapped before talking clearly into the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hi." I replied half-heartedly.
"Finally, Penny! Are you alright? Where are you? What happened? Who—"
I was quick to cut him off. He was asking more questions than I could answer.
"Benny, I'm fine. I'm perfectly safe in my dorm. Some things just...happened at the dance that I'd rather not talk about until I'm even sure what I think about it."
He was silent for a moment before i heard him sigh. Knowing him, he'd want to push the subject further, but he knew it was in his best interest not to push anything right now.
"Alright, P. I'm just glad you're okay. You ran out of here pretty quick."
"I know, I'm sorry. I was just really overwhelmed. It might've either been a panic attack or a existential crisis, who knows at this point." I chuckled. "Hey, is Tommy around?"
It was quiet for a moment.
"Yeah, he's talking to Jas. Why?"
I fiddled with my thumbs nervously.
"Is he mad?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper.
"No, Penn. He's not mad. He was just worried. You know how he gets."
I smiled. It was reassuring to know that Tommy wasn't going to completely tear me limb from limb for running off and not telling anyone.
"Do you maybe want to come to my dorm and watch Ratatouille? Like we did with Mom when we kids?" I asked into the phone.
When Benny and I were around 5 or 6, we both had a severe interest in cooking. We loved mixing concoctions to make something tasty. So, my mom would plop us down in the Rec Room and we'd watch Ratatouille on repeat for hours. The movie probably got old to Mom at some point, but to us it was the best thing ever. We didn't let the other kids join. It was just a special thing for Me, Mom, and Benny.
Our special time.
After we watched the movie for the 50th time, she'd let us come downstairs and help her and Tumbles cook dinner.
We eventually grew out of the tradition around the time we were 13. If I could go back and do one thing with her before she did, I would sit down with her and watch that stupidly talented little rat finesse an entire kitchen of professional chefs and make his way to the top.
Inside, I always related to Remy. An outcast in his family who didn't fit into the 'family business'? We were practically the same person.
"I'd love to."
I could imagine Benny smiling from the other line.
I grinned and nodded, although he couldn't see it.
"Awesome."
Knowing I had someone to fall back on when my life seemed to be falling apart was a feeling I never wanted to let go of.
a/n
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-eboni