Slowly chewing the piece of cookie in my mouth, I sigh, looking down at the partially eaten cookie in my hands, "I speak to Wren every now and then, I've heard a thing or two from Olly but nothing from Max since I was last here. Carol, well, she calls at least once a month to make sure her grandson is doing good and says hello on Johnny's behalf but that's about it." Esme looks at me hesitantly "so, nothing from..." before she can finish, our father interrupts her, sternly shouting "Esme!" putting my hand up between the two before they both start getting defensive, "dad, leave it, I'm not emotionally wrecked, I don't need you defending me when topic of Chris arises. I can handle myself" I start, now turning towards Esme "and you, why do you even bother asking? It has been 4 god damned years, I'm probably the last thing he'll be thinking about right now"
"How can you say that when he is most likely the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning and the last thing you think of at night?" She asks calmly
"Because I have something that he doesn't" I reply, knowing I would regret what I was about to say "a constant reminder of what I don't have anymore and will never have again." With that I walk out the kitchen towards the stairs leading upstairs, only to find Seth walking down them once again, as I go to walk past him he grabs my arm, "Whoa, easy there, what happened?" He asks me, genuinely worried. "Nothing, don't worry about it" I say, holding back the tears that threatened to escape.
"Don't bullshit me speedy, what happened?" I looked up to him with pleading eyes, begging him to not make me talk about it "please, Seth" I whisper, barely even hearing it myself. Kissing me on the head, he looks down "Get some sleep, speedy" he starts, making me sigh in relief, "we'll talk in the morning."
After my small talk with Seth, I wander up the stairs and to my old room. Nothing's changed, its all still the same. Two of the four walls were painted white and the other two, black, on the only free black wall, there was a collage of photos, overtaking the entire area of it. Pictures from when I was a kid to when I graduated college, I have a few stray photos of Alex on there too from the last time I was here. To this day, I hadn't really brought myself to take down the photos of Chris and me, or of Chris and Axel, because they were still memories I cherished deeply in my heart, memories I couldn't dream of erasing.
The rest of my room fit in with the colour scheme of my wall, retro, black and white, I remember in high school, I was obsessed with both colours due to the fact that they had no story, it's like seeing things for what they really were or seeing them for what really mattered, there was always some sort of deep meaning behind anything I possessed. The double-doors that led to the small balcony outside, were flooded with white curtains, matching my white, silk duvet that seemed freshly cleaned, the curtains over the doors also matched the curtains that hung on my four-post bed that stood against the white, left-side wall. Opposite, my neatly made bed is a flat screen TV that was mounted on the wall above my chest of drawers. On my draws was a small jewellery box that was once owned by my mother, it was white and gold. Designed by my great grandmother, my mother always told me that the beautiful box was destined to be mine, I don't really understand why she said that and she didn't elaborate on it.
A knock on my thick wooden door brings me back to reality "Yo, Millie, you decent?" I hear the voice of my best friend ask. "Yeah, Trippe" I answer simply, slowly sitting on the end of my double bed. As he walks into my room, Trippe stops for a second as if he'd been wacked in the face with something "Damn, if this isn't a blast from the past I don't know what it" he mutters quietly but loud enough for me to hear. Slipping off my Vans old Skool's, the soft white carpet felt heavenly beneath my worn out feet. As I look down to the floor, Trippe asks "Mills, are you alright? I was just heading to one of the guest rooms when Seth said you looked upset"
"I'm good, Trippe, you shouldn't worry so much, you'll get wrinkle" I remark with a tried smile, "Are you sure?" he utters quietly, kneeling down in front of me "You know you can talk to me, right?" Looking up to meet trips eyes, I nod "Yeah, Trippe, I know"
Putting a hand on both of my knees, he pushes himself up from the floor "Okay the, goodnight my best friend, may sleep captivate you in a way only one person can" He says dramatically as he exits my room, "Hey, Trippe?" I ask, stopping him from exiting "Thank you" He smiles at me, any amount of humour he once had, was now gone and his laugh was replaced by a warm smile and him saying "This" gesturing between me and him "is what best friends are for."
Smiling as my best friend leaves my room, I lay back on my soft bed, my eyes close briefly and slowing but surely, I fall asleep, thinking about he happiest days of my life.
Waking up to what seemed like a distant banging, I reluctantly drag myself out of bed, looking into the mirror that sat opposite me, I notice that I fell asleep in my black skinny jeans and pale blue crop top but thankfully I took my shoes off before falling asleep, knowing my feet would pay for it if I had kept them on. Grabbing my phone from the white bedside table, I walk quietly down the stairs to see who was making the racket on the front door.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming, keep it down, would ya?" I say, making the person on the other side of the door quit their making noise. Turning the key to unlock the recently polished solid oak door, twisting the handle under my fist, I hesitantly open the door "Who the hell are you and why are you making banging on the door at..." I pause looking at my phone "5:12 in the freaking morning, is there something wrong with you? Does sleep hate you or something?" I ask exaggeratingly, when I look up to the person standing in front of me, the scintillating sun blocking his face from recognition.
"Millie?" I hear him say, in an awfully familiar voice
"Holy shit, Wren?" I say stepping closer, holding my hand to shade my eyes from the brightness, pulling the lanky figure into a one handed hug "Jesus, I haven't seen you since Alex's birthday, how've you been?"
Pulling back Wren looks at me "I've been good, speedy, what about you, huh? How's my favourite nephew been?"
"I'm great, he's great, everything is just great, well besides the fact that some moron woke me up at 5 am with his constant banging on my front door" I say to him accusingly "what do you want Wren?"
Putting is hands up as a mocking surrender, "Geez, good to see you too, speedy" he says with a hint of sarcasm "I just got here and my parents aren't home, I was hoping Rick or somebody was awake, I sure as hell did not expect to see you here"
"I didn't expect me to be here either" I say with a straight face "not until 2 days ago anyways." Wren gives me his signature questioning look "What happened?" He asked cautiously, almost as if he was scared to hear my response, "Oh, ya know, the usual, work was boring, Alex wanted to come here for Christmas and oh, I find out that my boyfriend of 2 years has been cheating on me for god knows how long" I say in an everyday, not caring tone. Looking back to the wide eyed Wren, I turn back to the stairs and walk into the living room, knowing Wren was following me just to question everything I just said, "Wait, let me get this straight dick-face Jerry cheated on you?" he asks in pure disbelief "why do you sound so shocked? Things like this happen everyday, didn't you hear Brad Pitt cheated on Jennifer Aniston, oh wait that was like a decade ago but I'm pretty sure I heard something about him cheating on Angelina Jolie too. Shit like this happens to everyone, everywhere" I say to him, "Yeah but a guy like him must be dumb as shit for looking at a girl, subconsciously even, when he's dating someone that looks like you, Millie, you're beautiful." He say with the look of disbelief still on his face.
"Oh well, I guess this proves that my taste in men is pure shit." Wren nods slowly as if realising something he had never thought of before, "Not disagreeing because we all know I'm the better brother" he says smugly, although Wren is attractive, I've never been attracted to him, in my eyes it was always Chris, the grey eyed, brown haired Cowboy not the brown eyed, brown haired man that stood in front of me. Although they share the same gene pool, Wren and Chris don't really shared very many features for example, for as long as I've known Chris he has always been well built on the other hand Wren was lanky and had the body of a runner, long legs, thin body, not much muscle, they are different in every aspect but one, their competitive sense of humour. Rolling my eyes at Wren's usual antics, patting his shoulder lightly as I start walking towards the kitchen "Keep dreaming, buddy" I begin, following along with our usual banter "You want some coffee?" I ask lazily as he follows me into the overly sized kitchen.
"So, Amelia Carson, what brings you back home during this fine season, what's it been, three years?" He asks me while taking a seat on the centre island, I feel his eyes follow me as I walk over to the countertop where the coffee sat, "I just had to get away from there, you know? I felt trapped and betrayed. I mean, I let that guy into my son's life, I welcomed him into our home, I cant help but feel a bit guilty for that too." I respond, pouring coffee into two mugs "You know what makes all this worse, I'm not sad about him cheating on me, to be honest, I don't even care about the idea of him being with someone else and that just isn't right, its like I was just with him... oh my god, I don't even know why I was with him, I feel so fucking stupid right now!" I exclaim, putting the freshly brewed coffee on the counter in front of Wren, who express a dumb-founded look on his face. Offering him a small smile and apology, "Guess I've been holding it in for too long" I observe quietly, taking a sip from my mug. "God, what I'd give to show that asshole a piece of my mind right now" Laughing through the feeling of Deja Vu I get from his words "I swear, you said the exact same thing about Chris 4 years ago."
"Just as long as you aren't pregnant, I'll find a way to hold myself back this time" He says joining in on my laughter "Oh God, the memories" I mutter over my coffee "I still cant believe you actually got the crow bar, were you actually going to kill him?" I ask jokingly. "I came damn close to it, you've always been like a little sister to me and when my asshole of a brother hurt you, I felt like I was to blame somehow" He says, his tone sounding almost guilty.
Putting a hand on his crossed arm, I give him a reassuring smile "hey, there is nothing anyone could have done about it, he was hurting, he lost his best friend..." I speak until I'm interrupted by the glass breaking scream coming from the stool moving against the tiles, "Yeah, he did, and you lost your mother, you didn't run." closing my eyes briefly, I reply with "You're right, I didn't but I also didn't spend almost every waking minute with my mom since birth, I learnt to live without her guidance and strength when I went off to college, he didn't get a chance to learn to live without Axel, it's like getting whiplash, everything moving too fast for someone to handle, trust me when I say, that, can scare even the strongest of people ."
Wren looks at me with a face of disbelief "He broke your heart, why are still trying to justify his actions? Let me ask you this, Amelia, where is he now? Its been 4 years, isn't that enough to get his life back together? So where is he?" Looking at Wren with wide eyes, I'm lost for words. He's right, I know he is. Breaking our eye contact Wren drags his hands through his hair when the vast sound of someone clearing their throat makes us turn our attention to the door leading into the hallway.
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I'm pretty sure this is the longest chapter I've wrote, what do you think of Wren? Do you think he's right? Was Millie wrong to defend Chris' actions?
Picture of Esme above <3
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