TRIS:
I smell fresh air and sweat and mint. I feel something resting on my head. Something rubs my hand. My side, back, and arm, feel like they are on fire. My eyes feel heavy. Someone's heartbeat pounds in my ears- but I don't think it's my own. I sit on someone's ankle and leg, just like in Tobias's fear landscape. Tobias. The smell. The heartbeat. My hand. Sniffles. Not Tobias, too weak. A girl. Christina. It comes back to me. The Weapons Lab. The gunshots.
Tobias. His blue eyes tearing up at the sight of me. Am I really alive? I hear whispers.
"She's stirring." A deep voice. Tobias.
"Let's try to wake her- like you would if she was just sleeping," a shaky, lighter voice but still strong. Christina. "Tris! We gotta go! We have training!"
A deep laugh vibrates through me. "Is that how you'd wake her up during initiation?" Tobias.
"Yah, why?"
"Way to get her up gently," he mutters.
"Well, why start a day gentle if its not going to be gentle?" Christina says matter-of-factly.
"Point-taken. But let me try," Tobias says.
I feel him plant a kiss on my forehead and say, "hey, Good Morning Tris." His hand brushes my uninjured side, trying to coax me into waking up.
My voice comes scratchy but I say,
"Shh maybe if you don't acknowledge it, it'll go away." just as I did this morning- or maybe yesterday morning? I've lost track of time. I smile. I open my eyes to see Christina with her eyes wide and mouth open, and Tobias turning his head around me to look at me; to make sure I'm really here.
"See?" He says gently.
"Point taken," says Christina. "Oh my God, Tris!" She wraps her arms gently around me, obviously holding back not to hurt me. She's shaking against me and I see tears run down her face.
"Hey, its ok, we're ok," I whisper in ear. "I wasn't kidding when I said you wouldn't loose me. I'm not exactly a fan when it comes to giving in." She laughs in my ear, still shaky from crying. When she pulls away, I turn slightly and look up to find Tobias, cheeks blotchy and eyes tearing.
"Hey," is all I manage to whisper before he fits his mouth to mine. He pushes hard and I push back, both of us desperate for the other. I feel tears fall against my cheek, but I'm not entirely sure they are just mine. His hand trembles, as it holds on to the back of my head, holding me in place. My hands, shaking from how intense the kiss is, find the hem of his shirt and slip under it. Up his spine, running over his tattoos, once again feeling his shoulder blades and how his body retracts and expands under me. He is strong. He is mine. I feel his other hand, unsure of itself, not sure where it will hurt me; when to press and when to pull back. I move my hand and find his, guiding him to my left side, at my hip. He laughs against my mouth and pulls me into him harder and harder until the space between us is gone. The pressure of his lips have long since pushed mine apart. I run my hand through his short hair. I am his. He is mine. We are one. It's just Us.
I pull back and look at him. His face is covered in tears. I pull my hand from behind him and wipe his face.
"Hey," I start, already choking on my words, "you know I love you too much to leave you." Tears flood both our eyes and he pulls me into his arms. He shakes so hard I'm scared he's about to pass out or something.
"I love you Tris, and I'm never leaving you like that again. Never," his words are shaky from tears but sure and strong. When he says it I realize: I never want him to leave.
"Good," I say and smile up at him. "Because you won't get rid of me that easy." He laughs and kisses me on the forehead. I rest my head back on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "Hey where's Christina?" I ask, realizing she's gone.
"Well someone should tell the others you're alive; don't you think?" He says. At first I take it as an overdramatic joke about me being 'dead or alive' but the look on my face tells me different. I'm about to ask him what really happened; but I try to turn to face him. My first mistake. I twist and my side feels like it is being torn to shreds. A terrible, gut wrenching scream tears at my lungs. I see black spots in the corners of my eyes.
"Hey don't move, don't move, you're pretty weak, so just stay still," Tobias says trying to reposition himself like its his fault. My side burns. I take my hand that is interlaced with his, and guide it to my side. Tobias puts his hand with his long, narrow fingers along where I got shot, covering practically the entire wound. My side still burns, but not as bad.
"What really happened after you found me?" I say, quietly still wincing in pain as I talk- and breathe.
"I brought you here and they put you on life support. I got Christina and she told everyone. I waited here with you after finding her. She brought everyone down and waited in the hallway until I knew some news and told them. I told them how you lost a lot of blood and probably won't make it," Tobias says, choking on the words, "then they asked if they could donate blood. I hadn't even thought of it but we went to the nurse and asked what your blood type was and figured out who was the same. Me, Zeke, Cara, and Amar did and we all gave some." I feel bad that I took other people's blood but thankful that they would be willing to do that for me- even Cara, after I killed her own brother... More pain. Tobias continues. "They used that to do surgery and get you going. Then, we had to wait for you to wake up. They didn't understand why you weren't and said it wasn't a good sign. They..." His voice is breaking and shaky. "...they said that if you weren't awake in 48 hours, they would... they would..."
"Unplug me?" I say. He just nods. I feel him shudder under me at the words. "Well, good thing I woke up fast," I say. Than I look at him. "How long was I out?" I ask quietly.
"30 hours," he says low.
No wonder he is so emotional. They were about to unplug me.
"Oh," is all I can say.
"How did you do it? How did you survive it all?" Tobias asks.
"Well," I begin, "during the death serum, I just remembered what I was doing it for and who I was doing for," I look up at him. His eyes are closed and he looks upset, his muscles in his face tense. "Hey, what's the matter?"
"I just can't help feeling guilty about how I should have stayed, should have gone for you but I didn't, and now you're sitting in the hospital because of me," he says, his voice fading off.
"Oh my God, Tobias. Don't be an idiot! It's everything but your fault! I would be dead if it wasn't for you!" I'm yelling now and it hurts my side and back. My wounds telling me to stop. But I can't. "If you think this is your fault, you are confusing your guilt with grief- just like you did with Uriah! You don't need to take the blame!" My injuries can't take it. I let out a cry, and I can't stop. Tobias slides his arms under me and has me lie down. He lays with his head propped up on the pillow so I'm laying on his chest and right where his dauntless flames tattoo is. He strokes my hair and rubs his thumb up and down on my shoulder.
"I'm sorry," I whisper.
"You have nothing to be sorry about," he replies, his voice deep and low. And I decide I should continue with my answer to his question.
"After I got shot I was ready to be done. To join my parents, thinking you would survive and move on soon enough. But I realized that I only survived because of you. You loved me when I didn't deserve it. You told me you would be my family. And I realized that you wouldn't have someone like that. I know, I will never do as great as you do, but at least I could save you from the pain. Then I thought of how much guilt tore me to shreds and didn't want Caleb to go through that. And I didn't want Christina to loose all 3 of her first Dauntless friends- considering I'm practically responsible for two of them already," I choke on the words. More tears.
"You know, you're right. You would never be as good at comforting like I am. Because you would be ten times better and you are already ten times better of a person than I will ever be. I'm not sure how I even deserve you," he says. My hearts swells and tears fill my eyes.
"You don't know how many times I've thought that about you," I answer and I tilt my head up and meet his lips with mine. I guess that's why we work. We sharpen each other. We watch each other's back. We love each other. And somehow, I know we always will.
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Team Gale or Team Peeta???