Chapter 8 (who cares)
I feel like giving up all the time. I know I'm not good enough to be around, and I have nothing to give or to get. It's like I'm invisible.
I feel like for the past 3 years all people have done is give up on me, why shouldn't I give up on myself? Everyone is trying to help me stay above water when the reality is I'm already 3/4 of the way under.
Lately those thoughts have been overwhelming me again, and I don't know how to get rid of them. I feel lost in more things than one. Everything is slowly slipping away. My friends, my family, my life.?! I know that if I give up, I give up on the people at least I care about, my life, and my future?! But what is my future? Do I even have a future to look forward to? But then I think, who cares.
People don't understand the hurt I've gone through, the fear I have that people will leave me, hurt me, screw me over like they have been for years. Nobody understands what "I'm here for you" really means. Because in the end, I'm still alone.
I'm thankful for Hayden and all he's tried to do for me. Nobody has ever spent this much time on me before and it feels nice. I can't let myself get attached though. It won't stay like this forever and the sooner I face the facts, the sooner I can move on.