My heart aches so bad...my tears won't stop from streaming down my face.
Hindi ko maatim na titigan ang katawan niyang nababalot na ngayon sa dugo habang dinadala siya papasok sa emergency room. "Hey, stop crying..." Marahang tinapik ni Ricco ang balikat ko. "Everything will be alright." Hindi ko alam pero kahit paano ay gumaan ang pakiramdam ko nang dahil sa sinabi niya, not because it was the words needed so someone could easily ease the pain, but the sincerity on how he said it.
Words said wouldn't be appreciated without the sincerity of the one who said it. Kahit gaano pa man kaganda ang bawat salitang bibitawan mo, kailangan mo pa ring ipadama na totoo ang sinasabi mo.
"Cry until you're no longer in pain." Isinandal niya ang ulo ko sa balikat niya. Hindi ko rin mawari kung bakit ganito na lang ang sakit na nararamdaman ko, probably because unti-unti na akong napapasok ng pagkatao ni Ysabelle.
"But Belle, your dad..." Halos masapo ko ang noo ko. Goodness! Paanong nakalimutan ko panandalian ang daddy ni Belle. I should be chasing the killer right now. "Paniguradong hinahanap ka na rin nila." Dagdag pa niya. I got carried away by unknown feelings. I'm still Zerina.
Habang palabas kami ng hospital ay muli kong nilingon ang emergency room. Please let him be okay.
Hindi na kami bumalik sa venue at sa halip ay dumiretso kami sa bahay, maraming tao sa labas pa lang. I know what happened, sigurado na akong hindi na naagapan pa ang daddy ni Belle. Nilingon nila akong lahat, their eyes talked to me, they were sorry for me...because Belle lost her dad.
Hinanap agad ng mga mata ko si Tita Carina. She looked so pained right now as she found the way to my eyes. For the first time, I saw her that way, looking so fragile and miserable at the same time. And now I realized things, probably she isn't that bad at all...probably she hated me for she was jealous of seeing my mom in me, and it's too obvious that she loves dad (Belle's father) so much.
For a moment I didn't get afraid of her. Ang mas ikinagulat ko ay nang lumapit siya sa akin para mayakap ako. "We lost him." I heard her weakest voice. Ganito, nagmahal lang din siya at pakiramdam niya ay hindi naibalik sa kanya ang pagmamahal na binigay niya. This is probably my advantage as the writer of this story, I get to know more about the character's emotions.
"I'm sorry..." Hindi ko alam kung ilang beses akong nagulat sa puntong ito. "I will take care of you, don't worry." What is happening? Tila ang pagkagulat ko ay napalitan na ng kaba ngayon. I don't want to judge her character but how am I supposed to trust someone or even entrust myself to someone who've caused Belle so much pain. "Nandito lang ang mommy Carina mo." And that sent me shivers down my spine. God. She's creeping me out right now. Seryoso!
I understand her situation but how will I convince myself to the sudden change.
While the funeral is held, I tried to keep an eye to those who are coming and leaving. Of course! The killer must be just here for sure...ganoon naman talaga diba. Usually, they will check if they made everything smooth and clean.
Nakakainis lang kasi! Possible na kung sinong bumaril kay Steele ay siyang bumaril din sa daddy ni Belle. Pero sa mga taong naririto sino kaya? "Belle..." Napaigtad ako sa gulat nang tapikin ni Mang Rigor ang balikat ko.
"Po?" He smiled at me assuring me everything's gonna be okay. I smiled back although my brain's flying somewhere else. I don't know why, but for some reason my heart started beating so fast, nanindig maging ang mga balahibo ko.
I looked at Mang Rigor, I saw how his mouth talked but I can't hear what he's trying to say. "Hija, magiging okay din ang lahat..." Sa dami ng sinabi ni Mang Rigor ay iyon lamang ang narinig ko. How can people say everything's gonna be alright when you felt like that it won't no matter how you try? Time heals the pain as people would always say, but if you think about it, you don't wait for the time to heal everything, the pain, you should go cheer up and help yourself heal the pain alone.
When your heart got broken, it stays there. What you can do is to not wait for someone to fix it, but rather make it fix yourself, you need no one to fix it for you, sometimes you just really need yourself. It's your heart, your pain and brokenness to begin with.
"Thank you po Mang Rigor." And that's all I've got to say.
Lumabas muna ako sandali para mas makapag-isip pa nang mabuti. Belle's dad is really a great father and a great man, sobrang daming nakikiramay ngayon. "Ate...ate..." Adolf tried to pull the ends of my black shirt. "Who killed daddy?" I saw pain in his eyes. I must have been luckier or Belle rather, kasi mas matagal niyang nakasama ang daddy nila but Adolf, he's still young.
"I will know soon, don't worry..." I whispered to him and pulled him for a hug. He nodded, hoping what I said will really happen. I'll make sure of that, before this story ends I must name who the killer is. Sabagay, it was my mission to begin with.
Dinala ko muna si Adolf kay Tita Carina nang makatulog na ito sa balikat ko, she's being extra nice to me since the night Belle's father got killed. I'm doubting her, but still I have hopes for her, na sana hindi siya ang killer.
But I'm the writer, I made sure to show the readers how much Tita Carina loves Belle's dad, only that she is jealous...jealousy will really take you somewhere far from you personality...
"Thanks Belle, you should go home for now, you still have class tomorrow. Take a rest first." I smiled at Tita Carina and nodded. Sinasanay ko ang sarili ko na magiging ganito na talaga siya hanggang sa pagwawakas ng story na ito.
Sana talaga totoo lahat...sana hindi pagpapanggap lamang. Masakit kasing malaman na sa bandang huli, ikaw ay pinaniwala sa mga bagay na akala mo talaga ay totoo, masakit maloko...lalo pa kung natuto ka nang pahalagahan ang taong mismong nanloko sayo.
Hinanap ko si Mang Rigor para sana magpahatid pabalik sa bahay kaso hindi ko naman siya mahanap. I tried to look for our car.
"Oh my God!" Napatakip ako ng bibig ko nang makita ko kung anong nasa harapan ko ngayon, hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko ngayon. Our white car is covered with blood...at ang mas nakakatakot pa rito ay ang nakasulat.
I'm not sure if it was the blood used or just red paint but still this is too much.
It says.
Y O U A R E T H E K I L L E R
In all capital letters. Was the note referring to me? Sinadya bang ako ang makakita nito. Mas lalong tumindi ang kaba ko nang may batong tumama sa may paanan ko, nababalot ito ng puting papel. I immediately picked up the stone covered with paper, tsaka ko nilibot ang tingin ko sa buong lugar.
Walang ibang tao. Kung iisiping mabuti, masyadong mabilis ang galaw ng totoong killer at isa pa, what if hindi lang naman pala talaga siya nag-iisa lang. What if dalawa sila? Tatlo...hindi ko alam, I'm trying to remember who the killer is, hindi ko rin matandaan kung mayroon ba talaga o baka pinag-iisipan ko pa lamang noong mga panahong sinusulat ko iyon.
YOU KNOW WHO THE KILLER IS! LOOK AT THE MIRROR AND IT WILL TELL YOU!
Shit. Mas lalo pa akong kinilabutan sa mga binasa ko. Did Belle kill his father? Hindi ko matandaan na ganoon ang nangyari. Before the event, nakausap ko pa si Belle, she asked who the killer is? Doesn't make sense right?
Imposibleng siya ang killer! Ang gulo. At bakit ako? Wala na nga akong maalala sa mga nangyayari rito.
Pinakalma ko muna ang sarili ko bago lisanin ang lugar na iyon. I took a taxi and went back to the event place. Tumayo ako sa lugar kung saan ako nakapwesto. Inangat ko ang tingin ko. Shit! I just saw a pair of eyes intently looking at me.
Mabilis kong tinahak ang daan paakyat sa technical room na iyon. Shit. I suddenly hate these stairs. Kinalampag ko ang pinto, it was locked! Where are the keys? Keys...I need keys... Napapikit ako nang mariin at nag-isip kung saan ko pwedeng makuha ang susi rito, my heart skipped a beat when I opened my eyes, there are keys on my palm. Hindi ko 'to napagtuunan noong nakaraan, pero mukhang may bagay akong nadiskubre ngayon?
Just by thinking about the thing I needed during emergencies like this, ay mapapasakamay ko agad, ano mang oras ngayon.
At least I have this kind of advantage, probably to protect myself.
It's easy for me to trust people, to give all my trust...but not in a place like this.
Nang mabuksan ko agad ang pinto ay hinalughog ko ang buong kwarto, there are these things for technicals, but I can't see the man with those pair of eyes! I'm sure it's a man... pamilyar sa akin ang mga matang yun, pero hindi mabigkas ng mga labi ko kung sino.
Masasabi ko kaya ito sa oras makita ko siyang muli? "Miss anong ginagawa mo rito?" Unfamiliar voice caught my attention. Nilingon ko agad ito, I was expecting someone, pero mukhang staff siya rito. "Paanong---"
I don't want to be rude, pero mas dadami pa ang tanong niya kung sasabihin ko ang dahilan kaya umalis na lamang ako. Mabuti na lamang at hinayaan niya ako. Palabas na ako sa venue nang makabangga ko si Ricco.
Namilog ang mga mata ko! What is he doing here right now?
"A-anong ginagawa mo rito?" Hindi siya makatingin sa akin nang diretso. Mas lalo lamang dumudoble ang kabang nararamdaman ko.
"I'm checking you out. You might do something stupid." Still, hindi pa rin siya nag-aangat ng tingin sa akin. Bakit ganun? Siya ba? "Anong ginagawa mo rito?" Pagbabalik tanong niya sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung paano sasagutin ang tanong niya.
"I was wondering how you came here." I said out of nowhere. Hindi ko rin kasi mapigilan pang sabihin ang kung ano mang nasa isip ko. "Bigla-bigla kang sumusulpot." Ani ko sa kanya. Tumalikod siya mula sa akin.
"It's because you're doubting me now." He said as he walked away. Binalak kong sundan siya pero hindi na magawa pa ng mga paa ko.
The background changes. I was in the funeral for a moment, I was in the hospital afterwards. I saw Steele and he disappeared, I'm in our house again. The sun sets, the sun rises. The night was filled with stars, the moon shines so bright. There were no stars one time, it's like rain will start pouring. The wind blew my hair. My clothes changed. I am now in my school.
It says one month later...
I'm still not in control of everything in here.
Dahil wala naman akong choice kung hindi ang makisabay na lamang sa kung anong takbo ng story na ito ay nagmasid-masid na lamang ako sa paligid ko. Natigilan lamang ako nang mapansin ang munting tili ng mga kababaihan nang makitang paparating ang grupo nina Steele.
Agad akong lumapit kay Steele. Para sana kamustahin ang lagay niya dahil wala akong ideya sa nangyari sa isang buwan na iyong lumipas. "Steele..." Umalis ang mga kaibigan niya para siguro bigyan kami ng oras mag-usap pero hindi ko naman hiniling na ganoon, dahil walang kaso naman sa akin kung nandito sila.
Isa-isa nilang tinapik ang balikat ni Steele. Napakunot naman ang noo ko. "Steele...are you okay?" Damn. I want to slap myself for asking an awkward question.
"Who are you miss?" Halos malaglag ang panga ko sa naging tanong niya. Huwag niyong sabihing nagka-amnesia 'to!
I don't write someone having amnesia, because that's the last thing I would ever want to happen. I never really wanted someone to have an amnesia. It hurts to know knowing the person you cared and loved you so much forget you that way. Kaya imposibleng nagsulat ako ng part na nagka-amnesia si Steele. Pero ano 'tong tanong niya sa akin?
"You're kidding, right?" Inayos ko ang suot kong eyeglasses, I have a new one. Inisip ko lang palang magkaroon nito kanina, in an instant I already have it on my hand.
"You like me?" Ngumisi ito sa akin. Mukhang nagka-amnesia nga ang loko! Ang sarap lang bangasan ng mukha nito, pero naalala ko na ganito ang takbo ng story kaya dapat lang na sabayan, sundan ko na lamang.
Hindi ko nga sigurado kung ako pa ba ang maituturing na writer nito. "You always visit me in my dreams, you seem so different." Namilog ang mga mata ko sa sinabi niya. "You told me you're not Belle..." Hindi ko alam kung paano ako magre-react. "Who are you miss?"
I tried to laugh.
Pero mas lumapit lamang siya sa akin. "Ilang beses na Steele?"
"I can't remember when it started. One thing's for sure, you were always in my dream..." Tumitig siya sa mga mata ko. "...that I realized I'm already falling."
By that time, I know it's wrong. I know it's a wrong idea, to like, to fall in love with a guy who's only existing in your imagination, to a guy who will only exist in a book and to a guy you know you will never have the chance to bring to your own world...to the reality.
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I apologized for the late update! Thank you for patiently waiting :) Happy 3.1k+ reads, 660 votes and 1.4k+ comments. You are all the best! *sending hugs and kisses*
11/3/17
#TYW