For the last few years I have been dating Tony Bennett off and on, we haven’t really made it official but I haven’t dated other people either. I wasn’t sure why we haven’t made it official I guess we were just happy with the way things were going. Making it official just added unwanted pressure and we were fine the way we were, I did however know that I didn’t want anyone else.
I couldn’t provide him with much and I think that is what held me back a little, Tony deserved the world and I was constantly broke. I worked hard as a fireman but the wages were not great and I could barely afford my mortgage and car let alone giving Tony the world.
I know that I can give him more love than anyone else can because we know all of each other’s faults and we are still together. I love him and I have been working extra shifts lately so that I can ask him to move in with me. Tony works too but he is a mature student so only works part time, he lives in a small dingy flat and I want to be able to support him.
He has no idea what I am planning and so he has been upset with me lately because I am spending a lot of time at work. I don’t want to hurt him but I think it will be worth it in the end when he can say goodbye to that flat for good.
I have decided to spare a few hours and a small bit of my savings to take him out for something to eat tonight, it’s not his fault if he doesn’t know the truth. He is not being petulant he just wants to see me and I feel flattered by that, maybe I could even tell him the truth tonight and we could make this official at last.
I looked around me at all of my team mates lounging around the room waiting for a call out, Pete was in the corner on the stove cooking us all lunch and David was handing out drinks. They were all like brothers to me but we had to have that kind of bond because we put our lives in each other’s hands on every job.
I was in a world of my own thinking about it when my closest team mate Danny sat beside me and clicked his fingers in my face effectively pulling me out of my trance. He looked a bit concerned as he sat and watched me until I smiled in reassurance, I was tired there was nothing else wrong in fact life was good right now.
“Hey Carter, you have been sitting in a trance like that for over a week what’s up?” He asked.
“Just tired mate it’s all of the extra shifts I am doing.” I smiled.
“Well he better bloody appreciate all the work you have put into this surprise for him!” He grumbled.
“He will. You know Tony he isn’t spoilt he just misses me that’s all.” I replied.
“Well if he doesn’t kiss your feet for this I am going to smack him one.” He chuckled now.
“You’ll have to get through me first.” I playfully nudged him and he rolled his eyes. “I think I am going to go call him, keep me some grub.”
He slapped me on the back as I stood up to leave the rec room and find somewhere more private to call Tony. I walked into another room pulling out my phone as I walked and hitting speed dial, Tony’s face showing on the screen as it called through.
“Hey Carter.” He sounded tired.
“Hey babe, you sound tired rough night?” I asked.
“Yeah there was a fight at the bar and three people puked everywhere it was vile.” He yawned.
“Look I am going to let you get some sleep it’s only ten am but I just wanted to apologise for not being around lately. I have a surprise for you and I was wondering if you wanted to meet up tonight?”
“I can’t I am sorry. I am meeting someone else tonight, it’s a long story but he is called Hugo and I promised I would go for a drink with him.” He said.
“You’re seeing other people now?” I asked hurt.
“No it’s just a few drinks, I will see you tomorrow and I will explain the whole situation ok?” He yawned again.
“Ok if you’re sure?” I questioned.
“Don’t worry Carter ok, it’s just drinks. I will call you tomorrow ok?” He replied.
“Ok I’ll see you tomorrow and don’t forget I have something to tell you too.”
“Ok bye.” He said hanging up.
The rest of the day dragged by, my happy mood completely vanishing. I trusted Tony and we weren’t official so I had no right to hold him back but I thought we had a mutual understanding. I just hope that it hasn’t been one sided this whole time and that I have read everything completely wrong, I hope I haven’t missed my shot.
I wonder who this Hugo is? Sounds a bit poncy to me, he better not try anything with Tony otherwise I will find him and… do absolutely nothing. Tony isn’t mine and if I didn’t act soon he might never be mine either. Hugo whoever he was had every right to make his move but I will be damned if he thinks I am not going to put up a fight.
It’s just drinks he promised me. Pulling my head out of the clouds I focused on my job, Danny was eyeing me suspiciously clearly aware that the phone call hadn’t gone the way that I wanted it too. I didn’t want to talk about it though, he already had his reservations about Tony and I didn’t want to prove him right. Tony hadn’t done anything to warrant Danny’s feelings toward him, he only whined because I wasn’t around much.
I went home after my shift and pulled a bottle of Peroni from the fridge and downed half of it in one go. The cold sting as the beer hit my teeth and mouth soothed my mood and I finished pulling another out as I put the empty in the bin.
I didn’t feel like sitting around and wallowing in self-pity so I showered and changed, then forced Danny to come to a bar with me for a few drinks and some food. When we walked into the bar I reeled back as I saw Tony with a very handsome stranger, this must be Hugo.
I looked over without bringing attention to myself taking in Hugo’s appearance, he looked tall and slim with messy brown hair and green eyes. He was wearing what looked to be a very expensive suit and shirt with the top few buttons open to reveal a tuft of fine hair.
He looked like a model and he looked rich, powerful almost. A regular Mr Big. The first thought that came into my mind was ‘SHIT’ I can’t compete with someone like that. Tony wasn’t superficial, he wouldn’t date him just for the money but he was struggling and the comfort that Hugo would provide for him could be what he is looking for.
I looked to Danny panic on my face and I left the bar quickly, if Tony saw me he would think I was following him and I didn’t want that. Danny came out after me asking me what the hell I was doing and I told him to come with me. We went back to my house to drink and I explained the whole situation. Was I looking too far into this? I mean I had pretty much planned Tony’s life with Hugo and this was the first night they had gone out.
If Tony wasn’t looking around though why hadn’t he asked me to make it official? Why was he waiting for me to ask or was he just with me until something better came along? Too many questions were spilling from my mouth and I could see Danny getting more and more annoyed with me.
I flinched when he punched me on the arm and told me to calm the fuck down. Tony loved me and that anyone could see it, then why couldn’t I? He told me to trust him, he said it was just drinks and that’s all it would be tomorrow Tony would come round and I can make it official just like I planned to. I took a deep breath and nodded my agreement to him, he pulled a few beers from the fridge and handed one to me.
The rest of the night was spent with Danny trying to take my mind off my internal struggle to accept that I could be good enough for Tony. He wasn’t like that, he never asked me for anything before so why am I so strung up on the fact that he may not want me because I am not loaded?
The next day as promised Tony came around after my shift and we spent the evening together. I didn’t bring up my surprise I wanted to be sure that Hugo was no longer in the picture before I embarrassed myself. I also didn’t bring up Hugo I waited to see if Tony would tell me and after a few hours he explained how he had met him.
It was a ridiculously clichéd movie moment which made me pale instantly. Tony had been rushing from his job to his classes when he bumped into Hugo spilling coffee all down his three thousand pound Armani suit. Tony mortified had apologised and offered to pay to have it cleaned but Hugo had been charming and refused saying it was nothing.
He instead had asked Tony to go for a drink with him in payment something he felt like he couldn’t refuse. He talked about him kindly but without any real interest and I sighed in relief, I still didn’t think it was the best time to tell him about moving in but Tony thought otherwise.
“You had something to tell me?” He asked.
“It can wait it’s ok.” I replied nervous now.
“No come on you seemed pretty excited yesterday sorry if I didn’t seem the same I was just so tired.” He smiled pulling me closer to him.
“It’s ok I understand.” I smiled back running a hand through his hair.
“Well?” He pushed.
“You’re not going to let this go are you?” I chuckled when he shook his head. “Ok I just wanted to explain to you why I have been working loads lately. It wasn’t to push you away or because I wanted to, I have been saving up for something.”
“Oh?” He looked confused.
“Erm well….” I cleared my throat. “I wanted to know what you would think of finally making us official and I want you to move in with me?”
“Carter I…I don’t really know what to say. I thought you never wanted to make it official that’s why I haven’t asked you before.” He looked sad and I was worried.
“I always wanted to ask you I just wanted to be able to support you. You deserve the world and I can’t give you that right now but I am hoping if you agree to move in with me that I can give you everything else?” I asked hopeful.
“Carter I don’t want the world I wanted you. How could you think I was so shallow?” He looked upset now.
“I didn’t think that, it was me. I wanted to show you that I could be enough for you, I didn’t want you to be brought into my money troubles when you have your own so I have been saving so that we can be comfortable.” I mumbled.
“I appreciate all of that but I am a man and I can look after myself. All I ever wanted was you.” He replied equally as quiet. “I am going to have to think about it all ok, I feel so confused right now.”
“Ok just please don’t run away ok. I am sorry but I never thought of you as shallow it was my insecurities and just wanting to be the best I can be for you that kept me back.” I pleaded.
“I know.” He kissed me then got up and left.
“FUCK!” I snapped.
The next day at work I refrained from texting or calling him to give him some time to think things over. He would know deep down that I didn’t think he was shallow but it was still a big decision to make. I was sitting in the rec room with Danny when Pete popped his head in to tell me that there was a man in a sharp suit waiting to talk to me next to the truck.
I frowned confused and went down to find out who it was. When I walked around the side of the truck Hugo was leaning casually against it, I quickly remembered that he didn’t know I had already seen him so I asked him who he was.
“I am the man who is taking Tony from you.” He smirked.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. My name is Hugo Cunningham-Forbes and I plan on taking Tony from you.” He sneered. “You and I both know I can give him everything his heart desires and you my friend can give him nothing but false hopes.”
“How do you even know about me, how did you find me?” I asked incredulously.
“He never stopped talking about you last night and it made me all the more determined to get rid of you. It was easy to find you when you have the right connections. I just wanted to come and warn you man to man that Tony intrigues me and I will have him. I would be much better for him than you and I will take care of him better than you ever could.” He replied nastily making me flinch.
“You clearly don’t know Tony at all, none of that matters to him. Your money and your flashy suits won’t impress him, he doesn’t want money thrown at him he is independent and I love him. I won’t be giving him up to anyone not even a rich, spoilt brat like you.” I snapped.
“So you are a stupid as you look.” He sneered making me flinch again. “I don’t plan on giving him anything I plan on using my money to get rid of you.”
“I am not going anywhere I have told you.” I replied.
“I can have your job like that, I can have your house repossessed like that, I can have you so far down the social ladder that he would be ashamed to be seen with you.” He replied clicking his fingers after each statement.
“Why would you do this?” I asked and he laughed at me.
“Because I can.” He snorted. “Tony will be mine, I can see myself loving him and I want him for myself.”
“He is not a fucking toy!” I spat.
“Carter what’s going on?” Danny asked coming up behind me. “Who are you?”
“Hugo Cunningham-Forbes and nothing is wrong is there Carter? I will be seeing you again, it’s up to you whether that will be a good thing or not.” He smirked and left.
“Fuck!” I raged.
“What the hell is going on?!” Danny asked.
I told Danny the whole conversation and by the end of it he was seething just as much as I was. I knew I couldn’t compete with a man like Hugo, I didn’t think for one moment that he was lying about taking away my life. I wouldn’t be able to do anything for Tony if I didn’t have a job, but I wasn’t going to lie down and give up.
Danny was going to help me but I refused. Tony would need to make this decision on his own, I needed to trust that he understood how much I loved him and how much we belonged together. Money, presents and buying his love won’t work, I know Tony and I needed him to realise that was Hugo’s intention on his own. My only worry that this was going to go downhill before he realised what was going on.
Just before my shift ended Tony called me to tell me he couldn’t meet me tonight because he was going for another drink with Hugo. I bit my tongue and told him to have a good time, before he hung up he told me that he loved me and would see me tomorrow. Hugo was a dirty player though so I didn’t take Tony’s words to heart, he would only prove his love for me if he chose me.
Over the next month Tony saw more and more of Hugo and I could feel him slipping away from me. I was ashamed at the fact that I had done nothing to prevent this, all of the fight in me left me when Tony still didn’t agree to move in with me. He told me he was still considering his options because he didn’t want to be a burden on me and make me work all hours just to support him.
I didn’t know whether this was an excuse or his way of showing his love for me? Hugo hadn’t been back he clearly thought that he was winning and I was starting to agree with him. I didn’t want to be the one to give Tony the ultimatum I knew I was the better choice because I actually loved him, I didn’t see him as some prized possession.
I knew what it meant to love and be loved. I knew how to do that for someone to give them every part of me so that they felt completely showered by it. That they wouldn’t go a single night or day without some small gesture from me to show that they were the most precious thing in my life. I knew how to do this without money and now I wondered why I had waited so long, worried about supporting Tony when our love for each other would have always been enough to get us through.
Hugo may indeed love Tony but he will never love him as I do. To him Tony will always be someone that he can dress up and show off to the world like a new car or watch. Hugo would eventually tire of him or if he didn’t Tony would still be left alone as Hugo went about his social business, something Tony wouldn’t enjoy.
After two month of barely seeing Tony I decided enough was enough, he called me up to tell me Hugo had been insisting that he go with him to a new bar that had opened up. I told him that he had promised to meet me tonight and he apologised but said Hugo had begged him and he had promised. I was so upset but it was the push I needed so I grabbed Danny and we went to this bar to confront Hugo.
When I arrived I reeled back as a group of people were surrounding Hugo down on one knee in front of Tony. It’s only been two months and he is proposing, what the actual fuck?! I stood on the periphery watching the scene before me, listening as Hugo told Tony that he loved him so much despite the short amount of time that they had been together.
Tony looked up at the crowd surrounding them and caught my eyes. The pain on his features seemed to match the crushing feeling in my chest as I held my breath waiting for his answer to the man in front of him. I attempted to smile letting him know he had to make his own choice and that whatever he wanted I would live with.
My smile came out all wrong though and I could feel the grimace and the tears forming. Hugo looked around to see what Tony was looking at that was keeping him from answering the question. When he saw me his face twisted into an ugly sneer and he pulled on Tony’s hand to bring his attention back to him.
Tony looked back at Hugo and blushed, tears began falling down his face and he began to talk. It was so quiet that I couldn’t hear him but the look on his face told me he had made his decision and I couldn’t hang around for the inevitable cheers when he agreed.
Danny hung around but I walked out, he understood I needed to be alone. I walked down the street quickly away from the bar heading home. The tears that I had been holding back now flowed freely and my heart literally broke, I could feel it splintering until it gave way and crumbled into nothingness.
I heard footsteps behind me and assuming it was Danny I just sped up, he didn’t need to see me like this. Through the sound of my sobbing I could hear him calling my name begging me to stop but I couldn’t. How could I not see how much Tony had meant to me, how could I not have made him my boyfriend from the minute we started going out?
“Carter stop!” He called out and it didn’t sound like Danny.
“Just go back I am fine.” I said thickly.
“Carter!” He grabbed my arm spinning me around.
I stopped walking and turned to face him but it wasn’t Danny it was Tony. I snorted bitterly, he must have come to apologise for choosing Hugo but I didn’t want or need that. I went to tell him to go back before Hugo missed him when he grabbed my face and smashed his lips against mine, kissing me until we were both breathless.
“What….I don’t understand?” I asked.
“I chose you, I will always choose you. I love you stupid!” He cried out.
“You chose me?” I said mumbling not quite believing it.
“Yes! I don’t need him or his money. I love you and Danny told me he threatened you but I don’t care if were homeless, starving and broke as long as I have you!” He cried.
“I love you too and I am sorry for not telling you how much sooner.” I laughed through my tears.
“Wow we are being so girly right now.” He laughed.
“Who cares?!” I said and kissed him again.
“I am a little offended you thought I would choose him over you mind.” He played.
“Oh shut up and kiss me again.” I smiled.
……………………………………………………………………………..
Based on the lyrics to Spin Doctors- Two Princes. (Sorry for the swearing haha)
Dedicated to AJ for the song choice :-)