A life stuck in traffic

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I had a really happy childhood, I cling to those memories now that I am older because they get me through and remind me that not everything in life is bad. I had a mother and a father who both loved me dearly, I had a younger brother and sister who I adored because they were just the cutest twins you have ever seen.

I lived on the outskirts of London in a normal house, with a normal car and a dog called Jam and a cat called Jelly belly. In the summer we would play in the huge garden on the climbing frame and swing set that my dad had installed. When the weather was particularly hot we would turn on the sprinkler and squeal as it chased us as it watered the grass.

Life was so good, nothing bad, nothing to complain about, just pure bliss. When I was around fourteen I realised I preferred boys to girls. When my mum was talking about me getting married one day I told her I would make her proud and meet the perfect man just like she did. She looked shocked and I realised then that it probably wasn’t what she was expecting. But she quickly got over it and they all loved me as if nothing had changed.

The next year was still perfect but slightly more embarrassing, as I got older my parents felt the need to discuss the birds and the bees with me. Despite the fact that I could get nobody pregnant apparently there was a multitude of diseases I could catch and they felt it necessary to warn me about them.

I think the more they went on the more they were putting me off it for life and I decided right then that I would find some special and only when I found that person would I give myself up completely. So I began the search for my true love, I was fourteen and I was naïve so sue me.

When I was fifteen someone at school found out about my sexual preferences and decided to tell the whole school about it. My best friends didn’t care and they stood by me regardless, understanding that I was still Louie and that wouldn’t change. Some of the bigger boys made my life difficult which was to be expected, the odd shove here, the odd punch there but I coped.

Most people actually surprised me by just ignoring me altogether as if I had some airborne disease that they would catch off me. I became more popular with girls for some strange reason, despite the fact that I still loved football and watch the formula one and had become no more feminine than I was before my untimely outing.

Now that I was a known gay boy my life also changed for the better because other kids who had been too scared to tell anyone before were asking me out. Not all of them were brave enough to tell everyone, but to be honest I am not sure I would have been if the right to come out myself hadn’t been snatched away.

So I dated them in secret some lasted a few days and some lasted a few months but I never did find that special someone that I had promised my parents I would find. I was coming home from school one day having just been dumped yet again and my dad was in the kitchen, he took one look at my face and smiled sadly.

“Hey bud wanna talk about it?” He asked.

My dad had never shied away from my sexuality, never thought of me as anything less than Louie his son and I was grateful of that. Some of the other boys that I had been dating had been having a horrible time at home and I found myself thanking my lucky stars that my life was so happy.

“Hey dad not really but thanks.” I said glumly.

“You will find him Louie, he is out there so don’t give up ok. I was twenty five when I met your mother so you still have plenty of time ok?” He smiled reassuringly.

“I know it’s just hard I guess most of these boys don’t want people to know, they want to keep me a secret.” I replied.

“You have to remember how hard it is for some people, not everyone is loved as much as you son.” He said sadly. “But for what it’s worth, if they aren’t proud to be with you enough to scream it to the world then maybe you should just keep looking. I am telling you he is definitely out there ok.”

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