Okay guys! I'm somewhat back! I'm not finished the rewrite but this chapter is just a little something for you guys because you have all been super supportive of me and my writing. Thank you all so much for the encouragement and now: here we go!! And also, the chapters do get longer and better!!!
The room was silent, not counting the ruffling sheets as former senator Amidala tossed and turned restlessly in her queen sized bed. A bed usually fit for two but sadly only occupied one.
"Stop! Come back. I love you!" She whimpered, trapped in a horrific memory.
"Lier!" 27 year old Padmé Amidala- Skywalker whipped around, her chocolate eyes bulging out of their sockets in white terror as her old friend, young master Kenobi stood displeased in the doorway of her ship, a deep scowl planted on his normally serene features.
He stormed down the ramp of her silver Nabooian ship while she turned back to focus on her husband, whose fury was escalating the longer time went on. She could only stare tantalized and discombobulated as her loving husbands eyes that once only personified love, raged with an inferno of sick orange and yellow hate. The flames erupted in his ferocious irises almost as harsh as the fire spurting up behind him.
Her lips moved to form words but all that was vocalized was a desperate "No!" She had implored him- begged him to go with her. To run away and help her raise their child while there was still time to run and he seemed like he was about to say something when his old master- his best friend- intercepted.
She had foolishly believed that if he left with her, they could finally have peace. But as the years dragged on and the war grew ever faster she began to come to the realization that peace was a lie. It was a mere illusion, there was only passion now. Dark passion that would drive the purist of beings to tyrants. Which is exactly what her lover had become.
She listened in horror as he began to scream accusations of adultery, and heartbreaking betrayal at her, his own wife. How far was he gone? Could she save him still?
"You're with him! You brought him here to kill me!" Her husband paced furiously as his hair flew out tinted with red from the inflamed planet.
"Anakin, no!" She began to sob but choked on it. Anakin Skywalker, newly deemed Darth Vader raised an onyx glove, wrapping his invisible claw around her trachea, severing her air supply, and vehement plea.
She stared straight through his fierce yellow eyes, begging him with her soft brown ones to let her go, to stop and come back to being her husband who she loved. She clutched her throat with her own hands, where normally she'd find a physical grip that she could pry free, consisting of black gloves, dark as night, cold and mechanical as the sociopaths heart.
But she only found the soft skin of her neck, scolding from the fire that encompassed them. Both physical magma and the hatred radiating off of Darth Vader.
From her peripheral vision she noticed Obi-Wan's mouth move, most likely to tell him to stop. But her ears rung, tuning him out as she stared at him helplessly. Her love for him, nothing more than a fleeting pile of dust blowing away in the scorching breeze.
"Let. Her. Go."
Finally the claw loosened but by then, her face was more blue than his eyes ever were. She watched his yellow glare, cold and smoldering, hair and cloak billowing behind him as she crumpled to the ground.
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The blackness vanished almost as abruptly as it nearly swallowed her up into oblivion. She shot up in bed, hot tears streaming down her face as his menacing glare pierced her heart, even through her dreams. She breathed heavily, craving the ever elusive air supply she had remaining, glad to know the claw was no longer restricting.
She heaved a sigh. Another reenactment. She'd had nightmares before. Traumatizing, however they were becoming more frequent over the last few months. She scowled absently for a moment, knowing the source responsible.
Though sometimes, she'd gotten lucky. It was a rarity but sometimes she'd dream of what life could've been like had Anakin not succumbed to the lure of the darkside. Her family all together was all she ever wanted.
Anakin had already stolen her heart but he had also stolen her kiss in the meadows. A kiss that now was a scar on her heart. A kiss she should have never bestowed upon him. The man was nothing if not diligent and it was one of the things she admired about him.
Had she wanted to kiss him?
Yes. More than anything.
Should she have?
...No. But her head hadn't been screwed on right ever since he arrived anyway.
Padmé rubbed the jumble of tears and sleep out of her eyes and snatched a creamy robe hanging on the door.
She strode out into the family room for some peace and quiet when a low whine halted her in her place. She had nearly forgotten about Anakin sleeping on the couch.
Once Obi-Wan came back, he needed a place to sleep. Anakin had gladly taken the couch so his friend could have the guest bed that was somewhat his anyway. She clutched the V in her robe as a dreamy smile curled her lips. He really was trying and he had changed. A tiny frown drooped his own award winning smile but other than that, he looked... cute. So at peace for one in his intoxicating life.
Padmé inched closer to the couch, planning to go straight to the balcony but hovered close to him, staring intently at the empty spot next to him, calling to her. She had almost forgotten how wonderful it was to watch him slumber when he wasn't thrashing and crying out. It was even more wonderful to sleep next to him...
"Stop it Padmé." She chided inaudibly, pulling herself away from his supine form. "He's leaving soon" She whispered as she fled outside. It was the sad truth. More and more she'd find herself at war with her heart and mind. Her mind demanded her to let him go, be happy he would go back to fight for the peace and justice he ruined years prior. But her heart cried. Her heart didn't want him to leave to risk his own life for strangers freedom, it was lost in depression at the thought of loosing her one true love again. Forever.
But he was fighting for the light this time. For justice, democracy and peace. So why wasn't she happy? It was a question she could never seem to answer no matter how long she pondered on it. She leaned over on the balcony watching the shimmering lake encompassed in moonlight as her mind resumed ruminating on the same topic.
Suddenly, a soft moan emanated through the silence. "Padmé please no. no! Don't leave me!" She heard rustling. "Don't hurt her you monster save her!" Padmé had no idea what in the galaxy he was dreaming about, but it ended precipitously with a scream blaring through the halls. Padmé grimaced, praying he didn't wake the twins.
He was obviously dreaming again and judging from his thrashing and cries, it wasn't pleasant. Shortly after the scream, she heard a yelp, followed by a swallowed sob and the creek of the couch springs as he shot up.
Padmé winced, remembering in vivid detail how it looked when he broke out of his dreams. He'd jolt awake, panting so fast it was closer to hyperventilating. He'd rake his face down with his trembling fingers and would always be coated in a thin jacket of sweat. Yet he'd still shiver enough to want his little navy housecoat.
"I won't hurt her again." He murmured as his footsteps grew closer to where Padmé stood. She turned to lean her back against the balcony rail, watching him trudge through the frame, rubbing sleep from his eyes with dark circle underneath them. Anakin was obviously unaware of her presence, until he finally dropped his hand and lifted his head to lock eyes with her. Odd for a Jedi, not to notice a non-force-sensitive right in front of him. she observed.
Expecting to see the moon, but only seeing his sun in all her glory, he jumped back a few feet in fright. "Sithspit Padmé what are you doing here?!"
While his words were angry, she knew he was just startled. She'd gone out of her way to avoid him since he stole her kiss in the meadows and coming face and eyes into one another was a shock to them both. So instead, they stood there in an uncomfortable silence. Together, yet alone.
He ran a hand through his golden locks sheepishly. Wondering if she had heard his vow to protect her, and also trying to figure out if it would be a bad thing if she did or not.
Padmé smiled, her smile was shaky. Somewhat nervous to be in his presence again. "Same reason you are." She replied vaguely.
Anakin couldn't help but return the same shaky smile, but it soon dropped into a confused frown.
"Can't sleep?" He inquired, pitch rising while taking a few steps away from the door-frame, and more importantly closer to her.
Padmé's light smile dropped also, averting her gaze back to the glistening lake before answering the obvious question. "Something like that." She replied, drifting off as her whisper merged with the rest of the awkward silence.
He paused for a moment, as if contemplating the few paths his next question would lead them. "Did we have the same dream?" She asked, her curiosity victorious in taking control of her tongue.
Anakin sighed, looking away. Not able to even look at her from the back. "Mustafar?" He asked mid sigh as he raked another hand through his mane.
She nodded curtly to concur.
Anakin tested his boundaries, always a bold one as he glided closer. "Padmé..." He whispered, but loud enough so that she turned around. Only to see him standing so close that he could reach out and touch her. The thought gave her chills as she tried to pin them down as good chills or bad. She remained silent as he stuttered on.
"Padmé, I know we can't change the past. And as much as I want to, it's impossible." He paused for a moment but continued as he stepped ever closer. "We may have lost our past together. But we can still have a future." He slowly reached out to touch her porcelain skin, whispering softly.
"Together?"
Padmé took a short step back from his outstretched hand, staring at it as if it were foreign. A look on her face, that Anakin couldn't read took the place of her pursed lips. Consideration? Engrossment? Curiosity? It wasn't fear and yet she backed away.
"Meaning?" She asked, now looking up at his face expectantly.
Anakin was about to elaborate when he bit his lip. He'd already treeded too far. He looked away in defeat. This time, he stepped back. "Never mind." He murmured in defeat. He spun on his heel, turning to leave when he suddenly felt a small hand clasp his wrist. "No." The word was so hushed he'd nearly missed it.
Anakin cocked a brow. "No?" She took his hand in both of hers and fidgeted with each finger absently, looking down at her work and avoiding his gaze. He watched her close. Enjoying her tender contact. Reluctance was obvious but contact nonetheless.
"What did you mean?" She asked again.
"I said never mind." He snapped, but his tone softened as he couldn't leave it at that. "It isn't... I want... We can't..." He tripped over each word, choking on some. Finally he dropped his voice to a whisper. "Nothing. It's just... a fantasy. It's not real."
He tore his gaze from her again as she reached up to rub his shoulder. He soothed slightly, but it only made him want what wasn't real.
"Fantasy?" Padmé repeated. "Tell me."
Anakin stiffened. "I can't."
Padmé frowned. Disappointment clouding her vision as she went a step further. She brought her small hand up to cup his cheek, turning his neck to face her.
"Don't do that." She whispered, finally meeting his eyes.
Anakin tensed under her warm touch, used to the cold world now. "Do what?"
"Don't shut me out. That was your problem when you were younger." Now it was her turn to pause. "Let me help you."
Anakin's eyes wandered around, searching for a distraction before the painful memory came back. "How would it help if I told you?" He asked, sincerely confused.
Padmé exhaled. "I've been helping you ever since you came back to me as a 'wounded soldier.' So why stop now? I healed your body." She put her hand over his bare chest through the hanging open robe, lost in the moment, and the feel of his chest. "Now let me heal your heart." She stroked his cheek with her thumb softly, her chocolate eyes not leaving his cloudy blue ones as he digested her poetry.
You've also been driving me crazy since I got here. "I just... missed you. So, so much."
That is what Padmé had expected him to say, yet somehow it still came to her as a surprise. A surprise she wasn't sure she could handle. After a short, awkward silence, Padmé spoke.
"You should go back to sleep Anakin. You look like you're about to fall over. I've noticed the bags under your eyes, don't think I haven't."
"I can't sleep Padmé." He rebuked, knowing she wanted to divert the question as he pulled reluctantly from her touch.
"Why not?"
"I just can't Padmé!" He snapped. But once he caught her hurt expression, he wandered to her spot at the balcony, staring out at the stars until he dropped his head. She was only trying to help.
"I can't shut my eyes for two kriffing seconds before I'm plagued with my night terrors again." He turned back to her now. The troubled look told him how hard it was to live with the guilt. "I can't shut my eyes without seeing your pleading gaze." She watched as unshed tears welled up in his eyes. He was positively exhausted and she knew he didn't know how to cope with it. He never learned how. "I can't fall asleep without hearing their screams. I can't blink without seeing their faces contorted in pain as I gutted them with my lightsaber!" He finally let a sob escape. "They weren't like the Tuskans, they were innocent beings. They weren't the animals-I was!" By the end of his delirious rant he had let his guard drop and tears pour. His knees seemed to buckle underneath him as he slid down the balcony until he was a sobbing heap on the ground.
Padmé watched him, clutching her robe and a sympathetic frown on her face. "Oh Ani..." She whispered, sinking down next to him as she combed her fingers through his hair. He covered his face with his hands as his shoulder wracked in sobs. "Anakin, you're exhausted. You can't think straight with a mind like that." Anakin dropped on hand, his other palm pressed against his forehead. "I know." He choked out. "But I can't sleep! I've tried!"
Padmé rubbed his back, planting a soft kiss to his temple. If nothing else, it would calm him. "How can I help?" She asked. Her voice was gentle and tender with her motherly nature.
Anakin stopped shaking, just sitting there for a moment as if trying to think of a way she could help.
After too long in silence, Padmé thought he had fallen asleep. "Anakin" She whispered.
No such luck. Anakin glanced up at her through his disheveled bangs and glassy eyes. There was one thing she could do...
"Padmé. Do you remember... a long time ago when I was having dreams of my mother?" He asked. Knowing his mother was a sore subject for him, Padmé took his hand comfortingly, coaxing him on. Anakin gulped before talking again. "Do you remember how, when you tried to leave. I asked you not to?"
Padmé tensed, but she didn't let go of his hand. She remembered quite well.
Don't go.
I Don't want to disturb you
Your presence is soothing.
"You said my presence was soothing." She answered.
Anakin nodded, now looking at her hands closed around his with a smile dampened with sorrow. Finally, he brought his gaze to look back into her eyes. "Angel. Can you do me a favor?"
She nodded gingerly. Unsure of where this was leading this time.
"Will you stay with me tonight?" Her jaw dropped and realizing how that sounded Anakin instantly backed up. "Not that way!" He watched the horror switch to confusion so he went on softer now. "Just... be there when I try. And I have another night terror... You would be there to help me."
Her features softened, she nodded. Smiling symptomatically at him. Knowing if anything else, it would lead him to sleep. If he was any louder, she was worried he'd wake Luke or Leia. Her gaze didn't leave his crystal blue eyes as she helped him to his feet.
She guided him smoothly until he halted at the couch. With her hand enclosed in his, she was pulled back into his arms. The couple stumbled as they flopped on the couch. She let out a short gasp of surprise but melted as his laughter warmed her heart. It was a sound she missed.
Her lips parted to speak, but Anakin placed a finger to her lips to shush her. "Stay with me tonight Padmé. Help me sleep in tranquility for the first time in 17 years."
"I thought you meant my bed-"
"Shhhh" He hushed.
She obliged for reasons she couldn't figure out as he guided her down to the couch with him. It was a big couch but it wasn't meant to be slept on. Especially not a couple, but nevertheless Anakin began to cover himself with the quilt he slept with earlier and let his eyelids droop.
She lay beside him awkwardly for a few minutes as her gaze flickered around. What was he doing? What was she doing? How did it go from comforting him to sleeping beside to him?! She was about to jump up when Anakin sensed her unease.
He lifted his arm, holding the blanket high, inviting her inside. She stared for a moment, again contemplating how she got here when his eyelashes fluttered open reveling his tired blue orbs.
"Please?" He yawned, making her lips part in awe. She stared into his eyes a moment longer before scooting under the blanket as he pulled her flush against his chest. She had forgotten how warm he was as she felt her eyelids dropping too.
He smiled into her chocolate tresses, thanking the force for this irreplaceable moment as he burrowed into her, loving how she didn't object. He wasn't the only one who was exhausted here.
"I love you." He murmured, drifting off to dreamland.
Her eyes shot open at the confession she knew to be true. It always had been.
So why stop now?
Padmé had no response as she mulled the words over in her head for a moment. Finally, she leaned over to kiss his temple. "Goodnight Ani. Sleep well."
Anakin let out a content sigh as he held her tighter, nuzzling into her hair and grinning contently.
I will now.
There you go giys! Lil something for you all. I'm super sorry about the massive gap but I hope you guys enjoyed this little upsate. As always like and comment :D