□□ ...let me be the wife you've always wanted. □□
The day that Lisa dreads about finally came. Kirsten and Cass went with her until outside the doctor's office. The two sat down on the bench outside and silently watched all the people passing by. Time flies fast when you're talking about a lot of things including the assumption of being barren which got her thinking all night, all day.
"Isn't it a thing? That when you got misscarriage in the past, there's a big chance of having a problem in child bearing afterwards?" Kirsten asked.
Cass shrugged, wanting to avoid it as much as possible. She doesn't know a thing about it and if Kirsten's right, she doesn't know what she can do to cheer up two people. She thinks it is out of her capabilities.
"I should research about it, right?" Kirsten asked again.
Cass looked down when Kirsten turned her head to her.
"It's alright." Kirsten whispered to herself as she hugged her knees. "You don't need to answer. You're not a doctor anyway."
Cass smiled at her. The air felt heavy and all the people were blurred at Kirsten's sight. It could be the tears of her worry or the hospital smell that pierces her eyes; most likely it was the first one.
After a couple of hours, Lisa came out with a little smile hiding behind her pouting lips.
"What took you so long?" Cass asked as soon as Lisa came out in a wheelchair.
"Oh she's supposed to be there for a while only?" Kirsten asked on the other hand.
Lisa laughed at their thoughts before she spoke out, "Well, I don't really know. I mean the first one isn't that long compared to this time." Cass took over the wheelchair and they headed back to their room. "Maybe the doctor and I just got carried away too much."
"So what did the two of you talked about?" Kirsten asked as she hands a bottle of water to Lisa.
"Medical cancer jargons and shit stuff. I can't remember a clear thing about it." Lisa said as she scratched her head. She can't clearly relay the doctor's words to her to other people. But by the lightness that she feels while talking to the doctor, she felt like eveything's going to be okay.
"Shitty huh?" Kirsten second the motion.
"Totally!" Lisa responded.
They checked out of the hospital before dawn and took a night off at a nearby bed and breakfast before heading out to make it in time for the last leg of the Hopeless Tour.
With Vinny in the workforce, Kirsten felt ease in not being able to complete the tour. Though she missed the ecstastic crowds and their heartfelt voices singing at the top of their lungs. She felt like she understands why it is very important for the band to perform in front of people. Everything's different, the songs come to life and each of the voices in the venue keeps the flame alive.
"Still not dizzy?" asked Jack on the phone while the three girls are on the airport to board the plane to Manchester.
"You called just to ask that? I'm not even on the plane yet." and Kirten regrets talking insensitively when all the time she knew why Jack was asking that question.
Jack snorted on the other line and acted dumb, "Not yet? I thought the flight was at 11:47?"
"You stalker! It got delayed."
"Well, were cleaning the bus a bit right now." he said right before Kirsten heard Zack called out to Jack.
"Really?" she asked before she heard a box crashing to Jack.
Kirsten could hear big ass men laughing like little kids over the phone. She couldn't help but giggle all by herself as they stood up to get to the boarding gate.
"Everything alright back there?" she asked.
"I'm not bleeding or anything so I guess everything's fine." Jack said as he got up on his knees and threw the box back to Zack.
And everything went fine after the big Hopeless Tour blast at Ireland. They had an Irish style after-party with some lucky fans which ended with sleepy headaches at the airport the morning after.
That tour was the most unforgettable one for Jack; even with the others. Who couldn't forget the engagement and the engagement foreplay, the bad news, the anxiety attack, the dreamy Paris wedding, and the lap dance showdown at the bar.
"No, I don't believe you." Kirsten said sternly as she pulled her mini luggage bag up the stairs. They just got home and all she wanted to do is throw herself to the big bed and let the matress devour her.
Jack was trailing behind her with the big luggage. "You really did that! I almost came actually." he said giggling.
Kirsten faced him and almost had the urge to throw her mini luggage bag to Jack's face. He was insisting that Kirsten did a lap dance to Jack when she saw one lady doing it to Matt.
Yes she was drunk but not that drunk to have the balls to dance, and for it to be a lap dance was too much. She was about to keep up the funny argument but was disrupted by a phone call.
"You were right, Kirchie!" Lisa's happy squeal almost pierced her ears.
Jack passed by her with the look, 'Who's that?'. Kirsten smiled at him before asking, "Right on what? I don't understand?"
"The initial diagnosis results were wrong. Technically, I'm not dying soon, yet. I'm still sick though but not as worst as we thought, or so what I thought. Aaahhh!"
Lisa went on and on about the results, how happy she is and how Alex and her will spend a vacation by the next week immediately. Kirsten couldn't even keep up with all that she's saying. All she could do is give up a big smile. She felt like a big burden on her shoulders were lifted away.
She has problems on her own. Since the last leg of the Hopeless Tour, Jack and her haven't talked about her ferility issues. Both of them were thinking that maybe they're just thinking it too much. And for Jack, the immediate action is to try and try until they succeed. It sounds so desperate of them but since they're quite avoiding the topic, they are resolving it on their own.
Kirsten went back to her voice lessons after a month of rest. Jack still accompanies her because he can't be at rest with a playboy lingering around the love of his life.
"So can you try and sing this note one octave higher?" Harry asked as he poked Kirsten's nose.
Kirsten jerked her head back in surprise. She cleared her throat before answering, "Yeah, I'll try. My throat's hurting a bit now."
"I bet you always say that to Jack."
"What the fuck?" she blurted out. Jack shot them a weird look. He did not hear what Harry first said.
"What the fuck?" Jack asked out. Harry and Kirsten's eyes met up and he bursted out a tummy-aching laugh. Kirsten is at lost with everything on the other hand.
Harry stood up and brought his phone with him. "You two are funny." he said, but still not making sense to the two. "10-minute break. Chop chop!"
Harry walked out the door and as soon as the door slammed back to its frame, Jack ran beside Kirsten. "What the hell happened? Did he do anything to you?" He asked while touching her face.
Kirsten's eyes wandered around the classroom until she shouted, "Aha! He might be talking about something perverted again." She then went to the keyboard and played random keys, trying to tone her voice to the notes but without any idea about what she's doing.
Jack hugged her up from behind and wrapped his arms around her waist. Kirsten held on to his arms and whispered, "I love you, alright?"
Jack turned her around and held her face, "I love you too and without you saying it, I know you're bothered. Don't mind it alright?"
"How can I ignore it Jack?" Her eyes started to swell up. "The future of our family, o-or our future will be greatly affected. And not to make the baby an object but it was the reason we're here."
Jack soothed her head and kissed her hair, "Come on. I need your strength now. I'm being a girl and I really need your optimism. I'm sorry."
"I-I just don't want us to be a kind of a failure. You know how I grew up in a traditional standard family. It's like a problem if you're not a complete family. And hey! You wanted a kid!" She moved away and sat on the table. "You wanted someone that you can bring to a toy store, someone you can play with on the park and someone who is going to be your number one fan."
All the pressure went up in Kirsten's head. She felt useless and an idiot for actually thinking that there will be a happy ending for her. "What would your fans say? I couldn't even bear a little baby sunshine!"
"You don't really have to think about those things, Kirsten."Jack shook his head. In all that Kirsten said, all of it pinched his heart. Yes he wanted a kid. He was open about it. Many people might think that he's just into it because, it's what society has already bred into the generation - that a family is only a family once there's a kid involved.
He scratched his head and just took Kirsten into his chest. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do but to just stay in that position until Kirsten shows 'it's enough'. If it was Kirsten's plan to discourage him and kill off the positive cloud above his head, well she's certainly doing a great job.
Harry laid his hand on the door knob before looking at the glass to peek through the room. He saw Kirsten sat on the table and Jack in front of her holding to her head. He stepped back quietly to avoid any noise from his wooden floorboards. He took a tape and sticked a note and the flyer he got that morning on the glass before leaving to get some coffee.
Kirsten cleared her throat before gently making distance from Jack. "Harry's taking a longer break than the usual don't you think?" She asked afterwards.
Jack nodded his head in agreement before turning around to see the door and the limited view it gives on the outside. He immediately saw the flyer and the note from Harry.
"You two should unwind here. I have a big bean bag at the recording room, go carry it there." Jack read on his note before looking at the flyer behind it.
Kirsten jumped on his side and asked, "Where's that?"
"At the open park." he answered before turning to Kirsten and asked, "You want to see the fireworks?"
"A bit. As long as they wouldn't look like fireworks that happens during sex."
"Is that even possible?" Jack chuckled in disbelief.
"There was this fireworks presentation that made what might be the biggest ball and post with the white fireworks coming from the tip. Can you believe that?"
Jack was still laughing before he managed to answer, "Well that would be a great bonus to the show. You're really starting to become more like a Mrs. Barakat."
"I should be like one, right? So for the fireworks night, let me be the wife you've always wanted."
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