Loss,Movement & Suicide : Part 2
~~~
( Your POV)
~~
I had gone to keep Jim company for a while, choosing to sit in front of him in case he wanted to talk. It was a few minutes of us just sitting in the nice weather as I was waiting for any type of reaction. When I received nothing in response I spoke instead, "How are ya feeling?"
Jim only looked up at me before muttering the exact same words he had been saying for the past few minutes, "I'm ok."
I sighed before patting his shoulder in comfort and walking over to the rest of the group, they were all huddled together planning on what to do with the infected Jim. Not that there really were many options to begin with. "I say we put a pickaxe in his head and the dead girls, we be done with it."
I scoffed at Daryl's answer, thankfully I didn't have to speak up as Shane did in my place, "Is that what you'd want, if it were you?"
"Yah," he said it as if it were obvious which only ticked off Shane," I'd thank you while ya did it."
I could have slammed my hand to my forehead cause of how blunt and stupid his answer was, but then again what do I expect from Daryl. From what I'd seen of him and his brother, it was pretty in line with the way they acted. Suddenly Dale commented something I didn't expect as he seemed like a peaceful grandpa type, "I'd hate to say it as I never imagined I would to something like this but I gotta agree with Daryl."
Rick didn't even glance at Dale though the disgust was evident in his face, instead he went back to protect Jims shortened life, "Jim isn't a monster Dale , or some rabid dog. We are not doing this."
"Look I was just sayin-."
"He's Sick, Sick!"
"Hey! Look man, we think down roadway, and we draw the line."
They were definitely not coming to an agreement any time soon.
Daryl didn't give up he stood strong on his idea,"I think the lines pretty clear! Zero tolerance for walkers." I couldn't help but freeze and take a few footsteps back and away from Daryl. It wasn't a surprise to hear him or any of them say it...if only they knew. If I had a fully working heart it'd be hurting right now. I knew it very well, if they ever found out..Id..I'd be killed without remorse. "Won't be too long till the girl comes back either."
"Look, how about this," Rick had everyones attention and began to speak again ,"what if we can get him help." At this I felt my ears perk up like a dogs, I'd been alone and without any radio connection for a while so as far as I knew everything had been shut down...unless, "I heard the CDC talking about a cure."
The CDC? I thought they all died..
"Me too, "wait is Shane actually saying something hopeful for once, "I heard a lot of things but that's before everything went to hell." Never mind, I spoke too soon and that is also more in line with what I can mostly remember.
"What if the CDC's still up and running, it could be our only chance." Rick, the man who never fails to find some hope to everything. It honestly helped the group though.
"See, that in itself is a stretch right there-"
"Why? Government facility, huge thick-walled structure, the government would protect the CDC at all costs and man," he motioned to the camp that was still laying in partial disaster after last nights events," I think it's our best shot."
I slowly pushed passed Daryl, who looked at me in curiosity but also it could have been him realizing I was there the whole time, "I think we should try it."
Shane looked over at me, a flicker of annoyance evident in his eyes but he didn't immediately say anything to me. What the hell is his problem with me, one second he possibly respects me and the next he hates me! "Look, I don't mean to sound rude, but this doesn't involve you. This involves the group only."
And there it is macho man.
"Oh I get it, "I said and let out a small laugh ready to respond as sarcastically as I could, "Sorry for rushing into camp when the walkers attacked and protecting everyone. I hadn't realized I needed to stay out of your damn business." Before any of them could say anything, I raised my hand motioning them to keep quiet, my glare on Shane, "next time I'll make sure to let you rot."
This seemed to infuriate Shane more while Glenn, Daryl, Dale and TDogg just found it very amusing. Shane wrapped his hand around his gun causing Rick to step in, pushing me behind him like a protective dad again before moving back to the subject of the CDC. "Shelter, Protection, Rescue."
"I know you want all those things, I do too ok? Now if they exist, they're at the army base in Fort Bedding."
"That's a hundred miles away." Hearing the girlish voice I looked up and made eye contact with Ricks wife, I still had yet to learn her name though I believe it started with an L? I could ask the little boy.
"It doesn't matter, all places with government protection got run over and we've all seen that!"
"Still the CDC is our best shot, we should at least try."
I had tuned out the conversation at this point since it didn't involve me. Thanks to that though I noticed Daryl slowly turn to look at Jim who sat alone in worry. The group wasn't exactly discussing this quietly. I went around the group heading towards Jim in suspicion as Daryl slowly turned back to face Rick, "You can go look for asprin but imma take care of this right now!"
My eyes widened as I saw him back up in a rush and raise his pick axe to kill Jim, Rick ran over to stop Daryl but he had struck down already. I threw myself in front of Jim as I was close enough and I felt the axe pierce into my arm. Not that I could feel any pain to begin with.So no one would notice I quickly wrapped my cloak around the axe tip as I pulled it out. I made sure to wipe off any obvious blood, especially after hearing their No Tolerance For Walkers I had no doubt I wanted to remain a secret. "Daryl! You don't kill the living !"
He pulled back his pick axe in shock and tossed it on the floor. It seemed everyone finally realized that he had struck me, but I needed to ensure I could lie my way out of it. My eyes flickered over to the tip of the axe and I was immediately relieved. Good ,no blood evidence. "Why'd you do that! I coulda killed ya!"
I rolled my eyes as I stood up from my awkward crouch over Jim who seemed frozen in place from what I and Daryl had done. Rick pulled up his gun towards Daryl in case he tried to hurt Jim again meanwhile Grandpa Dale ran over to check on me, but I simply pushed him away. "I'm fine and we're going to the CDC to try and save Jim."
"I already said this doesn't involve you!"
"Fine then." I sent Shane a glare before focusing back on," Daryl!" Daryl quickly looked over at me confused to which I picked up the axe and stuck it back in his hands, then motioned over to scared out of his mind Jim, "Go ahead and kill Jim, since it doesn't involve me that means he should die since I got in the way. Right Shane? You're ok with Jim being killed in front of you, me almost being injured, so go ahead and off him Daryl. Now!"
"Put it down," Rick said it calmly as he placed his gun against Daryl's head even though I was the one who had handed it back to him. At this point he wasn't even interested in killing Jim. With a glare at Rick and a snark comment he tossed it on the ground again and walked over to my side. He grabbed my arm swearing mentally he'd seen it go into my arm but didn't notice any injury, thank the lords for black clothing concealing blood.
Shane only continued to stare at me, he had this weird thing where he didn't do that squint glare but stared at you with intense anger in his eyes. I swear smoke was coming out of his ears as if he'd eaten too much chili, "You need to leave."
I smirked, not that he could see and crossed my arms. I was about to respond sarcastically but before I managed to say a word four men simultaneously yelled out , "She's not leaving!" It was Daryl, Glenn, TDogg and Rick. Dale would have too but he left to go speak with Andrea alone, though his eyes did snap over to us when Shane mentioned I should leave.
"Why is it such a bother that I'm trying to help?"
Shane didn't respond, instead he picked Jim up from the floor and began to walk away causing Jim to freak out even more if that was possible, "W-Where are ya takin me??"
"Somewhere safe from Daryl, "this seemed to instantly calm him down and soon everyone left with Shane.
Well everyone but Daryl who went to be by himself to finish stabbing those who had died in the camp in the head. I watched as a woman with short hair walked over to him, I then noticed her motion to his pick axe. After handing it over she began to angry cry as she stabbed a man on the floor over and over and over again. Abusive Ex maybe.. She was making even the tough redneck beside her uncomfortable from her combination of sadness and rage. I was going to join him and her, hopefully to stop her from hurting herself but my eyes flickered over to Andrea who held something red in her thin white hands. It seemed like a box. I walked closer interested as I watched her open it slowly before pulling out a necklace that she then placed around her sister's neck. I was confused until I noticed her mouth something to her sister as she smiled sadly while fixing the necklace on her neck.
Happy birthday.
~~
I had just been walking around not helping out since Shane pissed me off when the smell of walker came to me extremely quickly. I stopped mid step and swiveled around as I followed the smell and without thinking I sat down next to Andrea instinctively. Her sister had become one at last and I could sense it in every way possible. Andrea sent me a curious look, so I distracted her a bit, "I've never officially met your sister, I never got the chance cause of Merle."
She smiled at me but that was wiped off her face as she suddenly heard something, it was like a low growl. She carefully moved her head, so her ear was facing the girls mouth and she managed to hear and feel her sister breathing. Andrea immediately pulled away as she watched her sisters body begin to twitch to life, well death? She slowly opened her eyes, they were glazed over, how lifeless and dead they had become in a short time and like almost every walker they had become tinted with shades of yellow in the sclera. Andrea stroked her sisters face and her now walker sister began to stroke Andrea's face with twitchy hands.
"I'm sorry, "I only sat back and watched this play out, if anything happened I'd push my body in the way to avoid Andrea becoming infected but I also knew, Andrea wasn't dumb. She knew what she was doing. "I'm sorry for never being there. I-I always thought there'd be more time for us." I slowly scooted back as I watched her sister sit up, a hand gripping Andrea's hair as she tried to bite Andrea as best as she could. Andrea wasn't dumb though as she wrapped both her hands around her sisters face and kept her at a safe distance, still this seemed to grab everyone's attention. I raised my hand as I glared at Shane who instantly grabbed a gun, my way of telling him to stop. "I'm here now Amy, "I smiled as I had finally learned her sisters name that I would forever remember. "I'm here, "I watched one of Andrea's hands reach to the ground where she grabbed the gun she threatened Rick with and immediately brought it to Amy's head. Andrea pushed her forehead against Amy's and closed her eyes, more tears beginning to spring out again, "I love you...."and she finally pulled the trigger.
Andrea placed a now officially dead Amy slowly on the ground, I placed my gloved hand over one of Andrea's and gave it a reassuring squeeze, "I'm glad you got to say goodbye, "I practically whispered.
With teary eyes she gave me a sad smile before giving my hand a squeeze back,I slowly stood up and walked away towards Dale and that woman I had seen earlier with Daryl going pickaxe crazy. "Why didn't you do anything um-"
"My names Y/N."
Dale smiled at me, "Y/N, how come you didn't worry about her getting bit?"
I noticed Shane and Rick walk over to me to which I glanced back at Andrea then back to Dale with a smile visible with my eyes only, "Well, sometimes you just want to say a final goodbye."
(Rick POV)
Me and Shane had begun to dig the holes for our people, they deserved at least a proper burial even in times like this. In the middle of digging though it was obvious Shane was angry. Even more so towards a specific stranger. Everyone had seen how mad he got at Y/N for helping, I wanted to know why. I stopped digging and looked up at Shane, he glanced over at me some of his anger in his eyes, "Just say it."
Shane stopped digging and slammed the tip of the shovel into the ground before leaning against it, ready to let out his annoyance towards me. "Ok Rick. I'm just thinking if you'd have stayed here, if you'd have looked out for your own but no, instead you left and took half of our man power with you." I sighed sliding my hands across my face, "I'm thinkin maybe our loses wouldn't have been so bad."
"If I hadn't gotten those guns and come back I'm thinkin maybe our loses would've been worse, maybe the entire camp!" Shane only looked down clearly annoyed, I stepped closer to him and placed a hand on his shoulder so he'd look up at me, "I also don't get why you're yelling at Y/N when she hasn't done anything wrong."
Shane only scoffed shrugging off my hand and picked up his shovel ,he turned his back to me, "It is her damn fault. She could have just left on her own or have not come here at all. Maybe this wouldn't have happened, she's just a nobody."
"Shane,"I tried to get him to look all me but he wouldn't turn around, "If she hadn't have been there when we were all at the city we'd have never come back in the first place."
This time Shane did look back at me but there was an unfamiliar feeling in his eyes over what I'd said and it seemed his emotions had changed, "I know, that doesn't change how many we lost."
I sighed as I heard the truck holding the bodies being brought around and stopping just a bit away from our dig site. Out came Daryl who was then followed by non-other than Y/N. Daryl sighed as he stood at the back of the truck, "Still think we should have burned these bodies, that's what we said we'd do right? Burn em all."
I noticed a flicker of fear go across Y/N's eyes but as soon as I noticed it that fear had disappeared, instead she stood next to him and got his attention, "Would you burn your brother."
It didn't seem like a question more like a curiosity to herself, but he answered anyway, "Well ya, don't want em coming back and attacking me."
She sighed but it was ignored as I noticed everyone else coming up the hill towards us, Y/N stayed near the back of the truck ready to drop the bodies in the holes as she wasn't the one in mourning. "These people need to know who's in charge, what happened to the rules of burnin walkers. Now we need emotional attachments?"
I stopped digging and looked at Daryl, "There are no rules."
(Your POV)
"That's the problem," is it that woman speaking again? I looked up from the bickering men to my right where I found Ricks wife. What is her name? "We haven't had a minute to hold onto anything of our old selves and we need time to mourn...we need to bury our dead. It's what people do. Before all this, this is how we are."
I stayed back leaned against the car as I looked up at the sky, thinking back to before any of this. When I knew my family was dead, when he was...gone..."Hmm...I never buried my family....did I?"
Glenn had been standing near me so he looked over at me as realization crossed his face, he hadn't know that my family was dead. I mean it was easy to assume it, but knowing I myself was a witness to it was very very different. After Ricks wife finished her speech and I ignored Glenns questioning eyes we began to bury the people. I only helped when it was asked of me. I felt completely and utterly out of place as I didn't know any of these people. The closest one I knew was Andrea's sister and even then I had barely learned her name today. When finally all were buried I watched as Andrea tried to carefully place her sister inside the dirt grave. Her tears had all but dried up and it was heartbreaking to watch her officially say goodbye to her body.
~~~
"Y/N,"I paused my footsteps as I heard Ricks voice call my name. Everyone had just walked back from the dirt burials, including me but I was farther from the rest. He got me curious seeing as he went out of his way to get my attention, "Could you take care of my son for right now?"
What?
I raised my eyebrow at him but didn't question it, "Okay." Instead, I leaned past his body seeing the brown-haired boy from before and motioned for the boy to come over to me. He slowly did as he still didn't know me at all but it seemed Rick didn't mind that at all as once we were together walking he all but vanished. We went to sit down in front of where the campfire and we awkwardly stared at eachother in silence. It's been a while since I've been around kids....what do they talk about? I noticed his eyes were slightly red from crying but thankfully no more tears were coming out otherwise I really wouldn't know what to do.
He finally broke the silence with a question, "Why do you cover your face?"
I slightly tilted my head like a dog causing him to slightly smile, the least I could do is to brighten those teary eyes, "Good question, I don't remember any more. Maybe it's cause I cant wear makeup anymore?"
He made a surprised face, "Really you don't know why? My mom never wore makeup so I don't know much about it."
I shook my head no to his first question causing him to laugh under his breath at how ridiculous I sounded but internally I was worried. I truly couldn't remember the initial reason. I did hide my face, now a days, with a hood and bottom partial face mask so that if anyone shot at me they'd most likely miss my head but I could no longer remember the real deep reason for me hiding my face. It scared me that I couldn't remember a crucial memory anymore. "Now young man, I'm curious to know what your name is. Unless you want me to call you baby sheriff."
He gave a small pout to the name before leaning forward, "Only if you show me your face." Who taught this kid to bargain over such simple things....oh wait. Shane. Ya definitely Shane.
I shrugged internally at my thoughts before saying, "Deal." I slowly removed my hood revealing my H/L H/C hair. But his eyes seemed more focused on my bottom face mask. After removing the bottom part he couldn't stop ogling at me and I smiled at him, "If you don't close your mouth flys will get in."
His little cheeks tinted pink at my comment before he laughed, "A-anyway...my names Carl."
I gave him a small smile and I reached my hand out to him, "Nice to meet you Carl, I'm Y/N."
His small hand enclosed around my gloved one as we shook hands, "I like your name, it's pretty."
I couldn't help the smile that came over my face at his comment, "I like your name too,"I poked at his nose making him laugh and he closed his eyes as he did. I struggled to keep my smile up, he was so similar, as I said, "It's cute."
To hide his now reddening face he switched the subject in excitement, "Hey is it true that you would swing from building to building like spiderman?" His eyes seemed to light up as he asked this, I found it quite adorable but it was hurting how much he reminded me of... "How'd you do it?"
With a , slightly pained smile I reached at my back where I pulled out my grabbling hook, "This is what helped me swing all over the place, fastest way around walkers in the big city." I looked around before getting close to his face and whispering, "Also cause it's a lot a fun."
As I pulled back with a smile on my face I noticed his features officially shine of happiness as he laughed and asked if I could show him how to use it. He seemed so excited by the idea of using a grabbling hook to swing from place to place. As I watched him speak more openly about himself and his parents I couldn't help the tears that wanted to escape my eyes. He really reminds me of him. The same smile, the same laugh..internally I panicked as I imagined watching Carl be killed in front of me. No...not again. Not ever again! I won't let it happen this time. I would not let Carl die...