ELLA
I want everything and everyone to stop. Just to stop. I'm tired of being scared. Of being treated like a victim. Of being treated like a little girl who fell off her bike.
I had to tell the detective that I'm pregnant. Maybe she would understand. Maybe she would help me. Maybe she would just give me advice on how "it will get better." But it won't. It never will.
"So you wanted to talk?" She questions as she brushes away a lose strand that covered her eye.
"Yes" I say as I sit down on the couch.
"Okay"
"It's been nearly 3 weeks since I was-" I paused, I didn't like the term raped, but what other term is there.
"Raped, and after the first week I started vomiting. I got scared so I took a test, and I-I am pregnant" I continue as I fumble with my hands.
She looks at me in shock as if she doesn't know what to say. I focus my gaze on my hands. The bruises had finally gone away. I felt somewhat normal.
"I-i don't know what to say" she places her hand on my shoulder.
"Are you okay?" She asks.
"Honestly I don't know, I haven't told Grayson. I don't think I'll ever be able to" I admit.
"Have you gone to the doctor?"
"No, I haven't been able to bring myself to" I answer.
"Why not?"
"Because it makes all of this so much more real" I reply as a tear slowly makes its way down my cheek.
"I can go with you" she offers.
"I'd like that really much" I sniffle and try to manage a smile.
~
"How many weeks are you?"
"I'm not quite sure" I answer.
"Okay well let's take a look" she smiles as she squirts some ultrasound gel onto my stomach.
It felt cold as she rubs it all over my stomach. She turns on the ultrasound. There it was. My baby's heart beat.
"Hear that?" She says.
"Yeah" I smile.
"There's not just one heartbeat, there's two" she says as a big smile appears across her face.
"T-t-twins?" I stutter.
"Yeah"
Twins. I am pregnant with my rapists twins. Every time it seems to not get any worse it always does. I will never hate my own children, but I will hate their father for as long as I live.
He stole every part of me that I had spent years trying to rebuild. He not only took it away from me once, but twice.
~
"So how was it at the doctors?" Ethan asks as I walk through the door.
"Is Grayson here?"
"Nah he left to get pizza"he smiles.
"It wasn't as great as I thought it would've been" I say as sit on the couch.
"Why? What happened?" He questions.
"I'm having twins"I confide in him as I stare down at my hands.
"What?" He sits straight up facing me.
"I don't know how I'll tell Grayson" I bring my knees up to my chin and bury my face in my legs.
"Tell him when you're ready" he says as he comforts me.
"Tell me what?" Grayson smiles as closes the door holding a box of pizza.
"That I'm tired of just eating pineapple pizza, I need some meat in me"I faintly smile.
Ethan starts to laugh as I realize how dirty that sounded. Grayson smiles as he sets the pizza on the table in front of us.
He sits next to me and places his arm around me. He gently kisses my forehead. I turn to Ethan and give him a look. He just shakes his head as he reaches to get a slice of pizza.
They both eat most of the box as I try to finish my first slice. As soon as I finally get it down I'm hit with a wave of nausea. I quickly get up and run the the bathroom.
I vomit as much as I could. I sat there on the floor next to the toilet as I wiped my face with a towel.
"Babe you okay?" Grayson asks as he walks in.
"Stomach flue I guess" i lie.
I can't tell him. At least not now. It'd break his heart. I'll tell him when the time is right.
"Do you think you and Ethan could go and get me some ice cream?" I try to smile.
"Yeah babe, of course" he walks over and kisses me on the forehead before he walks out.
I stay in the bathroom as I hear them both leave. I start to rub my stomach as I stand in front of the mirror.
"I'll never let your father hurt you like he hurt me."