Chapter Twenty-Two
Lizzie
(Really really short)
Seven months have passed but it feels like it was barely yesterday that I saw the sonogram. I am going to see Devin today and find out wether my child is a boy or a girl.
I stand up and feel weighted down by my stomach. I am more fragile now than I ever have been. My stomach is about the size of a basketball. I change into a long and oversized black shirt and jeans. Carol walks me down the stairs and into the hospital. I see Devin waiting for me with Carl and Gareth. I lie down on the same bed and Devin applies the same cold gel. She moves around a small handle on my stomach and stares at the screen. A smile appears on her face and she looks at Carl and then I.
"Well," she starts,"I don't know if this is good news, or bad, but, it's a girl."
A feeling of joy and sorrow over comes me. I will have a daughter in two months. I will die in two months. I won't get to see my daughter grow. But, at least I know that I brought a new person into the world.
I look at Carl and see his face emotionless. Carol, on the other hand, has a smile split across her face. Devin wipes away the gel and I sit up. Carol walks me back to my room.
"Carol," I say, "When I die-"
"You're not going to die." She cuts me off.
"When I die, I want you to protect her." I say.
A saddened look appears on her face and she looks to the ground.
"Okay." She says.
She walks out and Carl walks in. He walks closer and sits down next to me. He looks at my stomach and then at me.
"How are you feeling?" He asks me.
"Okay, I guess." I reply.
He sighs and stays silent.
"How do you feel about this?" I ask him.
"What do you mean?" He asks.
"About this." I say referring to my stomach.
"I'm scared," he says bluntly,"I'm scared that you'll die and won't come back. I'm scared that if you die, I won't be able to love our daughter knowing that she is the reason that you are dead."
I place my hand on his cheek and kiss his lips. I pull away and rest my forehead on his.
"I'm going to be fine." I say.
He places his hand on my stomach and rubs his thumb in a circle.
"We're going to be fine." He promises.
I smile and so does he. I wish these little moments lasted longer. Some of these perfect moments are taken up in our memory by tragic memories.