A/N: Prepare the Kleenex! you have been warned!
Chapter Forty Eight:
I stood in front of the four of them in their suite. I didn't think it would be as difficult as it was, both Paul and John already knew and George and Ringo knew I had to go home at some point, right? But when I told them, the entire room fell silent.
"So when are you leaving?" George asked, his voice sad. I shrugged.
"I don't know. Could be tomorrow, could be a week, a month... I don't really know how this works. Only that it is and... at some point I am going to have to leave you all." I blinked back tears.
"Will you know when you have to go? Like...it seems wrong just for you to leave without a proper goodbye." Ringo asked, his blue eyes fixated on me.
"I-I really don't know. I don't know much. Just that these spells keep happening and twice now I've either dreamed of home or ...some empty place somewhere in between. Time is telling me a don't belong here and it's time for things to go back to the way they were." I explained, though my voice was thick with emotion.
"We're really going to miss you, Ashley. I mean, you've made these last few months just...some of the best." Paul spoke up. The others agreed.
"I know. And I've had some of the best times with all of you, as well. You all know how much I adore each and every one of you. But you'll all be okay without me." Silence fell again as I looked at each of their faces. I realized then just how much I meant to them. John looked at the time then and said
"We should go, we have that interview in half an hour." The mood was definitely anything but positive.
"Do we have to?" George asked.
"Guys, don't get hung up on me. Go about the rest of your day." I told them, though I didn't sound entirely convincing.
"Ashley's right. She's still here, right now. That's the good thing." Paul added, getting up. The others followed suit.
"You're coming with us, right?" Ringo asked. I smiled at him.
"Of course I am." As we headed out, I fought off another spell. Tears threatened again, but I kept a smile on my face. I wouldn't leave. Not yet. I'd get as unwell as I possibly could before giving in because I truly didn't know what was waiting for me back home. I was afraid to know what was waiting for me back in 2015. I couldn't dare get hopeful, the possibility was still there that I'd just wake up to the same old same in my bedroom, only 9 hours later than when I fell asleep. I'd be positively crushed. I thought of my letters, I needed to give them out soon. I reached up and touched my locket, feeling the comfort it brought me. I really wasn't ready to say goodbye to this life, but it had been an amazing ride.
*********************************
The interview went well. To anybody watching, the lads all seemed their peppy, jovial selves, but I knew better. Deep down, they were all saddened by my news, even the two who knew longer. I tried o stay positive, but it wasn't easy. After the interview, we walked around a bit and saw some cool shops. I felt fine while we did that, but I knew it wouldn't last. No one would touch the subject as the afternoon went on, we ended up at a nice restaurant for dinner and just chatted about London. Where our story together began. I remembered how completely confused I was, waking up on that bench in late 1963. I was in yoga pants and a t shirt for goodness sakes. Even by homeless standards, I looked odd. But then Paul had found me, dazed as I was. He believed me from the beginning and took me to get clothes. Me, this girl he'd just barely met and accepted a story that sounded like pure science fiction. I remembered their lovely flat, how I was introduced to the other three and how John at first wasn't a fan of me. I remembered the times I played piano, accompanying them to the studio, hearing them play, the lovely gala I attended on George's arm, spraining my ankle, Paul being hurt, John going after his attackers only to come home late, all bruised and bloodied. We'd had our first honest conversation that night and slow danced to Elvis Presley. So much had happened in such a short amount of time. Some things good, some things not so good. But I wouldn't trade any of those memories and experiences for anything. When we finally returned to the hotel, I planned on turning in, but the others insisted I stay up for a while. So I went back to their suite. As I did, I had another spell. Not a bad one, but they were getting more and more consistent. I openly told them all and the sadness returned. I hated this. I knew I'd see Paul for sure in due time and possibly Ringo... maybe one day if our paths ever crossed. But that was only 2/4. What good was my point of coming here if my future still only had the two left.
"Your letter will save John. It will." I thought. But would it? A warning was just that. A warning. It was up to him ultimately, if he heeded it. And what about George? My dear George. I was still fighting myself with that one. I remembered what I'd written earlier that day and how I'd torn it out. But... I didn't remember throwing it out.
"I must've. In the bathroom when I was freaking out." I told myself as we reached the suite. I couldn't exactly remember, but it was the only thing that made sense to my tired mind. I was very tired. These spells were taking a lot of energy out of me. Another telltale sign, I guess.
"Here, sit down, Ashley." George himself offered as we all got inside. I smiled and thanked him.
"You should have kept that paper, thrown it in with his letter." I told myself. Time was running out.
"I can't..." I thought, upsetting as that was. We all sat in the living room then, the lads continued talking about our travels. They were trying to keep my mind off of what was to come, I'm sure their minds too. I longed to speak with them all one on one, maybe I would tomorrow.
"If I'm here." I worried. I listened to them and shared my own experiences about America, how I liked it, the crazy fans, the shows, but I was getting more and more tired. Finally, I stood.
"I'd love to sit and talk with you guys all night, but I really should sleep." I told them. They all got up.
"A-Are you sure?" George asked, reaching for my arm. I bit my lip and forced a smile.
"I'll be here in the morning. I promise." Could I promise that anymore?
"Okay...goodnight, Ashley." George relented, not letting me go without a hug. Same with Ringo and Paul.
"You guys! It'll be okay. I'll see you in the morning." I laughed, to mask tears.
"Here, I'll walk you back to your room." John offered. I knew better than to argue. Something told me he wanted to talk in private. With one last goodnight, he and I left, walking back down the hall to my room. When we stopped at my closed door, he faced me.
"Just in case this is goodbye..." He started.
"John..." I interjected, but he held up a hand to stop me.
"Just...listen. I've never met anyone like you before in my life, Ashley. When I first met you, I thought you were just this girl who was following Paul around. Even recently, I told you that I had been right about you all along, that you were no good and all of that... I was wrong Ashley. I was so wrong. Even before I knew the truth, you had come to mean so much to me that I never wanted you to leave." He explained. Tears welled in my eyes.
"Oh John..." I whispered.
"But, seeing as you do have to and now I know what's coming, I've made a vow to myself that I'm going to see you again. I have to, because Ashley... you've changed me. I'm a different man because of you and I don't want to lose you forever. I want to be there with you in your future. I want...I want to be your grandfather." A small smile tugged at his lips. Tears were spilling over by then.
"Y-You can't do it for me... I've been so selfish." I protested, tearfully.
"You have to let me do it for you, Ashley. It's going to rip me apart when you leave and knowing I can have that hope of seeing you again, watching you turn into the amazing, strong and talented young woman I've gotten to know here, these last few months is what's gonna get me through. I'll live my life, I'll be happy, I'll do all of that, just so I can see you again." I nodded, wiping the tears away.
"Okay...okay." I finally said. He pulled me into his arms again and I threw my arms around him.
"I'll see you in the morning." I murmured, though I really wasn't sure. He nodded as I stepped away.
"Right. Goodnight, Ashley."
"Goodnight." As I closed myself in my suite, another attack came, but I pushed through it. John had basically said goodbye to me, but I hadn't said goodbye to him yet. Any of them.
"Please, just let me have one more day." I said to myself as I crawled into bed. Despite my emotional state, I fell asleep pretty quickly, my locket still around my neck.
**********************************
The next morning, I awoke, still in Paris, still in 1964, but I felt awful. I woke up dizzy and just very tired.
"This is it." My mind told me. It had to be. The strain on my body was growing by the hour and I knew today would be my last. Somehow, I managed to get ready for the day. My heart was heavy as I made sure I had my notebook and all four letters with me. I headed straight for the lads' suite and knocked. Paul opened the door and I must've looked like I felt.
"How do you feel?" He asked, without a good morning. I sighed.
"Not good. I-I think today's my last day." I said in a small voice. His hazel eyes looked sad.
"Come inside. No one really slept last night." He informed me. I felt bad.
"I'm sorry." I apologized.
"No, don't be sorry, Ashley. We've just all gotten rather attached to you." He put on a strained smile. The others were up, but kind of all bleary eyed.
"Hey guys." I greeted them gently.
"You're still here." George leapt to his feet. I felt my heart dip.
"Yeah. Of course. I said I would be." My voice sounded weak, even to me. I had to sit down.
All four pairs of eyes were on me.
"I um... I'm not feeling so hot though. I think...today might be it." I stammered.
"Oh." Ringo said, sadly.
"I really wish I could stay forever, you all know that." I added.
"No, we know. Listen guys, it's not going to do us any good to stay around here all day moping. Ashley deserves a better send off." John suggested, surprisingly the strongest out of the group, even Paul.
"What do you suggest?" Paul asked.
"Why don't we just hit the town? Maybe go back to the Eiffel Tower, see some other neat spots, Ashley can show off her French skills more to us." Ringo piped up, putting on a strong face. God bless him.
"Alright, that sounds good. Ashley? You up for another day of sightseeing? It's not great but..." Paul trailed off.
"No, it's a good idea. Let me just go grab some things from my room and I'll meet you downstairs." I replied, getting up, only to feel dizzy again. I swallowed hard and left the room. When I got back to mine, I regarded myself in the mirror by the door. I was still pale, but I looked good. I was wearing a dark blue dress with capped sleeves, my hair was in a neat braid and my locket hung from my neck. I touched it gently, the metal was cool against my fingertips. I just grabbed my light jacket, before going to join the lads downstairs. I didn't feel my best at all, but I sure looked my best. When I got to the lobby, George gave me a nice smile.
"Have I said that you look lovely, today?" He asked. I smiled back.
"Thank you. I figured if I'm gonna go, I'll go out with a bang." I joked lightly.
"All ready?" Paul asked. I buttoned my coat.
"Yep. Let's go have some fun." Ringo had his camera, I had my smile, we were all set.
***************************************************************
The day went much too quickly. We took a cab to the shops surrounding the Eiffel tower and Ringo just snapped away at his camera. From John wearing a beret to Paul getting creme Brule on his nose, to me staring off into the distance at the landmark rising into the sky. I was feeling plenty unwell, but I hid it as best I could. I could not ruin such a special day. Fans spotted the foursome of course and we had to run a few times, but it was all in the spirit of adventure. Finally, at sunset, we had our very last photo together. Ringo got this mustached man to photograph all of us standing with the Eiffel Tower behind us. I was in the middle with two on either side of me and all of us had our arms around one another grinning into the camera.
"That one's a keeper." Ringo commented. I hoped I got to see it one day. Something told me out of all the photos I'd seen of our travels, that one would be my favorite. After that, we all headed back to the hotel for the evening. All chattering about the day's events but all of us with heavy hearts. None of us knew whether I'd be there to greet them the next morning. I could still wake up there the next morning, but something told me that wasn't going to happen. I watched all four of them in the cab ride home. Could they carry on without me? I remembered what John said the night before. They'd have to keep going, no matter how much they missed me. Once we got back to the hotel, the lobby started spinning and I felt sick.
"Whoa..." I moaned, grabbing my head. Another bad one. I'd had a few little ones throughout the day, but I guess the big one was just another warning.
"Hey... You'll be okay." John reached out to steady me. Now more than ever I knew that this was probably it. Upstairs, I just stayed with the four of them. We were trying to get the most out of that day and played music and just laughed and talked until late at night. Around 11:30, I got this sinking feeling in my gut. I had to do this now.
"Listen guys. Um...there's something I need to give you all." I spoke up, grabbing my bag from my feet and taking out the notebook. I took out all four of the letters and blinked back tears.
"What are those?" Paul asked. I stood, steadying myself.
"They're letters. Each individually from me to you. They um...they kind of say my last goodbyes I guess." I explained, tripping over my words as I handed them out.
"Ashley, you don't have to say goodbye yet. You could stay here tonight." George said as I gave him his letter. When they were all handed out, I sat back down, next to him.
"I'm sorry...I need to sleep." I said, my voice wavering. Next thing I knew; George was hugging me tight.
"I don't want you to go." He muttered. Tears spilled over.
"I don't want to go either. But I have no choice." I said as he let me go. All four of them looked rather forlorn at me.
"You'll all be fine without me. You'll all have amazing lives just on your own, trust me." I spoke to the group.
"But you're special Ashley, to all of us." Ringo said.
"Yes, but I have a family back where I am. But you'll always all be in my heart. And I'll always be with you." I said tearfully. The goodbyes were painful. Of course if I woke up the next day still in Paris, this would all look pretty silly, but something in my heart told me I would not be.
"Have a safe trip, Ashley. We'll miss you." Paul nearly squeezed the life out of me.
"I'll miss you too." I whispered.
"I'll see you soon, huh?" He added, with a whisper. I nodded giving him a small smile.
"Don't you forget us." Ringo said. I hugged him tight.
"Of course not. I never could."
"Maybe I'll see you one day. You know when I'm an old man." George cracked a smile. It made me want to cry harder, but he couldn't know. I'd made up my mind.
"Oh I'm sure you will. I'll definitely look you up." I replied simply, hugging him tight again as well. I held on a little longer with George, just because I knew I'd never see him again. John remained silent. I knew he'd said most of what he wanted to say last night, but I needed to speak with him. Alone was preferable. Paul must've noticed, because he suddenly said
"Why don't we leave you two alone." So with parting goodbyes and hugs, the three of them left. I stood in front of him and we shared a smile.
"So...I guess this is it." I told him, looking at the letter in his hands.
"I guess so. I kind of said my goodbye, last night." He reminded me. I nodded and turned to the notebook sitting on the coffee table. I picked it up.
"I know you said your goodbye, but I haven't said mine. I-I want you to have this. It's my entire story. It'll make you feel like maybe I'm still here... It's got lots about the future in there, your future... maybe it'll help you." I stammered, tearfully. He took it and nodded.
"I'll read it every day, Ashley. I promise. You know, I'm really going to miss you." His voice got low. My lower lip trembled.
"I'm gonna miss you too...so much. But we will see each other again, right?" I asked, remembering his promise. He gave me a firm nod.
"I will. I swear to you, Ashley. Come hell or high water, I will see you again." Tears spilled down my cheeks as I reached up and took off my locket.
"Then take this." I told him, setting the necklace in the palm of his hand.
"Why?" He asked.
"As a reminder. I'll get it back from you one day. Just...be there." I wept. He closed it in his hand as I threw my arms around him one last time.
"I'll be there. So I won't say goodbye. I'll just say...until then." I looked up at him. I knew he promised, I knew he had everything to help him avoid that horrible night, but I knew anything was still possible. I wanted to remember every last detail about him, before I returned home to...whatever would be. I gave him a tearful smile though and repeated his words.
"Until then." We embraced one last time and he kissed my forehead. That made me want to cry harder, but I held it together as I made myself break away from him. I left the room and didn't look back. The walk back to my room felt like an eternity. I wanted to run back and say I was never leaving but that was not possible. I got myself ready for bed, packing my things into my bag like I was literally leaving. At the bottom was the clothes I had arrived in. the yoga pants and shirt. Something felt right about them, so I changed into them. They felt weird on my body, like they didn't belong. Curling up in bed with tears still in my eyes, I slowly hummed a tune to myself before my eyes slid closed..