"you've lost your baby." the lady doctor said frowning while delivering the bad news.
i, on the other hand, was speechless. emotionless, because everything that i love and had is now leaving me one by one.
funny that i'm in the hospital today, when i should be out, well would be out celebrating dallas' thirty-first birthday with her and the family.
what's going to happen to demi?
"but, doctor. she's been eating well, and doing everything that she should. she's been taking care of herself and her baby." demi said. she's quite angry. why? i don't know.
"yes, we've seemed to notice. that still doesn't make up for all of the skipped meals and harm she's done to herself before hand." the lady doctor said. "she wasn't healthy enough, and therefore the baby wasn't." she said.
i let a tear fall, but quickly wiped it away.
"it's okay to cry, you've experienced an awful thing. if you need a the-" the doctor began, but demi held my hand knowing what was coming next.
"get the fuck out of my face. i'm not fucking crazy. it's not okay to cry, i shouldn't be crying. the baby i've killed should be fucking crying." i said, while crying.
the doctor took that as her cue to leave, leaving demi and i in the room together. "mom and guillermo should be on their way." she said.
we heard a knock at the door and the soft creaking noises of the door. selena peered into the room before walking in with starbucks.
"gabriela. i've heard that you like a white chocolate mocha?" she said smiling and handing me a drink.
i simply smiled, and nodded.
demi stood up taking her drink and hugging selena whispering into her ear.
"i'm sorry for your loss. i would've brought balloons, but i think those are a waste of money." she said shrugging making me laugh a bit.
she sat down by my feet.
"i know that i'm your head master and all, but that doesn't mean that i'm not practically your sister. i didn't know you were pregnant." she said rubbing my leg.
not in that way.
"yeah, nick jonas and i had sex, and so i got pregnant. i'm only around three weeks, well i was around three weeks." i said holding my head down.
she moved over to me and hugged me tightly. she grabbed paper and scribbled down her name and number handing it to me.
"just in case if you just so happen to need me." she said smiling and taking demi out into the hallway with her.
the left me to myself, and my thoughts. this was never good. they always try to make me hurt myself.
that's how i ended up in here losing my baby.
after minutes have gone by, and i grew less and less tired, demi returned into the room alone.
"hi, baby girl. how are you feeling?" she asked. i shrugged. demi, how would you feel if you just lost your child?
"well, mom asked that we go out to eat in a few. the hospital have already released you. get up and get your clothes on, please." she said smiling and walking out of the room.
i slowly got up, because my stomach was still hurting a bit and grabbed my clothes that demi brought for me to change into.
quickly freshening up my face, i walked out of the hotel room and grabbed the pen signing out of the room.
"there you are." demi said standing up and directing me out of the large doors of the hospital.
as we were in the car demi kept looking over at me, but before i could make eye contact with her she would look away.
"is something bothering you?" i asked.
she simply shook her head 'no'.
even though she said no, she kept doing the same thing over and over. this is going to be a long car ride.
after arriving at the restaurant, we took a hold of each other's hand and met the others.
others, meaning, mom, dad, selena, demi and i.
i wonder how maddie is doing.
she's always on my mind lately.
shit, she doesn't know about me being pregnant. or, about me losing the baby. maybe, we can catch up sometime.
"hi, gabs." mom said smiling.
she had a gift wrapped sitting on the table next to her. it had a bow on top. "what's that?" i said motioning to the gift, but her face dropped and she didn't say a word.
"you're going to eat." demi said whispering to me, giving me a serious look. i rolled my eyes, "obviously." i said sighing.
selena looked a bit concerned.
"oh? did demi not tell you that i have, oh sorry, had an eating disorder?" i asked smiling making her uncomfortable.
demi kicked my leg under the table.
after a long meal, and many laughs from others later.
"can everyone quiet down a bit. i have something to say." mom said, breathing in deeply looking at me.
"don't be angry." she said handing me the small gift that i was questioning earlier.
i carefully opened it, because everyone was staring long and hard. it's dallas' birthday, but i'm getting a gift?
i finished opening the gift, but it only revealed my birth certificate. i put it down on the table.
"is this a joke? it's my birth certificate." i said looking at mom who had a tear streaming down her face.
demi picked it up, and covered her mouth. "g-gab, you should take another l-look at this i d-don't th-" she said, but handed it to me before crying a bit.
i grabbed it.
yeah, yeah, gabriela marie gonzalez.
born on sep-
mother: dia-
wait.
mother: dallas lovato
it can't be. mom isn't my mom? and dad isn't my dad? wait, this has to be a joke.
"ha ha. funny, now why'd you do this?" i said trying to tell myself it's fake, and it's not real.
"baby, dallas earlier in the year decided that she'd tell you on her birthday, but you know, things happened, so i did it this way." she said.
"you knew that dallas was my mother my whole life, and you felt the need not to tell me?" i semi-yelled.
"i'm sorry." she faintly said.
"no, no you're not. is this why dallas was always more like a mother to me than you ever were?" i asked.
mom stood up, angry, but calm at the same time.
"take that back. i've done everything for you that i could've possibly done." she said yelling.
i rolled my eyes, and turned to guillherme, and gave him a look of disgust. "you knew that you weren't my father, but you of all people lied to me? i trusted you!" i said.
and, with that, i grabbed coat and ran away. no, not looking back, but i ran all of the way back to the house.
demi made a key for me.
*trigger warning*
i ran a warm bath, with no bubbles, only so that i could see the faint redness in the the clear water.
i grabbed the familiar razor that i've been yearning for for a while now. demi isn't the best person to hide things.
scratching, no, cutting my wrists i dig deeper each time, but there was something tell me to not go too deep.
it wasn't my time.
so many questions, but i just needed answers. i can't ask them.
sitting there in my own bloody water, i realized that i've let dallas down. i've been doing so well.
but, in that moment, sleep took over me, and i was there quietly laying, and sleeping in my own blood.