@B-ball4ever This took way too long and I hope you can forgive me for the wait!
I watched through the slightly open door of the club room as Haruhi chatted happily with one of his guests, his soft features seeming to glow with the radiance of his smile. Letting out a wistful sigh, I leaned gently against the other door as I watched him interact with the girls who had requested him that afternoon.
"Did you need something?" A voice from behind me had me jumping slightly from shock, turning quickly to see the Otori boy standing there as he returned from some errand he must have been on.
That would explain why I hadn't seen him inside the room, not that I paid that much attention to the other host club members. Haruhi was the only one I really had eyes for, the only one who ever made my heart beat a little quicker each time I saw him.
"Ah, no thank you! I was just checking something. I'll be on my way now, Otori-san," I said quickly before rushing off down the hall, ignoring the feeling of his dark eyes watching me.
"What an odd student," he said softly, writing in his notebook before entering the club and closing the door firmly behind himself.
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In class I was always watching from the corner of my eye as Haruhi diligently took notes, seemingly unable to keep my eyes from following the way his slender fingers moved his pencil across the paper. The small smile that crept upon his face when he did well on his tests always left a warmth within my chest.
I was in love and I had no idea how to confess to him about the feelings that had been building inside of me since the first day I saw him. It hadn't mattered to me how he looked, not when his quiet intensity had seemed to fill the whole room at times, washing over me and practically forcing me to remain aware of him at all times.
Sure, he might not have the riches that other students here did, but how could money compare with the intellect that I could see hidden within those eyes, with the kindness he showed everyone around him? How could mere objects compete with the many things that made Haruhi who he was?
Yes, I had fallen and fallen hard, but not for one moment had I regretted that fact.
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I'd finally had the courage to enter through those intimidating doors, not so much because of how huge they are, but rather for what they held on the other side, the person who patiently waited at a table to offer a bit of companionship to anyone who asked for it. A few smiles, some laughter if you said something witty enough, and a cup of tea to keep your throat moist enough to keep conversing politely.
I was stared at for my audacity as much as I stared at Haruhi while I sat at his table, having requested time alone with him when I finally met Kyoya's dark gaze. When he had asked if I had enough points for such a request, I had pulled out my phone and gone to their auctions, clicking to buy outright some of the higher priced items they had listed before turning to him and asking if that would be enough.
The almost sinister smile he'd gained at my actions had almost been enough to make me turn tail and run, wanting to escape the darkness that seemed to emanate from him, but I had steeled myself and held firm until he nodded and told me to wait until Haruhi was done with his current customers.
The whole time I had sat waiting for my turn, I had watched him, blushing slightly as I saw how easily he could smile at everyone around him. Hearing him laugh at something one of the girls said, I could only wish I was witty enough to bring such a sound from his lips. I wanted so desperately to be the one to bring happiness into his life the way he had unknowingly done for me.
I wanted the seemingly impossible because I wanted Haruhi to look at me the way he never seemed to look at anyone, male or female. I wanted him to look at me with love.
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Five times I went to that room, requesting a private sitting with Haruhi. Five times had I come close to telling him how I felt. Five times I had gone home at the end of the day, my heart breaking as I noticed how his eyes always seemed to stray towards the blond Prince of the Host Club, Tamaki. Did he hold some affection for the boy or was it just friendship?
Had I waited too long to take my chance or was there still some hope left for me?
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I would try once more, offer my heart to the brunette boy who didn't even realize how much I had been swayed by his kindness, by how easily he would sweep in and try to fix things or point out things that should be obvious to all and yet were ignored until that moment. How I had been captured by him and how aware he was of the people around him, even to the point of telling those troublesome twins apart when nobody else could. He seemed to see everyone around him.
Everyone but me.
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"Haruhi, I need to tell you something," my voice shook as I tried not to mumble, the ink on my fingertips from having tried and failed to write a love note to the boy in front of me suddenly becoming the most interesting thing in the world as I failed to meet his eyes.
The soft agreement had my heart racing as we walked down the hall from our shared classroom, wondering how nobody else seemed to hear the loud thumping as we passed them on our search for a quiet place to talk.
It wasn't until we found ourselves in a seemingly abandoned classroom at the far end of the building that he turned to face me, a curious but wary look on his face. Standing up straight, I cleared my throat softly before opening my mouth.
"I've fallen in love with you! Please let me try to win your affections!" I shouted the words, my eyes closed as I both hoped and dreaded his response to me. It was when I felt a hand gently placed against my cheek that I felt my hope bloom, spreading through my chest as my eyes opened.
The moment I saw his face, the feeling withered in my chest, his eyes filled with a mix of sorrow and regret as my heart began hurting. I could already feel the cracks running across its surface, ready to shatter like a dropped vase the moment he opened his frowning mouth.
"I'm sorry. I don't see you as anything other than a friend. Besides, I'm not who you think I am," his voice came out even softer than before, barely a whisper as he pulled back his hand, my cheek still warm from his touch.
"How could you be anything other than Haruhi, the boy who is so kind to his friends, who shows such dedication to his education, who refuses to sit back and watch when something is wrong in the lives of those he cares about? The one who shoulders such a burden as you have and yet refuses to let it break him! How could I do anything other than fall in love with you?!" My voice cracked near the end but I still somehow held my head up and met his gaze, his features seeming to drop even more as he let out a sigh before stepping forward and pulling me into a hug.
"I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this and I feel like I should have told you sooner. I'm sorry I unknowingly dragged you on like this, I didn't mean to. But I can't reciprocate your feelings. I'm not who you think I am because I'm not a boy. I'm a girl," Haruhi said as he, no... as she pulled away and stepped back, my eyes wide with shock at the revelation.
"A girl?" I questioned softly, my eyes racing over her face as I began to notice yet again how soft the features were, finally understanding why.
Seeing her nod, quickly reached out and grabbed her hands, those ever so soft hands, and spoke again.
"I don't care! I love you anyhow! Please, give me a chance, I'm begging of you!" I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes as I saw her own eyes clench shut, as if in pain.
"I'm sorry, (y/n), but I can't. I... I like someone else," her slightly broken whisper pierced my heart and I stood there frozen as she turned and ran from the room, the door sounding like a gunshot as it closed behind her.
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I never told anyone that I knew Haruhi's secret, not even wanting to talk about her or look at her again. It was painful, those few times when I saw her walking the halls with the blond at her side, still pretending like she was a boy. It was only if one looked closely or with the knowledge already there that you could see the affection they had for each other.
I should have asked her sooner, before that school fair. Before she began looking at him differently than she had before. I should have asked when I still had a chance. Before I began to regret falling for her.
Now all I could do was try to ignore the unrequited love that I still felt for a girl who loved someone who was not me.