I'm two blocks off Broadway when I see it. A small bar, featuring a prominent stage in the front. But it's what is behind the stage that catches my attention.
"Wall of Fame" the backdrop proclaims in large, bold text. And there are pictures. Small headshot or performance pictures. Not of any celebrities I recognize, but there must be hundreds of them. And I start to wonder.
I have to wait forty five minutes for the band playing to go on break. I should have been on the road back to Maryland an hour ago, but something keeps me in my seat, nursing a strawberry lemonade at a table by myself.
Finally, the man singing steps down, and after giving the band a few minutes to clear off the stage, I tentatively climb up to look at the wall.
I'm still scanning it when I feel someone behind me. "Looking for someone in particular?" a female voice questions.
"Yes actually," I turn, and am confronted with a mass of red curls, "Do you work here?"
"No," she smiles, "I just come here a lot so I feel I have an elevated level of familiarity with the wall."
"Well that could definitely be helpful," I smile back.
"Name?" she looks me in the eyes, gesturing at the wall, and I can tell she doesn't recognize me at all.
"Connor Carter"
"Connor Carter! No way! I knew him! Well, kind of. He used to play here all the time, and we had a few conversations. Do you know him too, or are you a fan?"
For some reason, I don't feel like going into the whole story with this girl so I just say, "Yeah, I knew him too" and leave it at that. Luckily, she doesn't press the issue. Instead, she walks over to the left corner of the wall and points at a headshot midway up the wall.
"There ya go. That's a face we haven't seen around here in a while."
If she's hoping I'll elaborate on Connor's whereabouts, she's disappointed when I say nothing, leaning into stare at the photograph. Connor looks younger, but overall the same. His deep brown eyes stare out at me above that smile that could stop a charging bear in it's tracks.
His familiar handwriting spans across his white t-shirt, the signature I've seen so many times, and even faked once or twice, immortalized here forever.
I look up at his face again in the photo. What I wouldn't give to see that smile aimed at me just one more time.
Shaking the thought from my head, I pull back and make eye contact with the girl again. "Thanks for the help. I'm Jade by the way."
"Abigail. And no problem! Always love an opportunity to check out the talented faces this wall holds."
"For sure." I pause, just long enough to seem a tad less jumpy and suspicious, before adding "Well I really should be going. Thanks again!" As I walk out I can feel her staring at my back, and I wonder if she'll put the pieces together of who I am. It doesn't matter now, I'll be long gone when and if she figures it out.
As I drive through the mountains of North Carolina, I start to wonder where to go from here. Not literally, I have a GPS in my car with me, but in my search for answers. I feel as though I've hit a dead end. I know now that Connor showed warning signs of his behavior with Anna. I can probably even recognize that there were vague signs when we were together.
But somehow, knowing that doesn't give me the closure that I can feel my heart yearning for. Somehow I still need more.
I need to know why. Why did Connor take Anna? And why wasn't I enough for him? Did Connor ever really care about me at all, or was I just part of his disguise? A way for him to blend in while finding his next victim. Here's perfect Connor Carter, loving husband, successful engineer, perfect member of society. Such a perfect guy would never do anything criminal. A guy like that would never even run a red light camera.
But beyond the personal questions I have, I can't deny that my questions go even further. I want to know what happened with Connor and Anna in that cabin. And even before the cabin. I want to know how he convinced her to go with him. Was it hard? Or was she chomping at the bit to get out of her parent's house? And once they made it to the cabin was she happy there, even for a while? Or did she regret it all right away.
I know that at some point, Anna changed her mind about Connor. Or I guess, I don't even know that for sure but I can assume. I assume that somewhere along the line, Anna no longer wanted to stay at the cabin with him. Why else would he need to chain her up?
As I'm driving and musing, I know that I'm circling around the answer I don't want to reach. When I left Frederick I was broken in so many ways. Now, well I'm still broken, but I feel a little bit, just a tiny sliver more whole.
Something about the anonymity of being out of Maryland, the refreshing quality of being out in the hustling bustling real world, speaking to strangers, and people watching tourists helped remind me that life goes on. Something horrible happened to me. But that doesn't mean it's the end of my happiness.
For the first time, I feel hope. Hope that there might be more happiness in my future. Hope that every day doesn't have to be the same horror show I've been putting myself through since Connor left. Hope that maybe I can be fixed after all.
But with all of this hope, I've come to yet another realization. A realization of the one final thing I need to do to really be able to start moving on. I need the answers to my questions. All of them. And there is only one place that I'm going to get them.
I have to go talk to Connor.
____________________________
Hi guys! Quick author's note because: WE'RE HALFWAY DONE! I hope you've all been enjoying Jade's story so far, and I hope you're as excited to read the ending as I am excited to share it with you.
Also, I'm sure you've all noticed, I changed the cover! I'm trying for something a little more mysterious, but I need your help! Could you leave a quick comment telling me if you like the new cover or the old cover better? Thank you so much! And thank you for reading!
-Morgan