New update yay! Sorry, I completely forgot to post this chapter on Friday! It won't happen again!
"Are you flirting with my boyfriend?" she playfully teases, shrugging off her jacket and kicking off her shoes. I nervously chuckle and walk over to the couch, picking up my wine glass and swallowing a gulp of wine along with my thoughts about kissing Adam. Not that they cease to exist, but at least it helps me with pushing them away for the moment being.
I awkwardly stand alone as Adam and Ashley kiss and exchange romantic hellos. It feels like an eternity before they leave each other's embrace, and by then I've scarfed down even more wine. My head is now getting dizzy and I know I'm going to say something very embarrassing tonight.
"Uhm," I mumble and lean towards the wall. "I think I have to go."
Ashley's eyebrows raise. "What? Now? I thought you were staying the night," she whimpers.
"Yeah, I don't feel too well," I half-lie. My balance could be better but I've been with Ashley through worse.
"Oh, I'll drive you!"
"No!" My voice comes out harsher than I intended it to and I clear my throat self-consciously. "I mean, I'll just hail a cab. Don't worry." I walk over to the clothing rack and put on my jacket fumblingly. Adam and Ashley don't say anything as I get dressed and the awkward atmosphere feels suffocating. "Bye," I say as I step into the elevator. Ashley smiles wistfully and Adam avoids looking at me after a short nod.
When the doors close, it feels as if all the tears that have built up the last three years pour out of me. I don't know why I feel so emotional...or well I do. The wine has done a lot of things for me tonight, and it's not that I regret them, for example dancing with Adam. However, I don't know how, but I got my hopes up for some reason. I didn't think it through I suppose. It's just that this is the most I've ever spoken to him and it meant a lot for me. I don't think he even noticed.
The elevator doors open and I walk out sniffling. A girl sitting on the bench in the lobby looks up at me and I almost sprint out the door. God, I'm so pathetic. Running out crying when nothing even happened. When did I become that girl?
The chilly air outside cools my heated face and instead of searching for a vacant cab, I start walking down the sidewalk in jogger shorts and a ragged old t-shirt. What am I even doing? I don't know where I'm heading. All I know is that it's towards my apartment, but that is a forty minute walk. Why did Ashley let me go outside by myself? I'm drunk and heartbroken. Who knows what I'll do?
But I don't risk my life walking into the middle of the street or balancing on the edge of a roof. I don't even do anything particularly interesting.
Somberly I walk into a random coffee shop. The strong smell of coffee and warmth hits me like a truck once I'm inside. The shop is small and cozy. I've never seen it before.
I sit down on a bar stool and lean my head in my palm. A barista comes over. "What can I get you?" she asks. When I look up at her, her expression changes to sympathetic. "You okay there?" I should be offended that she thinks I look that horrible, but to be honest I don't blame her for noticing. I probably look like hell.
Thinking about it, I'm barely even dressed.
"Not really," I admit. "But I'd like an iced chai tea latte though." A second passes. "Please."
A little amused the barista smiles and starts making my drink. "Are you drunk?" she asks.
"Yeah."
"Figured."
"Then why'd you ask?"
"Meh, just starting conversation, not much to do right now."
I look around me, and sure enough the whole shop is empty except for us. I should've expected it though. Not a lot of people go to coffee shops in the evening compared to the early hours.
"I'm Willow," she says. I don't know why, but I kind of expected her to shake my hand, even though it's very impractical with the big bar in between us. Anyways, she is too busy making my iced tea to do look at me.
"Elisabeth."
Willow smiles and hands me my drink in a pretty glass, putting a straw in it too. "Do you have an umbrella?" I ask, my words slurring.
"An umbrella?" Willow replies surprisedly.
"Yeah...you know one of those you put in drinks'n stuff."
"Sorry, mac." She purses her lips at me and sighs. I want to cry. Before I know it the tears are rolling down my face once again. Willow comes around the bar and sits down on the stool next to mine, rubbing my back comfortingly. "Something tells me this isn't about the umbrella." I shake my head. "You wanna talk about it?"
"I thought you went to bartenders to vent, not baristas."
"We're underrated."
A small smile plays on my lips and I take a sip from my tea. It's good.
"Well, I'm in love with this guy," I start off, keeping my eyes on the drink to avoid looking at her as I speak. I don't know why I'm telling her this, I don't know her at all. "But he's dating my best friend..."
"Oh, I see," she hums.
I purse my lips and nod. "And it's really complicated, but he's going to propose to her and tonight was just awful because I got some alone time with him and I just really want him. I'm such a bad person!" I groan loudly into my hands. "He doesn't even look at me as an attractive female, he probably thinks I'm asexual or something!"
Willow pulls my hands away from my face and looks me in the eye. "Well, I, for one, think you are very attractive."
If I wasn't drunk I would've felt really uncomfortable, but I just laugh. "Are you flirting with me?"
"Maybe," she teases and chuckles. "Got you in a better mood, didn't I?"
"At least I know the ladies like me," I joke.
The conversation goes on and after a while I feel myself sobering up quite a lot. The whole situation doesn't seem hopeless anymore when the clock strikes twelve and Willow closes the shop.
"Do you want a ride home?" she asks and turns off the light as we walk out. The air is colder now than before and I wish I wasn't wearing shorts.
"I'd love one," I acknowledge. We walk to her car and she drives me home. When I jump out of the vehicle, I turn around and she rolls down the window so I can lean through it. "Thank you so much. For the ride and everything else."
"My pleasure- oh, wait! Here put your number in here."
I'm hesitant. Willow rolls her eyes.
"As friends," she declares and hands me her phone. I chortle as I put in my number. "I don't hit on heartbroken girls. Sorry."
"Well, I don't really hit on girls. Period. You should meet my roommate."
Willow smiles amusedly and takes her phone back.
"Bye, and thanks again," I praise and walk away. The apartment is dark when I come in. Fern is definitely an A person, a strong contrast to me, who falls asleep at two and only wakes up earlier than noon if it's an emergency – like school.
In the living room stands the portrait of me, finished. What seemed incomprehensible this afternoon suddenly makes sense and I understand exactly what it means. It hurts to want to go one way but to be held back by something. It's like being ripped in two.
**
The day after I feel fine. You would think I'd have the worst hangover, but I'm actually okay. The only thing bothering me though is the bright sun shining through the blinds. I truly don't get the point of them if the only thing they do is only block the sun partially.
After rolling around for a half hour, I actually make a move to stand up and walk out of my bedroom. Fern is painting the floor.
"Good morning, how was last night?" she inquires. Ironic how such a trivial question has such a complicated answer.
I decide to tell her later and sit down next to her. "Could've been better. How was yours?"
"I painted."
"Shocker."
"I finished the portrait."
"I saw it, it looks nice."
"Nice?"
"Well, your version of nice, I suppose."
I pick up a paintbrush and dip it in the red paint. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if we tried to sell the apartment. It would have to be to some hippies that appreciate the color madness the same way we do, because I don't see how you would be able to remove all this paint without tearing everything apart.
Suddenly, the doorbell rings. Fern looks at me and I groan, standing up and walking over to the intercom. "Hello?"
"Uhm, hey." I immediately freeze when I hear who's on the other side. "It's Adam."
"Uh..." I murmur and actually slap my face to make myself say something. "Come on up." And I press the key button, letting him up.
"FUCK!" I yell and run into my room. "I'm not even dressed!"
The next minute is chaos as I raid my room in search of something appropriate to wear. I can't wear something too pretty, because it's only- well, it's actually noon, but that's still too early to be real pretty. But I don't want it to look like I'm homeless either, wearing what I usually wear before get out of the house.
"The door, B!" Fern calls and I curse to myself as I walk over to it. One last hair-pat is done before I actually open the door.
"Hi," I say. Adam looks as handsome as always, with well-fitted jeans and a plain white t-shirt. His hair is lightly gelled, but his messy locks are still prominent and I want to touch them. I wish I was able to pull off that effortless look, without it taking 3 hours.
"Hey, I, uh, came to deliver this." He hands me my clothes from yesterday and the dress Ashley bought for me lying in the pretty bag I got from the store. I had almost forgotten it, the rich blue gown that cost more than my monthly income.
"Oh, thanks," I force out.
"You look better."
It takes me a moment to realize he's talking about my feigned sickness last night. I feel like a beetroot as I stand there, trying to act cool even though I'm far from it.
"Yeah, slept it off, I guess."
"Are you busy now?"
I almost choke on my own spit. "What?"
"Do you wanna grab a coffee, or something? Plan the party?"
I blink a few times to regain my composure. Right. The engagement party.
"Oh, right. Yeah, that sounds great, I just..." I consider inviting him in as I change clothes for the second time the last five minutes, but then I remember how my apartment actually looks. "You wait here while I change, okay? Two minutes tops." Before he gets to react, I've already darted into my room once again. It looks like a bomb went off in my closet and I spend twice as long just trying to find what I'm looking for. When I've thrown on a pair of jeans and a decent top, I emerge from my room, making sure to close the door behind me quickly so no one can see in. I feel my whole body tense when I see the scene in front of me.
"Oh, I'm sorry about this I-" I cut myself off and mentally slap myself this time. Adam is sitting with Fern on the floor...painting. I can't believe what I'm seeing.
"This apartment is so cool," Adam praises when he sees me come out of the room. I mutter a weak 'thank you' and scratch my arm. He stands up and as we make our way towards the door, I send a death glare towards Fern when Adam isn't looking. She lowly chuckles.
We make small talk on the way down in the elevator. It might seem as if it's cool and calm but in reality I'm being smothered by my inability to breathe properly around him. However, Adam doesn't seem to notice that my body is as stiff as a board, so that's good, I guess.
"Where's the best place to get a coffee around here?" he thinks out loud when we get out of the elevator and onto the streets.
"Uhm, there's one right around the corner," I say and we head off. Adam has his hands stuffed in his pockets and I feel jealous. My fingers fumble with the hem of my shirt before I cross my arms, but that feels forced so I scratch my head to try to play it cool. God, I don't know where to put my hands!
This was so much easier yesterday when I had drunk wine and Adam had drunk wine and we were both very happy. Why can't I just be the same now?
We walk into said coffee shop and sit down at a table after ordering.
"So..." I drag, picking on my nails in my lap. "How are you?"
Adam laughs lightly. "I'm good...good. You?"
"Oh, I'm great. Just had a little too much to drink last night." I feel the awkward tension wrap around me like a snake, getting ready to choke me once again. Why did I have to dance with him last night? Sleeping with him would at least not be weird or creepy.
"Me too."
"What did Ashley say after I left?" I inquire curiously. She probably thinks I'm an embarrassment, the way way I acted last night in front of her boyfriend.
"Nothing much, why?" Adam raises an eyebrow, smirking slightly.
"No, I just...I was just wondering...." if she noticed how much I am crushing on you.
The coffee arrives and I redirect my focus to the cup and take a sip. Adam snorts at me but copies my action. The conversation goes easier from here and I find myself almost relaxing after a while. That is until he brings up what we both know we came here to talk about.
"You'll still help me with the engagement party?" he asks for the second time. I ignore the pang in my stomach and nod.
"Yeah, of course." What could possibly make me not want to help him propose to Ashley? "What do you want me to do?"
He taps the mug in his hands with his fingers and purses his lips. "Everything? What would Ashley like?"
"Extravaganza times ten," I titter. It's true though. I know Ashley would want a parade down Broadway if she could, with dancers and elephants and floats and everything in between. However I don't see Adam walking on the end and proposing to her in front of hundreds or even thousands of people. I see him thinking the same thought and shudder slightly. "How about you propose with just you two there and then you go to the party?"
He nods and smiles. "That's not a bad idea, actually."
"Actually?" I question jokingly. "What did you expect from me? Bad service?"
"You never know, right?" he retorts. "You seemed kind of shady in the beginning."
"Wow, thanks." I roll my eyes as a smile creeps up up onto my face.
We talk about the party and how to execute it until our topics divert and we start talking about everything not even related to the proposal. To be honest, I find it much better to talk to him when it's not about Ashley. I love Ashley from the bottom of my heart, but I can't help my jealous feelings sometimes, because I truly wish I caught him before her. But maybe I never would have either way. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.
I sigh and set my coffee mug down on the table, smiling at something Adam just said. It feels kind of nostalgic to have him sit right in front of me, barely three feet away, and not be able to have him the way I want, all because I couldn't push my shyness away for once and just say hi. Okay, I just sugarcoated it.
It feels like hell.
I hope you liked this chapter! If you did, I would really be happy if you voted or commented <3