Picture here was drawn by my Cantrona. :)
Thank you for noticing me, Senpai.
Disclaimer: Naruto is Kishimoto's toy. I'm just playing with it. Abridged isn't mine either.
Edit: 3/15/17 (The combo of Shy Skye and Darkpetal16 come to save the day of horrible grammatical errors! Typos beware!)
Edit 4/17
Beta: SolarCupid (☞ ᐛ )☞
( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)
"He's late," Naruto grumbled petulantly. The boy peered sullenly at the front door of the classroom.
His words made me glance up briefly from one of my texts. I had planned for Kakashi's lateness perfectly and brought an abundance of medical text books. I was still sorting through Sakura's memories (and thank God I started getting her memories on perfect chakra control and I found that it was largely used like a muscle memory ergo, not a lot of thought process on my own part) so I didn't understand a lot of the jargon used in the texts. As a result I had to lug around even more books than otherwise necessary to look up a certain word, phrase, or reference.
I couldn't quite carry all of those books on my own so I had to purchase a sturdy black backpack (why Sakura did not own one was beyond me).
Because I was perfectly entertained and knew in advance that the man would be late, I wasn't bothered in the slightest bit like Naruto, or even broody Sasuke.
"Yep," I agreed. In response, Naruto grabbed an eraser and began setting up his prank. I quirked an eyebrow at him. "It's your own fault if you get in trouble."
"Hn. A Jōnin isn't going to fall for something as stupid as that," Sasuke declared quietly.
"You'd be amazed," I said sagely, nodding my head in mock wisdom.
With timing that only existed in that universe, as soon as I said that Kakashi entered the room and the eraser landed on his head with a plop.
Naruto burst out into laughter, while I giggled in glee at finally seeing Kakashi in person, and Sasuke stared at him in annoyance.
Kakashi slowly picked up the eraser and looked it over before saying, "How should I say this? My first impression of you all: you're idiots."
I pouted. 'Don't lump me in with Duck-Ass!'
( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)
I folded my hands neatly into my lap, taking a moment to admire the beauty that was Kakashi Hatake. He was every bit as delicious to look at as he was in the anime/manga, and now that I knew what laid underneath that mask, well, I had a very active imagination.
A perverted giggle escaped my lips and Kakashi gave me a mildly concerned look.
'I will squeeze that ass when you least expect it, Kakashi-sensei,' I thought passionately. 'Jiraiya has nothing on my level of pervy-ness!'
A warm breeze passed through us on the roof the academy. The leaves rustled behind us creating a very relaxing atmosphere. A comfortable (for me, at least) silence settled between the four of us until Kakashi was the first to break it. "First off, let me have you guys introduce yourselves."
"What would you have us say?" Naruto asked, frowning. Sunshine personified had eagerly sat next to me on my right, his shoulder bumping against my own.
"Ah, things like your likes, dislikes, dreams, and hobbies, or something like that."
Naruto's brow furrowed and he started rocking back and forth. "Um, then why don't you start with yourself, Sensei?"
Kakashi lazily pointed towards himself, putting on an air of mild surprise. "Me? Well my name is Hatake Kakashi. I don't feel like telling you guys about my likes and dislikes. I've never really thought about my future or dream. As for my hobbies, I have many."
"Have you considered modeling?" I asked seriously.
Kakashi scratched the back of his head. "You know, you're not the first one to ask me about that."
"I'm not surprised," I responded honestly, then smiled mischievously. "I bet you have a cute little beauty mark under that mask of yours. I can practically see it now."
Kakashi chuckled, although I thought it might have been a bit of a forced. "Anyway, it's you guys' turn now. Why don't—"
"Me, me!" Naruto exclaimed happily. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto. I like cup ramen, but I like ramen at Ichiraku that Iruka-sensei buys for me even more. I hate the three minutes I have to wait to boil up the ramen. My hobby is to eat and compare roman, and my dream is to become greater than all of the Hokages. I'm going to make all the villagers recognize my existence!"
Kakashi nodded his head, unsurprised by Naruto's introduction. "Alright, little miss is next."
I giggled. "You can call me Sakura, Sensei."
"Sakura, then," Kakashi corrected, awarding me with his trademark eye-smile.
I almost swooned before I reminded myself that Kisame was officially real in that world and I was his fan girl first.
Since we're going before Sasuke, you thinking what I'm thinking?
'Absolutely. We are so trolling him.'
"My likes are reading, and I suppose now training," I began slowly, trying to keep a gleeful smirk off my face. "I dislike unoriginal posers. My hobby is to admire the beauty that has been placed in this world, as well as to study to become a medical kunoichi. Also, I have one goal that I have no intention to leave as a mere dream: to completely ruin a certain man."
Kakashi remained silent for several moments, likely surprised by my introduction. I did my best to school my features into an utterly serious face, but it was a struggle. Naruto seemed genuinely caught off guard by what I had said, and I didn't even care to look over at Sasuke.
Kakashi clapped his hands. "Alright. Next up is you, broody."
Sasuke spoke without hesitation. "My name is Uchiha Sasuke. There are many things I hate and not a lot I like. Also, I have an ambition that I have no intention to leave as a dream. The revival of my clan and to kill a certain man."
"Hey, that sounds like what I just said," I exclaimed, feigning shock.
"Way to be original, Sasuke," Naruto mocked.
Sasuke ignored us. Silly Duck-Ass.
Whatever. Trolling Sasuke was a success, so I'm happy.
"Alright," Kakashi began, "the three of you are very distinctive and interesting. We'll have a mission tomorrow. First we'll do what only the four of us can do."
A very inappropriate image crossed my mind and I giggled.
"What is it?" Naruto asked eagerly, leaning forward and practically vibrating with excitement.
"Survival training."
"Survival training?"
I smirked. "Oh?"
"Out of twenty seven graduates, only nine pass and become Genin. Eighteen will be sent back to the academy. So, in turn a roughly sixty-six percent dropout rate," Kakashi explained doing his best to appear very intimidating and ominous.
Of course that didn't work on me. I still remembered seeing the man turn fifty shades of red reading Icha Icha out loud to help decipher Jiraiya's message. Not to mention I knew for a fact that the man treated his summons like family (each had their own bowl, and he regularly groomed them). It was hard to find a man like Kakashi intimidating with all that knowledge, and so much more.
Still, I had to keep in mind that I was a fresh academy student and I should have been—
Ah, fuck it.
"I'm so going to pinch those cheeks," I cooed.
"What?" Kakashi asked, completely off guard.
"Did I say that out loud? Pretend you heard nothing," I insisted, then started to whistle innocently.
The Ex-ANBU captain distinctly scooted away from a little girl with pink hair. That only heightened my amusement, of course. It was hard to focus on what else Kakashi talked about because all I could think about was how shy and adorable the supposed badass was when it came to anything perverse.
Before I knew it, Kakashi was gone, Sasuke left in an awfully big hurry, and Naruto was nervously looking over at me.
I gave a woeful sigh before casting a glance over at my future teammate. "Wanna go get that ramen now?"
Naruto's nervousness faded away and he bounced up and down. "Yeah! I'll pay for whatever you want, Sakura-chan!"
"Drop the chan, you adorable boy," I teased. "We're friends now, so let's be on a first name basis. If you pay for our food this time, I'll pay for next time."
"Next time?" Naruto squeaked, his face illuminating with sheer happiness.
"Yep. So lead the way."
"Yatta!"
( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)
Lunch with Naruto went about as one would expect it to go. The ball of radiance was beyond happy and merrily chattered away about various and unimportant things. It felt relaxing and nice, and I was already comfortable around his presence. I was dead set on becoming Naruto's first best friend because clearly Sasuke did not deserve that right.
After I bid my companion farewell, I lugged my backpack across the village to my next destination.
I took the back roads instead of the main street, wanting to experience the village through my own eyes instead of Sakura's memories. There were moments where two different memories collided; such as there was a dessert shop at a corner, that used to be pawn shop and Sakura had memories of both of them in that area, and it was hard to tell which one was the more recent one until I actually had to go there in person to see for myself.
The actual journey took well over an hour and my shoulders ached something fierce from lugging the heavy backpack around. It was with great relief that I approached the Yamanaka's compound.
With Sakura's memories as my guide I deftly maneuvered through the bustling area until I reached Ino's front door.
I knocked politely on the door and a solid minute passed by before Ino opened the door. I grinned at her. "Hey, pretty lady!"
Ino's grin lit up her face. "Hey! Did your team's sensei finally show up?"
"Yeah," I answered, thinking back to my wonderful first meeting with the man who had the world's greatest ass. "I even got Kakashi as my sensei, the one with the perfect butt."
Ino squealed. "That's amazing. I'm so jealous. Our sensei, Asuma, seems so lazy. I'm afraid he'll be as bad as Shikamaru."
"You never know," I responded, giving her a sympathetic pat. "Do you think you could do me a favor though?"
"What do you need?" Ino asked.
"Can you cut my hair? My parents are gone on vacation and you know how Kaa-chan always cut my hair before."
Ino gasped, her hands flying up to her mouth in disbelief. "Are you—are you serious? Everyone knows Sasuke-kun only likes girls with long hair."
"I was serious about letting you have him," I told her. "I'm done with him. There are better fish in the sea for me."
"Wow," Ino uttered, speechless for almost an entire minute before she recovered, looking positively beside herself with smug glee. "I'm really glad to hear you say that. Come on inside, then and let me work my magic."
I gave her a mock bow. "Thank you, m'lady."
"While you're here, you should join us for dinner. I'm sure Kaa-chan will be happy to see you again."
"I will never say no to free food," I told her, perfectly serious.
( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)
When morning came the following day, I woke up a bit earlier than I normally would have in order to finish reading a text I had started last night. I was nearly finished with my first read-through of the first textbook I got. I would go back to it when I had finished it and create notes in a separate thick scroll I had bought (why would I ever use notebooks again when I could use scrolls). Only after I had finished with my (surprisingly) meticulous notes would I return the first book I had checked out.
I planned on repeating the process for every how-to-medical textbook I could get my hands on. Once I had enough knowledge of the basics, I felt confident enough that I could totally try it out on my own.
Screw trying it on fish, or whatever. I had my own personal Uzumaki with a Kyuubi to help regenerate to boot. Best of all, I could bribe him with food. Completely fair trade.
I finished reading around six and started getting ready for the day.
With much glee I slipped on the outfit I had bought yesterday. It wasn't extravagant by any means; it was simple just like me.
Teehee.
I bought black baggy pants that were thick enough not to tear from the trials I would inevitably put them through as a kunoichi. The pockets were deep enough that I could stuff a few mini scrolls in each of them (sadly, I did not have enough money to buy storage scrolls, yet), and the owner was kind enough to provide the fabric and threads required to mend the pants.
Not that I knew how to stitch yet, or anything. Since I want medical training though, that would have to be remedied pretty quick. Probably. I'll definitely get around to it.
Next was a long durable red hoodie. The hoodie's length went down to a little above my knees, but the sleeve length and torso fit me perfectly. With the hoodie I bought some alternating red and white tank tops to wear underneath in case I got too hot during a training session.
Supposedly kunoichi and shinobi could use their chakra to regulate their body heat, but that was a skill out of my reach for the time being.
I also simply could not resist getting some badass looking black gloves with a metal back, and a matching pair of standard badass looking shinobi black boots.
All I needed was some sunglasses to put on any time I wanted to make a pun, and I was golden.
'Time to head out, then,' I thought to myself. I hefted my ridiculously heavy backpack over my shoulders (way too heavy to carry that shit on one shoulder) and headed out the front door.
I paused.
'Where in the name of Madara's sexiness are the training grounds?'
( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)
Half an hour later I found the training grounds. I had to stop and ask for directions repeatedly, but I did find my way, so that was a win for me.
Apparently Sakura had no memories of ever going to a training ground.
Explains a lot.
With an air of I-did-not-get-lost-trying-to-find-this-place, I confidently marched up to my teammates, dropped the offensively heavy backpack onto the ground with a loud and very distinct thud, and then fell back on my ass.
'Sweet freedom for my poor shoulders,' I thought, savoring the moment before I pulled out the first medical book I read, along with a thick medium-sized scroll, various pens, and a folded up lap tray.
I felt the eyes of my teammates on me, but for the moment I ignored them as I unfolded the tray, set it up in my lap, unrolled a portion of the scroll and flipped to the second chapter of the book.
I had barely begun writing out my first sentence when Naruto dropped beside me and not-so-subtly tried to discern what I was reading/writing.
"What happened to your hair?" Naruto bluntly asked.
I looked up and awarded my friend with a wink. "Like it? I call it: The Practical."
Naruto beamed at me. "You look cute no matter what, Sakura-chan!"
"Aww," I cooed. "You're a big ball of sweetness, aren't you?" Naruto's smile turned a bit more sheepish and I reached over and patted his cheek. "Somehow, someway, I'm going to adopt you."
His brow furrowed and he tilted his head. "What do you mean?"
"Shh. Don't think about it right now." I patted the top of his head, which seemed to make him pretty dang happy, and then I turned right on back to my studies.
Naruto was content for all of ten minutes before he broke the silence again. "What do you have there, Sakura-ch—er—Sakura?"
"Medical texts," I explained, pulling another one out and handing it over for him to look at. "I'm training to become a medical kunoichi. It's the first step into achieving my end goal of properly ruining a certain piece of shit's life."
"Are you serious about that?" Sasuke asked, barely glancing over at me.
"Completely," I confirmed, nodding my head. "The scumbag hurt my precious people. Sometimes you just have to take revenge."
Technically he hasn't done anything.
'And he never will if I have anything to say about it.'
So it's not really revenge since the act hasn't been performed.
'He's still a piece of shit and deserves what's coming to him. He may not have violated the Akatsuki yet, but he is a traitor to Konoha and is a leading factor in Sarutobi's death. That alone would warrant any Konoha shinobi's desire for revenge.'
This is true.
Naruto gasped, peering at one of the chapters. "You can understand all of this stuff?! You must be a genius, Sakura!"
Sakura, apparently, had an eidetic memory.
I now had an eidetic memory by consequence.
I've decided to stop questioning things.
Smiling, I shook my head. "Not right away. That's why I brought a dictionary with me. I'll understand it after a couple read throughs though."
"That's amazing!" Naruto cheered. "You're going to be a great medical kunoichi, I promise!"
Repressing the urge to squeal, I settled on reaching over and patting his cheek again. "And you're going to be the greatest Hokage."
My words seemed to have made his day because for the remainder of the time waiting for Kakashi, absolutely nothing could ruin his goofy grin.
( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)
Warm light rested over us and I had to resist yawning. My eyes had grown tired after reading dry text for over five hours and taking notes (which was extremely weird. It seemed like I had a cross between my sloppy handwriting and Sakura's perfect style and I had to consciously think about which language to write in). I chose to keep everything in kanji because there was no reason to hide my note taking, and I had a little doubt about being able to bullshit my way out of trouble if someone wondered how the hell a twelve year old girl came up with a whole different language.
Although now that I thought about it, I was sorely tempted to try it out.
'I wonder how far my bullshitting would take me against Ibiki.'
Please don't try to find out.
'Not today, at least,' I reassured my Inner.
Today?!
"Good morning!" Kakashi greeted us, eye-smile right in place.
"Good morning," I purred, giving him my best smoldering look.
If he was even a little bit disturbed to have a supposed twelve year old girl attempt to flirt with him, he didn't show it. Naruto folded his arms across his chest and yawned. "You're late, Sensei."
"Sorry, but a black cat crossed my path, so I had to take the long way," Kakashi explained.
I nodded my head. "That sounds perfectly reasonable. Did you accidentally break any mirrors on your way?"
"Ah, actually I almost did," Kakashi said. "It was so harrowing, I had to stop by the nearby pet shop to deal with it. Then I ran into another black cat there, and you simply would not believe—"
Naruto shouted, "Enough! No one cares. Give us the stupid test already so we can pass it and get some lunch."
"You can tell it to me later, in private, Sensei," I shamelessly flirted, tossing in an extravagant wink to boot.
Kakashi chuckled awkwardly and went over to a nearby training post and placed an alarm clock. "Alright, alright." He then reached into his back pocket (I took the chance to admire his backside, once more affirming the belief that he had a fine ass) before producing the infamous duo bells. The young man turned back towards us and presented them to us. "Today's assignment is to take these bells away from me by noon. Those who can't do it won't get lunch, and will be tied to those nearby posts where I will eat my lunch in front of him."
"A bit of an S, hmm."
Kakashi turned back towards me, his eye-smile a bit more forced now.
"Did I say that out loud?" I wondered, knowing full and well I did. "Pretend you didn't hear that."
"What's an S, Sakura?" Naruto asked.
"It's when—"
"Stop," Sasuke ordered. "There is no need for that kind of talk."
"Just because puberty hasn't hit you upside the head, yet, doesn't mean you have to spoil it for the rest of us," I grumbled.
"You will never become a proper shinobi with manners like that," the Uchiha heir said disdainfully.
"You'd be surprised," Kakashi muttered, likely thinking of a certain super pervert. Then he clapped his hands. "That's neither here nor there. Your time starts now, students. If you want to become Genin you need to obtain a bell, or you will be sent back to the academy. Begin."
"How scary," I mocked, then turned on my heel and leapt off into the trees. I didn't bother hiding myself, picking the first tree and just sitting down on the highest branch. My legs swung out, and I prepared myself for what was going to be a spectacular show.
'I should have brought popcorn.'
That might have been pushing it, considering your plan.
'Heh-heh.'
True to his canon counterpart Naruto stood alone in the center of the clearing, his arms crossed over his chest and a determined gleam in his eyes. "Yosh! Let's face off fair and square."
Kakashi visibly winced, a deadpan expression settling over his face. "Are you a bit off kilter?"
"What's off kilter is your hairstyle!" Naruto brilliantly countered.
I think his hair is quite nice.
'I would concur.'
Naruto let out a battle cry that was reminiscent of a toddler screaming (such a cutie-patootie!) as he charged to one of the world's greatest S-Ranked shinobi. During the charge Kakashi casually reached into his back pocket; Naruto caught the movement and stopped short of engaging with Kakashi, a wary look on his face.
Kakashi didn't even look over at Naruto, his one visible eye locked on the (in)famous memorial stone. "I will teach you three the key shinobi rules. Rule one: taijutsu."
Kakashi finished pulling out his copy of Icha Icha, flipping it open to where he last left off. Naruto was bewildered by the actions.
"What's wrong?" Kakashi asked, not looking up from his porn. "Why won't you come over and attack?"
"Wh-Why are you reading at a time like this?" Naruto asked, still befuddled.
"Why? It's because I was curious about what happens next. Don't worry, with you guys as my opponents it makes no difference if I'm reading or not."
Naturally his words set off Naruto's quick temper and the Uzumaki charged at him without a care or thought in the world. Naruto leapt high into the air, his right fist balled before he brought it down towards Kakashi's face. The Jōnin lazily blocked it with one hand, so Naruto transitioned into a spinning kick.
Kakashi ducked underneath it, and as Naruto fell back to the ground the ball of energy launched a punch forward with all his strength.
Before the punch could even come close to connecting, Kakashi had vanished only to reappear behind Naruto in a crouched position with fingers posed into the single most dangerous jutsu in all of existence.
I began to shake with quiet laughter in anticipation for what was coming.
"Shinobi shouldn't let the enemy take them from behind multiple times, idiot. You're too late now. Konohagakure's Ultimate Taijutsu!"
Naruto let out a shriek, launching up into the air and that's when I lost it.
"One Thousand Years of Pain!"
"S-Sexual a-a-assa-assault!" I howled, laughing with my entire body. "Oh m-my Madara's Sexiness, ahahaha, you a-actually d-did that, ahahahaha!"
Kakashi turned towards me, as I clutched to the tree trunk and shook with laughter. "It's not nice to laugh at your teammates."
"AHAHAHAHA. C-Coming fr-from you? AhahahaHAHAHA."
"Now you're just giving away your position."
"Pfft. Like y-you wouldn't, ahehehe, already know," I giggled.
"Well if you aren't going to hide, perhaps I should knock you out of the running?"
"No! I have a mastermind plan!" I shouted, trying desperately to stifle my giggles. "If you do that, you'll never see how epic and brilliant I am."
"Then you better hide."
"Party pooper," I grumbled. "You're lucky you're so dang hot."
"Mm-hmm."
With a reluctant sigh, I hopped down from my tree and headed into the forest. I couldn't enact my sheer genius of a plan until certain events had transpired, so I was hoping I would be able to watch everyone screw up before I brought them into my plan that would 100% work.
'How does a Genin hide from a Jōnin that specializes in assassination and tracking?'
They don't.
'But he wants us to hide and I can't let a member of the Fantastic Ass Club down.'
I'm sure he doesn't actually expect you to hide well.
'All the more reason to do so!'
In the distance I heard the distinct sound of kunai hitting hard against a log. I immediately shrieked, "LOGGED!"
Praise to Naruto Abridged.
You just gave away your position again.
'It had to be done. I regret nothing.'
I continued to maneuver through the forest, purposely going in circles in a vain attempt to mix up my scent, or whatever. After thoroughly circling the area, I finally crawled into a bush that was thick enough that my bright colors wouldn't be spotted easily.
Laying on the ground like this is boring as hell.
'I know, right? Stupid Bakakashi.'
"Hello, Sakura."
I poked my head out from under the bush, looking up at Kakashi who crouched in front of it.
I beamed. "Hello, Sensei. How'd I do?"
"Not bad for amaeteur. You almost made me pause," Kakashi praised.
I inwardly squealed, choosing instead to grin brightly. "Thanks! I did try, you know."
"I'm sure. Are you ready for the third lesson?"
"Genjutsu, right?"
"Yes."
"Bring it on!"
"Well, since you already know what's coming, I'll use a special one for you," Kakashi promised.
I squealed. "Really?! I've never been placed under a genjutsu, so this is really exciting for me."
"You're a bit of an M, hmm."
"And S," I confirmed, nonplussed. "Hey, if I break out of it in under a minute will you buy me Icha Icha?"
"Nope," Kakashi said and then—
HOLY CRAP, OW.
There was a total invasion of all of my senses. For someone who was only starting to get used to feeling chakra at all, having someone else's chakra shoved through you was not comfortable in the slightest bit. My entire body felt on fire.
Shit. Getting my head decapitated felt like nothing in comparison to the burning lead that pumped through my veins.
Then it was all gone and I was back in the forest, covered in sweat and minutely shaking.
"Uh," was all Kakashi said, staring at me. "Your file didn't mention you were chakra sensitive."
"That hurt," I whined, trembling.
"Probably," he agreed slowly.
We stared at each other in silence, and then I thought I saw him move, (but it was certainly too fast for my eyes to follow) and in the next moment I was out like a light.
( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)
When I came to, my sweat had dried and the tremors were gone.
'Fuck, how long was I out for?'
Only a few minutes, I think.
'What the heck does chakra sensitive mean?'
We'll probably find out on our own through reading medical texts.
'Ooo. I want to do that. To hell with asking people, let's find out on our own like badass detectives. Batman would totally approve of not asking for help.'
We wouldn't want to disappoint Batman.
'Exactly!'
Off to find my teammates now!
( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)
I squatted down in front of Sasuke, enjoying the fact that the little ego monster (Like you're one to talk) was buried up to his chin. He glowered at me. "What do you want?"
"I think a trade is in order," I drawled sweetly. "Do you have an explosive tag?"
"Yes," he responded reluctantly.
"I'll dig you out for that tag."
"Fine," Sasuke bit out.
I did a slight cheer. "Awesome! This will be the chance to try my first ever ninjutsu. I mean. I'm an expert on this, don't worry."
"No, don't—I change my mind—"
Drawing from Sakura's memory I gathered chakra into my fist. It felt awkward doing it myself, but at the same time completely natural. Following the instincts given to me by her, I slammed my fist into the ground in front of Sasuke simultaneously releasing the chakra I had gathered.
I was careful not to go overboard (not that I had a lot of chakra to begin with, sadly), but it was more than enough to crack and loosen the ground in front of the avenger. Within seconds Sasuke had crawled out on his own, giving me a mildly worried look (worried more so for himself, than me, obviously).
Smiling brightly, I held out my right hand towards him. "Gimme, gimme."
"Right," he said slowly. "Is that all?"
"Actually, I think we should work together," I went on. "With Naruto, too. I have a really great plan in mind."
"Absolutely n—"
"If you agree to this I will never ask you out on a date, and never be your fan girl," I purred, giving him a smile that Cheshire would highly approve of.
The Uchiha hesitated. "Promise?"
"I swear," I swore easily. "Come on, it's a great plan. I almost die in it!"
"Why didn't you say so in the first place?" he muttered dryly.
( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)
It didn't take long to find Naruto, or convince him to work with us. Once we were all together, I cleared my throat.
"All you guys have to do is focus on grabbing the bells from Kakashi," I began to explain. "Don't worry about little ol' me; I will be the main distraction. Of course one distraction, no matter how epic it is, isn't nearly enough for someone with that magnificent ass, so Naruto will be helping me, as well."
Naruto was brimming with excitement. "Oh, yeah? What do you want me to do?!"
"I need you to make about thirty clones, and turn them into Sexy-no-Jutsu," I started, but was stopped by Sasuke's look of utter disgust. "Relax, woman." It morphed into sheer hatred for me at that point. "Look, Kakashi-sensei is clearly uncomfortable with his students flirting with him. If Naruto turns into a naked girl and starts charging at him, he'll be at least a little distressed."
Sasuke blinked at that. "Wait, is that why you were flirting with him all this time? To see how he would react?"
A pause. "Sure, let's go with that."
"Wow, you're really smart, Sakura," Naruto cheered.
"Eh-heh. Anyway, so while I am the main distraction, on my signal—which will be the word boom by the way—Naruto will start charging in with his clones, and Sasuke will hide amongst them. Kakashi is going to act very fast and he is going to come straight towards me, so Sasuke you need to be prepared to grab the bells from him the second he gets near me. Simple enough, right?"
"Right," Naruto agreed while Sasuke awarded us with a curt nod.
"Then it's settled," I declared. "You two get ready and listen for the word boom."
( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)
"Sensei!" I called, waving my hand up in the air over at Kakashi. I stepped into the clearing, completely relaxed, with a big smile on my face.
"Are you going to try now, Sakura?" Kakashi asked, giving me his eye-smile.
"Mm-hmm!" I pulled out a piece of paper. "This is an explosive tag Sasuke gave me. You better give me the bells, or else."
"Or else, what?" Kakashi asked.
I giggled and stuck it on my forehead, channeling enough chakra that my hand flowed a soft blue. "Or else I go boom!"
All hell broke loose.
The air was knocked right out of me and my world titled. In the next heartbeat I was on the ground with a positively livid Kakashi (mmm) over me.
My right hand twitched and I reached up and around him, and pinched his right booty cheek.
He was off me in the next instant, channeling minor killing intent towards me, but hell I just pinched those buttcheeks so I was pretty dang happy. I looked over at Sasuke, who had his face covered by his hands. I asked, "Did you get them?"
"Yes," he ground out. "If I knew that was what you were going to do I would have never given you—"
"You can have it back now," I told him, pulling out the explosive note and handing it to him.
Kakashi was furious, releasing enough killing intent that Naruto and Sasuke started to wince. "What were you thinking?"
"It wasn't a real explosive tag," I said. "I have an eidetic memory so I drew a fake one last night. I just wanted you to think I had a real explosive tag (which is why I asked Sasuke, in case you were listening) so you would take me seriously. I think you broke my ribs though."
I rummaged through my other pocket and pulled out the many other fake notes I had made and held them out to him. "See? Perfectly harmless. I'm too perfect to get myself killed. Besides, now that I have seen that this world can create beauties such as yourself, why in the name of Madara's sexiness would I want to leave this place?"
I finished with a wink. "Besides, pretty ingenious, huh? Told you guys it was an awesome plan."
"You have worrying definitions of awesome," Kakashi muttered, then turned to Sasuke. "What are you going to do with the bells, Uchiha?"
Sasuke looked down at them, then reluctantly gave one to me. "It was her plan. She at least earned a bell. If anything, she's... dedicated."
I threw the bell over to Naruto. "Naruto can have my bell. And now we have all passed."
"What?" Naruto asked, fumbling to catch the bell.
"This was a team exercise," I began, taking a moment to enjoy the spotlight. "We won as a team, and so we pass as a team. The bells were only meant to divide us—how many two manned Genin teams with fresh academy students do you see running around? And even if I'm wrong, I'll still choose to be the one tied up and failed. Du—er—Sasuke and Naruto are my comrades and they take priority over everything else. After all—"
Pause for dramatic effect. Pause for dramatic effect. Pause for dramatic effect. Pausepausepausepausepausepause for the love of Madara's sexiness pause...!
"—those who don't take care of their friends are worse than scum," I finished. "Do you disagree with my explanation, Sensei?"
Kakashi was quiet for a moment before his eye-smile returned. "No. Congratulations, you all pass. Return here sharp six hundred. Oh, and Sakura, try to keep your hands off me."
"I make no promises," I said, preening under his praise.
"Then I guess I'll have to show you a new meaning to S," he said cheerfully.
Oh boy. He's going to make tomorrow hell for us, isn't he?
'Hmm. Maybe I shouldn't have provoked him so much?'
I briefly remembered the feeling of pinching the perfect ass, and discretely wiped at my nose.
'Nah. Definitely worth it.'
EXTRA:
"Though you probably should go to the hospital, Sakura," Kakashi went on. "I might have broken a few ribs."
"Only if you carry me there."
"On second thought, why not come to training tomorrow the way you are now?"
"Whatever you want, Se-en-sei."
Kakashi looked up to the sky. "This is karma, isn't it?"
"The Goggle Gods have spoken."
"What?"
"The Goggle Gods spoke to me while I was shopping last night," I whispered solemnly. "I have to do their bidding or else I'll never learn about the Rainbow Stick Story."
"Again: what?"
"I don't know. I am only a humble disciple."
Kakashi left at that point.
( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)
There is no original way to do the bell test anymore. It has all been done. Oh well.
My humor has grown darker and more perverse.
Would you be surprised if I told you that Sakura created that plan not to get the bells, but for the chance to pinch Kakashi's booty?
Question: Who has the best booty in Naruto?
Reviews are love!