Each day begins to roll into the next, slowly and uneventfully. Matteo goes to work because he has to. He's can't miss anymore shows without royally pissing off his producers, his company and most of New York City.
I begin to prepare to go back to work. I can't sit inside all day. I can't act like this hasn't happened anymore. It has. It's our reality and shutting myself away is only going to make me worse. We're finally seeing Charles tomorrow and even after all the talks with Rory, trying to figure out a way to get him back, we still come to nothing.
I'm nervous and anxious and terrified to see him. I don't know what to expect anymore.
***
Matteo knocks gently on the blue door, glancing down at me. Within moments, Eddie Castano opens the door in jeans and a Led Zeppelin t-shirt. His hair is extended in every which direction and looks like it hasn't been washed in days. He doesn't look anything like the man we saw in court and my worst fear is realized.
"Mr. Castano," Matteo says curtly. The man observes us from head-to-toe before letting us in. I take one more glance outside at this poor excuse for a neighborhood before walking in behind Matteo, taking the hand that's behind his back, outstretched towards me.
"So, three hours," Eddie finally says, leaning against the kitchen sink. The apartment is small but at least it's clean. There's a kitchen and on the other side, a place with a couch and a television. There are no paintings up, no pictures. I look on the counters for Cheerios, finding none out in the open.
"How... how has he been?" I ask bravely. Eddie looks at me and shrugs, sniffling.
"He's fine, been fine."
Matteo clears his throat, looking around before pinning his gaze on Eddie. "Alright, well, where is he? We're planning to take him to the aquarium."
Eddie doesn't answer right away. They just seem to stare at each other while the seconds pass and I glance around uncomfortably.
"In his bedroom. On the left," he finally says.
"You go on and get him, Em. I'm gonna talk with Ed for a bit," Matteo says, his voice shrill. The multi-colored stripped wallpaper gives me the creeps as I walk through the hallway. I open the door to the left and sigh heavily in relief, finding Charles in a crib that's too small for him. He stands up, gasping loudly and my heart practically bursts back to life.
"Mummy!"
I grin for the first time in two weeks and pick him up, clutching him to my body as tight as I can. There is a stuffed animal in the crib and a changing spot in the corner but nothing else. The rest of the room is bare.
"Ow. Mummy that hurts. Mummy, I missed you."
I kiss his hair, nodding. "I missed you too, baby. I missed you too."
I pull him back, gazing at his features, making sure he's okay. He grasps my hair in his hands. "I've... I've not got Big Bird."
I nod. "We brought him. He's in the car. We're going to the aquarium!" I gasp, smiling wide. He rests his head against my shoulder, wrapping his arms as far as he can around my neck.
"Where's daddy?"
"He's right outside. Let's go see him."
I exit the bedroom, uncomfortable when I find Matteo standing by the front door, his arms crossed over his body. Eddie is sitting at the dining table, drinking out of reused water bottle. They both look my way as I enter the space again.
I look at Eddie. "I wanted to let you know that he has grown too big for a crib. You should look into getting him a toddler bed."
"Daddy!" Charles exclaims, reaching out his arms for Matteo who smiles, but doesn't divert his attention from Eddie, who at the moment, isn't enjoying Charles' idea of daddy.
"Well, don't you two have one? Since you won't need it now, I'm sure you wouldn't mind Charles having it here?"
My eyes widen slightly and dart to Matteo who gestures with his head for me to come to him. Matteo grabs the door knob. "We will be back at three."
"On the dot. Oh and remember, you cannot refer to yourselves as his parents anymore." I watch Matteo go rigid. Eddie looks at Charles who is sucking his thumb. "Bye son. See you soon."
When Charles hides his face in my neck, I feel my skin prickle with fear. Matteo rests a hand on my back then, literally guiding me out of the apartment.
***
"What flavor do you want, bud?" Matteo asks, holding onto Charles hand. They're in front of an ice cream cart.
"I can't see!"
Matteo looks around. "Well, there's chocolate and strawberry. You know what?" He leans down, picking him up with ease. "Point to the one you want."
Charles looks around at the various colors before pointing to the vanilla. "Good choice. I think I'll have that one too." Matteo turns, looking at me by the railing. "Babe?"
"Vanilla is good with me."
I watch them together, unable to get the encounter with Eddie out of my head. He doesn't seem to care about getting Charles what he needs. His home is nowhere near livable for a child. Why would a man that fought so hard to have him not even research how to raise him? How could the courts take him from our home to put him into this one?
I smile as Matteo walks up with an ice cream in his free hand. Charles is holding the other two, still perched on his arm.
"Okay, now you're going to give it to Emma carefully so you don't drop it," Matteo says.
"Here you go, Mummy," Charles says, extending his hand out. I smile wider, leaning forward to kiss his cheek playfully. He giggles and my heart soars. If I didn't know how much I loved him before we lost him, I definitely know now.
"The penguins are around the corner. You wanna see the penguins?"
He nods, licking his ice cream. "Don't go on trip ever."
And our reality, just like that, is back in the here and now, and this happy facade we're portraying becomes harder to pull off.
I look at Matteo, who gapes slightly. "Um, come on, bud. Let's go see what the hype is about these wobbling things."
***
Charles is fast asleep as I carry him back up the steps to Eddie's apartment. Matteo is behind me, carrying Big Bird and the toys Matteo won him at the Aquarium. I'm careful not to move too fast, wanting him to be asleep when we leave.
I try as hard as I can not to think about when he wakes up and we're gone again.
"You should say your goodbye now," Matteo says behind me when we reach the door.
I try to remain calm as I kiss his face, pushing his hair back gently with shaking hands. The tears of fear are building. God, I don't want to leave him.
Nuzzling my nose into him, I pull back, turning him towards Matteo who presses a quick kiss to his head. We look into each other's eyes and nod together before he knocks.
We wait... and wait. And then finally the door opens.
Eddie is breathing heavy in unbuttoned jeans and an open striped shirt.
"Wow, those three hours went by fast."
"We'd be happy to take him longer," I say stiffly. Or forever.
"No, no. Give him to me," he says, holding out his hands. I stare at him, noticing sweat on his brow. My hands clutch to Charles tighter as I try to keep my voice down.
"I think it would be better if I put him down... that way he doesn't cry when we leave. It will save you the trouble."
He smiles and it leaves a tingling down my spine in the worst way. "Well, you are quite the lady."
"Emma, go put him to bed," Matteo says.
I nod, all too happy to get away from him. Eddie moves out of my way enough that I can make my way into the apartment. I walk towards the small bedroom, unable to breathe.
I have to leave him here... in this hell, with a man who could care less about him. Eddie doesn't want him like we do. He doesn't care for him like we do.
I set Charles down into the crib and he barely stirs, turning onto his side. I rub his back, for a bit, staring at him. I'll be back soon. This isn't forever. I leave the bedroom and shutting the door quietly, a movement catches my eye. I become distracted by the long, lanky, entirely naked woman sprawled out on a bed in the other room across the hall.
I can't help but stare in shock. She looks up, probably feeling my gaze and moves to cover herself up. I stride down the hallway, fists clenched at my sides.
"Ready?" Matteo asks when I reach the door. I nod, probably bright red.
"See ya'll in two weeks," Eddie says, leaning back against the counter. Matteo nods.
"Um, I know you mentioned the bed, which we are happy to give you. We also have some of his, you know, favorite toys. A changing station. A high-top chair too. We'd be happy to bring them over sometime this week?"
Eddie rests his hands on the counter beside him. "You heard the court order."
Matteo nods, unfazed. "Yeah, I did hear it."
Eddie purses his lips. "Yeah, I mean, I guess you could stop by on Thursday or somethin'."
"Thursday is good. Until then," Matteo says, ushering me to walk out now. I do, taking his outstretched hand.
"What was that?" I whisper without moving my lips when we're by the car. I sit down, glancing back at the man watching us from the doorway. When I look back at Matteo, there's a gleam in his eye that wasn't there before, a gleam that resembles hope.
"We're going to get Charles back."