POV: Savannah
I woke up the next morning, still in Colin's arms. I didn't sleep that great most of the night... Either my thoughts were keeping me awake, or Colin would shift in some way, disturbing my peace.
When I finally managed to get comfortable enough to sleep, Colin woke up with the sudden urge to throw up, and I had to move out of my desired position to hand him the trash can. All that being said, the night was rough, and now it was one in the afternoon. I was still half asleep when I heard he murmur of the television, and lifted my head to see what was going on.
"Look who's finally awake!" Colin exclaimed, causing me to jump a little bit, bringing me to full alertness.
"Geez Colin," I said hazily, wiping the sleep from my eyes, "You can't shout at someone when they first wake up... Especially if you're that close to their ear..."
"Sorry," he said softly.
"Feeling better?"
"Yep... Thanks again for staying with me..."
He moved his arm from around my side as I flipped over onto my back.
"No problem Colin," I insisted, folding my hands over my stomach.
I was staring up at the ceiling when I was struck with dissatisfied.
"Oh my gosh, I totally forgot I had class today! Why didn't you wake me up?!"
"I didn't know... I mean I thought about it, but I just couldn't disturb you— I'm sorry... You just looked so peaceful..."
I sat up in bed and let out a deep sigh.
"It's fine Colin... I dont even know if I want to keep going to school. It's just too hard knowing that Ryan used to work there. Do you have any idea what went down in there? That class was amazing, and now it's just a depressing reminder of what used to be..."
Colin sat up beside me and grabbed my hand.
"No, I don't know what 'went down' in that class– I'm assuming that most days it was you, but—"
"That's not at all what I meant Colin... One time... maybe two—"
"Or three," he smiled.
"Anyway," I blushed, "It just sucks being there without him..."
Colin wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer. He was shirtless and his skin was warm on mine. I buried my face into his shoulder.
"It's ok Savannah. You do what you feel is best... Ryan loves you, and I'm sure he thinks about you just as often as you think about him—"
"When he's not going on dates? Yeah I'm sure he does..."
"What are you talking about?"
"Ryan was on a date with a woman from his school the other day and he didn't even tell me. I had to hear it from what might as well be his 'boyfriend'... Its fine though, I guess I'll just die alone with Tony—"
"You'll find someone, don't say that..."
I pulled away from him and got out of bed.
"It doesn't matter, I'm sorry I bought it up—"
"No, it obviously does matter, and if you want to talk about it, let's talk!"
I ignored him and walked out, making it down the last step before he caught up with me.
"Savannah," he said intensely, putting his hands on my shoulders to stop me from leaving, "Talk to me—"
"I can't..."
I sighed without further explanation, and escaped from his grasp to go take a seat on the couch. Colin sat next to me and stared into my eyes.
"What?!" I asked defensively.
"Why can't you talk to me? We're friends right? We've lived together for a while now... I just don't understand why you never tell me anything anymore—"
"I can't explain it Colin... I just... I wonder what would've happened if I had never met Ryan..."
Colin broke eye contact with me and looked around the room.
"Yeah, I do too..."
A tear rolled down my face as I looked at Colin and memories raced through my mind.
"Thank you Colin," I said solemnly.
"For what?" He questioned, looking back into my eyes, and forcing a smile as he wiped my tears away.
"For staying with me... For never letting me be alone... I know I can always count on you," I smiled.
"I'll always be here for you," he insisted, "That's why I don't understand why you can't talk to me..."
"Because Colin... You have a girlfriend now and I—"
"If Callie and I are a problem, I don't have to date her. Just say the words and I—"
"No Colin, she doesn't deserve that... What if she's your happy ending? Besides, I shouldn't be jealous... you aren't even mine..."
He moved closer to me and embraced me in an emotional hug. I wrapped my arms around his waist as we sat together.
"She's not... trust me," he insisted, pulling back, and looking into my eyes, "We don't even have to be together, as long as I'm still waking up in the same house with you... I've found my happy ending"
Colin's proclamation just made me feel worse. He put his hand on the side of my face and stopped the stream of tears.
"Even in pieces you're the most beautiful person I know—"
"Colin stop," I demanded, moving his hands off of my body.
It obviously did no good because moments later, he had his hand back on my cheek, and his other hand gripped tightly in mine.
"I look at you and I'm home... That's a feeling I wouldn't trade for anything love," he claimed, as I watched tears involuntarily drop from each of his crystal blue eyes.
"You don't know how much I want to talk to you. I'm just afraid that if I get too close..."
"What? You'll fall in love with me? You'll betray Ryan? I don't think we have anything to worry about there... You know, I don't understand why you didn't marry him when you had the chance. You two would have been happy—"
"Deep down you already know the answer to that question... we both do," I insisted, "I'm just not ready to admit it yet..."
"There's nothing to admit Savannah. You're in love with him, and I'm happy for you... Why can't you be happy for me!?"
"Because OBVIOUSLY NEITHER ONE OF us is HAPPY! We're both sitting on the couch, CRYING about our love lives, and how TERRIBLE they are."
"Sometimes it's easier to pretend that you don't care, rather than admit it's killing you—"
"Yeah well, if this is what happiness feels like—"
"No Savannah, this isn't what happiness feels like. This is what love feels like. Love is always wanting what's best for someone, even if that doesn't include you, no matter how much you love them..."
Colin paused and gazed deeply into my soul as I stood up and sat back down in his lap. I reached up, wiped the sadness from his eyes, and caressed his face. His hands firmly gripped my waist, and he leaned in. The soft dark strands of his hair brushed against my face as he whispered into my ear.
"I'm not going to lie to you... One day, I hope that you look back at what we had, and regret everything you did to make all of this happen," he whimpered painfully as he gently laid his head against mine, and I tried to hold back my tears, "Don't worry though love, even if I had the chance, I could never hurt you the way you hurt me..."