I gaze into Matteo's sleeping face from my side of the bed. I've got my hands rested against the new sheets on our mattress. I stare at him, wondering how the hell, after the week I just had, after the months I've had, he could make me feel this happy again.
I feel the enormity of last night. It was a turning point for us. Especially for him. I don't know how I feel about working, working while he's not, but I do know I'd like to go back. The pictures of his parents and him are still resting beside him on the edge of the bed, beside the watch that I assume was his father's.
The sun is barely up outside but I feel it's heat. I'm ready to make this day special for him. It's his first birthday celebrating with me, also his first birthday with Charles.
I turn quietly and reach into the drawer, grabbing his gift. It's a Baton, with an ebony staff, the handle crusted in gold. It's lightweight like his other one. I have to see if it works for him. I know when it comes to these, it needs to have the right amount of grace, delicacy.
I rest it on my pillow, smiling down at him before I stand up, grabbing my robe off the door handle. I wrap it around myself, appreciating the satin and open the door, rubbing my hands through my knotted hair. The apartment is still quiet, thankfully. Charles is still sleeping so I have time to make breakfast.
I immediately walk to the fridge to see if we have brioche bread, wanting to make Matteo his favorite, French toast. I grin, biting my lip as I pull out the bread and eggs.
Yes.
Okay, now, I just have to remember how to make this. Maybe I wrote it down somewhere.
I'm moving through the drawers in the kitchen when I hear the familiar sound of a crying child. Charles is up.
I shut the drawer and am leaving the kitchen when my mother walks from the guest room, still in her pajamas.
"I've got him," she says, opening the nursery door. I smile as she does, glad for the help.
I turn back to my work, taking a deep breath.
***
"Hey kiddo," my father greets me, kissing my cheek as I hold the sifter of powdered sugar in my hands. "Wow. That looks great."
"It's Matteo's favorite," I say, glancing at my mother who's giggling with Charles, sitting on the counter. She has her hands on him, but it's making me nervous.
"We have to go out and get something for him still, Jesse," my mother points out.
"Yeah, but what do we get him?" Dad says, directed towards me.
I shake my head. "I don't think he wants you two to go out of your way. He doesn't even want to celebrate this."
My mother gapes. "We have to get him a gift, Emma. I mean, come on. Oh also, Jesse and I would like to take Charles out to the aquarium today if you'd let us. It's been nice feeling like grandparents and we think you and Matteo should have some time on your own today."
"You are his grandparents," I press. "By all means, sure. He'd love the aquarium."
"What will you and Matteo do? Are you taking him out?"
I purse my lips, looking for the strawberries. "I'll think of something."
***
The phone rings in my ear and I wonder if Doug is even going to answer my call. The man has to hate me right now. Surprisingly, it doesn't go to voicemail.
"This is Doug."
"Doug? Hi. It's Emma... Giordano."
He chuckles and I relax a little. "Emma, I know who you are. What's up?"
"Well, it's Matteo's birthday today."
"What? Are you serious? Damn, he always does this!"
"Yeah, he didn't even tell me."
"Shit, I've gotta call him."
I lean against the railing of the terrace. "Do you think you could possibly score two tickets to that Opera today? I can pay whatever, but it's sold out for the next couple months. I keep forgetting the name... it's in Italian?"
"Meriggiare?"
"Yes, that's the one."
He blows out a breath. "Um, yeah, sure, I'll see what I can do. I'll spout Matteo's name. They'll be throwing them at us."
***
I'm cutting up strawberries when I feel hands come around my waist, warm lips on my neck. I smile, wide. "Happy birthday."
I hear Matteo chuckle. "Thank you."
"I made French toast. This is still your favorite, right?"
He rests his chin on my shoulder, nodding. "It smells delicious."
I point to a plate that looks like it's straight out of a culinary catalog. It has enough sugar to create cavities and I'm proud of it. "Well, eat up. That's yours there."
He walks to the plate, grabbing it. He's dressed casually in blue jeans and a gray t-shirt, fresh out of the shower. His eyes are dark, though. It's easy to see he had a rough night. I wonder if my parents will notice. "Where is Charles? Your parents?"
I smile. "They are getting him changed for the aquarium."
"We're going to the aquarium?"
"They are. I have other plans for you. This is your day."
"Em, I said I didn't want to do anything," he complains, sitting down onto a bench on the island. I roll my eyes, depositing strawberries onto the last plate.
"Food's ready!" I shout. When I look at Matteo, he's glaring at me. I chuckle.
"Doug managed to get tickets to Meriggiare. I remember you spoke about it before..."
He smiles, intrigued. "You know me well, Em. But your family is only here for one more day. Shouldn't we—"
"Oh, just go out with your wife!" my mom exclaims, walking out with Charles on her arm. I point to the plates as she hands Charles to me for the first time this morning. She looks at Matteo. "We still have the dinner tonight. We'll just make it a late one."
"I mean it. You don't have to," Matteo presses, looking embarrassed. As I take Charles' hand off of my necklace, I bite my lip, wishing he would get over this birthday phobia.
"It's a new start, for us. Emma's father and I would really like to do this, so go out. Enjoy yourselves. We'll spoil Charles while we can before we leave."
I place my hands on my hips. "I slaved all morning! Why is no one eating?"
That seems to break the tension. They all chuckle, finally paying attention to their plates. I lean against the sink, rubbing Charles back. He points at the cheerios and I smile. "You hungry?"
He tucks his face into my neck, smiling adorably. I reach for the box. "Matteo, did you see the gift on the pillow?"
"I did. I didn't open it though," he states, smirking. "I like watching you squirm."
***
I brace my hands on the sink, breathing in deeply wrapped in a towel. My hair is still dripping down my back. I stare down into the sink, seeing my underwear, spotted with blood. It's light, but definitely there.
I stare at them and everything so easily comes back. Just a few days ago, I was sprawled out on the ground of the living room, trying to breathe through the pain. The memories... I wish I could stop them. I need to today.
Matteo walks through the bathroom door, at ease, knotting his tie. His eyes flicker to my hands as I quickly grab the panties, walking from the room.
Almost immediately, I hear, "You alright?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," I say as happily as I can. Today has to be perfect for him.
***
I lean into Matteo's body, entwining my fingers with his as we sit, waiting for the show to begin. There isn't a single seat available around us. Doug must have pulled out the big guns to get us front row seats to this.
It's refreshing to be out with Matteo like this. It's been so long since we've been out, just ourselves. Matteo rests his arm over my legs, clasping my thigh and gazes down at me as the lights dim.
***
We step into our apartment after seeing the show, inhaling delicious scents. Spices. I step out of my heels immediately as Matteo locks the door.
"We're home," I call out, walking out into the living room area. Dad has Charles sitting up beside him. They're watching cartoons. Dad looks more interested in it than the toddler.
"Hey, kiddo. How was the play?"
"It was depressing. Depressing, but good."
I bend down, kissing Charles lightly. He looks wired. I wonder how much candy they've given him today.
My mom yells from the kitchen. "Food's ready!"
***
Matteo's chocolate cake rests in pieces on the messy table, cluttered with dishes and flowers my mother decorated with for this occasion. I feel only awe at their change of heart regarding Matteo and have spent the entire dinner marveling at their conversations with each other, the laughter flowing from the table.
Charles went to bed hours ago after devouring a healthy slice of cake. My parents are sipping wine. Matteo and I have opted for coffee. Matteo has just opened a gift from my parents, three plane tickets. One for him, me and Charles to visit them with. Turns out, they did just fine picking the gift on their own. Knowing it's late with only ten minutes left to his birthday, I slide Matteo's present over to him.
He takes the rectangular box with a gentle smile. "Thank you."
I nod, smiling. "Open it."
He unravels the emerald-colored ribbon and pulls off the lid of the box. I'm relieved when he grins, gaping slightly.
"Em, holy shit."
My parents laugh at the explicit. So do I, trying to gauge his reaction. He lifts the baton from the cushioned spot, observing it closely.
"Do you honestly like it?"
"I love it."
"Because you know, I know it's important for it to feel comfortable in your hand. The guy in the store said that some people like heavy and some don't. I noticed when you perform that you're hands move gracefully, so I opted for a lighter one..."
He's chuckling. "Em."
"We can always go back to the store and pick out a different one."
He shakes his head, squeezing my thigh. "It's perfect, Emma."
I take a deep breath. "And you're not lying to hurt my feelings? Do you like the colors? I know you have a brown one..."
"I've had mine for about five years. This is much nicer than that one. Is this gold?"
I nod, smiling. "Mhm."
"You didn't have to do this."
"Yes, I did."
He leans towards me, kissing me softly, sweetly, pulling back with my parent's watching. My father asks to see it and Matteo hands it over, answering my father's questions about it.
My mother and I watch them fondly.
We feel like family... this feels like family.
***
My parents left in the morning and the apartment feels empty without them... especially since Matteo hasn't returned yet. I don't even know where he is. He hasn't picked up any of my calls. I'm cleaning out of nervousness when the house phone rings and I jump for it. "Hello?"
"Hi, Emma. It's Doug."
I exhale. "Hi, Doug."
"I just wanted to say get well, first. Matteo told me you were in the hospital. Flu?"
I clear my throat and lie. "A stomach bug."
"That sucks... Anyways, I'm sorry to bother you at home, but Matteo has a rehearsal right now. Everyone is there apart from him. Is he held up?"
My heart falls to my feet. "No, I thought he was at rehearsal. He was gone when I woke up this morning. You're saying he's not there?"
"No. He hasn't been there today. The company has been waiting over thirty minutes."
"Let me try to call him again. Have you tried his cell?"
"Several times."
I hear my cell phone go off from the room. "Hold on, Doug. Hold on... I think he may be calling my cell."
I sprint through the house, relaxing when I see Matteo's name.
I answer with a sigh. "I could kill you."
He chuckles. "I know. I'm sorry. I went to Lionel's house. You know how he is about calls. What's up?"
There's something about his voice that is off... really off. "Well, I woke up and had no idea where you went. Doug is on the phone. The company has been waiting for over thirty minutes. You have a rehearsal?"
I hear loud sirens in the background. "Tell him I'm almost there. Running a bit late."
I stare at the bed, oddly. "Are you alright? You sound weird."
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired, didn't get much sleep last night. You're quite the kicker."
"Oh, shut up."
He laughs. "I'll be home soon."
I hang up, letting the relief hit me before I lift the landline to inform Doug of Matteo's whereabouts.
***
I doze awake from my place on the couch, blinking in a daze. Charles finally fell asleep so I was able to sit down and rest. Sleep comes as a blessing as of late.
The sky is dark outside. My eyes flicker around, searching for signs of life. Signs of my husband. Not seeing any, I sit up and prepare to check the bedroom. I come to a full stop when I find him. Not in the bedroom, not in the kitchen. Matteo is standing in the doorway of Charles nursery, leaned up against the frame, staring inside.
He's in a suit, no jacket. His arms are crossed. I walk to him slowly, observing his stance. He's rigid... completely rigid.
I press my hand to his back, slowly wrapping my arms around his waist. At first he flinches at the contact, but relaxes almost instantly, exhaling when I press a kiss between his shoulder blades. He rests a hand over mine, rubbing gently before he turns to me.
I look up at him worriedly when he grasps my face. "Are you okay?"
He looks exhausted but he nods, smiling gently. "I'm okay."