I stare down at the white silky fabric of my dress, my fingers laced through Matteo's. There's an oval-cut diamond on my left hand now. We are only newly engaged and yet three couples away from marriage.
Marriage.
My family doesn't even know. They don't even know I'm about to be married. I can't even imagine the conversation I'm going to have with my mother or the one Matteo will have with my father. I'm in no rush for that day.
"We'll do this again, Em," Matteo whispers gently, kissing my temple. I glance up, surprised with how badly I want to cry. "I promise. It will be everything you've ever wanted."
"This is it," I whisper, leaning into him. He smiles softly, looking rather lost. My Matteo, the one I fell in love with, the one who had problems seeing anything clearly, is back in Technicolor. And while it's familiar to me, it's also terrifying.
After this, we'll go straight to get Charles while Rory informs the judge that we married. We'll keep him until we go to court to then find out if the judge has granted our request. There won't be a honeymoon period. I'll be trying to figure out how to take care of a child after today. So will Matteo.
Oh god, I think I'm going to be sick. I pry my fingers quickly from Matteo's hand, leaping up onto my feet.
"Em—"
I sprint to the nearest restroom, my hand clasped tight over my mouth. I slam open the restroom stall and bend just in time, heaving into the toilet.
"Poor girl," I hear someone say between my groans.
I flush the toilet when I'm sure I can't gag anymore, pulling myself up off of the newly sterile floor.
How can I be a mother? Charles is going to expect me to be his mother, to help him grow up. Matteo and I are going to be parents.
"Emma?" It's Matteo's voice. "I'm sorry, but did you see—"
A woman speaks up, taking pity on my future husband. "The vomiting girl?"
"Um, yes... Em?"
"I'm okay," I choke out. "I'll be out in a bit."
I exit the stall, fixing my dress, making my entrance to the prying eyes present, a line of ladies at the sinks. I run my fingers through my hair uncomfortably and step up to one of the free sinks, trying with all my might to keep it together. Disgusted with myself, I gurgle water and spit it out discreetly. I'm washing my hands when a young woman holds out something to me. I look down, finding it's one of those disposable finger-sized toothbrushes.
"You should take this. You need it more than I do," she says, smiling kindly.
I take it, lips trembling. Stop it, Simone. Stop crying, right now. "Thank you."
She combs through her orange locks, placing a white flower in her hair. "Arranged marriage?"
"No."
"Kid on the way?"
I nod. "Something like that."
"Your guy's pretty hot. You should be rejoicing."
"I am," I answer, brushing deeply. "Just nervous. Are you getting married?"
She nods. "My third. Hopefully my last." With a smile, she closes her purse. "Good luck, honey."
"Thank you," I whisper, grateful for the unexpected kindness. I wipe my mouth, pressing my hand to my forehead, aware of the stares I'm still getting. I know Matteo is on the other side of that door and I don't know how to face him.
I swallow and turn, flexing my fingers. Exiting behind someone, I find Matteo pacing next to the large potted plants. Upon seeing me exit, he shakes his head, blinking.
"Baby."
"I'm okay. Just nervous," I admit, clearing my throat. "Thankfully someone took pity on me and gave me a disposable toothbrush. I'm afraid I'm not going to look or feel my best today."
"You look perfect, Emma. Perfect." He grabs ahold of my face, tenderly. "Just tell me if you want to go home. I can find a way to get Charles. You don't have to worry about that. If you don't want to do this..."
"Will you quit trying to make me leave?" I ask exasperatedly.
"I still can't believe you haven't."
I fix his tie, touching him because it calms me. "We'll make this work, right?"
"Matteo Giordano and Emma Simone. Proceed to Court Room Two," the overcome announces abruptly. There's no running from this now.
We've made our decision. We're here.
"Ready?" he whispers, sounding scared. Just as a scared as I am.
***
Rory greets me with my new marital name when we enter the building to the CPS office. "I think congratulations are in order, Mrs. Giordano. Mr. Giordano."
Blushing, I divert my eyes with a nervous smile, feeling Matteo's wedding band on his finger against my back. "Thank you."
"Where is he?" Matteo asks. "Have we been granted approval?"
"Yes, temporarily. You'll need to be back here tomorrow at 3 PM for the hearing. I told the judge about your nuptials, so we'll see what happens. Hopefully he takes it as a sign of how badly you want Charles."
"That is the reason we did this," Matteo states, disapproving of Rory's uncertainty. "We got engaged and married within twenty-four hours so we could take care of him. My wife isn't even going to have a honeymoon, alright?"
"I didn't mean to offend you. Wrong word choice... I respect what you both have done. This child will need a lot of affection, a lot of care. He's still very young."
I swallow, nodding. "He's two, correct?"
"Two and a half, yes. His birthday is in six months. September 4th." He hands me a packet. "This has all of his information. Birth records. Allergies, to which he has none. It's all there."
"When can we see him?"
"I'll tell them you're here. Just wait here."
Rory turns and walks up to the window, handing over a document and points over at us. Within moments, a young woman brings out the young toddler... Charles. He's still so small. His wild hair is platinum blonde. His eyes are swollen and dark, from crying. Poor thing.
I look at Matteo, who's staring at the child as if he were an apparition, some make-believe thing. Charles is quiet, scratching his head tiredly. I step forward, breathing in deeply.
"Hello, Charles. I'm Emma... This is Matteo. We've met before—"
"I want mummy."
I glance at the woman holding him, unsure of what to do. I can only nod. "I know you do, sweetheart. But you're coming home with us."
"No."
My smile fades, my stomach flipping at his refusal. I feel Matteo's hand on my back. "Charles, I'm your... cousin. This is my wife. We're your family."
The boy stares at him, silent, noticeably confused. I force a smile, extending my arms. "We can get you some ice cream? Do you like ice cream?"
I'd buy him anything right about now if it would make him look less afraid of us.
His wide blue eyes hold my gaze steadily for a moment before he nods, holding his arms out to me. The relief I feel when he settles into my arms is overwhelming.
Okay... okay, we've made it this far. I look to Matteo, who breathes in deeply.
"I'll handle the rest here. You can start walking to the car," Matteo murmurs into my ear. I nod, turning with the small child that we're taking home.
***
When the door shuts, Matteo in the driver's seat and me in the passenger, we both succumb to staring out of the window, struck with disbelief. It's settling in. The shock. Charles is grumbling on my lap, interested only in the white tassels hanging from my dress.
"We, um, need to get him some things. Like a car seat, for one."
"Yeah. Does he still wear diapers?"
I blanch and shrug. I look down his back and see the white, fluffy bottoms underneath his pants and nod. "Yes."
"Alright, we'll stop at a target or something," Matteo says, putting the car into reverse. I hold up my hands after a second.
"Wait, I don't... I think it's bad that he sits up here."
"We don't have a car seat."
"I'll sit in the back with him. I think I saw that in a movie once."
Matteo chuckles as I pull open the passenger door, climbing out. I'm just happy Charles hasn't begun to cry yet. When buckle myself into the back, Matteo begins to drive.
***
"Did you even want kids?" Matteo asks, placing the box of diapers into the cart I'm pushing. Charles has his hands on the make-believe steering wheel that Matteo handed to him for distraction as we shop. The Popsicle Matteo pulled from one of the boxes in our cart is currently melting on a napkin. Charles was interested in it for about two seconds.
I look at him, shrugging my shoulders. "I never really thought too much about it. I mean, I feel you always imagine it happening someday."
He remains quiet, walking alongside me and looks back down at the list we made before coming into the store. "We need food. What does he eat? He still has bottles right? Or does he eat food-food?"
I bite my lip, looking around. "He has a full set of teeth. Maybe we should check the book section. They might have something on kids that could help us."
"Good idea," Matteo agrees, clearing his throat. "They probably have some in the section with the cribs."
"I think he's too big for a crib. What about you?" I ask, glancing down at Charles. He's sucking on his bottom lip rather profusely. "There must be something, a bed for toddlers."
Matteo laughs to mask the pain of these decisions. "Whatever you say. I have no clue."
We reach the toddler section of the store and I will admit it's overwhelming. Not only that... it's expensive. Matteo doesn't seem to care. Within ten minutes, our cart is full to the brink with clothes, toys, bathing supplies, a play pen. We've just left the store associate who is having a yellow toddler bed and changing table sent directly to our apartment.
Matteo drags a hand through his hair, finally taking a breath. "Do you think this is enough?"
"Probably more than enough. We just need the food for him."
"Alright, well let's head there."
Charles begins mumbling to himself. It sounds like gibberish, but I listen to him closely anyway.
***
"He won't go to sleep. He says he wants her," I complain, hair fisted between my fingers. "I don't know what else to do."
"I'll go to him. I just have to cancel tomorrow's show."
"Cancel it? Why?"
He looks at me, blinking, his phone in his hand. "Well, I figured... you can do without me for a few hours?"
The thought is scary, but I nod. "I mean, I used to babysit when I was younger. I should be okay for a few hours. Besides, you already postponed a show for my birthday."
He sets down his phone, breathing in. "You know, you still haven't told your parents."
"I don't really know what to say," I confess. "Sorry, mom but you couldn't see my wedding. Oh, and you're also a grandmother now...sort of?"
He smirks. "You could add somewhere in there how much you love your new husband."
I glare at him. "Oh, is that so?"
"Mhm," he hums, standing up. He grabs me and lowers his head to mine, kissing me softly. That's when I hear the piercing squeal from Charles, who hates his bed.
***
It's just past 2 a.m. by the time we reach our bed. Charles would only go to sleep if music was playing. I suspect his mother sang him to sleep or played lullabies until he would drift off. Matteo doesn't own anything resembling talking cows or singing vegetables, so Charles is now drifting off to various orchestral pieces... that seemed to do the trick.
I deposit myself on the bed, still in the dress I married Matteo in. I'm tired, sweaty, and hungry. I haven't touched food all day due to the nerves. Matteo removes his shirt by the closet and the silence grows in our bedroom.
This is how it's going to be. Oh god. I can't even think about sex right now, let alone moving to take off this dress. I've always heard stories about babies ruining sex lives but never thought it would actually be true.
I glance at Matteo, who is rubbing his face tiredly.
"What are you thinking?" I ask, sitting up despite the aches.
"I'm thinking we've got at least fifteen more years of this. I'm already exhausted."
"Maybe it won't be so hard once we get his routine down. He's rather bossy. Is that normal?"
"I know nothing about children. You definitely know more than me."
"We need to do our research. Seriously. Most people get nine months of study time before a kid pops out."
"We didn't even get a day."
I nod, groaning as I ease myself back down on the mattress. "And I'd really like to turn on the sexy right now, Matteo but I am tired."
"I know," he grunts, laying down flat beside me. "I always want you but I think I want sleep more right now."
"I'm not judging," I reply, closing my eyes. I'm beginning to drift when I feel Matteo's fingers curl around mine. Tiredly, I open my eyes and find him gazing into my face.
"What?"
He shakes his head. "Nothing."
I smile when he reaches out to draw me close, keeping my hand tucked to his chest.
On our wedding night, we drift off within seconds, fully clothed.