OH MY GOD I'M SO SORYY I HAVENT UPDATED IN A BILLION YEARS IM SO SORRY THANKS FOR 20K AND 150 BTW IM SO SORRY SCHOOL'S BEEN TERRILBE AND NORAGAMI HAS KILLED ME BECAUSE YUKINE MIGHT TURN NTO AYAKASHI AND AAAHHH IM SO SORRY
Phew. Done.
I'M STILL REALLY SORRY!!!!!!!!!
Her elbow tingles, then throbs, and that's when she knows. She can't deny it any longer.
She looks at Chat, who's just been thrown to the ground as a last-ditch attempt by the akuma. His elbow makes contact with the ground first, and he hisses in pain.
She doesn't blame him. She feels like hissing too. The pain is throbbing up her arm, growing in volume.
She quickly deals with the akuma, and after reassuring the teary victim, stands staring at nothing.
Why hadn't Tikki told her?
Her gaze lands on Chat, who gives her a smirk, and holds his fist out for their customary fist bump. Suddenly, she feels an incredible rush of elation. Of freedom.
And she knows they're not hers.
Tearing her eyes from his offered fist, she zooms away, desperately trying to eradicate his face from her mind, the face she knows he'll have.
She feels a tsunami of guilt, and not knowing, and she breaks down.
He's known for a while now. He's just been ignoring it.
He suspected it when Ladybug hit her head, maybe a few months ago.
The next day, he stayed home from school, because of a monster headache he obtained by 'banging his head from falling down the climbing wall.'
Then, while he was at home and feeling all around miserable, he felt a sharp sting of sadness, which was quickly washed away by a terrible fury. He felt like punching the wall until it broke and his knuckles bled.
But they weren't his.
He knew she would never accept it. Knew she would tear herself up.
So he kept quiet.
And, when she refuses his fist today, he feels slightly suspicious, and wonders if she feels that too.
They talk about it. Tikki and her.
Apparently, it's something that isn't found in all Ladybug's. Just a few, and she has no control over it, doesn't even know whether they will get it until it happens.
Tikki apologises, and she accepts it, but...
Apologies won't make it disappear.
The next patrol, they talk about it. Chat and her.
She doesn't know why, but she's not even surprised that he already knows. Maybe she knew for a while. He's had more time to get used to it, to differentiate his feelings from hers.
Well, there's no changing what's happened.
No matter how much she wishes.
She feels...really hungry.
Which didn't make any sense. She's have two chocolate croissants this morning, and an apple, as a run-to-school snack, which was usually enough to keep her going until lunch.
But why was she so hungry...?
Clarity hits her, and she almost wants to punch his face.
Why is he so hungry? Is he on a diet?
Angry thoughts turn into worried ones, and by the next time they're on patrol together she asks.
As she expected, no answer.
The next day, she feels more hungry than before.
(...next patrol, she was bringing snacks. Lots of snacks.)
(He doesn't remember ever feeling this full in his life.)
He feels the sharp stings of...self-loathing.
Why can't I be more brave, Why can't I stand up to her, why am I so hopeless, why am I so clumsy, why why why why why-
Boomerangs, hitting him again and again.
The next patrol, he hugs her and hugs her until she pushes him away.
And she was trying to hide it, but he saw the flickers of a thankful smile hover.
(Next time, he's going to give her compliments. Until she punches him – like usual.)
She feels- She feels-
Anger and pain and sadness and despair and desperation and anger and loneliness and tears and anger and pain and rejection and pain but...
But also love, and the eagerness to please, the obligation to please, the need to please.
And a little voice, whispering that if she just worked a little harder, tried a little harder, she'd reach him.
Dragging herself out of her seat, she runs to the bathroom, barely locking the door before a tidal wave of tears come out.
Somehow, she knows that wherever he is, he's not crying.
Because she feels...resignation.
Next patrol, she brings a box of croissants, and tells him stories about her childhood, and slowly, she sees the shadow over his eyes fade away, but still creeping around the edges, waiting.
(Whoever did this...they were lucky she didn't know who they were.)
She feels...bored.
Out of her mind with boredom.
Her fingers start itching, and without knowing exactly what's happening, she walks to the music room, and sits at a piano.
Opening the lid, she places her fingers onto the keys and...plays.
Music comes out, flowing and beautiful, and Marinette doesn't know how it's happening because she's never touched a piano, not once in her fifteen years.
Suddenly she feels a smile, and realisation, and she imagines his fingers playing along with her, the tunes mixing together into one.
He feels...excited. Invigorated. He's had a sudden spark of creativity, and it's made him so happy he's trying hard not to squeal.
Then suddenly, he feels a stab of hurt, and then despair, and...the sound of his creation being ripped to pieces.
Ripped...?
He looks around the room, and sees Chloe standing there with a smug smirk, and Marinette, obviously holding back tears, trying and failing to re-piece the tattered remains of her sketchbook.
...Chloe went too far this time.
(He knows now. He knows he knows he knows-
And he doesn't know what to do about it.
That's a lie.
Of course he knows.)
Later, when everyone's left, he stares at the shreds of paper lying on the floor, and begins to pick them up.
She feels happy.
She's basking in the wonderfulness of having company, and friends, and not being alone.
She hugs Alya fiercely, and simply shakes her head when she voices her concern.
He feels loved.
He feels safe, and warm, and loved.
He goes up to Nathalie, and without giving any warning, hugs her like he used to, back when he was small.
And even if she looks at him strangely afterward, it's worth the second she hugs him back.
She feels nervous. And afraid.
She shows up to patrol, knowing something's wrong.
Chat appears, hands her a book, and swiftly escapes into the shadows of the night, ignoring her calls.
She glances at the book in her hands-
And her mouth opens in a gasp.
It's her sketchbook, all taped up and fixed, her designs perfectly aligned.
She flicks through, and wonders how long it took to fix it.
As she looking, a letter falls out.
She picks it up, and sliding her finger under the seal, takes the paper out and reads.
And re-reads.
Her eyes brim with tears, and even though she knows he's not there, mouths two words.
(What did she do to deserve a partner like him?)
As he heads home, he feels surprise, fear.
Then suddenly, he's hit with waves of happiness and gratitude.
And though she's far away, he knows what she says before she even tries to.
(Thank you.)
GUYS. HELP ME.
I'M LOSING IT. I'M LOSING THE FANDOM. HELP ME.
I literally haven't written any fanfics the whole holidays and this is my first in a really long time OH GOD I'M SO DOOMED HELP ME.