I stare after the door, in shock, unsure as to what to do. Finally, when I start hearing movement in the living room, I figure there is only one thing I can do. I step out into the soft kitchen light and Danny glances up from the couch. He's folding the sheets I laid out last night. I cross my arms over my body and he groans, holding up his hands.
"Em, just... I'm going, alright?"
"Why do you have to test him like that?"
"Because the man who deserves you should be a goddamn eleven in a spectrum scale from one to ten. That man comes nowhere near that."
I stare at him, pursing my lips. "You're right... he's way above an eleven."
He groans. "You're deluded."
"Just go, Danny."
He shakes his head angrily, running his hand through his tousled sandy hair but doesn't protest, leaving the makeshift bed the way it is on route for the door. I hear it shut behind him loudly and finally relax, letting my arms dangle at my sides.
I walk to the couch, grabbing the spare comforter and begin to fold, praying no one in my family heard their argument. I clean up in aggravation before I finally garner enough courage to walk back into the bedroom.
I don't know what I'm in for.
I open it slowly, glancing inside. Matteo's by the window, arms crossed over his body. He looks at me and then back out towards the rising sun. I shut the door and go to where he is, wrapping my arms slowly around his stomach.
"He's gone."
"I'm sorry," he mutters, after a moment of silence, shaking his head angrily. "I tried to hold my tongue..."
"I'm glad you didn't. He was a dick yesterday."
He nods, rubbing his hand over mine. I sigh, pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades.
"We don't have to do this again, the next holiday. I told my mom-"
"I'm not keeping you from them, Emma. We'll go to see them until they like me, simple as that."
"And I just have no say in it?"
"No."
I roll my eyes. "You're incorrigible."
"Emma, they are important," he presses gently. "And while it sucks that they haven't taken to me, I have to be okay with it. I don't deserve any better in their eyes. And I'd like to earn their trust."
I shake my head in disbelief, my chin against his back. "Jesus, you are a completely different man than the one I met."
"I hope that's a good thing."
"Well, you're pretty wise now."
"Apart from the rash mess I was?"
"Oh, stop."
He chuckles, clearing his throat. "I hate losing control like that. That man brings out the worst in me."
"Well, he's not coming back."
"Not for good, Em. I think he's pretty stuck on you."
"Only because he's been encouraged by my mother. I haven't heard from him in months."
He shrugs, sighing. "Well, I think he was simply giving you space. I'm beginning to think he expected you to go back to him."
"Well, I'm not, so there's no point in talking about it."
"No. There's not," he says.
He kisses me to make that true.
***
"They've cleared out the snow in the streets. It's okay to drive," I announce while pouring coffee. Veronica and my mom are sitting at the island, quiet. They know how angry I am.
"I'm going to apologize to Matteo," Mom says.
"Don't do it if you don't mean it."
"I do."
"No, you don't."
She clucks her tongue. "Cut me some slack, Em. I know you love him, but you're smart enough to know why it's so hard for me to accept him, accept that he's good for you."
"Because you're my mother?"
"Yes."
I lean into the counter. "And all those years ago, when all I wanted was Danny and he could have cared less about me, you never once told me I deserved better than that."
She diverts her gaze quick enough to appear shamed by the fact. I'm surprisingly calm, looking between them with patience, just wanting them to understand what Matteo is to me.
"Matteo and I may have had a really rocky past, but we're willing to give this a second chance. We're willing to work on this. He has no family. He doesn't celebrate holidays. I just... wish he had gotten a better experience this time."
"Where is he?" Mom asks.
I almost don't want to tell her. I press my lips together. "You know I love you, but I'm having a hard time believing you're going to be kind to him."
"I will tell him that I do hope to see him at our next holiday and that I'd like to actually get to know him next time we see each other. I will also tell him that I am your parent and I'm only trying to see you with someone who deserves you."
It's not like I can say no. "He should be off the call in the room."
As she leaves the kitchen, I glance dubiously at Veronica. Her smirk is wide.
"You took a chance there. You're lucky she feels so bad."
"She deserved it. So does Dad... and you know what? You didn't help out too much either."
"Hey, I stayed in the background. I'm not about to come between Mom and her master plans. I did my part by telling Danny to stay away."
"We still haven't talked about why you didn't tell me about talking to Matteo over these months," I say, raising the coffee to my lips.
She grimaces, shrugging. "I truly didn't think he was coming back. But, he seemed so desperate to know you were okay in the beginning and I felt like a bitch telling him to fuck off. So, I told him that you were okay. And after that, it just became a thing. It was only every couple of months. I hadn't sent anything in months until I heard you got the promotion and thought he'd like to know."
"If you didn't care if he came back, I don't see why you went through the trouble to help him?"
"Maybe it was because I knew that knowing you were okay, he was able to move on. To let you finally be happy. I didn't know he was waiting for the right time to come here."
"He mentioned pictures," I mutter and she rolls her eyes, exasperatedly.
"Yeah, a few. Shoot me."
"I think you want us to be together. I think you've been bluffing since he got back."
"Well, I know he loves you, Em. I know more than mom does and I want you to be able to have that. But at the same time, I know what he can do to you, to your well being. I have a love/hate relationship with him and he knows it."
"We're learning from our mistakes."
"I hope so. Because honestly, if it doesn't work out this time, I think it would hurt ten times worse than before."
"It's going to work," I say, because I have to.
I know she's right. It would kill me to see him leave again. He's told me multiple times now that he won't go but I can't help but feel frightened by the obstacles that always show up at our door. I look back towards the bedroom where my mother has disappeared, hoping at least one of those obstacles is being cleared up.
***
My parents embrace Veronica in front of the terminal at JFK. The ride here was awkward, to be sure, but at least there was no screaming. Matteo came, to my surprise, although I could tell he was still recovering from his talk with my mother. A talk I still know nothing about.
"We'll see you for Em's birthday, right?" Mom asks my sister, tearing up as usual. Veronica nods, rolling her eyes at my mother's effortless ability to get overwhelmed. As dad moves to hug her, my mother moves to me, extending her arms. I walk into them, knowing that even though I'm peeved at her for yesterday, I can't deny that she loves me.
"I'll see you in March," she murmurs, kissing my cheek.
"Okay."
She lets me go, setting sights on Matteo. She doesn't hug him, but she smiles, glancing between us. "I'd very much like you to come for Emma's birthday in March. Every year, we rent a cabin in northern Georgia for a few days."
"I'd love that," he replies. After my father kisses my temple, he reaches out for Matteo's hand. As soon as my mom is out of ear shot, he shakes it with eagerness.
"Well Matteo, you took everything Harriet threw at 'ya and that makes you pretty impressive in my eyes."
"Thank you, sir."
"Jesse." My dad looks between us. "Take care of my girl."
"I will."
I deflate into Matteo with relief when they finally turn for the gate, searching their jackets for their boarding passes. Veronica chuckles, looking at us.
"Matteo, it looks like you may have gotten that seal of approval, just when we least expected it."
He smirks. "Although your mother was pretty stern in our, um, chat."
They turn back before going through, waving toward us. We all wave back as I ask, "What did she say?"
"That your father will come and find me if I hurt you again. That I better stay away from the bottle..."
"Oh dear God," I groan, closing my eyes as Veronica cackles in shock.
"But other than that, she seemed to accept that we are doing this."
"Finally," I add, glancing at Veronica.
"Now, you guys only need to hope Danny stays away," Veronica says, bluntly, turning for the exit.
***
I deposit myself onto my bed, groaning at the sore nerve that shoots through my back at the fall. "Oh, this is the worst part about Christmas... putting away the decorations."
Matteo chuckles as I fan my shirt against my body. "Maybe that means you go overboard a little bit."
Gaping, I find my best appalled face. "I do not!"
He laughs, removing his shirt. "You do, Em."
I sit up enough to lean on my elbows. "I like Christmas, sue me!"
I throw the pillow behind me at him. He catches it mid-air and stalks toward me, his smile growing. He throws it across the room as he climbs onto the bed, moving over me. My eyes are unable to leave his face, his new carefree smile. He's in good spirits. Even with everything that's been thrown at us the past couple of days, he hasn't let it get to him.
"I'm sweaty," I warn as he begins to pull my shirt up over my stomach.
"So am I."
He drags the fabric from my flushed skin, proving he doesn't care in the slightest.
***
"What's this?" Matteo asks, walking into the apartment. He's removing his coat and scarf, looking at the mess I have in the living room. Mess of furniture. I point over to the boxes and cases that are stacked in the living room. His things have arrived from London.
"Your household items are here," I announce excitedly while he approaches me, and bends down to kiss my lips chastely. He glances at the bed frame and dresser.
"These aren't mine."
"Oh, I know. They were in one of the guest rooms."
"I don't understand," he says and I smile, rubbing his back comfortingly.
"Well, you need a space for your instruments."
He looks genuinely shocked, gaping unsurely. "Oh, I mean, I could have found spaces for them. You didn't have to do clear an entire room."
"Where would you do your work?"
"Well, around... I mean, in the living room?"
I turn, clutching onto the bottom of his button-down shirt, sensing his discomfort. He places his hand behind my head and his fingers run through my hair. "No, I want you to have a place where you can work. I know that's important. I want this to be our apartment."
He smiles warmly. "Well, you didn't have to do the hard labor. I could have handled it."
"Well, it's my last day off before going back to work and I was bored. Anyways, I got excited when your stuff came here. I mean, I've never lived with anyone before."
He chuckles. "Yeah. It's going to be interesting."
"You could sound a little more optimistic about it."
"I'm very optimistic... I've never felt happier in my life."
His confession touches somewhere deep, tugging at the part of me that still remembers the night he told me of his parents, of the fire that killed them. I remember the time where he told me he didn't deserve to feel love, and that makes this particular moment so much more special.