Laying a stack of pillows onto the couch, I look around the apartment with unease. A downpour of snow is now raging outside which left me no choice, but to invite my house guests to stay the night. I may be blazing angry with the lot of them, but I wouldn't go as far as to wish sudden death. Veronica is in one room, my parents in the other.
Danny can take the fucking couch.
He just disappeared into my parent's guest room to show off pictures of Hawaii to Dad. Matteo's already in our room, probably packing whatever he has to get the hell out of here. Picking up an empty mug off the coffee table, I walk it over to the kitchen, setting it into the sink.
"Emma."
My mom is at the edge of the island, dressed in pajamas I gave her. "What?"
"I know you're mad at me."
"Mad doesn't come close to how I feel about you right now."
"We judged him... maybe sooner than we should have. Sooner than I should have."
I turn, throwing up my arms, defeated. "That man, the one who said goodnight to you, thanking you for that god-awful gift you gave him, spent his first Christmas in over ten years keeping his mouth shut, taking all your insults without so much as a snide comment, just because he wanted to get to know my family. He wanted to make me happy!" I glance to the hallway, lowering my own voice. "Do you have any idea how hard this was for him today?"
"I don't know who he is, Emma. You haven't told us."
"That doesn't give you the right to act like you're better than him. He's been through a lot, shit you couldn't even think of."
"I said I was sorry, Emma!"
"I don't care," I snap. "You all should be ashamed." I shake my head, chuckling. "Whether or not you choose to accept him is your choice. Pushing him away will push me away."
I don't give her time to react, although I'm sure an onslaught of words were about to come my way. I've never raised my voice to my mother like that, ever. I close myself into my bedroom, clearing all the anger from my face before Matteo can notice. Matteo is brushing his teeth at the sink, dressed down to only a pair of sweats. I walk to the dresser, fishing the necklace from the box, clasping it around my neck.
My throat has been tight all night so when I'm at liberty to take my first real breath, I also release the emotions I'd been holding all at once. They come out in the form of tears. I press my hands to my face, shaking my head, trying desperately to stop. I swipe under my eyes quickly when I hear him entering the bedroom and begin to move things around on the vanity, just to do something. A perceptive man, he knows what I'm trying to hide. He rests his hand on my shoulder.
Rising out of the bench, I walk into him and press my face to his chest as his arms come around me. "I'm so embarrassed."
"It's alright, Em."
I shut my eyes tight. "No, it's not. I can't believe they were so horrible to you. Please tell me you threw out that book."
"No," he says, chuckling softly.
"You should."
"Well, I probably won't read it, but I'm not going to throw it out," he states, amused. "Don't cry."
I shake my head, squeezing him tighter. "I just wanted this to be perfect."
"I know you did," he whispers, rubbing his hand over my back.
"Can you just be mad? Please? Just yell? I'm not used to this calm version of you yet."
"You want me to be mad? On Christmas?" he pulls back, running a hand over my hair.
"Well, not at me, but at everything else, sure."
"You're ridiculous."
I groan, turning. "Did you at least like your gift from me?"
"You know I do," he says, grabbing me from behind, pulling me into his front. I smile warmly as his lips meet my cheek. "Although I haven't tried composing in years."
"I know. But when you spoke about it before, you sounded like you missed it."
"I do. It just requires a lot of time. I did that when I was alone. It was easy then."
"Oh, before you had a nagging girlfriend?" I laugh, gaping.
"Yeah," he says, chuckling when I try to pry his fingers off of my waist.
"Don't make me laugh."
"You're not holding a grudge tonight."
I raise a brow. "Got big plans for me? I do owe you big time after tonight."
"And I intend to take full advantage of that, but first-" He walks to his bag in the corner, pulling out something wrapped. My face falls. Another present.
"Matteo!"
"What?"
"That better not be for me!"
"It is."
"No! I will not let you give me something else on this shitty night when I only got you one thing."
"I thought you owed me big time?" he teases, tilting the rectangular box towards me. I press my lips together and he laughs. "It cost me relatively nothing. Just open it."
I take it from him, grunting angrily and lift up the top, pulling back the white wrapping inside. The picture inside a silver frame is of us in bed together. I'm asleep, head and hands on his chest. He's holding the camera with one hand and the other is holding me tightly to him. His eyes are closed, his mouth against my hair. You can tell its early morning. Shaking my head, I gape, looking up at him.
"When did you take this?"
"The day you asked for it," he replies. I stare at the picture of us, water springing to my eyes.
"We've come a long way, haven't we?" I ask, emotionally, running my hand over the picture. I turn towards him, wrapping my arms around him tightly. "Thank you, for everything."
"I just want you to be happy."
I pull back, clasping his face. I kiss him earnestly, deeply. Almost immediately, his hands scale the length of my back, pulling me close. I feel in this moment neither of us are dwelling on the fact that tonight went to shit, that my family disapproves of our relationship, or even that possibly from here, our lives are about to get a lot harder.
No, in this moment as he lays me down flat onto my back, caressing my face, we're able to see beyond that.
***
My hand covers the cold pillow beside me and I open my eyes, tiredly, searching the brightening room for Matteo. I sit up, glancing towards the bathroom, but he's not there either.
Knowing sleep isn't a possibility anymore until I find him, I push aside the covers. I'm exiting the room, freshly showered and dressed, when I hear voices coming from the kitchen.
I recognize both of the voices, cringing at the idea that Matteo and Danny are speaking privately at the crack of dawn. I stand idly, listening in intrusively on their conversation.
"Don't you think you could have given her a little time to figure out what she wanted? I mean, the second you get back, you decide you're moving in?"
"It was a mutual decision," Matteo says. "And I don't see how her life is any of your business anymore."
"I love that woman!"
"She's made her choice."
"She's confused. I know her so much better than you do, man."
"You may know her family. You may know where she went to school and what kind of food she likes, but I know her soul, Daniel. I can sense when she's hurting the second I see her. She and I have a connection that is unbreakable."
"Oh, come on! You've got good looks. You've got the mysterious musician persona down. You're loaded-"
"Are you insinuating she's with me for the money?"
"No, of course not. It's just... I believe you charm her. You seduce her instead of giving her what she actually deserves."
"And what am I not giving her?"
"Well, first, security. How is she ever going to be certain this isn't going to get to be too much in a few months? How does she know you're not going to leave again or begin drinking again?"
"The reason I lost control wasn't because this relationship became too much. It was because I knew I was hurting her."
"And trust? You were with another woman."
I hear a chuckle from Matteo. "You've certainly thought about this a good deal."
"I'm not ashamed to admit that I have."
"I didn't sleep with Wendy, although I did use her presence to try and separate myself from Emma. Em was unfailingly determined to save me, and I didn't appreciate that at the time."
It's dead quiet for a good while. I lean my head back against the wall, closing my eyes.
"There hasn't been a day that has gone by that I haven't thought of her," Danny says, calmer. "I could be so much better for her."
"She doesn't want you. Why can't you get that?"
"She would have come around if you hadn't come back. Her parents made plans with me to see her yesterday before you even got here. You always come back into our lives at the most inopportune times."
I stiffen against the wallpaper.
"You showing up here without her damn permission on Christmas day was just tactless. After you heard that I was going to be here, you should have stayed the hell away."
"Like hell I was going to!"
"She is mine," Matteo snaps and I hear the sound of a hand against my countertop. "I took all the bullshit you threw at me yesterday and I sat here and fucking listened to your sob story, but I'm not going to take it again. You're going to leave her alone."
"You just think I'm a threat!"
"No, I think you're pathetic."
I barely have time to move an inch back before Matteo comes bounding from the kitchen into the hallway, almost colliding into my body. Fully-dressed in jeans and a green sweater, he stops, red-faced, and looks down at me. His face is expressionless as he passes me, shutting the bedroom door behind him.