This time we did stay in touch. We texted sporadically and sometimes had lengthy phone conversations. Nothing about us or any sort of feelings or attraction to each other, though. I think we both knew that it was still very much there, but neither one of us wanted to disrespect Shawn. Sometimes he would make a random comment that gave me butterflies and then other times it felt like I was talking to my old best friend, the one I had before anything happened between us. Like any romance that might have been there for a second was now long gone.
Things with Shawn continued to go well. Work continued to go well. And my friendship with Ed got even better once he rented a penthouse in LA. He was going to be temporarily living there while doing some studio work on upcoming projects. The chances of us being able to actually hang out were much greater.
Greater, but still not great. His schedule was still really full and so was mine. It was frustrating when he first got to California because it was like he was just out of reach. He was close, but we kept missing each other. Whenever I was free, he had to be somewhere and vise versa. It felt like we had been trying FOREVER to meet up.
When it seemed like it was finally going to happen, I was in the process of getting ready when he texted me and said something had come up. My stomach dropped. This was impossible.
(text) Me - Ugh, okay. Try another time?
Ed - Why don't you just come with me?
Me - Where?
Ed - It's a dinner. I can pick you up. But you have to wear a nice dress.
Me - What? I don't want to go to a fancy dinner with strangers. It's okay really, we can just reschedule.
Ed - I have to leave for New York in 2 days. Not sure how long I'll be there. C'mon...it could be another year before we'll both be able to hang out at the rate we've been going
He was right. I wanted to see him, and I needed to take whatever opportunity I had. So I changed into a good dress and agreed to go with him. He was knocking on my door 45 minutes later. When I opened it he was doing something on his phone but he immediately turned it off as he looked up at me. When he saw me in my dress his jaw dropped just a little bit and he almost dropped his phone as he went to put it in his pocket.
He cleared his throat and I could see he was a little embarrassed by his reaction. "Hey. You look - I like that dress. It looks nice. You look..nice. Good. I mean, you look good."
"Thanks," I laughed as I went in for a hug. Seeing him flustered over me was adorable.
He looked past me to my front door. "Isn't Shawn coming?"
"Oh, no. He's out of town for work. Didn't I tell you?"
I hadn't, because I never talked to Ed about Shawn. Something I didn't even realize at the time. It was really cool of Ed to automatically include Shawn but I was kind of glad to have a one-on-one hang out with him. Well, at least on the car ride to and from where ever we were going. And hopefully after dinner.
"So," I started once we were in his car. "Are you going to tell me what this dinner's for?"
"Oh, yeah, my parents are in town visiting. It's my mum's birthday."
A heat wave of nerves washed over me. "What?? This is your mom's birthday dinner?"
"Yeah. It's nothing big. Just me, my brother, mum and dad."
"Well why are you bringing me to a family dinner??"
"Why not?" He made it sound like no big deal.
"Um, because I'm not part of your family?"
"Well it wasn't part of the plan, if I'm being honest. I sort of...forgot the dinner was tonight until my brother called me." He laughed at my shocked reaction. "It's laid back, no one cares. I promise."
"Do they even know I'm coming?"
"Sure," he said in a way that made it obvious he was lying.
"Oh my god. I can't believe you're making me do this. I had no idea it was a family thing! Maybe you should just take me back to my apartment and come over later."
He shrugged with a smirk on his face. He knew I wouldn't have agreed to come if I knew. "You never asked what it was for."
I smacked him a couple of times on the arm. He tried to hold back his laughter. I was freaking out inside. I was not prepared for this and I had no idea what to expect or how to act. I felt like it was kind of rude to have a stranger at a family birthday dinner. When we got there and made our way to the table I was relieved to see that there were a few other people there besides just his immediate family.
Ed introduced me as "Sam" and I felt like I needed to elaborate.
"I worked with Ed on a tour a while ago. I'm a photogr-"
His mom cut me off. "Oh, we know who you are, dear! Ed talks about you all the time. I'm so glad to finally get to meet you!"
Ed's cheeks blushed. So cute. He had told them about me, just not that I was coming tonight. That made me even more relaxed. I liked that he talked about me. His parents already seemed to like me from what they'd heard Ed say about me. They were so nice and his mom insisted on me sitting next to her so we could "chat."
By the end of the dinner I loved Ed's family. No one questioned why I was there or made me feel out of place. I had no idea what they were talking about most of the time (family stuff) but they made sure to include me anyway. I actually felt really comfortable and like I somehow already knew them.
While everyone was waiting to pay their bills, Ed said he was going outside to have a cigarette and asked me if I wanted to come with him. I actually wanted to stay inside and finish a conversation I was having with his brother, but I went with Ed. I had come to be able to see him, after all. I barely even talked to him during the dinner.
"You should really stop smoking," I scolded him.
He looked at me as he took a long drag and then blew the smoke away from me. "Yeah, well, you should really stop being so..." he trailed off without finishing what he was going to say. Instead he made a frustrated sound.
"So...what?"
"So...damn likable," he laughed.
"Why? What's bad about that?"
"Nothing, Sam. Forget I said anything." He shook his head.
Confused, I dropped the issue. But later he explained what he had meant by what he said that night. He hadn't expected his family to like me as much as they did. They were never crazy about any of the other girls Ed had introduced to them before. He said it figured that they were crazy about me, the one girl he couldn't have. He also said that each time we saw each other it only made him realize how much he liked me and how frustrated it made him that he couldn't do anything about it.
When we went back inside, Ed asked his parents and brother if they wanted to come over to his penthouse but they declined and said they would all meet up tomorrow. We said our goodbyes and when I got to his mom, she grabbed both of my hands eagerly.
"You'll come with Ed the next time he visits us in London, won't you?"
I looked at Ed. "Uh...yeah, maybe."
"Christmastime is legendary at the Sheerans' house," one of the other relatives there said.
"We hope we'll see you there," his dad said to me as he pulled me in to a side-hug and kissed the top of my head.
Once we were back in the car and leaving the restaurant, Ed invited me to come back to his place for a movie before taking me back home. I was suddenly glad his parents had decided not to come over. Since Shawn wasn't in town and I didn't have any deadlines at the moment, I had nothing to do anyway. I had just planned on going to sleep early. But I definitely wanted to take advantage of this new free time Ed and I had been handed.
He went straight to his room once we got inside and came back out wearing pajamas. He was also carrying a T-shirt and sweatpants for me to change into. I couldn't exactly get comfortable and lay down to watch a movie with my dress on.
After I changed and came back out to the living room, Ed asked me to lay with him. He was laying on his side with his back pressed up against the couch. There was room for me in front of him. I wanted to, but I hesitated. Was this taking it too far?
He read my mind. "I'm not going to try anything Sam," he laughed.
I knew it was a shitty thing to do and that I would have been livid if it were Shawn and another girl, but I was also selfish. I had no intentions to cheat on Shawn. But it was Ed. I trusted him. I knew he respected my relationship with Shawn and would never try to temp me to do anything. We had had plenty of opportunities to do stuff while on tour but never did. Until we were both single, that is.
The truth is that I wanted to be close to him. I wanted to be touching him. I wanted him to be touching me. I can't explain the feeling I get when Ed and I are just laying together and cuddled in each other's arms. It always made me feel so warm and fuzzy and safe. It felt like home.
So I laid down with him and he covered us up with a blanket that was on the back of the couch. He snaked an arm around my stomach, pulling me a little bit closer into him. Eventually he started running his thumb slowly back and forth across the bare skin of my stomach. He had put his hand underneath the shirt I was wearing.
We weren't even halfway through the movie before I started to feel my eyelids get heavy. I could barely keep them open. I started dozing off, waking back up every couple of minutes, trying to fight it. But eventually it won and I fell totally asleep. And at some point I had turned around so I wasn't facing the TV but instead had my face in Ed's chest.
I woke up momentarily when Ed whispered, "Are you going to sleep?"
"Uh-huh," I nodded. Eyes still closed.
He shifted a little so we were both more comfortable and put one of his arms under my head to hold me against him. With his free hand I felt him gently graze his fingertips along the side of my face, down my ear, neck, shoulder, arm and side.
"Mmmm," I moaned. "That feels so good."
He did it a couple more times before returning his hand to the side of my face. I opened my eyes and smiled at him. He smiled back and said, "If I could kiss you right now, I would."