CHAPTER 46
NICOLLE’S POV
“Hey, Joe,” Sarah greeted.
Joe smiled widely as he wrapped his arm around Sarah’s waist. They were too close for Sarah’s liking. It’s not that she was complaining, but, she just doesn’t feel so comfortable to be too close to someone. Even to her boyfriend, Joe.
Joe kissed her cheek and let go of her, scanning her. “You look beautiful, as always,” he commented.
Sarah looked down her dress. It’s pink and above the knee and it is strapless. She’s okay with that, but not with the high heels. She never feels good wearing high heels. She feels like whenever she wears high heeled shoes, her life’s in danger.
She sighed. “Do I need to wear these?” she asked Joe as she pointed to her shoes.
Joe chuckled. “Sit down, Sarah.”
Though confused why, Sarah sat down couch. Joe crouched down and removed Sarah’s shoes then threw them away.
When he stood up, he offered his hand to Sarah. “You don’t have to wear those junks, Sarah,” he said as Sarah took his hand.
She smiled and blushed at her boyfriend’s sweetness. “Thanks.”
He smiled. “Go on. Wear your Chucks instead.”
Sarah did.
Ten minutes later, they drove off to the hotel of their friend’s parents. Both of their parents will also be there since they are business partners.
When they got there, they were greeted by the blinding flash of cameras, questions of reporters and smiles of their fans. No, they are not Hollywood stars. They are just simple persons, Joe and Sarah. Both of them are just a sweet teenage couple.
What makes them special is that… their parents are the greatest business prodigies of New York.
They sat on the table where their friend, Ally, was seated. She smiled. “Hey, Sarah. Nice outfit. I wish I don’t have to wear this stinky shit,” Ally complained.
“Well, thanks to my boyfriend,” she said as she chuckled.
Joe took hold of her hand. He was about to say something when Joe’s and Sarah’s dad offered a toast to everyone. Sarah’s dad spoke. “Well, hello, good afternoon,” he greeted.
The spotlight was on both men now.
“So, maybe you all are wondering why we invited you in this party,” he continued. “No birthday parties. No opening of new companies, or stuffs like that.”
His eyes roamed around the room and stopped to stare at Sarah. He smiled which Sarah returned.
“Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to announce that… Sarah and Joe are engaged to be married, three years from now, when they both turn eighteen.”
Sarah didn’t know why, but a tear rolled down her cheek. She was shocked. No, she was not engaged. She was not even sure if she was in love with Joe. This can’t be happening! No! She cannot be engaged. Not to the one she’s not even sure of. Yes, she’s happy with Joe, but… but that’s not a valid reason to marry him.
Everyone applauded.
Cameras.
Smiles.
Congratulations.
Questions.
Confusions.
Why?
Why?
She looked at Joe who was equally confused. “What’s happening?” she asked.
Joe only looked at her. She was angered because he didn’t answer her. “Tell me what’s happening!” she shouted, silencing everyone.
“No!” she shouted again.
Joe cupped her face and looked her straight in the eyes, but she couldn’t. Her eyes were blurred by the tears. She was so frustrated. “I don’t know what’s happening. We’re not engaged,” she told Joe between her sobs.
“Hey, it’s alright, it’s alright,” Joe comforted him.
At the background, Sarah could hear people whispering, someone speaking at the microphone, people applauding.
She couldn’t understand anything. No. she couldn’t.
She pushed Joe away and ran outside the hotel.
Behind her, Ally, Joe, her parents and brother are running after her.
She didn’t waste any time, she hurriedly took Joe’s car and drove off to the nearest racing track. This is what she’s good at, racing, driving.
When she drives at an impossibly high speed, she feels like life is beautiful. She feels so whole. She feels like she can forget anything else and just enjoy the pressure of the speed.
When she drives, she feels like she is alone yet happy.
She feels like she doesn’t need anything, or anyone.
She got to the racing track and she was greeted by the manager. “Heard you were engaged?” the forty year old guy asked.
“I’ll drive.”
“Yeah, okay. Sure. But your dad’s not here so—“
“I’ll sign the waiver. I’ll pay you anything. Just let me drive.”
“I can’t do that! You’re a minor.”
But there’s no stopping Sarah now. She walked past through the guy. The guy tried to stop him, grabbing her by the arms. She was angry. She was unstoppable.
She freed herself and kicked him on his nuts, sending him down the ground, crying. Joe was already behind her. She didn’t care.
Instead of signing the waiver, she just looked at the camera and said, “Whatever happens it’s my fault. Love, Sarah Lee.”
And then, she took a key and ran to the nearest car and drove off. She was a fast runner, so Joe didn’t really catch up with her.
She was driving at a crazy speed. She didn’t even know how fast she was going. She just kept on driving, circling around the track. She was even ridiculous. She was wearing a pink dress and chucks and she was driving like a mad man.
She could see from her peripheral vision that Joe was shouting at her, probably telling her to stop.
She only shook her head. She bit her bottom lip until blood comes out. Why the hell would her parents make that decision for her? Why the held didn’t they tell her? Why on public? It’s a family matter, right?
Do they really think that her heart’s for business purposes?
No. Her heart is for her.
Her heart is not for Joe.
Her forever is for someone she is really in love with, not for someone she has a crush on.
Especially not for her family’s business partner.
Her hand felt numb because of gripping the stirring wheel too tightly. She couldn’t see things clearly. Everything’s blurry because of the swiftness. She closed her eyes for a while and rubbed them with both her hands.
When she opened her eyes.
“Oh shit!” she shouted.
She should have drifted! She should have drifted!
She tried to, but it’s already too late.
BOOM!
Her car did pinwheeled across the air. When it hit the ground, she felt a blood of pool around her body.
She felt no pain, but she felt so much pain.
She was having a hard time breathing.
Her head and heart were pounding.
Blood was trickling down her body.
She was numb.
She was hurting.
She was dying.
When she closed her eyes, she felt nothing.
***
I woke up with a start.
“AAAAH!” I screamed. I didn’t stop screaming even though I felt like my throat was starting to get ripped. I felt myself hot. My heart was beating so loud. Blood was ringing in my ears.
Sarah.
Joe.
Ally.
Nicolle, no! Get a grip. It was just a dream. It was just a nightmare. You don’t know those people. Sarah? Joe? Ally? You don’t know them.
“AAA!” I screamed louder as I recalled the car crash.
The blood.
My cheeks were wet with all the tears. Yes, I was crying. I was panicking.
I was scared.
More than scared, I was hurt.
I felt like I was betrayed.
And then a second later, I heard the door burst open and someone came in, hugging me tightly. I didn’t stop screaming. I was in hysterics. My hands were clenched into fists.
The guy hugged me even tighter, pressing my face on his chest. My breath was hitching. He was saying something, but I couldn’t catch a word. I was too busy hearing myself cry.
As he hugged me even tighter with every passing second, I started to calm down. I stopped crying. “Nicolle, tahan na. Tahan na. Andito na ako, okay? Wag kang mag-alala. Si Blake na ‘to. Promise.”
At the sound of Blake’s name, I calmed down altogether. I relaxed, knowing that he was protecting me, that he wasn’t going to leave me.
I wrapped my arms around him, gripping the back of his shirt. I closed my eyes. “Thank you. Thank you,” I whispered.
I smiled. Blake was here. Blake was finally here. He will never leave me again. He will never let me leave him. Blake will always be here for me. I know, I know. Whatever happens, he will stay by my side, loving me million times more than anything. Whatever happens, he will stay by my side, laughing at my corny jokes. Whatever happens, he will stay by my side, wiping my tears. Whatever happens, he will stay by my side, tying my shoelaces for me. Whatever happens, he will stay by my side, embracing me when I need him.
Whatever happens, I will stay by his side, loving him a million times more than anything.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he whispered, hugging me tighter.
I sniffed and held back my sob. What was he sorry for? I should be the one apologizing because I know I scared him to death. I know I made him worried sick. I know I was troubling him with my drama.
It was just a dream, Nicolle, I thought.
Sarah, Joe and Ally were just a part of a dream.
“Don’t leave me, okay?” I pleaded my voice fading.
I felt him nod. It was enough for me, his nod. It was an enough answer.
Still hugging him, I lied down. I opened my eyes and looked at his worried face. He really was Blake. His hug is different from the others. His eyes were more mesmerizing that the moon itself.
He really was Blake.
He really was my Blake.
“I’m sorry,” he mouthed.
We kept on hugging each other for a long time. I only stared at him, while he continued saying he’s sorry, but not telling me why.
“Stop,” I told him. And he did. “What are you sorry for?” I asked him, my voice silent.
“Kase iniwan kita. Kase hinayaan kita na—“
He stopped speaking when I crashed my lips against his. A tear rolled down my face. Of happiness? Of sadness? I don’t know. I don’t care.
I closed my eyes as I continued kissing him. He kissed me back with the same passion, affection and love. He kissed me like he didn’t want this to end. He kissed me like he didn’t want anything but me.
I don’t want anything else but him.
When our lips parted, we were both breathless. Me, especially.
“Your lips taste like forever,” he told me as he touched my lips with his thumb. He held my hand and put it on his chest. “Nararamdaman mo ba ang tibok ng puso ko?” he asked me.
I nodded.
“Tell me.”
“It’s so fast, like it’s a beating drum.”
He smiled at me and pecked my nose. “Ganyan ang nararamdaman ko pagka masaya ka. Bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Ganyan ang nararamdaman ko pagka malungkot ka. Bumibilis ant ibok ng puso ko. Ganyan ang nararamdaman ko pagka excited ka. Bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Ganyan ang nararamdaman ko pagka iniisip kita. Bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Ganyan ang nararamdaman ko pagka kasama kita. Bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko.”
He held my hand tighter and pressed it closer to his heart. With his other hand, he pulled me to him so that there’s not even a single inch that separates us. Our bodies were so close. I felt like I belong in it.
“Alam mo bang anytime mamamatay ako dahil sa sobrang pagmamahal sayo?”
I blushed a deep red. It was like what I was feeling. Because I’m so in love with Blake, I feel like anytime, I can die. And I will. I will die happily for him.
For Blake Pierre Perez, the one I will forever be in love with.
“Blake, can you hug me tighter?” I asked, staring deeper in his eyes.
He nodded and pulled me closer to him.
“Okay ka lang ba? Ang taas ng lagnat mo,” he told me almost too quietly.
Honestly, I didn’t notice that I was still sick. I just—wait. “Blake, where are we?”
He kissed the top of my head. “Hindi na yon importante. Ang importante ngayon, magkasama tayo at hindi mo ako nalimutan.”
My heart skipped a beat with what he said. I know—because I’m not stupid—that he meant another thing; a big thing. But I chose to ignore it for now.
“I dreamed about something,” I said.
“Hmm? Ano yon?”
And then I told him about my dream. The dream about Sarah, Joe, Ally and the car crash. It was too weird because I remember that Blake owns an Aston Martin. The same car that Sarah was driving.
“Wala lang yon. Wag mo ng isipin, okay?” he said, his voice unsure and silent and… pained?
“Nicolle… mahal kita, sobra. Sobra.”
I smiled at him and reached up to kiss him again. This time, it was just a peck. But I could not get enough. I kissed him again. The same kiss we shared, but more special. Every kiss with Blake is always even more special than the last.
When I was a kid, I used to think that kissing is a gross thing. It’s just an exchange of oral germs. It was gross because when two people are kissing they are actually exchanging saliva. And there’s nothing really special about sharing the same bacteria.
Now, I understand.
When two people are kissing, they are not sharing the same bacteria, but the same world. The same love… the same soul.
Blake and I were sharing the same world; the same love; the same soul.
I smiled against his lips and accidentally bit his bottom lip.
He let go and laughed.
“Kahit na seryoso tayo, pinapatawa mo pa din ako.”
I looked away, a bit embarrassed. I took a deep breath and peered at him for a second. He was smiling from ear to ear. His smile was so wide I thought it was going to rip his face apart. But it didn’t. Instead, his smile told me that he was the happiest man right now.
I couldn’t ask for more.
“Matulog ka na, Nicolle. Magpahinga ka na. Andito lang naman ako. Okay?”
“I don’t wanna sleep,” I told him. “I want to see your face longer.”
I bit my lip before admitting, “I miss you so much.”
Another smile emerged in his face. We’re impossibly close to each other but he managed to be closer to me. I want to be closer to him too. Closer than this. Closer than ever.
He brushed his nose against mine with his eyes closed, as he sang:
We’ll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don’t need
Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me?
And just forget the world
I don’t quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They’re not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me?
And just forget the world
Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life
Let’s waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me?
And just forget the world
Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes
They’re all I can see
I don’t know where
Confused about how as well
Just know these things
Will never change for us all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me?
And just forget the world.
My heart was beating like crazy. With every word of the song, I know he meant it. I know he means to love me. And he always will.
Chasing Cars.
I have always known that the song was special, but never have I thought that it would be this special. With Blake singing it for me during one of my darkest moments, my nightmare. With Blake singing it for me to show how much he wants be to be with him. With Blake singing it for me to sleep.
With Blake singing his heart out for me, the song was the most special song I have ever heard. The sweetest; the more truthful song ever.
Blake Pierre Perez, I love you million times more than anything; more than anyone; more than myself; more than pizza; more than the universe.
Blake Pierre Perez, thank you so much. Thank you so so much for giving me so much hope.
I closed my eyes, feeling full of happiness.
BLAKE'S POV
Habang hinahagkan ko siya ng mahigpit, iniisip ko ang mga maaring mangyari sa amin. Paano pagka nalaman na niya ang tungkol sa aksidente? Naaalala na niya paunti unti. Paano pagka nalaman niya na meron siyang Alzheimer’s Disease? Paano pagka nalaman niya na ang mga taong pinagkatiwalaan niya—ang pamilya niya—ay nagsinungaling sa kanya?
Paano pagka nalaman niyang nagsinungaling ako sa kanya?
Ang tanga ko. Dapat noong una pa lang sinabi ko na sa kanya para hindi ko na siya kelangan pang saktan nang hindi niya nalalaman. Sana noong una pa lang sinabi ko na sa kanya ang totoo kesa nagsinungaling pa ako!
Tinignan ko ang mukha niya. Napakaganda niya talaga. She’s the most beautiful person in the world. And here I was, holding her so tightly.
Napakaswerte ko.
Napakaswerte ng isang tulad ko. Ako lang si Blake Pierre Perez pero minamahal ako ng isang Nicolle Lopez Lee.
Tinitigan ko lang ang natutulog niyang mukha. Nakikita kong sobrang napapagod na siya sa mga panaginip niya. Unti unti na niyang nalalaman. Alam ko, one way or the other, sobrang kamumuhian niya ako dahil nagsinungaling ako sa kanya at dahil hinayaan ko din ang pamilya niya na lokohin siya for more than three years.
Hinawakan ko ng mas mahigpit ang kamay niya at tinitigan lang ang magkadikit naming mga palad. Ang sarap sa pakiramdaman na pagkatapos ng ilang araw, kasama ko na siya ulit.
“Nicolle,” tawag ko. As expected, dahil tulog na siya, hindi na siya sumagot.
“Sorry kase hindi ako nagpaalam ah? Urgent kase eh. Tapos kinuha ni papa ang phone at gadgets ko kaya hindi kita macontact. After kasi ng exams, nagkita kaming dalawa ni Papa sa China. Meron kasi kaming kelangang i-close na business deal doon. Noong tinawagan kita, napuslit ko lang ang phone ko non tapos inagaw agad ni Papa.”
Huminga ako ng malalim.
“Ewan ko lang kung paniniwalaan mo ko. Ang dami kong excuses no? Pero promise, last time na yon na iiwan kita. At, oo nga pala, nakalimutan kong sabihin sa’yo na may kakambal akong unggoy no?”
I chuckled.
“Gago yon eh. Nabalitaan ko he’s hitting on you. Oy Nicolle, siguro nga magkamukha kami pero mas gwapo at mas macho naman ako sa kanya kaya… wag na wag kang ma-i-inlove sa kanya. Kahit crush, wag! Hindi ako papayag. Pagka ikaw nagustuhan mo siya—ah basta! Hindi pwede. Akin ka lang, Nicolle. Sabihin mo ng possessive ako, I don’t care. Basta akin ka lang.”
“Hanggang ngayon, mabilis pa din ang tibok ng puso ko. At ikaw ang dahilan. Ikaw ang dahilan, Nicolle, kung bakit nagwawala ang puso ko… kase sobrang minamahal kita. I love you million times more than anything, Nicolle. Million million million million times more than anything.”
“At promise ko… ikaw lang, Nicolle. Pagka ayaw mo na sakin at nag-break na tayo, siguro hindi na ako magmamahal ulit non. Pipiitin ko na lang siguro na maging masaya para sayo.”
Kinagat ko ang labi ko.
“Ang sakit, Nicolle. Iniisip ko pa lang na magkakahiwalay tayo, sobrang sakit na. Tingin ko, hindi ko kakayanin. Kaya Nicolle, wag tayong maghihiwalay ah? Nagmamakaawa ako sayo. Mas mahina kase ako kesa sayo eh. Madami kasing andyan para sayo. Andyan si Andrew. Andyan si Billy para mahalin ka pa. Eh ako? Ikaw lang naman ang makakapagparamdam sakin ng ganito. Nicolle, ganito lang tayo. Hindi ako mangangawit na yakapin ka. Basta ganito lang tayo.”
“Matulog ka lang dyan ng mahimbing. Ang sarap mong panuorin eh. Para kang anghel. My angel.”
I kissed her forehead for a long time with my eyes closed. Dinamdam ko alang ang pagkakataong ito. Naaalala ko yung sinabi ni Nick sa akin noon. She’s not even going to reach twenty five.
Paano kung tootoo yon? Paano kung hindi forever ang pagmamahalan namin? Paano kung tama si Nick? Paano kung hindi na kami magkasamang tatanda?
Ano’ng gagawin ko pagka nawala si Nicolle… for good?
“Naiintindihan ko na ngayon kung bakit. Dati, tuwing nanonood ako ng romantic films at naririnig ko yung mga cheesy lines ng mga lalaki doon, naiinis ako. Tinatanong ko ang sarili ko, shit, bakla ba tong mga to? Kahit na kami ni Tracy noon, hindi ko nasabi sa kanya tong mga to. Ngayon, Nicolle, naiintindihan ko na. Pagka hindi ko sinabi ang nararamdaman ko sayo, baka biglang sumabog na lang ang puso ko sa sobrang pagmamahal sayo.”
“Ganito nga siguro magmahal, Nicolle. Ganito nga siguro ang magmahal ng tunay. Hindi mo ma-explain ang nararamdaman mo. At hindi ko rin ma-explain kung bakit naluluha ako.”
Hinigpitan ko ang yakap ko sa kanya.
“Ang haba na ng sinabi ko wala ka pa ding sagot.” I chuckled. “Ang sarap na siguro ng tulog mo ngayon no? Lagi ka daw nananaginip ng hind maganda eh, sabi ni Nick. Oo nga pala, may i-k-kwento ako sayo. Sana maging proud ka sakin. Alam mo ba, Nicolle, na-impress yung client namin sa China. Na-close ko ng maayos yung deal. Magaling talaga ako sa mga deals, Nicolle. Dyan nga tayo nagsimula diba?”
I smiled.
“Hindi ka naman nakikinig eh.”
“Oy, malapit na ang Christmas. Anong balak naten? San mo gusto? New York o dito. Sasamahan kita. Promise. Eto kasi yung unang pasko na magkasama tayo eh. Gusto ko maging special to. Actually, gusto ko everyday na kasama ka maging special… yung… yung hindi mo malilimutan. Yung matatandaan mo.”
Pinikit ko ang mga mata ko.
I brushed her cheek with my thumb.
“Ang dami ko pang gustong sabihin pero hindi ko alam kung paano.”
Natahimik ako at tinitigan lang siya habang nilalaro ang buhok niya. Ngayon ko lang napansin na nakasalamin pa pala siya, kaya tinanggal ko to.
Sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko.
“Nicolle,” tawag ko.
Hindi pa rin siya sumasagot. Kanina pa ako nagsasalita dito pero wala pa rin siyang sinasabi. Napangiti ako. Okay lang naman sakin. Kahit na wala na siyang sabihin basta hindi siya mawala sa paningin ko, ayos na.
I took a deep breath.
“Sobrang mahal kita. Kahit paulit ulit ko pang sabihin sayo to. Nicolle Lee, I love you million times more than anything, bunny boo. You’re my angel. You’re my savior. You’re my bunny. You’re my world. You’re my everything. You’re my Nicolle. You’re my soul. You’re my forever.”
“Nicolle Lopez Lee… will you marry me?”
Napangiti ako nang marinig kong sinabi niyang, “Yes, Blake Pierre Perez, I will.”