I felt eyes on me as I walked into the dining hall, I shrank back slightly under their scrutiny, out of the corner of my eye I spotted a women bump her elbow against her friends arm. Tobias and I continued to walk towards an emptier table, all I could focus on was putting one shaky foot in front of the other, part of me regretted fighting my brother on participating in the first day of the second stage of initiation.
Someone in the back of the hall cheered, it was enough to start the cascade of noise that followed; yells and the drumming of metal beakers filled the space, the noise hurt my head but it sends a welcome buzz through my bones.
"Alright, knock it off!" My brother ordered and I was impressed at the speed which the Dauntless complied, though a few did continue to stare as we made our way to an emptier table in the corner.
"What was that about?" I muttered.
"You defied death." Tobias explained "that tends to get the Dauntless interested."
Rolling my eyes, I picked up some fruit and a blueberry muffin as we passed the kitchen "you're being dramatic."
I took a seat next to Maddie as she chatted with Jake, my brother sat across from me without a word, I raised an eyebrow, usually he would sit with a group of older Dauntless, instead of with the initiates.
"We weren't expecting you to be out today." Maddie smiled, her expression turned weary when she noticed Tobias, who was staring intently into a cup of coffee. Awkwardly, she added "hello."
"No." Tobias stated.
Frowning, I jam the toe of my boot into his shin. "Sorry, he's always a grouch in the morning."
Both Maddie and Jake looked alarmed.
"You never used to be this violent."
"You never used to be a dick but here we are."
I flicked a grape in his direction, he caught it in his mouth and grinned, breaking the faux argument.
.:.
"This is the second part of initiation, Four will call you into the room behind me," Eric explained pointing at a white metal door, he looked tired, and it only seemed to make him more irritable. "Each day you'll face a new fear until you learn to master them."
"How long does it take for us to go through all our fears?" Jake asked, craning his neck to look up at the young leader.
Smirking, Eric asked "how many do you have?"
Tobias cracked open the door, scanning the room "Mateo, you're up."
One of the Dauntless-borns rose to his feet, the chains slung carelessly around his waist jingled faintly, he made his way down the narrow passageway. The door closed behind him, abruptly cutting off the melodic rhythm.
As soon as the door closed Jake set the timer on his watch, fourteen minutes later Tobias opened the door and called in Maddie, another eleven minutes later Jake himself was called. I tapped my foot and picked at the loose skin around my cuticles until the became irritated, I leant back against the wall with a slight wince, my head was still throbbing.
Dauntless-borns who I had yet to know the names discussed stage two between themselves. Although none had spoke to me directly, I noticed the looks they tried to steal when I wasn't paying attention, I couldn't tell if they were singling me out as a victim or someone who belonged here.
"What do you think it is?" One of the Dauntless wondered aloud, his blonde hair stuck up in bizarre tufts like he had forgotten to brush it this morning.
"Don't you know?" Ruby asked, frowning. "Don't the Dauntless spend the entire time preparing for initiation."
"Sure, stage one was about skill, you can learn to throw a punch or hit a target, but no one can prepare for stage two," he shrugged. "Or so I'm told."
"So ultimately we are doomed." Ruby huffed, falling back against the wall.
"Relax, no one's died in stage two for years." The Dauntless-born rolled her eyes, but her fingers still drummed against her leg.
"Pity." Nick shot a look in my direction.
I sneered and turned away, something uncomfortable settled in my chest, the vehemence I felt towards the other transfer bubbled in my stomach, I recognised the hatred, it was fierce and potent and drove me forward. No matter what second stage was I would beat it and I would beat him.
Slowly, I watched the numbers dwindle until I was the only one left, my body began to ache from being in one position for too long and I took the opportunity to stretch. The gap between names began to feel like a lifetime.
"Sasha you're up." Tobias opened the door, but instead of walking back into the room he waited in the doorway, I frowned but moved past him.
The room was small and dark, a distinctly musty smell hit my nose, like it wasn't in use frequently. My eyes adjusted to the lack of light and focused on the one other being in the room.
To my surprise, Eric was sitting by a bank of computers, my eyes trailed away from him and landed on a metal chair which sat in the centre of the room.
In second stage you begin your fear simulations, divergents are able to manipulate them.
"Take a seat, Four won't be overseeing this part of your training due to laws in Dauntless that instructors can't test family in case of tampering." Eric muttered, tapping on the keyboard absentmindedly.
When I made no effort to move from the doorway, he looked up, and cocked an eyebrow.
"It's a simulation." It was a stupid, obvious statement.
"Yes." He slowly rose to his feet, there was a large syringe in the dish beside him, the liquid within rocked gently. "The serum will trigger a fear, you will have to control your emotions and face that fear in order to end the simulation."
Numbly, I slipped into the dentist-like chair, the coolness from the metal seeped into my skin.
Eric brushed something cold over the skin of my neck, I shivered at the feeling. The pinch of the needle was unpleasant and unexpected, I gritted my teeth, I could feel the serum spread across my neck.
"Be brave, Sasha." I heard him whisper and the world disintegrated into nothingness.
My eyes snapped open, and the lump in my throat constricted my breathing even more. I was on top of a nauseatingly tall tower, shadows lingered in the night, I recognised the ferris wheel from the pier.
The gasp that passed through my lips was involuntary as my fingertips dug into the cracking concrete and I lowered myself into a crouch in an effort to stop the strong gusts of wind knocking me off balance and sending me plummeting towards the ground and my ultimate death. I couldn't see how far the drop was in the darkness, but I knew it was there, and that was anxiety-inducing enough.
A fear of heights, how original.
It was a fear I had been aware of since I was forced to jump off the building on the first day of initiation. I could control this fear.
I kept my eyes closed. Focused on slowing my breathing.
In. Out. In. Out.
"Stiff, give me the fucking flag." My entire body froze, I slowly turned around, my fear was not a simulation; my fear was a memory.
I tried to run, or dodge as Nick lunged for me, but I was anchored to the floor, my body refused to cooperate, leaving me defenceless.
"The fucking flag now. You may have beat me in combat but I'm not gonna let you beat me now. I will not lose to a fucking Stiff."
I felt like I couldn't breathe, and hot tears dripped down my cheeks, I needed to calm down, I wasn't going to die, I was going to survive. I hadn't died, I had survived.
Nick was smirking at my expression. "Pathetic." He sneered, and for a terrifying moment he sounded like Marcus.
"Please, help!" Finally, I managed to scream and beg "help!"
No one could help me, I couldn't even help myself.
Nick shoved me back, there was nothing but air surrounding me. I couldn't calm down, so I spread my arms and relaxed. The embrace of death was sudden and overwhelming.
I woke, gasping, clinging to whoever was beside me.
"It's over, Sasha, you're here with me." Eric whispered, he wasn't breathing heavily despite just experiencing death alongside me, but he didn't sneer like I expected him to.
I cradled my head in my hands, the adrenaline within my system hadn't eased enough to prevent them trembling. Slowly, I forced myself into a slower breathing pattern, and gradually my heart rate receded along with it.
"It was Nick?" Eric demanded softly, I could hear the anger seep into his voice.
I nodded.
Eric breathed heavily though his nose, but didn't say anything else.
It wasn't until I lifted my head that the young leader spoke again, he looked calm, but every muscle was infused with a rigidity that wasn't there before. "I'm going to take you back to the apartment, okay?"
I allowed him to lead the way, in the corner of the room was a door I hadn't spotted when I entered, I was taken aback to see Tobias on the opposite side, he was chewing on his lip as he waited but abruptly stopped at the sound of the door.
"Are you okay?" My brother asked, his eyes checked me over, the corners of his mouth pulled down.
Forcing a smile, I nodded "I'll live."
"The first time is always the worst." Tobias reassured me, he glanced over at Eric briefly and at the room behind him. "I have to finish up here, I'll see you at dinner."
"I'll find you." I promised before following the young leader.
Neither of us spoke, but he seemed to be aware of when I was following or when my body couldn't keep up with his brisk pace. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't force myself to move quickly, it was like all the energy had drained from my body at once.
We crossed through the pit, and Eric shot a glare at anyone who muttered my name under their breath within earshot. The stairs were even more of a challenge, my ribs burned with the exertion, and Eric was forced to pause every level or so, I tried to avoid looking down every time my legs protested, but the creaking steps didn't provide any reassurance.
"I'm sorry." I apologised once we had made it to the upper level of the Pit.
Eric frowned, his eyebrows knitting together "there's nothing for you to apologise for."
The apartment was familiar, I glanced around the tall ceilings and windows, their was a meagre collection of items, my eyes were drawn to the sheer number of books adorning the shelves. It looked occupied, but not lived in.
"Your room is that one," Eric said pointing to a door leading off from the open living room, "I can grab you some towels and clothes to wear whilst you wait for Four to bring up your things."
"I have been here before?" It was unsurprising with how familiar it felt, though I wouldn't have thought Eric would allow people into his space. "When."
"Once." He admitted "the day before your accident."
I wanted to probe further, but Eric didn't seem to be in the mood to sit and talk about memories, instead he disappeared briefly into another room and returned with clothing.
"The bathroom is through there." I followed his hand to the door behind me. "Will you be okay here by yourself?"
"Sure." I nodded firmly. "I'll be fine."
.:.
A persistent knock on the door woke me.
Frowning, I turned onto my back and waited for the details of the room to reveal itself to me after the most recent wave of dizziness subsided. I made out the silhouette of a lamp and flicked it on, illuminating the room in a golden light.
The knock sounded more urgent, I crawled over the bed covers and padded softly across the living room. Everything was dark, only the hard lines of the furniture were defined by the security lighting on the outside of the building, Eric hadn't come back yet.
I looked through the peephole and found my brother waiting the other side.
"Sorry, I fell asleep." I apologised, hefting the door open. "Come in."
Tobias had a large duffel bag resting on his shoulder. It was a little sad that all my belongings could fit in one place, but I shook the thought away, I wasn't usually so nostalgic.
After he placed the bag in my room, he slung an arm around my shoulders, I leant heavily against his side without a word.
"C'mon, let's go an get some cake." He steered me towards the door.
"Yeah." I mumbled.
.:.
We didn't speak the entire trip, we had missed dinner time, so the dining hall was less crowded than usual. I couldn't spot Maddie or Jake in the thin scattering of people, I briefly wondered about how their fear simulations went, whether they felt like me.
Tobias grabbed two slices of chocolate fudge cake whilst I took a seat in the quietest corner of the dining hall. When he joined me he slid the larger piece in front of me.
My brother watched me as I pushed around the food on my plate.
"How often will I have to do that?" I questioned "how often will I have to relive my fears?"
"Most people have around fifteen really bad fears." Tobias explained "though sometimes you won't experience them all as a simulation."
"It's completely randomised?" I didn't relish the thought of having to go back to that night and relive the pain of dying again and again.
"Yes." He pursed his lips into a thin line "it'll be easier tomorrow."
I could agree with that, my fear tomorrow wouldn't take me as off guard as it did today, there was no apprehension or curiosity.
"What if I fail?"
Tobias chuckled to himself "today you spent less than five minutes in there, your time will only get better."
Slowly, I chewed on a mouthful of cake, before asking "what was your first simulation?"
"It was more of who."
I knew who inspired that fear, who would appear in his simulation, and likely my own. "Do they ever go away?"
Tobias remained silent for a moment, perhaps mulling over the real question I asked, will he ever go away?
Eventually, he shrugged "sometimes, sometimes new fears replace them, but the point isn't to be fearless, it's about learning how to control your fear."
I thought back to how powerless I felt in the simulation, I knew it wasn't real but I let it affect me anyway.
We remained in the dining hall until I began to fall asleep into my hot chocolate and Tobias nudged me awake. I took the steps up to the top of the Pit slowly, my brother following patiently, he was on his way for a night shift in the control room, its the closest to figuring out where he worked I had come.
I stopped at the level just before the glass ceiling became the floor, Tobias paused on the first step of the next flight of stairs "you belong here, remember that. It'll be over soon."
Smiling faintly, I look up at the stars and the moon, it casted a ghostly light over some of the Dauntless that were playing on the glass roof. They had once gone through this, now they were free.
"I'll see you in the morning." I promised.
Eric was inside when I entered, my hand still frozen on the keypad, he watched as I closed the door, my eyes dropped to the glass tumbler he was cradling in his hands.
The Abnegation never drank, but Marcus did, and it was never pleasant.
The leader sipped the amber liquid and I slowly made my way to my room, I didn't know what kind of drunk Eric was, and the situation was foreign to me.
"Are you okay?" His eyes lifted to meet mine, he didn't sound drunk, just tired, and for perhaps the first time I notice he looked exhausted "after earlier? I never asked."
"I'm as good as anyone would be after that." I stepped forward and took a seat at the table with him "are you okay?"
A smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth "I am used to making bad decisions, Sasha."
Gently, I eased the glass from his hands, he let it go, and I let his bruised knuckles pass without comment.
Whatever he was drinking left a warm feeling in my chest and the taste of autumn on my tongue
I placed the glass back on the table.
"You shouldn't drink on your medication." Eric said finally.
"Both of us are making bad decisions tonight." I heard the faint sound of a train horn as it thundered past the compound "what happened?"
"Max and I had a meeting." He slumped back in his seat and rubbed his temples "I had a disagreement with someone."
"Why?" Immediately I bite down on my lip, but my curiosity didn't anger him, but he didn't seem to eager to share.
"It doesn't matter."
"And they got off worse I assume?" Sometimes I forgot that Eric had a cruelness to him, I wondered how much of his sadistic display was real or to scare the initiates .
"Yes." He fixed me with a look "if you carry on judging people by the ideals you hold they will disappoint you. I am not fair or nice, Sasha. I have made bad decisions, but I haven't regretted a single one."
"One day you might."
"One day I will." He smiled to himself "but not tonight."
"Eric?" I asked, shooting a glance in his direction "what are you afraid of?"
In my mind the young leader wasn't afraid of anything, he was malicious and cruel but calculated; it wasn't that he was stupid enough not to know fear, in fact in seemed quite the opposite.
"Are you asking me because you think I'd answer?" He leant forward, his hands resting on either side of me, so his narrowed eyes were level with mine "ever heard the phrase 'curiosity killed the cat'."
"No." I drained the glass and placed it on the table, I didn't want to look away, it felt too dangerous, no, I felt like something similar, a tension which I couldn't pinpoint. "I'm scared."
"Of me?" A grin curled his lip "or yourself?"
I was not quite sure I understood what he meant until he leant forward and pressed his lips to mine, my first reaction was one of shock, I tensed, and Eric immediately started to pull away. Instead, of letting him go, I pressed forward, curling a hand up into his hair as I kissed him.
Eric deepened the kiss, the taste of cinnamon on his tongue, I pulled slightly at his hair to tilt his head for better access and smile at the noise that escaped from his chest, my other hand splayed over the juncture of his neck and shoulder to keep my balance as his hands grabbed my hips.
A gasp escaped my lips as I felt hot, calloused fingertips exploring the skin under the sweatshirt he had given me this morning, but before I could consider the deft touch he sunk his teeth into my lower lip and tugged on it. The feeling was sharp and wonderful and left heat pooling in my stomach.
Pulling away, I rested my forehead against his, sharing the same breaths, it's silent apart from our ragged breathing and the sound of my own heartbeat in my ears.
"Like I said, bad decisions." Eric chuckled, I expected him to push me away, but he took his time pulling away. "I apologise, I shouldn't have done that."
"Perhaps not." I pursed my lips, it had been a long and difficult day, and the last thing I needed was to dwell on the confusion permeating my thoughts. "Goodnight, Eric."
Eric didn't speak until I had reached the door to my room. "Goodnight, Sasha."
Curiosity might have killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.
Curiosity killed the cat indeed.
Hi everyone, I hope you liked this chapter, it was very hard for me to write because it was mainly a filler chapter- who like the angry gif of Eric?
Comment and like
Edited