I woke up holding a pillow in a bed empty except for that pillow and I. The red numbers on the alarm clock read 10:37. There was a little note next to the clock labeled "Tom" with a small heart next to it. I picked it up and it read :
Good morning, love,
Sorry for not being there, I didn't want to wake you, you looked so peaceful, but I just really had to pee. I'm making breakfast downstairs so feel free to come down whenever you're ready. Can't wait to see your pretty little face.
-xoMark
p.s.: you're cute when you sleep.
p.p.s.: I take that back, you're cute all the time.
I shook my head at that last line. I was still just in my cargo shorts and I assumed that Mark would be the same. I put my hand through my hair and stretched before walking down the stairs to the kitchen where Mark was cooking over the stove. He was still shirtless although he changed from his Dickies to basketball shorts. I snuck up behind him like they do in the movies and wrapped my arms around him. He jumped but settled down after a second. I rested my head on his shoulder and he leaned his onto mine.
"Good morning, sleepy head," he said with a slight smile.
"Good morning, Marky." He rolled his eyes and shook his head which made me chuckle.
I let go of him and leaned against the opposite wall. I looked at his body. He wasn't really chunky, but he wasn't toned. He was cushiony in a sense. His silhouette was soft and not rigid like the men you see on the cover of magazines. His hips were wide. He didn't have much hair on him, not unlike myself, minus a small patch of hair I had on me. His chin was dimpled and his nose was small. His smile was very bright and seemingly contagious. He was almost always smiling around me and I never thought I could make someone as happy as I made him, and I can say that the done the same for me.
He pulled out two plates and set them on the counter, dumping the eggs from the pan and grabbing a plate of bacon that we was keeping the the microwave. He set the things on the small island in the middle of the kitchen and grabbed two glasses, grabbing the orange juice from the fridge soon after. He pulled out one of the two seats and smiled, waving his hand to signal for me to sit there. I went over and thanked him. He sat at the other chair at the opposite end if the table, pouring juice into his cup.
"I didn't know you could cook," I said, grabbing some bacon off the plate.
"Well that's the thing," he chuckled, "I can't. This is one of the only meals I can make, along with pasta and sandwiches."
"It's more than I can do," I chuckled. "Thank you for this by the way."
"Of course, Tommy," he smirked, going off the nickname I gave him a few minutes before. We finished our food relatively quickly and I helped him with the dishes. When we were finished he started to head back to his room and I followed. He laid down on the right side of the bed and made room for me on the left, opening his arms as I crawled over. He ran his fingers through my hair and I traced little patterns on his chest. He was looking down at me and I'd look back at him occasionally. We stayed like that for a long time, not really talking. The only real noise was the sound if our breathing.
I was startled by the sound of light footsteps. I saw a small bulldog attempt to jump on the bed. Mark and I sat up and he smiled.
"Josie! There you are, girl," he said, helping her onto the bed. I smiled too. I love dogs.
She sniffed around and I let her sniff my hand to get to know me. She warmed up to me pretty quickly and was soon licking my face as much as she was Marks. I played around with the dog for a little bit, rubbing her belly and getting her a little wound up. Mark sat back, doing I don't know what exactly. She settled down between the little space between Mark and I as we laid down again. Mark was staring at me with a happy look on his face, not really smiling, but in a way that you could tell he was in a good mood. Mark and I snuggled closer and Josie decided to move down near our feet.
"Why do you look so happy?" I asked him.
"Just you, Tommy. You make me happy."
"You make me really happy too, Mark, you have no idea how much. Everything that's happened in the past while, just. I don't know how deep of and conversation you'd be okay to go with but just know that I've never been happier than I have been lately."
Mark looked at me with empathy. "You can tell me anything. Anything and everything. You've made me happier than I have been as well."
"I'm really glad about that. My mental state hasn't really been up there lately. I don't know what triggered it but I couldn't seem to really get out of this pit of loathing and depression and then you came along and Goddamn, a switch seemed to flip. I don't know what else to really say but thank you. Thank you so fucking much, Mark."
He pulled me up towards him and kissed me. It was soft, and his lips were chapped. He touched me in a way that was like glass, like I could break and shatter into and million pieces and he'd lose me forever. His hands stayed near my waist and mine were around his neck and in his hair. Everything was right then. Nothing seemed to make me as happy as Mark Hoppus did. We pulled away after a minute or two.
(Possible tw on this, just wanna play it safe, kids)
"I'm not gonna say I know how you feel or how you felt," he said, "but I can say I've been in a somewhat similar situation. When I was 17. I." He paused. "I-I attempted suicide." His voice cracked and I held him tighter, kissing his collarbone and allowing him to finish.
"At the time it seemed like it was meant to happen. I've always had a little voice in my head that gave me bad ideas but at the time it seemed to be the only thing I could hear. I remember writing the note. I told my parents that things became too much, it wasn't my mom's fault for not being there or my dad's fault for not knowing, simply my kind not being in the best shape it could have been, that the things that would take my mind off it didn't seem to work anymore and things just became worse." He was getting a bit choked up and I kissed his cheek, bringing a sad smile to his face.
"I felt very, very alone, as I spent so much time with myself and myself only, lost in my own thoughts of everything from my hopes and dreams to what happened after we died. I attempted and I still have the scars from it," he said, motioning to his wrists. There was a long vertical scar going from his elbow to his wrist and a small horizontal crossing it. The scars formed an upside down cross on each of his arms although they were very faded.
"I took a lot of pills and they pumped my stomach, leaving me with a scar from that too." I noticed the slightly discolored line of skin just below his rib cage and traced it with my fingers.
(End tw)
"They had me in a mental hospital for a little while and that helped a lot. I recovered. I still have to take medication and the little voice in my head comes back every once in a while but I learned to manage. The world is wide and time goes by, things get better and the sun seems to shine brighter. Everything works out." There were and few tears on his face and I wiped them away.
"You're so beautiful, Mark. I hate that you ever thought that way about yourself. You're cute and funny and overall just amazing. I'm glad that you had the courage to talk about that as most people don't. You're the greatest person I know Mark. I l- You make me so happy and I'm do greatful to be with you."
"You're the best thing in my life, Tom," he said. He pulled me into another kiss and we kissed for a long time. Innocent and sweet yet full of emotion.
After that we talked about other things, like how I would have go return to school on Monday and how he needed to work as well. We stayed in his bed for a long time goofing around and making out, doing whatever we wanted. And this is another day to go down as the greatest, although any day with Mark seemed to be perfect.
(A/N)
Hey babes.
This is super short but I think some decent plot points were made in this. I hope everyone is doing wonderfully and having a great time in life and whatever else you're doing. I saw Blink a month ago today and I might cry. Love you my little windmills