even if he falls.

heart's all gone.

Still way back. Hopefully this should give some background as to why Ava didn't give a fuck about Jen leaving. Sorry for taking so long!!!

I walked into my quiet house. Jen was likely awake, Ava was an early riser. I walked with my head down, waiting for the yells and screams of my wife. Maybe a night in the cold rain wasn't worth another fight, but still I felt somewhat satisfied by what I did. It wasn't like I was cheating on her with someone in the middle of the night, fucking a chick in a dirty motel room. I sat alone in the rain, sobbing my fucking eyes out like a child.

Sure enough Jen stomped out of the kitchen with Ava on her hip, a terribly angry look on her face. I looked down at her, her glare looking right through me. I bit my lip in prepare for the blow.

"What the fuck, Tom," she said.

"Jen, I-"

"Save it. Do you know how fucking scary it is to see that you're just gone in the middle of the night? With your phone still here and your car long gone? Not coming back til the early fucking afternoon. This is bullshit, and I think even you know that."

"I'm sorry, I just needed-"

"I just needed out," she said mocking my tone, "You say that every goddamn time. I'm staying at my sister's for a bit. I don't know when I'll be back. I hope you know that I leave because of you. One of these days I'm just not gonna come back because of how fucking irresponsible you are. I married a narcissist that doesn't even know how to take care of himself. 

She handed Ava over to me and picked up the bag by the door.

"You do love me, don't you," she asked, silently hoping she already knew the answer.

"I," I paused, thinking if I should just tell her.

"I don't think I do," I whispered to both myself and her.

"I'm done," she said angrily as she walked out, the keys to her car in hand.

Ava looked up at me with her big blue eyes, they looked just like her mother's. She bit at her lip, a habit she must have gotten from me.

I looked over to the clock on the wall, it read about 12:30.

"It's about time for lunch and nap, little one," I smiled down at her.

I sat her down in her highchair and made a quick PB&J. I cut off the crusts and put them on her plastic plate. I filled the pink sippy-cup with apple juice and sat down next to her.

She ate the sandwich quickly and drank her juice, making goofy faces and smiling at me. I cleaned her up after she finished and set her down as I washed her tray. I saw her yawning and tugging at her ears, another habit she must have taken from me.

She walked with me, holding my finger in her hand, as we walked into the living room. I closed the curtains and grabbed her blanket. She ran over to me, never being one to fight sleep, she crawled right up with me, laying on my chest.

I turned on the television, cartoons played with the volume low. I spread the blanket over Ava and I. She clung to my shirt as I rubbed her back. Right now this little girl is all I've got.

She drifted off, her head tucked into the crook of my neck. I held her rear as I scooted further up the couch. She stirred slightly but still stayed quiet. I turned off the t.v., nothing was interesting anyway.

I hummed an old tune, something I thought of a while ago but ended up getting lost in the others.

"Dun dun, your heart will attack even if he falls in love..." I sang to myself.