even if he falls.

no, it isn't.

13 years later.

*------ =time skip of like 4 hours unless stated otherwise

Jen and I were on the rocks. We had just gotten off tour and I hadn't been there for her or my daughter. We started fighting. She was a mess, I could see it in her eyes. They bright piercing blue had faded, and it was all because of me. This particular day was far worse than the others. The looked broken, more sad than angry anymore. I was sitting in silence alone out our dining room table and the sound of her entering the room brought me from my daze. She set a bunch of forms in front of me along with a pen and a hand written note note atop of it. She came close to me, whispering in my ear and kissing my cheek.

"I'm sorry."

And with that she left. She left the room. She left the house. She left the city. She left me.

The realization came quickly but the tears didn't come. The ducts have dried out from overuse. My hands were shaking and my breathing wasn't steady. I looked through the papers.

Divore.
Separation.
Custody of the child.

Everything was going through my head so fast and I was left with no one. I read through each document. She was leaving Ava with me. She left full custody to me and didn't want visitation. Her lawyer had everything sorted out. After I signed the documents and mailed them back to the court, that would be it. There was no trial to be held, there was no battle to be fought, she was gone and she wasn't coming back. 

Ava was in bed. I don't know how I'm going to explain how someone's mother could just leave to a 5 year old. It was hard enough on me at 18 to see my parents divorce, I can only imagine how hard it would be for her.

Mark.

Mark and I had been separated since 2001. He got married to Skye and a year later I was married to Jennifer. Things got complicated between press and communication and things began to seem like more of a business and job than a dream that I was pursuing. He ended it. We couldn't stand each other anymore and that affected Blink dramatically. We put the band on hiatus in 2004. Since then Mark and 7 have both released albums with separate projects. I listened to his, I doubt he listened to mine. His songs got to me.

I remember the first time I heard "No, It Isn't." I know Mark. He doesn't write things unless there is someone or something that sparked it. It was about me. I know it was about me. Although I guess that's fair as most of the things that I had written were about him.

----
I heard gentle steps coming from the stairs and went out of my seat. Ava was there, rubbing her eyes. She had her flannel UFO pyjamas on with her pink slippers.

"Daddy, I can't sleep." I picked her up and she wrapped her arms around me.

"You wanna go lay in Daddy's bed for the night?"

She nodded.

I went into her room and grabbed her favorite stuffed animal as well as the blanket she's had since she was a baby. I headed into the room that now belonged only to me. Everything belonging to Jen had been taken and the room seemed empty. I pulled the blankets out and set her down, crawling in next to her. I brushed her hand behind her ear and hummed a random tune that had come to mind. She was back asleep soon but there was no chance I'd be there.

Ava's first day of kindergarten was tomorrow and I had to be there for her. Her and I had just made matching vests with patches and spray paint and she decided she was going to wear that. She wanted us to match on the first day. Mine had a giant UFO and some patches of guitars and band logos that I had introduced her to. In black spray paint it said "T. DeLONGE". Ava's was very similar, although a cartoon alien was the main piece on the back of the jacket and her name was at the top. She decided to go with vegan leather jackets. She made the decision to be a vegetarian last year and she's stuck with it ever since. I don't know how a fucked up guy like me ended up with a kid so amazing. I knew I looked terrible. The dark circles under my eyes had gotten worse, my hair was always messy, and I hadn't shaved in about about month. I was gonna wake up early or clean myself up. I couldn't fix my eyes, but I could clean myself up for her. She was the best daughter I could ask for. Explaining why Jen is gone will be Hell, but things will be okay.