Just as any other girl I had my insecurities, though mine aren't the typical thoughts someone my age should have. I had different insecurities; I always felt like I wasn't good enough for some people. Physically more than socially.
Yeah, I know my brother and I were known all over school but no one ever looked at me more than just Liam's little sister, and after Liam got his scholarship to go to our 'favorite' University I've been put on the lower bar in our dad's eyes...or even our mum's eyes if she can even see us.
"That'll be £4" the nice lady told me, I handed her the money then took the cup iced tea from her hand walking out to the school's campus.
I squinted at the light hitting my face and walked over to the bleachers with my books and copy of The Tale of Despereaux. That book has been with me since I was young and I plan on continue reading it until the day I die.
I walked up the stairs of the bleachers and sat myself down and decided to stick my nose in the book whilst I waited for Liam to run out with his team.
"I am making history of the world, my world" said the Pea.
I tilted my head at the words the author used, making history of your world. I wonder what that was like for me, as for Princess Pea it was in tapestry.
I was pulled away from my world when I heard the sound of boys yelling and running out, Liam looked up to wave at me. I returned the smile and waved back standing up with all my books in my hand throwing away the empty cup.
"Whoo! Liam!" I chanted smiling at my brother after making the ball into the net.
He turned and gave me a slight wave again, I set my books down sitting next to them. I took the band I had wrapped around my wrist rubbing over the white marks I had, shaking it out of my head I pulled my hair up.
I looked over to the very bottom of the bleachers seeing someone leaning against the fence, I squinted a bit barely recognising the face which was strange for me since I knew everyone. He turned his head towards me looking at me straight in the eye. What caught my attention to his was he wouldn't break his gaze even when he knew I have been looking at him. But more than that what caught my eye was that one arm had tattoos and the other didn't. Like half and half. Tattoos always intrigued me, really.
He didn't seem to care about the game either, he would cross his arms and roll his eyes whenever the players did anything.
Whenever he would glance over I would quickly look away knowing he knew I was staring.
Finally he reached into his pocket, answering his ringing phone.
I looked away seeing Liam was no longer on the field, I turned half my body around catching a glimpse of him running into the lockers. I stood up grabbing my books and made my way down the bleachers, before exiting the entire place I looked back to where the stranger was standing but he was gone. I sighed and jogged to Liam.
"Liam do you know the boy who was watching you practice?" I asked him clutching to the small novel I cared so much for.
"I didn't see anyone but you there" he wiped the bead of sweat on his forehead with the back of his hand.
"Oh" I looked down.
"Need help there?" he asked taking my binder folder and history book they made me keep.
"Thanks" I smiled warmly.
"How was your last day?" he asked.
"Normal" I sighed looking at my converse that had writing all over the white rubber of the toes.
"Is that good or bad?"
I didn't respond, I just kicked a rock. Sometimes I can compare myself to the princess in the children's book I adored, when her mum died and all the soup was banned. Though for me it wasn't the soup, it was my dignity.
"Are you okay" Liam caught my mood.
"Yeah, I'm fine" no, I'm not.
"Vanessa, I know that 'I'm fine' doesn't mean 'I'm fine'"
"Really Liam, it's okay"
I missed mum, a lot.
~ | _ | +
I laid on my bed with my feet in the air and my stomach on the bed, reading the same sentence over and over.
We must not forget that King Phillip loved the queen and without her, he was lost.
I like to think that the king was my own father missing my mum which is why his friend did those things when I was younger, being the thirteen year old I was back then I didn't know why he didn't love me which made me think I wasn't good enough afterwards in the next morning when he just walked straight passed me leaving me wondering why he just left me on my bed terrified that he would hurt me. Then I looked over to my dad then he just shrugged.
I heard a pounding on the door scaring me half to death. I closed my book and walked over to the corner sitting down and bringing my knees to my chest, knowing who it was.
"Open this door" he said through the wood, I shook my head having the small drop of salty water roll down my cheek.
"Open it"
"Liam" I whispered to myself, "Please"
More pounding, I covered my ears trying to block it out praying Liam would help me, but the thing was he was just as scared of him as I was but he had the grip to stand up to him.
"Daddy loves me" I said looking at the door with the moment of silence. What did that man want from me? I was never good enough for him or the other.
"She's done with it Oliver!" I heard my dad scream at him.
"You're the one who started this all!"
"How dare you! In front of my son"
There was a pause.
"Daddy isn't so innocent is he?" Oliver said then I heard the footsteps of him walking away.
I sighed in so much relief and reached over to my bed gripping to the book my mother gave me of the little mouse in a big world.
"About a little mouse in a big world, just like my little mouse" her words replayed in my head.
_____________
I know this looks like a fail winkie face
~|_|+
But no. It means past present then future okay
~: Past _: present +: future
We clear? Good! c:
Video on the side >> Lightweight by Demi Lovato