Everything was so strange here in Japan, compared to what I was used to when back in my home country. It was hard getting used to the language at first when some of the other kids would run up and start talking to me so quickly before realizing I couldn't understand them. They would stand there staring at me for a while before shrugging and running off again, leaving me standing there feeling more alone than ever.
It wasn't until a couple weeks had passed that I would meet the one of the people who would change my entire world, the first one who bothered to try communicating with me despite the language barrier. Although his size was intimidating, he seemed friendly enough, spending his time playing with me in the sand pit.
At almost random seeming moments he would point at something and say a word that I assumed was what it was called in Japanese, turning back to me and watching as I haltingly copied the word he'd said. If I made a mistake, he would slowly repeat the word until I got it right, giving me a big smile when I did so.
This continued every time we happened to run into each other, although sometimes he would have another boy with him who would simply watch us, almost like he was studying our 'game' of naming items. It wasn't until school began, something I was almost terrified of going to, that he showed his kindness to me.
When the teacher realized how poor my Japanese still was, it was Sunakawa that offered to assist me in class and with homework, even though he had no obligation to do so. Even though it likely meant his own studies would be slowed down.
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It was a real treat getting to watch them play out their parts during the play, Suna-san being the blue ogre and Gouda-san the red ogre. They had both played their parts well, in my opinion, even if I was just another kid clapping at them after they finished.
While the kids were crowded around Suna-san, I took the chance to give Gouda-san one of the two small boxes of chocolates my mom had helped me make last night. While he blushed and fumbled for words of thanks, Suna-san came over and gave a curious look at the box in his friend's hand before turning and seeing the other box resting within my own.
"Here Suna-san. I have one for you too! You both did really good today!" Holding out the remaining box, I smiled at the blonde boy in front of me, ignoring the muttered words from girls in the background.
Taking the box slowly from my hands, he carefully unwrapped it and looked inside, staring down at the slightly lumpy balls of milk chocolate. A few were partially dipped in white chocolate, while others were sprinkled with shavings of dark chocolate or chopped nuts. Seeing him tilt his head, I spoke up again.
"I wasn't sure what kind you each liked Suna-san, so I made a mixed batch and split them between each you and Gouda-san. If you want, you can swap some of them with each other for the ones you like more if you like different kinds? Oh, mom helped so you don't have to worry that I messed it up! But someday I will be able to make them on my own!" I stood there, hands on my hips as I looked at them with a determined expression.
If I hadn't been looking so closely at my friends, I would likely have missed the smallest hint of a smile come to Suna-san's lips before vanishing again.
"Just call me Suna. We're friends after all, right?" I didn't even try to hide the smile that stretched across my face at his words, nodding eagerly.
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Year after year, Suna helped me out with my studies and my understanding of the language. He spent part of his mornings going over what we had studied the previous day, making sure it had stuck in my head in case of any tests, and when we got home from school he would spend more time going over the stuff we had learned that day.
By the time I left his place to head back home, any homework I had would be either half done or completely finished, Suna checking over my answers to see if something needed to be corrected. Not that he did the work for me but he did help me figure out how to find the correct answers on my own.
Of course, spending all this time with him had me constantly reassuring the other students that no, I was not Suna's girlfriend, just a friend. It got worse in middle school for a while, stopping at the same time he became more protective around me. I didn't mind. As long as we were friends, it was worth putting up with him acting like a mother hen protecting its chick.
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In high school things started to change. I noticed how, ever since the incident where they helped that girl on the train, Gouda kept dragging Suna along on his meetings with the girl, often leaving me on my own without really thinking about it.
I could understand, what with this being the first time a girl has shown an active interest in him as a guy, but I wish he would understand that she was interested in him and not Suna. Or that Suna would say something to him, not very likely since Gouda was his best friend, even before I came along.
In the long run, it left me pretty bored and lonely, finally realizing just how much my world had centered around the two boys, especially Suna. Of course, it didn't bother me too much until the day he missed one of our study sessions, something that had never happened before.
That is when I realized that our small group had finally changed, leaving me behind. Maybe it was time to make my own change, find some new ways to fill my days and maybe make a new friend or two.
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I couldn't stop coughing as I kneeled down in front of the burning building, gray soot from the smoke left on my face and clothing. All I could do was think about how silly I felt for going with that girl when she had mentioned meeting some friends for a goukon where they had food to enjoy while they talked.
Having wanted to make some new friends, I had gone along, regretting it immediately when I saw Gouda and his girlfriend show up with Suna in tow. I had tried to ignore the looks I received from my childhood friends as they sat at a nearby table but soon had to leave, entering into the bathroom as I splashed water on my face before wiping the makeup from my face and shaking my head at my own foolishness.
Why was I letting his appearance bother me so much? If not for Gouda... No, if not for Takao, I would likely have died in the fire. It was his bravery that saved me, spotting me nearby when he went to grab one of the girls that had been caught inside with me by the fire. He had pulled me out with her before heading back inside for the other girl, leaving me coughing and gasping for breath as I knelt a bit away from the rest of the group of students and the strangers that lined the street.
"(y/n)-chan, what are you doing here?" Suna's worried voice startled me, shaking almost as much as the hand that he placed on my shoulder.
I was too dizzy and confused by this point to even think of carefully selecting my words, bluntly stating my reasons for going to such a place pretty much alone.
"I was lonely, Suna. You and Takao had left me and I was lonely. I just wanted to make a new friend... Was that so greedy a thing to want, that something like this happened instead?" Tears began to roll down my face, leaving a clear path in the blackened grime the smoke had left on my face.
I never noticed the look of guilt that appeared on his face with my words, quickly vanishing as it was replaced by determination instead.
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From that day of the fire onwards, I found myself invited along everywhere Suna went, be it him following along with Takao and his girlfriend or just Suna by himself. Hardly a day went by that I was not found in the company of Suna.
The one time I had to refuse going out with him, due entirely to being sick, he had come over to my place and spent the day with me instead. He'd shown up not too long after hearing my raspy voice, a bowl of warm soup in his hands, likely the reason he had not shown up right away, and had shooed my mom off to work as he told her he would be taking care of me for the whole day.
The trust my family had for him was shown when she hugged him thankfully and left for work, already calling her boss to let him know she was on her way. For the rest of the day, Suna took care of me, barely giving me enough privacy to use the bathroom in peace but I couldn't really fault him for it. He was just trying to be a good friend, right?
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"Suna, can't I just go by myself? I know you're trying to be a friend, but this is just getting to be too much! It's just a check-up!" I sighed as I saw him stiffen up slightly, knowing he was going to argue again.
Our small 'fights' over my healthy and safety were becoming far too regular. I was even starting to feel trapped by him, like a small child being kept in their playpen while the parent hovered over them. I wasn't a child anymore, I was nearly the same age as Suna! A difference so small did not give him the right to behave like this.
The answer he gave me filled me with both guilt and worry.
"What if something happens again, like the fire? What am I supposed to do if nobody is there to rescue you this time? What am I supposed to do if you die?! I won't let that happen, (y/n)!!" It broke my heart, hearing his voice crack like that.
Seeing the tears threatening to fall from his eyes, I couldn't find it in me to do anything more than nod my head and reach out for his hand, relieved at the trembling smile that touched his lips for a moment before vanishing.
Lately, he'd started showing so much more emotion around me than he ever had before. I just wish more of them were positive ones, rather than worry and possessiveness. I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep going this way.
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"Sunakawa, I'm done. You've crossed the line too many times. I think you should go spend time with your friends again and I'm afraid I'm no longer one of them..." I could almost feel it when his heart broke, the pieces falling to join mine upon the floor.
He'd finally gone too far, something I figured out when I caught him threatening the boy I had come to like when I came down the hallway during classes to use the restroom. How they had managed to be in the hallways together I didn't know, but all I had cared about was hearing him promise to ruin the boy's future if he continued to pursue a relationship with me.
As much as it had hurt to send him away, it didn't even come close to matching the pain of feeling betrayed by the person I had always considered my best friend, the only one that had really ever come back to me. He had been the second friend I'd made in this place and that meant so much to me, but the feeling of betrayal was too much to let this pass.
Takeo had kind of returned to my life, sure but he had his girlfriend that he focused on, something I couldn't begrudge him anymore since I understood how important she was to him. She accepted him in full, something very few girls ever had before, other than me and I was only a friend. I wasn't able to see him that way, even if at one point he had tried to hide the short-term crush he'd had on me.
With tears running down my face, I continued to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me before I allowed myself to break down entirely. The heartbroken sobs were loud enough that they echoed down the hallway, despite the thickness of the walls and door.
Outside of the girls bathroom, Sunakawa stood staring at the floor as his lips moved over the same words, repeating them almost silently.
"I hurt her. I promised to keep her safe and I hurt her."
The other boy in the hallway scurried off after seeing the small drops of blood fall from Sunakawa's clenched fist, the nails biting into the tender flesh of his palm.
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It was months later before everything came crashing down around me, the small bits of stability I had managed to create in my life all falling apart as the next break neared. The few friends I had managed to make started becoming distant, pictures I had taken with them vanished from my room, even the tickets I had gotten to see a concert during break had gone missing. No matter how hard I searched, neither the pictures nor the tickets ever turned up.
The thing that freaked me out the most was the text I would get every night, as soon as I got in bed. It was always from an unknown number, the caller id blocked so I couldn't tell who it was.
~Sweet dreams (y/n). I'll make sure you are safe.
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By the time break started, I was a mess. My eyes had bags under them from lack of sleep, the messages each night keeping me up for hours after getting them, and my hair and clothes were a mess. I was just too busy worrying about what was going on to care about how I looked.
My parents had brushed off my concerns at first, not understanding until I finally showed them the messages I had been receiving each night. At first, they had tried simply giving me a new phone with a new number attached, but that had only lasted a few days before the messages had started up again.
The police had been called, but it turned out the messages were being sent from various prepaid phones, a new one every few days and none of them attached to a real identification. It was when that false id was shown to me that I began really freaking out. They had given my address as their own, proving they knew where I lived.
Up until then, I had been able to delude myself into thinking they didn't know where I lived, that they had somehow gotten the number from a friend.
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After looking through the peephole in the door, I opened it with a look of confusion on my face. Stepping forward slightly to stand in the doorway, I looked around with a trace of fear before turning again to look at the boy in front of me.
"Sunakawa? What are you doing here?" My raspy voice brought a frown of worry to his face.
"You haven't been to school since the break was over. I was worried you had gotten sick again. Do you have a fever?" I flinched when his hand came up to rest on my forehead, even if the coolness of his skin was a relief against the heat of my own.
"My health is not your concern anymore, Suna. Remember? You lost that right when you ended our friendship with your actions. Besides, my parents will be home soon. They are capable of taking care of me without your assistance." Stepping back from the doorway, I began to close it in his face, not wanting to look at him anymore. It hurt too much to remember what was lost that day.
The sudden halt of the door had me shocked, looking down to see his foot blocking me from closing it all the way. Looking back up with wide eyes, I barely stopped myself from stepping back at the dark look in his eyes.
"(y/n)-chan, I don't think you understand. I promised to take care of you and I don't break my promises." Stepping forward, he pushed the door open easily, my illness making me too weak to stop him.
I wasn't even able to put up much of a struggle against him when he stole me away from my home, taking me away from everything I knew as he hid me in an abandoned house, up in the attic he had prepared for this use. The small window had been boarded up, the stairs that lead up fixed with a new lock to keep me from escaping when he was gone. A small mini-fridge held enough food and water to last me until he was able to come back every day after school, bringing me more supplies.
He spent hours each afternoon caring for me as he waited for the fever to break, feeding me medicine that made me feel tired as it worked to keep the pain away. When I began feeling better, he began feeding me a new medicine, one that kept me weak enough to not put up a fight. Since it was in everything I ate, I didn't have much choice in taking it if I didn't want to starve.
Besides, even if I tried to stop eating, he would just force me to eat as he claimed he was keeping me safe. In this case, safe from myself.
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It continued like this for months before I gave up hope, my dreams of rescue replaced by the knowledge that he had hidden his tracks too well, using his intelligence and the trust people felt for him against them. Just like he had used my own desire to trust him again, that want I'd had to be friends again. It had been just enough to open the door for him that day and he had used it to trap me, like the orchid mantis tricking its prey into thinking it was just another flower.
As I lay there on the verge of sleep, barely able to keep my eyes open, he rested my head in his lap and brushed his fingers through my hair.
"Sweet dreams (y/n). I'll make sure you are safe. So close your eyes and rest. Tomorrow is Sunday, so I'll be able to spend the whole day with you again, just like last weekend. Maybe this time, you won't refuse me so quickly when I ask for a kiss or two?" I shivered slightly as I felt his hand rest on the top of my head.
"After all, someday we'll be married once you realize you love me. Oh, but don't worry. I can wait as long as you need for that realization. After all, we have a very long future ahead of us and I plan to spend it close by your side. I love you (y/n). I can wait for the day you say those words back to me."