What the hell am I thinking? I can't go anywhere with this guy. What makes him so different from the rest?
A rebound couldn't hurt.
I reach for my phone to call Hailey, but remember that if I turn it on, Gage will illegally track me down like the stalker criminal trash he is and my life will be even more wrecked than it already is.
I decide to leave my phone off and try to get ready for the day.
I can barely muster enough energy to shower and I leave my hair in its wretched state of a trash bun.
I put on light washed high waisted shorts and an NIU sweatshirt before walking carefully down the stairs.
"Kelly, I was looking for you last night!" I speak quietly when I see him sitting on a stool at the counter.
He turns to see me and lightly smiles, "Were you now, doll?"
He holds out and arm and I walk up to him so he can give me a one handed hug.
"Where's Jace?" I ask quietly.
He just shrugs, "I wouldn't have known you were back if Jace hadn't told me. Will you ever tell me what's wrong?"
I sigh, "Probably not," I answer truthfully, snatching a piece of bacon from his plate despite choking up almost anything I eat.
"At least your a little better?" he says almost as if it's a question.
"This is the first time I've showered in a week," I point out.
"At least your eating?" he says in the same tone.
"I spew literally everything," I add.
"Oh my god," he looks as if something clicks in his mind, "You're pregnant!"
"No! God no!" I shout immediately. I'm not. Right?
I got my period last month.
"I'm a virgin!" I lie and Kelly laughs.
"That's funny," he points at me with his utensil before he puts a forkful of whatever into his mouth.
I laugh along. "You're right." It feels good to laugh.
"I'm as clean as Virginia the Virgin,"I say referring to a girl in our old history class who everyone claims will be a virgin her entire life.
"She's fuckin' dirty," he laughs.
"That's so true, unfortunately." I swear that girl never showers.
"What are you doing today?" Kelly asks as I perch myself on top of the counter.
Drinking bleach.
"Nothing, as usual," I shrug. "Actually," I say after a few seconds, "I think I'm gonna go on a walk."
Kelly looks up at me from his phone, clearly confused.
"What?" I airily laugh.
"You're going on a walk?" he says slowly.
"Yes?" I giggle. "In fact," I grab my car keys that have been sitting by the microwave for days, "I'm going right now."
I jump off the counter.
"That looks like a drive," he refers to my keys.
I lazily smile at him and walk to the door. He stops me when he holds up his hand with what appears to be a few hundred dollar bills, "Eat something, get some clothes, you look homeless."
I almost gag.
"Why do you just randomly have this?" I ask skeptically.
"Stripper money," he shrugs.
"Liar. Hundred dollar bills," I silently scoff, "Are not stripper money. That's what dollar bills are for!"
Kelly chuckles and I thank him for the kind gesture which I probably won't take advantage of.
"And tell Jace I said thanks," I say as I'm halfway out the door. I can't take this, I can't use it. Maybe for one meal. Maybe.
"For what?" Kelly asks with a full mouth.
"For this," I hold up the money and he nearly chokes.
• • •
I find myself walking along the familiar street I used to walk on almost every morning before class. As I'm carelessly looking at the scenery around me, I trip and look down to see a baggy jean clad leg.
I look to see a homeless man. The same homeless man that I had tripped over in October.
0/1 mottos:
I nearly collapse when a dirty homosapien has his foot stretching out on the sidewalk and catch it just in time before I tripped over it.
"Excuse you," I roll my eyes, "God fucking damn! You would've been paying for a medical bill if I broke a leg, or even worse- new shoes if I broke a heel!" We both know he wouldn't have been able to pay to have my suede Nasty Gal boots that I payed two hundred forty-five fucking dollars to replaced.
He says nothing.
I heavily huff as I continue my journey, avoiding black ice on the way.
Who the fuck was I to be talking to anyone like that? I'm practically homeless myself.
I look at him with kind eyes, surprised that he remembers me looking the way I am. His frightful eyes say it all.
"Um, hey," I smile, kneeling down next to him. He looks to the ground and says nothing which I don't blame him for.
"I'm sorry... I know you remember me," I say nervously.
He gives a quick smile and looks back down like he's waiting for me to leave.
"Can I get you something?" I ask softly.
He shakes his head, "Oh, no. I couldn't ask you that."
I laugh, "I'm not gonna yell at you like I did last time, I promise."
"No really, you don't have t-"
"If you don't come with me I'll buy you something anyways and bring it to you," I say, not really giving him a choice.
I grin widely as I walk into the Starbucks since he won't budge. I end up buying a snack box and a drink for him before walking back to him.
"Why are you doing this for me?" he asks when I set the items down in front of him. I join him, sitting with my legs crossed on the ground.
"Not all people in Chicago are shitty people!" I say smiling.
I rethink my words.
"But I'm doing it because I'm a shitty person," I say truthfully earning a chuckle from him.
"Aren't we all?"
"We all have a little in us, I guess. I'm Josie." I almost stick my hand out to shake it, but that's not a good idea.
I do it anyways and he introduces himself, "Iris Jean."
"That's a cool name," I lean my head on my hand.
"Yeah," he shrugs.
"I kinda need someone to talk to," I confess.
"Who better to chose than a dirty guy on the side of the road, huh?" He laughs.
"I need a stranger," I shrug. "I feel like giving up, like I'm a failure, which I am-"
"You're talking about being a failure to a homeless guy," he raises a thick eyebrow.
"I'm venting!"
"You can't give up when life doesn't go your way because the way is better than your way," Iris interrupts.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"People push everything in life to go how you thought it was supposed to or how you want it. Sometimes you just have to deal with life with the way it's supposed to go. If you mess with that and try to change the way to your way, it will go neither way an you'll end up living in a box like me," he chuckles. "If you give up, you'll never give yourself a chance to experience all the great things the way has planned out for you."
If you give up, you'll never give yourself a chance to experience all the great things the way has planned out for you.
It's like he's reading my mind.
Fuck Iris Jean.